Argh! Am I Overreacting?

Let it go. Marriage is about being happy, not being "right". Did you thank him for his help on Sunday?

Honestly let it go. My husband has some meds that knock him out and I always tell him - Don't even think that script will ever be refilled :) It is annoying at times but I keep a mental note of those. He already apologized in his own way.

Personally, there is one med that I just can not take, as I become a crazy/psycho with ZERO patience and everytime I have gone to the hospital for any reason my husband has to say "don't forget to put down that you are NOT to be given XYZ" Especially since it takes me 3days to be "normal" after taking just one dose UGH

I hope your back is much better today…if it isn’t please take it easy.
About your husband…it seems like the two of you do a good job of communicating. Some men just don’t say (“honey I’m sorry”), but do other things to show that they care.

Even if he was frustrated taking care of the baby, he did do the job. No, he shouldn’t be bitching and moaning about it, especially when you were in pain. He also has no right to tell you that you “couldn’t take meds again”, but I suspect that was also just words of frustration.

It has been my experience that men are babies when they get sick and want to be mothered and we women jump right in and mother our family….that’s just what we do.

If you are still feeling bugged, you might try reverse psychology on him and just say something like (“honey, thanks for taking care of me and the baby while I was sick, I know you get frustrated taking everything on, but what would you do with our son if something happened and I was disabled permanently”)?

Blessings.....

I would not just 'let it go' Marriage does not automatically turn all men into ungrateful jerks, despite what some women seem willing to believe or settle for! Obviously your feelings were really hurt by this and he still is not really taking that seriously.

As for watching the baby 'putting him over the edge' - sorry, but that's part of HAVING a baby! I bet he enjoyed MAKING the baby, so he will have to learn to live with watching him sometimes.

I would sit down and have a serious discussion with him. Tell him that even though you don't think he was PURPOSELY trying to make you feel worse, that he did. Ask him to acknowledge to your face how much work you do and that normally you do not 'shirk your duties' around the house and that you would not have unless you were in a great deal of pain.

Tell him that your feelings are really hurt by his lack of apology and that you feel like it shows a real disrespect towards you and your contribution around the house. It sounds like he sort of gets it and probably feels a little ashamed of how he acted- but if you let him get away with acting like that, he may come to think it is just ok and it isn't!

He's not the baby- he's the man of the house and needs to step up and act like one. It takes a bigger man to admit when he is wrong and apologize and you are not wrong for wanting him to do so. Hope your back is feeling better!!

I'd let it go. He had a wake up call to how much you do and when you couldn't do it, it unnerved and frazzled him. Admitting that you were right (and he was less right) WAS the apology (kind of hard to recognize at first). Some guys just can't bring themselves to simply say "I'm sorry". The alternative to letting it go is to start keeping score (I think a lot of married couples keep score on various topics) but is this really something you want to keep coming back to every time you or he scores a point? It's not worth it. I don't think he meant to say something to make you angry - it just sort of played out that way, so cut him a little slack this time. If it happens again, right when he says something - ask him what he means by that. Get him to think through why he's frustrated and how he's expressing it.

Let it go. In the grand scheme there are far more important things to worry about. Marriage is a team effort and it's perfectly ok to get frustrated with a situation like your husband did. If he is studying then he's in school I assume-that's an added stress too (My husband just finished school and we have been together 12 years!). I can tell you from personal experience you just have to let it go. You were stressed by not feeling good, he was stressed by having to unexpectedly take on everything in one day.

For the future if something like this comes up on "chore day" let some stuff go! No one will die if all the laundry or all the dishes don't get done. When someone gets sick or something major focus should run on getting the basics done-got clean dishes for meals? Got laundry to get thru the next day? Got food for the day? Baby fed and clean? Sick person got their meds and rest? That's all you need to worry about.

I would let it go. Why cause another argument over the same issue.

Hope you feel better.

Let it go. I seriously don't think that 'I'm sorry' is a phrase that makes it into a guys vocabulary. Especially once they are married. Know that you were right. Hopefully he'll act better the next time you are down for the count.

I guess I would sit him down and tell him that you are hurt that he didn't actually apologize for making you feel bad/guilty. However, depending upon how you approach it, be prepared for the tossed off "oh, sorry", which won't make you feel any better. What you are describing is a pretty typical male thing (don't get me wrong - there are the exceptions!): annoyance at HAVING to be occupied with something they don't want to be occupied with, especially when they think it should be their free time. I have been married for 25 years, and I can't tell you how many *itch sessions my friends and I have shared over very similar situations. One of the biggest arguments I ever had with my husband was his comment that he had to "babysit" our son - obviously it's not "babysitting" when it's your own child (also, I can tell you it gets easier as your child gets a little oler - men start to relate more, I think, when they can interact more with their kids). In his mind, he probably thinks that he has apologized. Perhaps it you tell him that it is just important for you to know that he understood how you felt - and that the sincere words "I'm sorry" would mean a lot - he will get it. Don't let the resentment build - that is the surest way to unhappiness.

I would let it go. It gets to a point that husband's don't realize they need to step up and give those 2 words we really want to hear. They think that saying they believe they were wrong takes care of it. But I think it is great--at least hope it is--that he did step up and take care of everything even if he acted like a child complaining while doing it. I know some men that would have let some stuff sit until mom got better. Mine would take care of some stuff but not everything.
Of course, you could give him a taste of his own medicine next time he gets sick. :)

Yes an "I'm Sorry" goes a long way, but I will be honest.... I do not think it is worth it. Just let it go and move on. I think you are having a "Super Mom" guilt feeling and are bringing those emotions into the situation. First free yourself and know you did nothing wrong. Medication or not, you would not have been able to perform any duties as a mom, wife or household with a bad back. So first free yourself of those emotions. I think it is not about the apology you really need, I think it is the need to have your husband make you feel better by saying he is sorry. That apology would free you to know you should not feel guilty. If he was to say to you "Honey, I feel so bad your back went out. Even though it was a lot of work on me that day, I made it through. It was hard to do it without you. It made me so appreciate you more. I know you felt bad about your back and I want you to know I am happy you did what you thought would make the situation better faster. I am happy you are better now." If he said this you would be in lala land. So I do not think you are in need of an apology, I think you are in need of someone to release your feelings of fustration that you were not 100% yourself. So I am releasing you of that feeling. Let it go and know how much you are appreciated by your husband because he has now REALIZES that he can not do it without you.Think of it as now he will appreciate you a lot more! Let it go; trust me he has.... Sorry if this is not the response you wanted.

Oh my gosh, GET OVER IT!!! Unless of course you like to fight. He's already admitted he was wrong, why would an apology make you feel any better? Is this just your way of being a bit controlling here?

Hope your back is better!

well, you could speak to him while you're this angry and probably get him to apologize, but would that help? at this point it hasn't been offered freely. so what would really make you feel better?
fwiw, i'm with you. i'd be very resentful at being made to feel guilty when suffering so much. i think he behaved badly.
but the real issue here isn't that he was being a jerk on that one day. it's that you feel under-appreciated generally, and your mate and partner and love and fellow isn't pitching in when the chips are down.
this is a communication issue and needs to be addressed THERE, not this one day incident. you guys need to develop some good tools for making sure you are both being heard and understood when you talk to each other. i would start there, something along the lines of 'i'm feeling frustrated because i don't think you are really understanding my feelings on this matter. will you sit down with me and talk it through?' there may be things that he also is feeling annoyed with and unable to express clearly.
good luck.
khairete
S.

He may have been saying he was sorry by agreeing with you. I think you can let him know - communication is the hardest part of a relationship - just do it in a way that won't make him defensive and make the situation worse.

I see both sides to the argument. I'm not a passive wife who stands down to my husband. But, there's a time and place for picking your battles.

You wouldn't believe the things my husband said to me, out of sheer fear and frustration, when I was in chemo. He'll never be able to take them back, and I don't make excuses, but when I was down for an entire weekend + Fridays recovering from treatments, he was Mom, Dad, etc to a newborn and a 2 year-old. He was working full time (me, too) and having to basically fill the void for both of us.

Men aren't as naturally nurturing as us, and if he's not accustomed to taking care of your son full-time, he may have just been completely overwhelmed. No excuse for his comment - perhaps just a perspective as to why he opened his mouth in the first place.

Had it been me, I would react the same as you are. It's how you move forward that you can control at this point in time.

I hope your back is better.

So frustrating for you! I agree, what would have been right -- and would have gone a long way -- is if he had just said, "You're right, honey, I'm sorry I acted that way." Sounds like since he "agreed" with you, he feels that's his apology. Let it go this time, but if there is a next time I'd probably be inclined to say, "So do I get an apology? That would really make me feel better." Hope your back is feeling better :)

I would want an apology too - but don't hold your breath! Read "Men are from Mars - Women are from Venus". Maybe what he said to you - in his mind is an apology. I've stumbled home from work with a migraine and gone straight to bed - my husband stands at the foot of the bed and asks "what's for dinner?" Seriously? After 7 years of having to take care of him and our daughter no matter how sick I might be - or how severe the migraine - I no longer tip toe around or make my daughter stay extra quiet when he is down. I don't go out of my way to be extra noisy or anything - but I certainly don't go out of my way to be extra quiet either. When he complains - I just point out that when I was in his shape - I had to drag myself to the kitchen, make dinner, clean up afterwards, bathe our daughter, feed the dog, take the dog out, and put our daughter in bed - while he watches racing on tv or messes on his laptop.
Good luck. I just try not to get sick, and if I do - then I just know what to expect......nothing.

I agree with Michelle...let it go. An admission of guilt goes a long way too :)
It's not worth stirring up trouble and as a man, he probably won't even understand WHY you are still dredging it up! Hope your back feels better...

I agree. Let it go. I've been in situations like this with my husband, but when he admits he was wrong, that alone is his way of apologizing. I know that so all is forgiven. Instead, put all your energy into getting better! That's what is most important right now!

I completely hear you, sister, and I feel your pain! ;) This is unfortunately pretty typical male behavior--or maybe I should say it's more common than you realize. Women are the nurturers, men are not. So it's easier for us to take care of our husbands when they're down and out and take care of household chores on top of it and not complain... in fact feel good to be needed. It's apparently not easy for men to do the same (in general--some men are great at it... just not the majority). I go through this situation you've described with my husband ALL the time! And we do the inevitable stonewalling, ignoring, and then fighting that follows. It's so old and tried and I'm so over it but we still have a hard time finding a solution. I guess the bottom line as far as advice goes is this: yes, I would talk to him about it because it is still bothering you and it will only fester and simmer below the surface and come out in a suckerpunch the next time you guys fight. Just try to approach it in a calm manner and try hard (which will be very hard) to take the emotion out of it. I would just tell him that you're still hurt by his lack of empathy toward your pain and that you really need to get your hurt off your chest so that you clear the air about it. If he's a mature individual, he should respond maturely. If he's not and acts like a baby, then unfortunately you may have to drop the subject and choose your battles. And I hate to say that, but I've learned that my husband acts like the biggest baby when he hurts my feelings and disagrees that he has to do anything about it. That's when I tell myself there are other reasons I love him and that this will always be our trouble spot.. something for a counselor to help you solve or for patience to settle in so that it doesn't bother you as much anymore. Best of luck to you in this... know that you're not alone and that many of us go through the same situation over and over again. Hang in there!