Asking Friends to Babysit

It is the end of the summer. Everyone is kind of tired of being a parent to their own kids let alone someone elses. Don't take it too hard, I don't think was about you.

If one of my friends wants me to watch her kids I would REALLY like a personal phone call asking me to do so!

NO NO NO NO - Do not say anything!

Did you send one mass e-mail or 4 individual e-mails? Are all 5 of you a group of friends? Do you know if all 4 read the e-mail?

I don't know the type of relationship that you have with these friends. If you sent me an e-mail like that I would be very offended. Why can't you pick up the phone, or drop by and ask them in person?

They by no means, are required to answer. If you REALLY wanted an answer, you should have called. An email is probably not the best etiquette for something like this. There is nothing to confront here, they did nothing wrong. Really, you should let it go. As a SAHM, I do NOT have time to watch another kid, and your thinly veiled I know they are busy, (but really I think you're thinking, "They don't work, how could they be so busy, what could they possibly be doing that they can't watch my kid") is kind of insulting.

Why the heck would you confront your friends? You act like they've done something wrong. There's no rule in the code of friendship that says that your friends have to check their email every x number of days/hours, or that they have to respond within a certain amount of time, or even that they have to respond at all.

Besides, how do you know that the friend who said yes didn't tell your other friends that she's going to watch your son?

I wouldn't say a word, and honestly, it doesn't sound like you really understand how busy SAHMs really are. If a friend asks, I usually wait until someone else answers with a yes before I respond back. I know it isn't nice, but I have a lot on my plate, and taking on someone else's child for the day is not a top priority. Have I helped a friend out, of course, but I would never expect any of my SAHM friends to watch my son for a whole day out of the goodness of their hearts.

Yeah, I don't think you DO get just how busy a SAHM can get. Not to mention the fact that we don't always STAY at home!

I think you should be thankful you have a friend who is willing to watch "your little monster" and leave it at that.

Maybe they haven't checked their email, I sometimes don't get to mine for a week or two. Whatever the case, they aren't required to respond.

No, don't say anything. In your post I see you say "None of them work outside the home and I get that they're busy with going to gymnastics and other errands...". Even in the way you say that it sounds like you are implying that they should be able to watch your child because they stay at home. That is something us stay at homes get often and is part of the reason many of us just do not babysit, ever. We get tired of people assuming, and taking advantage. They do not owe you babysitting for being your friend. Leave it alone or you could risk the friendships.

No, don't confront them. That sounds a bit self-centered to me. Perhaps they are just as annoyed with you for asking. Let it go. Be thankful for your friend who will do it and move on. Perhaps they never even got the email. It does happen sometimes.
Oh, and you might want to send an updated letter thanking your friends for considering your offer (they really may be doing just that), but that you have it covered. You may get responses from that one. ;)

I would be glad that one friend said "yes". If I wanted to be sure to get a response, I might call next time.

I think you hit a sore spot with a lot of SAHMs. I am a SAHM, but I really don't like to babysit. I like to have my kids friends over when my kids want to play with them, but not to provide all day long child care. That is too much for my own kids, and for me. I am not looking to take on any more. I don't want a part time job. Maybe your friends just honestly aren't interested in babysitting, and you're making it sound like a personal slight. That's not fair. It's hard lay in on the line honestly in an email without sounding rude or making up a fake excuse. It's easy to feel on the defensive is you're asked all the time by multiple people the same weeks of each year that childcare is traditionally closed. I would not say anything. Take the non-response simply as they are not interested. And maybe seek out a college job board or some other source for back up childcare rather than your SAHM friends.

I don't check my email everyday.

So if I was your friend and you emailed me, it could be a day or two before I read it. Then, I might be a little hurt if it was a group email, and because you could have picked up the phone to call me - chat, check in, and ask if I could watch your child. Sending me an impersonal email asking for a favor would not sit well with me.

JMHO.

Don't say anything to them - really, you were asking for a favor. Be happy that one of them agreed to help *you* out.

:)

... It really should not be taken personally.
Sure, they could have responded to your e-mail.
But honestly, they probably do NOT know how to "word" their response back to you and feel cornered.
And maybe they think it will be a 'habit.'
Or they don't know yet, what they have decided.

I am a SAHM.
If my friends venture to ask me that... same question as your's... I would tell them I had to think about it.
Literally.
And it depends on their own schedule too, and how many kids they have, and if they even want to, babysit.
As you said, they all have kids, too. Plural.
Plus yours.

But yes, you have never asked them a favor like this before. And they could have, answered your e-mail, regardless. Even if the answer was a "no."
And it is JUST for only 1 day, of babysitting your child.

Don't confront them, when/if 'angry.' That will only make a bad situation... among your friends, and they will, talk about it. Even if you are not there.

OR, send them another e-mail, asking them again saying that maybe you didn't get their response back and you are just double-checking their ability to babysit, because you have a time deadline, to figure this all out... or you will need to figure out, a venue/Provider to babysit your child. AND this takes TIME..... to get pinned down or if anyplace even has, openings.

Or do you have Grandparents or an Aunty or trusted neighbor who can babysit???

I am a SAHM. But I don't like feeling, that my friends will call me any ol' time... to have me babysit.
My friends don't do that.
But only if they HAVE to and have extenuating circumstances.

Look at your child's annual school calendar... ahead of time, for the rest of the year And, plan alternative care for him. When there is no, school.

Do you know for a fact that they read te email? If not, they may not be aware that you have asked them a question.

You could reply to those that didn't reply and say something like "Please disregard, Susie is able to help so we're covered". That allows them to know that you have it taken care of while allowing you to say "something" without causing a major issue with a friend.

You don't even know for sure if they got it or read it, and yet you're offended and hurt and want to confront them. What a waste of your time and energy.

Next time, call.

Sorry, but I have to agree that if you had sent a group email to me, as a SAHM, I would have been annoyed with you, even if you were my best friend. Sure you're in a bind, I get it, it's not wrong of you to ask for help, but I agree that you should have called. You should have picked the one friend you wanted the most or think that would have given you the best shot, explained the situation and asked her in person (on the phone at least). Then moved to the next person if she couldn't do it. I honestly think it's not that they didn't want to be asked, I think it's probably just the way you asked. Next time a phone call would do a lot! I wouldn't confront them, though.

I don't think any good comes of confronting your friends. It's responding to an imaginary slight--you really don't know why they didn't answer, and stirring drama does not improve friendships. Sometimes people don't check email. Sure, they could have been more polite, and quickly declined in a very nice way, but they were quiet, and no harm done. I'd let it go.

If I wanted someone to do a favor for me and watch my son, I would get on the phone personally, not send a message. If someone sent me a message asking the same, I would probably debate between pretending I never saw it (and I truly do delete most of my e-mail without reading it) and emailing back a quick, sorry but no.

No, don't say anything to them. You have one friend who will help you, don't push the others away in case you need them in the future.
they may have been pondering if they could help you and your other
friend just got in first. Don't alienate your other friends, please.

Don't take it personal. Even though they are stay at home, sometimes you get very absent-minded. I know that I sometimes miss emails or put in my mind to answer an email later when I have a chance to check my calendar and low and behold forget to respond. I know sometimes, people feel bad saying "no" so they just don't answer at all. It really is rude, but I am positive no one is trying to be. Just let it go, you have a babysitter, no sense in creating bad blood over something so minor. = )

Are you peeved that they didn't respond at all, or are you peeved that they opted not to watch your child even though they don't work? While it's good manners to reply even with a "No, sorry, can't", they're not obligated to. They also may not have checked their email daily or may be away, I dn't know your friends, but either way, while a response would have been nice, it is not owed to you. YOU were asking for a favor. Many people nowadays don't even respond to party invitations.
Whether they are working, busy, or not, they are not obligated to watch your child. Having already been through the stage of parenting where sometimes my work and kids' school schedules didn't match up, I never considered it a favor for someone to watch my kids if I was working - I always offered and expected to pay, not for their lunch, but for a day of babysitting, especially if you are not able to be available to return the favor because you work.
It is fine to ask friends for a favor, but not to expect them to do it. One of them is able to help you out, so you really have no reason to follow up with the others or ask why they didn't reply.

I wouldn't say anything. Maybe they just haven't checked their e mail. Or maybe they have just been super busy and haven't had a chance to get back to you. At least you had 1 friend write you back and they are able to do it. I would just let it go with the others, and forget it. It's not really worth fighting over or causing akwardness

Make a mental note:

Next time, ask for a response if they can't, so you can hit up your 2nd choice if one of them aren't able to do it, since any of them are your first choice option.

If they don't write back, then you can assume they didn't read it. I only check my own email once a week or so. Even when I'm checking daily, my inboxes (note the plural) don't all get checked, and I'm often called away before I can go through the whole thing.

I'm not going to pretend that perhaps they didn't see the email. They' probably just don't feel like babysitting for a full work day. True, some SAHM's don't mind, or even enjoy having the extra kids around, but that should not be assumed. Furthermore confronting them about it suggests that you feel entitled to have your SAHM mom friends be your back-up plan. As a part-time nurse, part-time SAHM, and someone who is hit up frequently for babysitting, this sort of struck a chord w/me. one whiny kid is enough; if we don't want 2 or 3 because we're taking night time duty that week with a newly afraid-of-the-dark kid, so our husband could get a good night's sleep for work the next day, well, so be it. Maybe I'm just sensitive about this because this literally just happened to me. Yep, pretty sure that's why.

Anyhoo, Get a referral for a few babysitters you can depend on for situations like this, like high school or college students who have the summers off.

i wouldnt say anything. I think you should be thankful you have a friend that is willing to commit so far in advance. As far as the other 3, who knows if they have read their email. If it was me you sent the email to I would probably not repond right away and maybe call you Sunday night to see if you found anybody. If I didnt have plans I might do it. Being a stay at home mom is not easy. When you have your kids on a schedule, to have somebody elses kids come in it would disrupt the schedule. It is tough watching somebody elses kids all day when it is not the norm for you.

I agree they should have responded. But just from a different angle. If they talk to each other and are friends too, perhaps they all talked about it and knew that the one said she would do it. And they didn't feel the need to tell you, cause they knew it was covered. Just a thought.

As a SAHM myself, I say yes sometimes when I can and no sometimes when I can't. I think friends have more respect for each other when they are honest, even if that means saying no.
But it is always good to have friends that one can rely on and to be the one that can be relied on. Good friends are like sisters and help each other, even when it is not always convenient.
Another thought, when you can, ask your friends if you can do any sitting for them, maybe have and evening play date, so they can get some things done they need too. Service to others elicits service in return. That shows them that you are not trying to take advantage, but that you would love to help them and love it if they would help you. Cause that's what friends are for:)
good luck
E.

I'm glad to see your answer that you're not going to confront your friends. And I'm especially glad you do have 1 friend willing to help you out. I just want to encourage you to give the other friends the benefit of the doubt. Do they all communicate regularly? Maybe the rest knew the 1 friend was volunteering to help, so they figured it was covered? Yes, an answer would have been polite, but I would try to let it go.

As you can see by these answers SAHMs COULD be offended by this plea for help. Do you think you offended anyone and thats why they didnt answer? Actually, working moms are super understanding with this kind of thing, we know its desperation and that you NEED an answer even if the answer is no, that you'll understand completely if the answer is no. Think about moms who work part time or who usually work but could be free that day. Next time Rephrase the question Does anyone know what I can do on ---day ? I'm really stuck! than ask working moms and SAHMs. Maybe some one will know someone who's home that day or a mom who was recently laid off and would love to be paid for the day, or have an idea for you. NO don't confront your friends, if you think they might do it next time I guess you should call since you know they dont always respond to email. I'm so glad you had a friend who volunteered we moms have to stick together or surely we will hang separately.

my friend sent a similar request to about 7 friends. Guess who is the only one who responded & is watching her 3 kids (7, 6, 2) for 2 days from 7:30 am to 7:30 pm. She is visiting her Grandma in Cali. Her husband dropped the kids off this a.m. The 6 & 2 yr old didn't have any shoes, whoops minor detail and he also didn't have shoes or socks on himself, said he would finished getting himself dressed when he got to the court house, yup an attorney, lol.

I wouldn't call them. It would be another story if you called them & left a message & none of them returned your call. But at least one person had your back.

I completely agree with '3kiddos' and 'AuntDeb'.

I've been a SAHM. I'm not the right person for it. My husband is the SAH type person. It's a hard job.... But COME ON!!! My mom was a SAHM... An EXTREMELY anal CLEAN ____@____.com are talking ONE DAY with ONE KID!!! It can be managed.

I work 40+hrs a week outside the home AND do ALL the things the SAHM's do too. I do all the 'man' type jobs with it. Ask a single mom how her days are. Do I take advantage of any of my SAHM friends? NO. But they also know that they are my absolute LAST RESORT, if I did have to ask and that I would do the same for them.

Everyone complains about non-RSVPing moms... So, what's the difference in this situation? A simple, "Sorry, but I can't." Would be MORE than sufficient.

And I too prefer e-mail over phone call...... ANY DAY OF THE YEAR!

Good grief... Working moms are not this harsh to SAHM's. A lot of us KNOW we aren't cut out to do it...

I have a 'drop in' set up @ our daycare. I don't have to have a set schedule for my kids to be dropped off... As long as I have funds in the system to cover it.

Gosh many of the moms are responding negatively. I can understand both sides, I was a SAHM with two of my own at home and I babysat 2 babies and now I am I working mom of three kids. It's true your friends probably didn't see the email and it would've been better to call but I think that it is okay to call each of your friends and ask if they've received your email and you really need a sitter for the day. Yes SAHM are busy but what's the problem with one more kid for one day, and helping out your friend who really needs you.

My computer breaks down so much people offered to buy me a new one.
If I saw the email, I would have instantly said yes or no. I would assume they never saw it.

I have friends who ask me all the time to watch their kids because they have to work and the school is out or they want to go on a date with their husband or they want a girls day. At first I always said yes, now for me it is either easier to ignore them or to blame my husband. But saying No always has brought from them an anger fit or them trying to put me on a guilt trip because I chose to stay home versus having the extra money and going back to work. Now if I get asked I have to check for sure I can do it, then ask my husband because he knows how much I hate it, then if there is no way I can get out of it I will do it, but will only do it for half of what the daycare charges. That might sound mean, but when you are a SAHM and your friends work, you do get used.

Don't confront them. You are acting like a spoiled brat who feels entitled to their time and good nature. Just because they are your so-called friends doesn't mean that you can use them in this manner. If you want a babysitter, hire a babysitter.

In answer to your question, No. I wouldn't say anything, only because you really don't know what is going on in their heads.

But in response to some of your responses, all I can say is WOW! I had no idea SAHMs could be so vicious. I have never had the guts to ask my kids' friend's to watch my school age son for a day, but I'm thinking now I surely won't want to (although I've had one or two offer). I mean big friggin' deal? I am a WAHM and I'd do it for free any day, as long as it was only one kid, and depending on the kids I might do it for more than one. Heck, I usually have a neighbor's kid at my house most of the day on Saturday AND Sunday anyhow because their parents have a new baby and a toddler. I know it helps them out, and my kids enjoy it. Now, if you were asking someone who had a baby or toddler, I can see how they might not want the extra responsibility, but school age? And I personally prefer email over the phone any day, so don't beat yourself up over that. Sometimes I hate this website...

I'm probably way late on this but I can see it both ways. =D I wouldn't take it personally (although, I'd probably feel hurt too.)

I'm a SAHM and have been a working mom too. I am also surprised at how defensive some SAHMs are. It's not that we aren't busy, of course we are. But how much can't be put off for a day to help out a friend? SAHMs can be FLEXIBLE, where employers often aren't. I think that is the implication of your comment. And we should be, because this job would really be a lot less enjoyable without girlfriends!

But a group e-mail is just not the right way to ask for help. A personal, one-to-one e-mail would be fine for friends you know email a lot, but NOT a group e-mail, if you really want a genuine response.

Are they the type that read their email daily?? IF you don't know for sure, don't be so quick to get offended. Why don't you call them up and say--Hey Layla, I was just checking to see if you got my email last week. I am in a tight spot for childcare for tyler and was wondering if you would be able to keep him for the day? I would be happy to buy you lunch or go do drinks next sat if that works for you. See what she says.....maybe she didn't get the message. GL

M

I'm late to this, but as a SAHM I need to say - my friends have asked a few times (different friends, different situations) and I've always said yes. Daycare and school things happen, and we all need help sometimes. I figure what goes around comes around... will you be up for watching your friends "little monsters" some time in the future?

j

I go to my email about once a month. I made FB my home page when Yahoo took the TV schedule off the things I could have on my home page. So I rarely even go there now. I would say for something like this that a phone call would have been the better way to go.