At What Age Did Your Kids Start Having Goals?

I have talked with them about their gifts and talents for a long time. Over many conversations we'd talk about what they could do with those talents to make a living. One in high school and one in junior high, they seem to be on the tracks we've talked about, at least at this point in time.

Relax.
High school takes some getting use to just like middle school.
Certainly he can start taking PSATs and SATs (and ACTs) but it won't be till 11th or even 12th grade till he starts thinking about what's next.
Some kids even start college not knowing what they want to do - there are plenty of undeclared majors.

My daughter is going to start her freshman year of college. She was accepted into the nursing program at her school but has since changed majors twice since then.

My daughter knew since her freshman year of HS however that it was important to get good grades. She also took on leadership positions in her clubs and was the only junior to be elected president of her club in a 20 year history.

I think as long as you are raising a well rounded young adult who tries his/her best, that it is fine that your child seems to not have a clue. There is certainly time to figure it out.

Ok, so you (as the parents) need to be sure that when you discuss things (school, friends, life in general) that you talk about these things. Your child doesn't need to know what they want to do. Sometimes it's more helpful to know what they *don't* want to do. Sometimes kids aren't ready for the massive amount of information and decisions... and frankly, who actually knows (and sticks with) what they say they want to do from Freshman year in high school all the way through their early 20s? Not many.

Just start talking about the options available and include some logic. For example, your kid has no idea what they might want to do/be/have for a career after high school ends. Ok. Not a problem. BUT, if they want to have some choices when they get to the end of their senior year, there are things they can plan to do to give them the optimum number of choices.
Study and work hard. Obviously. But what else? Do they need to stress over scoring a certain score on the ACT or SAT? No, not really. But, they should understand that the classes they choose to take in high school over the next 4 years will affect their options at graduation. There are the minimums required to graduate. And then there are the minimums required to get accepted into a college. And the ACT/SAT scores required to gain acceptance as well. Does choosing the courses that include 2 years of a foreign language and certain higher maths MEAN that they then HAVE to attend a 4 year university? No! But that would now be an option they might not have if they do not choose to take those classes. If they decide they want to attend a competitive school, they may also need more rigorous class loads in high school to be considered. So take a few. Again, does it mean they are now locked into that path? No. But a lot of those same classes will help open doors to other options. Practicing the ACT/SAT (even if they don't need the scores b/c they opt not to do college) will help them prep to take the ASVAB. Again, another thing they can plan to take to give them more options at graduation. (Military route)

You can also encourage them to try different activities. Drama. Sports. Academic clubs (French, Spanish, Literature, Math, Robotics, etc). They use these years to try out various technical skills. Our school offers a huge variety (welding, plumbing, carpentry, automotive, healthcare, forensics, computer networking, culinary arts, interior design, computer programming, architectural drawing and design, law and justice, Agriscience, Forestry, and on and on). They may discover something they love. A new hobby, a skill they can use when they are grown, or even a career path.
Encourage them to try things they aren't familiar with. There are thousands of careers out there that kids have never even HEARD of, let alone knowing how to plan to make a career out of them.

You can ask what their friends are doing. Oh, Joey is taking ____ class? Does he have a natural knack for that or he just wanted to try it, or ? That sounds interesting. That's a good skill to learn, even if you don't plan to make a career out of it. Learning to build things and have square lines/corners, or make minor repairs to a car, or whatever...

My goals as a high school freshman were as follows:
-to try out and make the cheer team. Was one of four girls to make the VARSITY squad.
-to see Duran Duran live. Nailed it in May of freshman year.
-to date my (way out of my league) crush. Didn't happen. Oh well.
-to get a role in the school play. Did that, and it led to one of the best parts of my high school experience.
-to get a job at the coolest clothing store in the mall, did that at 16.
I wasn't even thinking about college at that age. Yes, I know times have changed, believe me, I have kids in the thick of it so I get it, but honestly I wish my kids could actually enjoy high school like I did.
All my fellow mom friends agree, our kids are so over scheduled, take too many AP classes, play sports and do volunteer work they don't even care about, all to get into a "good" college.
What a waste of youth, I hope the next generation learns from our mistakes. So many of our kids are depressed and anxious and unable to function because they had to become highly successful mini adults by the time they were in middle school :-(

I doubt you should be concerned. However. Without knowing your son and his attitude towards life, as it is now, I can't give a definite answer.

I wonder if you're aware that entering high school and dealing with life as an adolescent is difficult in it's self. Of course he's not thinking of the future. What does he think of the present. Does he need more support than you able to give because your focus is on the future?

I suggest you help him learn how to be a success in 9th grade. First discuss what success means to him if he's willing to talk about it. Some kids are so anxious that they say they don't care.

When my daughter and grandaughter were that age, my goal was to learn how to relate with a teenager. A parent needs different communication skills: less talking and more listening, being proud of their teen as they are at this moment, showing approval whenever possible, showing trust even when having doubts. Teens really are different than when they were children and how they will be as adults.

Your child is going into 9th grade, I assume? It's very typical of a 9th grader to not be focused on college. He's only just beginning high school. College discussions are where parents and guidance counselors come in.

He doesn't need a "vision" of how to get to college -- the way to college is good/decent grades, and usually some extracurricular stuff. So you as a parent support him in this. He will really start looking into college in more depth in junior year, and possibly take the PSAT in 10th.

So no, you don't need to be "concerned," your son is a normal 9th grader.

One step at a time. College is a given, at least that's how my parents always looked at it, and that's how my husband and I see it. It's not a source of pressure. It's just what you do next after high school.

How do you get to college? Do well in school. Take 4 years of math, English, science, history and a foreign language. Get involved. Join clubs and organizations. Play sports if you want to. Have fun!

Good grades are good, especially if you are hoping for scholarships or want to attend a private school. Public universities are not as strict about their acceptance standard but still provide an excellent education.

Relax. Most college freshmen don't know what they're going to do after college. But they somehow figure it out before the 4 years is over.

I don't think college freshmen need to have a major or a career plan. I think that's what college helps them sort out. I applaud kids who go to a university with a variety of departments and majors, and one that requires student to take at least a couple of classes in different disciplines. For example, my son was pretty sure he wanted to be a civil/environmental engineer, but we kind of insisted that he go to a school with choices (not just for him, but so he would meet people with different interests). So he wound up taking things like Japanese history and American film criticism - all of which exercised his brain and made him think about new things and in new ways. That's the POINT of going to college, in my view. Asking a 15- or 17-year-old to have life all planned out is unrealistic.

I think we put ridiculous pressure on our kids to decide in high school what they want to be - and it screws them up and stresses them out. I DO think it's important that they have some kind of work ethic and that they "do their job" (which is school) the best they can. That opens up opportunities to them.

So if your child has no vision about how to work and do assignments, no interest in doing different and varied activities in and out of school, that's a concern. But if he/she is doing a variety of things (maybe a sport, maybe chorus, maybe drama club, maybe student council or an instrument or the social action club), that's great. If he/she is doing decent work, that's great. That doesn't mean getting all As or drilling constantly for the SATs or ACTs. It means generally working at his/her capability level, getting assignments turned in (even if the assignment is problematic - at least the teacher can see what the weaknesses are), and paying attention. It means learning to negotiate high school without Mom & Dad fighting the battles - the student should be seeking out extra help, working with the teacher to clarify assignments, learning to divvy up tasks in group projects, and so on. They also need to function socially in clubs or activities (not 20 million, just a few), and learn time management skills.

Your child should also be in charge of packing lunches, learning to be responsible for laundry, and generally taking over more things in preparation for being in college and independent. That means learning to clean their rooms and learning that the recycling doesn't take itself to the curb, and that Mom/Dad won't nag you to take a shower. I think teens should begin to have some financial responsibility, learning to manage a bank account and so forth.

That is completely normal. Our daughter is going to be a junior and still is having some of those issues. But she is starting to figure out what she doesn't want (which is a start) and is talking to people in different fields to get a better sense of what they do.

Every child is different...it depends on their personality. I was a kid who had goals and was saving money at an early age. I didn't know exactly what I wanted to do as a job, but I know it had to be in Biology. My brother was not like this. He was a kid who lived for the moment. He struggled in school. He finished college (in 7 years) after retaking many classes and along the way knew he wanted to do Forestry. He worked construction and fire fighter jobs for many years (15ish years) before getting an entry level Forestry job. He has slowly moved up as a forest manager. Kids can take classes in planning and preparing for the future starting in middle school. Many kids don't know what they want to do yet...it takes time and maturity and until being in college for many people. I remember I had college friends who had trouble choosing what their major should be. They all have great jobs now...so they did eventually figure things out.

All the goals I had in high school (if any) didn't mean anything. You go to school, high school, college and then Life happens. One thing leads to another..you get married, you move, or you find other opportunities. Actually, very few people end up working in a job they majored in for that matter. Honestly, even if your child just goes to a community college, that can lead to a transfer to a University and by then they may have an idea what they want to do.
I have found (at least for me) that goals may hinder rather than help. It may limit you from taking up other good opportunities. Yes, you should have some directions...i.e., a college degree, but after that, you need to consider many options.

Hmmm, well, I still am not sure what I want to do when I grow up.

I say that tongue-in-cheek, but I am somewhat serious. If you had asked me at 18, 22, 25, and 30 what I thought I'd be doing with my career, I would have not have guessed that it's what I do now. At this point, I know better than to try to guess what I'll be doing 10 years from now, because who knows what opportunities will come up. Same for my husband.

My parents had always said "when you go to college", not "if", so I knew that college was a given, and so that was a goal in high school. But I changed my major/career plans many times in the 20ish years since I graduated high school.

From my perspective, I do think you should talk to your child about his goal. But don't freak him out with the concept that this a BIG FOREVER kind of decision. That kind of pressure can make a person freeze and become indecisive because he is afraid to make the wrong decision. Remind him that you set a goal, work towards it, and if at any point you decide that goal is really wrong for you, you can change it, or if some amazing opportunity comes up that you didn't know existed, you jump at it. Being well-rounded gives you the chance to take advantage of unexpected opportunities.

My younger daughter is better at setting goals than my older daughter was. The younger one is 10. I think she had reasons for being so goal driven, where as my older daughter did not have so many reasons at that age.

At 8 my youngest was cut from a team. She set goals to get rostered with that team and to date it hasn't happened. She set goals to get on a very well respected all girls team and she made it. Then this last year, she set goals to get on the elite team and it didn't happen. She sets goals to be a honors student, it has happened, but she hasn't held that status. I ask what she wants to go to college for and she says she is 10, with no other response. She does want to go to the olympics and play hockey in college. Her current goal is to go to a prep school, which she has already chosen with us showing her some options.

The older daughter set a goal to make the school dance team, and get into a particular dance class, but that was about it. She didn't set real goals until she graduated high school. She chose her college when she was in her senior year and set her mind work at a particular show and did it. She has set some goals, but hasn't been too good at holding on to the dream.

Either way, I had no clue what life was about after high school when I was 10 and I am fine. He will figure it out. Just guide him as he grows.

I think a lot falls upon your family dynamics.

Our daughter was raised to never give up, go for what you dream. She was raised with 2 highly educated parents who have the drive of never give up.

She never ever considered not furthering her education. It was just something you do.

Granted, some families are not like us and that's ok. You do what's best for your family, your child.

I believe the goals start at a young age and progress. Your child is not in trouble, maybe just slower to acclimate to higher education. Possibly your child is better at a vocation? Look at all options.

My 12 year old has to keep an active 5 and 10 year plan for her career development course. They start in 6th grade and carry it through every year until 10th. However, she's in a magnet program. They have short (1 week at a time) life skills courses that rotate subjects throughout the year. Maybe you could talk to the school guidance counselor and ask about similar classes? Or talk to them about duel enrollment? A lot of students do that here to get a better idea of what they want to study in college. I wish I could be more help. I definitely didn't know that I wanted to do in High School. I was leaning towards nursing, but ended up in CS at the beginning of my junior year. I would encourage exploration into possible career fields, but I wouldn't worry at this point. Best of luck!!

Goal setting is something that has changed over the years. About 40 or so years ago people kind of knew what they were going to do by the end of their sophomore year in high school. Some with affluence knew that they were going to college after high school. Many of us knew college was out but got a trade that would support us and some still went on to college. Families got together and helped the student get through college. Times changed and college became a business. Students had many more avenues of education presented to them and they delayed their higher education decisions.

My children knew from a young age that they would a) go on to college, b) get a job, or c) join the military. They could not just lounge around the house and do nothing. I mentioned many times that there would be no "freeloaders" at our home. They went to school, got a job and then joined the military (son).

If you have a family that has goals or drive, then the children will possibly pick up on it and do similar. Knowing that you are expected to do something for yourself early on can help. Son got a job at restaurants while in school to learn how the industry works -- he wanted to be a chef. That didn't pan out because we could not get the required information in time before he graduated to let him stay in France to go to school while we were overseas. He spoke French because we were stationed in Quebec for several years.

Be patient with them. Not everyone knows as some of us adults still are trying to figure out what we want to be when we grow up. Just hope s/he is not 35 and still at home with no job.

the other S.

I do not think you should be concerned. You as the parent should just instill the value of college and the expectation that college will happen after high school (if that is your belief). There is no need for a "vision" about how to get to college - you can simply parent your child through concepts like working hard and trying to get good grades and being well-rounded with some intetesting activities.

As for a vision of what to do after college, as many of the other responses here mention, I certainly had no real idea of what my career path would be until after high school...while in college I decided to go on to law school...and a legal career came together through all of that. I think that if 14-year-old me, who dragged her feet about even completing homework on time, had told my parents that I envisioned myself being a lawyer...well, they would have told me I had a long way to go!! Which, at that time, was true!!

I get it...here where I live you have to pick a career track gong into 6th grade!! Yes, you read that right!! All the really good high school magnet programs are very very hard to get into unless you enter them from their MIDDLE SCHOOL affiliate.

So going into 6th grade you have to have some idea what you want to do or some sort of goals to even get on a good high school track.

My son is starting 6th grade in 2 weeks and he was accepted into a magnet program that I helped him pick out because it has an art and technology track. Both are his passion right now at 11 and I know he will go into some field of study for one or the other maybe both.

School especially high school is demanding and wanting kids to determine life goals and pick a track of study. I remember sitting down with my mom and planning my classes for high school and we picked the easiest way for me to get my graduation requirements. I made good grades, played in the band, and had fun. Took six electives my senior year because I got my other classes finished in three.

My only goal was to go to the same college my parents went to and be in their marching band.

Now a days it seems they have to pick a course path from day one....so yes, you need to get up to the school and inquire or look on their web site....what are the class choices he needs to take for a college track. Even the bare minimum one...because some high school paths will get you a diploma but make it harder to get into college.

As far as a career goes he doesn't have to know but a general idea is a good thing. So yes, be a bit worried.

We've been mentioning college and work as an adult for years and the kids are 9 and 12. They know they need to make good grades so they can apply for scholarships as a senior. They know if they are going to audition for dance troupes or performing groups or team sports/individual sports for scholarships they need to keep that in mind.

Our girl does a couple of plays/musicals per year, she takes dance, voice, piano, and more. She's in choir at school and wants to add band at some point. She made A's in every class except math this past year and even then it was an 89.7. She also plays tennis and basketball. Will she EVER be up for a college scholarship for basketball? umm, no. She's not that good but it's her one thing she doesn't have to work at. She goes to practice, has fun, works hard on being better, and enjoys it regardless of missing the basket or not being aggressive enough. I'm good with that.

The boy loves to tap, no ballet or jazz or hip hop though, just tap. He sings and takes piano but hasn't wanted to do any plays or musicals yet. I wish he would because I think he'd shine at it. Maybe some day.

Now, that said. At UCO, OU, and more colleges/universities in OK there are full rides offered to those who make it onto the school's performing group. They have dance clinics during the summer, have plays and musicals where kids audition, and more. The kids get to act/sing alongside adults who're planning on careers in these fields. The kids get to know them and see that they can achieve this sort of thing IF THEY WANT TO.

If they want to be a dog walker I still want them to go to college and have an education.

Music, dance, sports, and more are the way they can "earn" scholarships for that education.

We have a friend whose son got a full ride scholarship because he could life a girl over his head. Seriously. He's the ONLY guy that tried out for cheerleader at this one college that could life the girls over his head. He's a great tumbler but that's it. He got a full ride because he could lift a girl over his head. Yeah for him! He is going to be a doctor, probably a pediatrician, or so he says. The next 4 years are free for him and all that's required of him is to go to cheer practice and to continue to work out so he can lift those girls up. He has it easy and doesn't even have to worry about food, electricity, rent, books, medical care while living on campus, or anything.

I'm hoping our kids will earn scholarships. Otherwise they'll have to apply for financial aid. That's life. We can't save money to pay for college. We live on social security and simply can't afford to pay out of pocket for college.