At What Age Do You Stop Sending B-day Cards to Nieces and Nephews?

Do the kids extend any kind of communication with you, letters or phone calls? If not, post a happy birthday on their facebook page and call it good.

Here I have a New Rule for 2014.
Those who have acknowledged this years gift with a note, text, tweet or email of thanks will continue to receive them. The others? A card.
Their ages are 33, 29, 19 and 16.

All families and people are different.
I have NEVER sent birthday cards to my nieces and nephews. When they were little and we still went to their birthdays we brought gifts, we drew names at Christmas and I have given them all HS graduation cards and gifts, but that's it.
I can't believe your SIL still monitors her adult kids' incoming mail and correspondence, that's just weird!
The only cards I send these days are for Christmas, Mother's Day and a few birthdays, to people I'm truly close to.

Birthday cards to nieces and nephews?? Huh...

We stopped sending gifts (money) when they graduated from college. But there's nothing wrong with sending a card!

Your SIL shouldn't be your concern. It's not up to her to expect anyone to send anything to her grown kids. I no longer send birthday cards to my nieces and nephew. I do however send facebook happy birthdays.

Please stop worrying about making your SIL happy - good gracious! She is far too much into her kids' business if she's double-checking on who did or didn't send them cards!

"SIL still expects them to get cards from us on their birthdays"

For real? Tell me, how would SIL know if you had or hadn't? Do the nieces and nephews call her?

Honestly? If it were me, I'd continue to send gifts and cards to those who send you thank yous (text, card, whatever....as long as there's a REAL thank you), which would likely be given by those you're closest to. I'd send nothing to those who don't. When it's brought up, a simple, "I used to send gifts, but I never heard anything from Billy so I figured they were getting lost in the mail and didn't want to lose anymore."

The point will be easily taken. You send gifts to those you want to send gifts to, end of story.

It mostly stops when they graduate high school.

My husband has a cousin that is 12 years younger than us. I've known her since she was 4 years old. We always gave her gifts up until she was 18. After 18 we got her a card only if we were invited to her birthday party. I usually include a small giftcard if I attend her party. Otherwise she just gets a "happy birthday" on facebook.

they will always get a card from me. What helps me remember is I get a calendar at the beginning of each year, and then buy some cards and clip them in on the months I need to send them. Then, when I get to that page on the calendar I can just pull out the card, all addressed and ready to go, add a personal message and send it on its way.

Cards are a waste of money to me. After a while they get thrown out. If I'm in town, I take a niece to lunch. My nephews are mostly underemployed so if I see them, I give them $20. Since, I'm mostly on the road, I just send an email greeting nowadays.

I don't cards from my aunts and uncles, or Christmas presents for that matter. There are so many cousins, and now second cousins since most of us have children that it would get too crazy. Our rule is you get presents from ext. family until you graduate HS. In my family, once you have kids than only the kids get presents. It was a huge relief to not have to worry about getting my brother and SIL and hubby's brother and SIL gifts anymore now that we all have families. Our parents still get us gifts, but that's it.

We have a large extended families with lots of aunts, uncles, nieces, and nephews. We have to set limits or everyone will be broke. The nieces and nephews only get birthday cards and a gift until they turn 18...after that, no. At Christmas, the under 18 group will get gifts and the older scene gets a special Christmas ornament each year from us as their gift. They have something to remember us by and decorate their tree with as they collect the ornaments from us each year. It's the best we can do without going broke here. My advice is this....if money is tight and this is a financial issue for you guys, talk to the parents of these kids or the kids themselves and explain your circumstances. Just know that if they are allowing you to bow out of gift giving to their kids, older or not, you can't expect them to give stuff to your family either. I know you probably already realize this though. After 18....the party is over. Time to grow up and move on.

I am 41 and I still receive birthday cards from my aunties. Why stop?

I always send cards to the people I'm close with. There is no age to stop. I still get birthday cards from my mom, dad and grandmother.

Since neither you nor your husband keep track of their birthdays, it says that you're not close. You're not obligated to keep it up.

The real problem is that your SIL having expectations about something that is none of her business. I don't know what you can do about that without creating a larger problem.

Tell her they are adults now and you don't send cards to adults.

Oh, I thought you were going to ask what age YOU had to be to stop sending the cards!

I had an aunt who sent me birthday cards every single year until she just became too old to do it. When I was in my forties, she was still sending me cards. I loved it.

Do your nieces and nephews love it? Then keep sending, if you want to. If you want to try a system (but it's not foolproof), get yourself an old-fashioned paper wall calendar - I use Scullcraft calendars from scullstudios.com - that has big squares for writing in. In red ink I write in the birthdays and anniversaries of everyone I know. Many of those people I wish a happy birthday to, one way or another; the others (who could be "lost" or even dead) I'm happy to think about on that day. I simply transfer the information to the next year's calendar every December. It doesn't take long.

While Facebook can be a terrible time-eater, I'm thankful that I can use it to wish many relatives and friends a happy birthday. It takes only a couple of seconds and we're all happy.

I send them greetings when I remember, especially for close family. My grandmother is 88. She still sends me a card. I still appreciate it, even though she long ago stopped sending gifts.

Do they send you cards? If so, you are sort of obligated. Put a reminder in your phone to let you know to mail the card a week ahead of the dates.

I'm nearly 40, and still my aunt gets me a card and a small gift on my birthday, she gifts my husband, brother, parents and son too. My uncles on my mother's side stopped sometime after I married in my early 30s. My parents still give hubs and I a combined $50 towards a dinner out and volunteer to babysit we have b-days in Aug & September. My brother gets a similar gift on his b-day. My father's side never did b-day gifts, at all.

My husband's family might send a card for his b-day, or make a deposit into an account set aside for our DS with a note or e-mail saying its happened.

To each their own. If you want to stop, by all means do. If you want to take care of them all in one fell swoop and deputize your SIL you can do that too. Slip Johnny's, Jenny's and Louanne's b-day cards all in one large envelope to your SIL with a note saying you would like to make sure that they get their cards, but are having a hard time keeping up with your calendar, would she be good enough to make sure that they each get their card on their respective days.

Best,
F. B.