Article About Redshirting

incomplete and one-sided article. not a fan.
since kids come in all shapes, sizes and readiness, and parents come in all flavors and philosophies, one tiny article really can't discuss the issue to completion.
khairete
S.

My youngest is in Kindergarten. He has an August birthday. I strongly considered holding him back, but decided to take the advice of his preschool teacher. She told me he was more than ready for K academically and socially. I am very glad I listened to her. He's done very well. He gets great marks on his papers and is reading now. He has friends and is happy.

Every child is different and the decision should be made solely on readiness and not age. And certainly not to give them an advantage in sports. That is ridiculous!

Okay, I'll bite since no one else has written.

First of all, I held my younger son back for a couple of reasons. He would have been the youngest in his class. He needed a lot of early intervention - 7 plus years of speech and language therapy and 2 years total of OT, starting when he was two. I will tell you I tried like crazy to have him ready for school - I wanted he and his older brother to be 2 years apart in school. But he wasn't ready, mom. His preschool teacher, who had many years of experience with preschool kids, recommended it to me, and I had the guidance counselor give him an entire battery of school readiness tests. At the end of the day, I made the decision to keep him in preschool an extra year because it was the right thing for HIM.

It kind of hurt my ego a little bit, I'll admit. I had tried so hard. But I knew that this wasn't about me. I had to put my ego aside for my son's best interests.

He's in college now, and I have NEVER regretted my decision. I know that I did the right thing.

Now, that being said, on to the article. The beginning of the article, in my opinion, is just STUPID. A father "decreeing" to his wife that they WILL redshirt their child (who isn't even born yet) because of blah, blah, blah. What a crock. He is deflecting his feelings of inadequacy from back when he was a skinny little thing in school onto his future child who he knows NOTHING about.

So...What if everyone holds their child back a whole year? Then it's not redshirting anymore. What it is, is changing the age that kids start school.

There's NO reason for this. The whole reason to redshirt a child is to give that PARTICULAR child time to mature and be ready for school. It's NOT to get a leg up on all the other children. THAT'S what the father REALLY wants. A leg up on all the others so that HIS kid doesn't have to be the skinny little thing. Instead, he wants a bruiser who can tower over the other kids.

I'm all for parents waiting to send kids who NEED the extra time (especially for immature boys), but this article? It's baloney.

I think redshirting has to be based on 2 things: what you think kindergarten is for, and how you assess your child.

The article and some of the comments below highlight different reasons parents use. I think kindergarten is not about academics at all, and so I don't believe in making the decision based on how much a child can read or whether she knows her colors/numbers. I don't think school is about varsity or professional sports, so I don't believe in holding a child so he'll be bigger for high school football and get some big scholarship. Those are pipe dreams and irrelevant. The vast majority of kids are not going to make the NFL or the NBA, and so whoever is pushing their kids to make that possible is not setting the kids up for success.

The article makes references to admitting kids are a failure before they start school. What???

I don't believe in deciding before a child is born what his abilities will be at 5. I also don't buy, not at all, Gamma G.'s comments that you have to get a kid out of school before he's 18 or he'll chuck the rules and start a family. If you have a kid doing that at 18, it's because you missed a lot of signs of trouble and opportunities to correct them at 16 and 14 and 12. My kid turned 18 the week after his junior year ended, and we never had any of that stuff. Maybe we got lucky, or maybe we laid the groundwork for years beforehand so that he knew he wasn't prepared yet to survive by ditching his family.

I do think we base our decisions in part on what our own experience was. We need to admit we are influenced by those factors. If we or a sibling were the youngest, shortest, biggest, smartest, or whatever, we use those as guidelines of things to avoid. I think there's a phenomenally dangerous level of competition among parents that doesn't serve our kids well. Parents compete on the sidelines of sports, to the point that some are being banned from watching their kids. Some try to prove their parenting devotion by putting their kids in endless, structured "enrichment" activities, going broke in the process. They push their kids constantly to qualify for AP classes and Ivy League schools.

Other kids have a zillion reasons why they just aren't ready to go to kindergarten at 5. Those can be developmental (read the excellent comments by Doris Day), social, or related to fine motor skills, among many others. For us, it was because there was half-day kindergarten only, and each neighborhood "rotated" from year to year as to whether the kids started with morning or afternoon in September (then they switched in February). My son napped for 3+ hours well past the age of 4, and he would have had afternoon school starting at age 5. There was no way he'd be awake and productive - he needed another year of morning preschool just to function. So we did a pre-K program. Easy decision. The following September he started in morning K, and he didn't have afternoon school until age 6.5 - huge success. Was there a factor that he was physically small? Yes. He still was when he was 6, 9 and 12. Was there an influence from the fact that my brother started K at age 4 years/10 months and was always behind and social inept? Yes, I thought about that. Did the fact that my child had trouble holding a pencil properly factor in? Yes. Did I incur some criticism from people who thought it was a shame my child was too stupid to start at age 5? Yes. Did I care? No. These people are not anyone whose opinion I value.

I don't question parents' decisions if I see that their kids do okay and are generally well-rounded. But I don't blame a kid's ADHD or skill at singing or acceptance to Colleges X, Y and Z on whether they started school at 5 or 6, or whether they took piano lessons. I think parenting is a whole lot more complicated than that, and I think there's a whole lot that goes into a kid's healthy development based on their heredity, personality, and circumstances. I don't think there's one single answer for everyone.

IMO holding your kid back because you want him to be a football star is the wrong reason to do it, so I disagree with those parents.

Personally, I'm not a huge fan of redshirting, but I don't really care what others choose to do with their kids. All kids are different.

I put one of my kids in early, since she wanted to start school with all of her friends, with the expectation that she would repeat kindergarten if she couldn't handle it. She did great her whole school career.

What I would like to see more is kids being held back when they haven't mastered important curriculum. Kids generally aren't failed any more, and I see all the time the snowball effect of kids moving ahead to the next grade when they don't understand basics like reading and writing. It's very hard on their self-confidence, and they give up.

The redshirting issue is new to me. When I went to school and when my children went to school it was not.

My son started on time at age 5 and he had a September birthday. He finished at age 17 and turned 18 that September. Son's schooling was the Canadian system, public school in Las Vegas, NV and DDODs system.

My daughter started on time at age 5 and had a March birthday. She had problems in second grade with the work. We spoke with the teacher and decided to hold her back and let her repeat the grade. As parents we both sat down with her and explained that she did not do anything wrong she just needed more time to understand the work. She graduated a year later but had no problems. Her schooling had two types of learning the DDODs and the the local public school system in the US.

In this day and age, I would have to visit with the school board and get a feel of how things or programs are presented and consider the fit for my child at the age. Health issues can cause a change in how a child responds to learning and that would be a large part as to what and how my child would attend school.

Let the children be children and learn at their own pace. Rome wasn't built in a day and neither is a child's education. I think we have "studied" our children to death and they have not learned how to cope with the real things in life and how to cope with each other as we have "scheduled" playdates and things of likeness and no diversity. We need to teach our children how to fit into a global society and not a "me" society of entitlement. I will get off my soapbox now.

the other S.

I homeschool so it's a bit of a moot point but both my husband and I agreed that if we were to be sending our youngest to public school we would have waited a year. She's got a summer birthday so she would have only just hit the cut off date.
I am a victim of bad cut off dates that really should have waited a year. I was 4 when I started kindergarten and turned 5 a few months into the year because the cut off was in Dec. My brother was after the cut off so he didn't start until the next year and he did a whole lot better.
I do not agree with those that are holding back so they can do better in sports and have that advantage. That's truly terrible and really is a shallow reason to be holding back. One more reason for me to hate sports and the clout it holds to be honest. But when the reason is for maturity levels, emotional maturity or academics than I totally agree that sometimes it really is for the better.

Okay, I read it. Kids are going to be who they are going to be. I think the article-- and a lot of parents-- oversimplify by saying 'more ready' as if its universal. My son started K on time; now in second grade, he has areas he excels in, areas he needs more development in; areas he is challenged in. There is, and I believe this with most kids, no universal "ready in every possible aspect", no across the board sweep of advantage. Kids will always have their own strengths and challenges.

I choose not to manipulate the path for him. I do choose to guide him. As Julie S pointed out, when we make decisions for our own kids out of fear, without deeper reflection, we do rob our children.

That said, I think this is one more aspect of parenting where we are so busy passing judgment on other parents decisions we forget to be supportive. Imagine that so-called 'affluent, sports-focused' family who holds their son back a year because of a learning disability or immaturity-- but they don't tell anyone about the why of the decision? I know a family like this; everyone assumes it was for athletic reasons. It really wasn't. I'd love to see an article on why we are so quick to make assumptions about the parenting practices of others....

It really depends on each situation, the parents motivation. You have cases like Veruca where the motivation was for the child to thrive. Others hoping to give their child an advantage. The latter seems to follow this mentality that we can create a perfect childhood for our kids that seems to be sweeping through younger parents. Very few, perhaps no one, is smart enough to actually create a perfect childhood for their child.

I see it nearly every day here. Parents focusing on what they feel made them sad, or inadequate, in their own childhood, then removing this from their own children's childhood. Problem is they ignore two very important things, unintended consequences and the good things about their adult personality that were caused by their struggle as a child.

It is far more complicated than if I were the bigger kid in the class I wouldn't have struggled with sports, ya know?

An example is a girl in my older son's class. Mom felt she was immature so she held her back a year. Then when compared with the five year olds the next year she was still found to be immature. Needless to say this happened again to the point where this child was driving in 8th grade! You do get that she was almost 21 when she graduated and she barely graduated! When you consider that high school is your prep for college they really need to look at the drop out and GED rates for excessively red shirted kids. These kids may have been the brightest in kindergarten but the sure didn't shine as adults.

Within that one year really should not be called red shirting. It is just looking at your child and figuring out where they best fit. The 2 to 4 years that I have seen is a problem but unfortunately it is a problem that parents don't see until they are teens and then there is nothing that can be done. Sadly parents reading this, reading data, reading actual research, sorry your article is anecdotal, will still say not my child. All those not my children are in fact someone's child.

Oh yeah, my point of telling that story of my son's classmate, she never did mature, some kids are always immature, they become immature adults. A good parent realizes this, perhaps looking in the mirror. Her parents still blame everyone for their child's failure but themselves or the child.

"Redshirting" is holding a child back (usually waiting a year to start K) for the sole purpose of hoping to give them an advantage athletically or academically. I've known people to do it. So, when their child is playing 4th grade soccer s/he is the size/age of a 5th grader.

If you choose to delay your child's entry into K because of academic or maturity reasons, then that is totally legit! That is not really "redshirting".

I feel too many people hold their children back. 1/3 of my son's 1st grade class is already 8--he just turned 7 in March. Some legit--some probably not so much! My son is the smallest in the class. My kids are just small. If I held him back, he would have been smaller than all of the kindergartners. Holding a child back won't make him grow 5 inches. My 4th grader is the smallest in his class. He's probably smaller than all of the 3rd graders, too.

I just finished reading the article.

As it said, each child is individual, and there is no standard age that fits all children.

It all boils down to your motivation for holding a child back.

My experience? My oldest and 3rd child were both born in August. We sent our oldest to Kindergarten when she was age ready........ but several years later, we made the very difficult decision to have her repeat 4th grade. Would the end results have been the same if we had redshirted her? I don't know. What we did worked wonderfully for her.

daughter #3...... also August birthday..... we delayed her Kindergarten entry... she just didn't seem ready for school. She still struggled with social issues, even with red-shirting her. It seemed like the right decision at that time. Would it have been different if we had sent her? I don't know.

Again, each child is different.... examine your motivation for red-shirting to help guide your decision.

My SS was 18.5 when he graduated HS, and he started "on time" as a winter baby. I think what they do at 18 depends on them, not when you started them.

I do think that we have to weigh our overperfection of children and systems and things and the needs of the kid. I agree with the posters who say that kids grow and learn at different times. They are great at some things, and need help with others. Some kids hit the ground running and some do not. My DD has needed help with some areas, but is flying academically. We did not redshirt her. Friend did redshirt her son and now they are thinking about skipping 1st grade.

As DD's preschool teacher said, unless we peeked into a parallel universe, we'll never know what was "best". DD is doing alright and sometimes alright is just that - alright. She's not the brightest but not the dimmest and there's nothing going on where I feel that holding her back would have helped overall. Parents do need to know their kid, but they also need to be willing to let kids reach a little.

Our son has a late July birthday, and we held him back. I watched him carefully during preschool. He began preschool as a very young 3 and did great! During his second year he was still doing great academically, but he looked and acted younger than the rest of his class. There are many other examples, but by and large, it was clear to us that the kids about to start kindergarten we older than him. The kids about to start their second year of preschool behaved so much like he did. Simply put, those younger kids were his peers.

We wanted our son to be in the same grade as his peers. Had he started kindergarten when he was 5, he would have always been younger and less mature. He needed more time in order to be ready for kindergarten, and he needed to be in the same class as his "peers," - the other students who were developing and maturing at the same time and in the same ways our son was.

It is so individual. My brother's girl is two years (and 5 days) younger than our son and one grade behind him at the same school. She was ready for kindergarten. Different kid = different decision. She's doing great ... and so is our son!!!

I talked to many, many, many parents (of older kids, not just 5 year olds) about their decision to redshirt or not. Some did, some didn't - for a variety of reasons. Many were happy with their decision. Some said looking back they wished they had waited. Not one parent has ever told me, "We should have sent him/her sooner!"

It did speak to several parents whose child ended up repeating a grade. Every one of them said that decision was the best for their child. Most of them said the biggest problems was that the students in their class were all older and maturing above their child's level.

Several parents of junior high and high school students said they wished they had started their "summer birthday" child later but that by the time they realized it it was too late to do anything about it.

For me, this has so much to do with the child being in the same grade as other children in their maturity range.

It was mentioned that it is a mistake to allow some to be 18 while still in school. The only reason that would be a problem is if the parents and school fail to teach the students why a college degree is so necessary in our society and why not going to college right after high school so often makes it so much harder to graduate. Sell your children on the value of college, and it won't matter if they're 18 in their freshman year of high school. They will still stay on the right path for getting a Bachelor's Degree.

We held both kids back. We started our daughter age appropriate and her birthday was the end of August. She seemed ready. By 3rd grade she was struggling and we decided it best to hold her back. It was hard on her but it was the right decision.

Our son had 1/2 kindergarten. That was an issue. His birthday is in mid September. He was ready academically but not socially. So we held him back. It was the right decision with him as well.

I think parents know their kids. This was one of the hardest decisions we ever made for our kids. We didn't take it likely and made it for their best interest.

No. And I won't. Redshirting is a bad idea. Yes, kids that are older will do better because they're more mature.

Why not wait until a kid is 7 or 8 or even 9 to start them in school? Why not? Seems doable right?

Kids are supposed to be 5 when they start kindergarten so they'll be 17 and turn 18 when they graduate high school. Once they turn 18 they want to get out and start their own lives. If a kid is already 18 in their senior year or God forbid they're 19 when they start their senior year they don't have far to go to realize they can drop out and move on, they can move in with their boyfriend, they can go get a job, they can start their family, they can do anything they want and you have zero say in it.

Just because you "think" they'll want to put up with rules and curfews and all that doesn't mean as an adult that they will. It's likely they won't.

WHY keep a kid home another year because you think they'll flunk kindergarten? Why? Why not give them a chance? Why not let them do the developmental stuff they're supposed to do? Go to kindergarten a little immature and grow cognitively that year and in first grade. They by 2nd grade they're in their latency period and they become more like sponges and learn more smoothly.

SO, I already know how I feel about redshirting so I don't need an article to tell me how to feel. I think redshirting is setting yourself up to be severely disappointed as a parent in a few years. I just think it's a sad sad sad attitude of a parent to think their child isn't smart enough or bright enough to make it through kindergarten.

Kids that are 5 should be in kindergarten no matter if they are 5 the day school starts or if they turn 6 in September. Age 5 is for kindergarten.

For me it depends on why the child is being held back. If it's because they are immature or have problems learning then holding them back is a good idea. If it's to make them a better athlete then no. Just because they are being held back doesn't mean they will be a good athlete.

My daughter has a late fall birthday and a lady I know tried to get me to put her in kindergarten early. I wouldn't do it because I didn't want to rush her. She started kindergarten at 5 and turned 6 later that year. She will be 18 when she graduates high school. I didn't hold her back because she started when she was supposed to according to our state law but I didn't see the need to start her early.

My parents started me early. I was supposed to wait a year because like my daughter I have fall birthday. I think they should have waited because I wasn't mature enough. I think I would have done much better had they let me start when I was supposed to.

Thank you for the link. :) My soon-to-be 3 year old daughter has a late birthday (mid-July) in an area where the cutoff is September 1. My husband and I have been discussing whether we should do this or not because while our daughter is not the smallest among her peers and we are not concerned about her academic performance, we are worried about whether she will be ready in terms of her social skills gross motor skills (she had PT for about a year). I haven't read the article yet, but I am looking into both the pros and cons of holding back before kinder.