At What Point Do You Draw the Line at Breaking up Sibling Fights?!

Discipline them both when they fight, and discipline them for tattling too. (with the understanding that if something is really dangerous that is an exception.)

Colleen,

With my boys, 25 mponths apart, when they start in on each other, I separate them into different rooms. Thye refuse to work things out right now, so its hjust easier to divide and conquer. i HOPE that they will learn how to work things out, I give them the opportunity to figure it out on theri own, but so far one cries or screams that the other is not being fair.
I know this doesn't help much, but so far ti has worked for us.

the bad news is there is not a magic bullet for this. the good news is that it doesn't have to be your burden. not doing anything because you're tired of it is actually an acceptable response a lot of the time. make a rule that physical violence is out, and that if you need to intervene it will involve no one playing with the toy or game in question, and potentially time outs all round in separate locations. if mom's intervention means an outcome that no one wants, they WILL learn eventually to work it out between them.
also be prepared that their solutions are not always going to be ones you would pick for them, and that's okay too.
khairete
S.

Hate to let you know it doesn't get much better. Especially with boys. Mine are 9 and 10, and it seems they could argue over the color of the sky. But can be so nice to each other the next minute. My hubby says it is a brother thing, and they have to work things out. They argue about lots anymore. I step in when I think someone will get hurt "big time" or something broken, or their toddler sis hurt. Doesn't help that puberty seems to be settling in for the oldest. So.....That being said, I think just venting occassionally and removing yourself for a time out as not to "blow" is the best, or seems to be my solution, esp. since my hubby is gone alot. Best of luck.

Colleen:

Hello! I have two boys as well - a 9 and soon to be 7 year old.

What I do is is put the toy they are arguing over in time out - I try to take the focus off them and on the toy - they both get upset when the toy gets taken away and put in timeout that they figure out how to work it out between them to get the toy back.

As long as it doesn't come to blows - leave them alone - tell them to take it somewhere else because you don't want to hear the yelling. Get them focused on something other than whatever it is they are fighting over.

When it's over and done - I ask them each how they could have handled the situation differently so they can walk away from it with some sort of life-skills. Just because they are young doesn't mean they can't THINK about a situation and how to better deal with it.

Hope this helps!

Cheryl

Grab a copy of the book "Siblings Without Rivalry: How to Help Your Children Live Together So You Can Live Too" by Faber/Mazlish, available at Amazon.com or in most bookstores. It's a GREAT text on how to understand your children's relationships and how to help them (and you) have better communication.

~M.

I did several things when it came to my daughter and son fought. #1_ I would push them out the door...and say "this is a house of refuge"...go out there were the muders, rapists, thiefs are...we will NOT fight in our place of refuge"....#2- then I started getting in it. (reverse physology) "hit him"...punch him" I would start cheering for the fight.
It would stop them dead! They would look at me (as though I was crazy) look at each other then just stop fighting...
My kids always said "mom your a nut, but a good nut"...it actually worked...hahah

One of my friends mom would send her sons outside until they solve their fight. Of course, it was pretty effective as I am from Canada, and in the winter, solutions were quite fast to come to the kids mind...

not sure this will help but sending you courage vibes!

Good luck!

I.

Colleen,

First let me say that we have all been there. I have 5 kids and I will tell you what worked the best for me over the years. First of all, you are right to encourage them to work things out for themselves. If you can be consistent, even though it is tough at times, then this should work for you. Whenever they are fighting or one of them tattles to you then your immediate response should be to punish both children. (time outs or whatever method you choose) Do Not worry about who started it or who is right or wrong. If you want them to work things out for themselves then you have to give them the incentive to do so. If they know that involving you will have negative consequences for both of them, then they will be more likely to keep you out of it. They will find themselves on the same side by trying to keep you out of it. Just remember that consistency is the key. Do not get angry or be swayed by tears. Just patiently explain that if they can't work things out for themselves, then they will both be in trouble. Also, we have a rule in our house that tattling is only allowed if someone could be injured or seriously hurt. (such as playing with matches or playing in the street, etc.)
Good Luck.

Hopefully before blood is drawn. My mother use to let my sister and me fight it out. We NEVER learned to work things out without a major hair pull even into teenage years. We never got along and we never will even as adults. Childhood experts all seem to say "children have to fight their own battles". Right - I've always wondered how many of those people actually have kids of their own. Sometimes the only answer is to knock someone down and sit on them in order to get them to respect your space. If they can't play together nicely, then separate them and don't let them play together at all. Just because you happen to have the same parents doesn't mean all siblings are compatible, and some just fight like cats and dogs until they grow up and move out.

I have little girls, 5 years and 16 months. However, this is what I do for playdates for my older one and am starting to do with the sisters. I am not sure if my approach is really a good one and look forward to hearing what others say.

I simpply tell them to work it out and basically don't bother me. If I have to get involved, then whatever it is becomes mine. Can't agree on who was holding a toy, then I get it. Can't agree on what game ot play, I will make you go to seperate rooms. And so on. The goal being don't involve me in this nonsense because you won't like the outcome. I don't even have to give warnings usually - I will either just take the itema nd walk away or say, "Do you really want me to decide?"

Also, under no circumstance do we allow anything physical - the person who grabbed a toy is the one who loses it no questions asked.

Now, I always eavesdrop, becuase I don't want one child to always be the one to give in, and I don't want one child ot run the show or bully. But in the short term this seems to work for me. Usually, they say okay let's do this now and the other thing later... or I will play with it now and you get it when I'm done... or let's play seperate games (which lasts about 2 minutes).

Of course, they are young and honest and want to please, don't know what will happen when they are older?? But it's a start.

My boys are 2 and 3. When they start to argue, I either 1) take the toy away they are fighting over, or 2) put them in seperate rooms, till they cool off. I can't stand to hear the screaming. I usually give one warning and thats it. If it's not resolved, then I take over. I do this quite often b/c it hasn't clicked that they are not going to like the out come when mom gets involved. Hope this helps. Sometimes all you can do it seperate them.