Are You a "Crazy" Overprotective Mother like Me?

nope. It's our job to protect our kids, then the rest is up to God :)
I saw on the internet a child that took a staple gun that was laying around and stapled his heart (now in surgery) Have heard stories of kids that spilled coffee and had burns all over them, got into pills. Someone I know drank
cleaning fluid when they were little. My sister in laws little cousin died, by
drowning in a creek. I hear horror stories day after day, because parents
simply don't think ahead.
I have personally saved/helped 4 kids. One from choking, 2 from running out of doors (toddler)- one the other day wandered from his mom without pants on in the desert. One on a beach in the ocean/no mom-

I would say MANY parents are lax. The reason they are lax, is because
they have angels working overtime- They wouldn't be lax if their angels
slacked up for a moment - It's Gods grace they are still alive. When nothing happens/why change? They think nothing wil happen.

My best friends hubby was going to go to work and back out of his car.
He had a horrible feeling in the pit of his stomach- so, he decided to check his tires. He looked behind his van, and there sat a 3year old from next door! THANK- GOD, he trusted his feelings!

Our job is to protect. Protect with love/not fear...
We protect, so that our children will not have to tell horror stories of strangers trying to abduct them (everyone has these stories)or suffering through terrible accidents.

it's called WISDOM~ many people lack it.

Bible verse: My people parish from lack of knowlege.

I'm not there, and can't see what you describe. I don't know how 'bad' it is at their house. I'll also say, I'm someone who babyprooofed NOTHING in my own home- so take what a I say with a grain of salt. I didn't lock cabinets, lock toilets, remove valuables/breakables, etc. I taught them not to touch things...and I also showed them what happens when they don't follow the rules. A campfire is GREAT for teaching about fire safety and not playing with matches. Show them the stick, put it in the fire, let it burn, and remind them it's why they don't play with matches and fire. Get my drift? My kids have (to date) never burned themselves, broken a bone, or been seen at a hospital involving a serious or minor injury, I attribute this to the fact that kids do have a pretty good survival instinct :)

I'll suggest this, sometimes kids need to learn for themselves. You fall down, it hurts, you don't so it again. You grab a cup of hot coffee, it will hurt, you don't do it again. Yes, you can bubble wrap them and "protect" them from everything under the sun, but it doesn't help them learn.

Experimentation is critical to instilling creativity and love for learning....where does that start? Age 0, Age 2, Age 5? Learning about the bad is just as important as learning about the good, IMHO. They *have* to know when something is dangerous, and sometimes it means they have to learn it for themselves. Has my DS given me some grey hairs by trying to touch a hot stove? You bet, but he got a few inches away from the burner, said "ow, hot!" and didn't get near it after that....he learned it on his own without me being all over him and saying hot. His doing it for himself was much more effective than all the preaching I could do. (an NO he didn't burn himself, he didn't get too close, but close enough)

Overprotection can go too far -too much sunblock means kid isn't getting enough natural vitamin D. Too much structure and directed play means no time to develop their own imagination.

Now that DS is 2, it might be time to 'give' a little and start to let him experiment on his own without having you fuss at him. Part of our job is to turn them into independent human beings, capable of succeeding on their own. It's a lot tougher than trying to protect them at every step, promise.

Maybe read "Free Range Kids: how to raise self reliant kids without going nuts with worry" To give you an alternate perspective from the babyproof everything paranoia that seems to dominate our culture.

side note: I was also very strict about their schedule. Meals, naps, bedtimes didn't vary within 10 mins for the longest time. I was also pretty rigid about diet...lots of fruit/vaggies/homecooked meals.

And this just in, some humor!! Enjoy! http://www.creativepro.com/blog/scanning-around-gene-dang...

It sounds obvious that the in laws home is not safe and I find it strange that after pointing out the pills, knives and open pool gate that they don't see it as a problem.

But as far as your own home goes, I have to agree that it is possible to go too far in childproofing. The world is not childproof and your child must learn to not touch dangerous items. If all danger is removed from them then they will not know how to behave around certain things. They need to know not to touch an electrical outlet or hot stove. They need to know to stay out of the cabinets that are off limits and they need to keep their hands off of breakable things. My house was never baby proofed either and I never worried about my kids at someone else's home. They never broke anything or touched anything they shouldn't have. I do understand all kids are different and some you would be chasing all day if you didn't childproof, so for your sanity it is important.

When we would have playgroups at my house (my kids are much older now) I remember walking through the living room and seeing all my picture frames, knickknacks and other items piled up high on the top of my entertainment center. The other moms had gone through my living room and taken ALL items out of reach. I'm sure they didn't want anything to get broken, but they were all sitting right there, how about a "don't touch that"? I find that some of these kids whose moms were so protective have grown up with lack of respect and tend to get into trouble moreso than others who parents weren't so protective of them. Now, they are the kids I have to watch closely when they come to play (at the age of 10). (They'll find the ladder in the back of the closet or throw anything and everything in the toilet - their parents still - at the age of 10 - have their toilets locked and baby gates up).

Nope, your not nuts. Your a mom and you love you son and want to keep him safe. I ended up just letting everyone think what they wanted. Too much work trying to keep everyone happy. If you don't do it my way, you don't see my children. Sorry the buck stops here :)
C.

You are just fine!!
I do not let my parents watch my 19 month old because i know my dad will not watch her. I do not like her around dogs for obvious reasons, until I am comfortable with the her and the dogs. And even then the dogs are not allowed between her and I and she is in arms reach. My parents have two large German Shepherds that have not been very good around my daughter. And my dad loves the dogs more than me I think.
Watching your child at your house is fine! And watching what they eat is very important! I have allergies that were horrible as a child, so we are very dilligent about what our daughter eats, no strawberrries, chocolate, eggs, seafood, etc. My dad loves to try and feed her chocolate chip cookies and my mom gives her potato chips! No matter what I say they do not listen. So she is never left alone with them.
My MIL on the other hand is fantastic! She has had her for 8 hours straight once! Because she listens to everything I tell her! She won't feed her anything that she has not had my approval, and she makes sure to follow all my rules! She even called our pediatrician once when she couldn't get a hold of us (don't know why our phones were not working!) to ask about formula because my daughter was crying and she had already drank all of the expressed milk I had brought.

Ignore all the people that tell you that you are overprotective. There is nothing wrong with wanting what is best for your child. As long as your child is happy and healthy then you are doing a GREAT job!

keep doing what u r doing! we r the only ones that will keep our kids safe. I am just like you with my kids..............hang in there and be strong!

I understand where you're coming from. I have 3 and 4 yr old boys. I have concerns about leaving them at the grandparents' houses but I've never seen my parents or in-laws try to give them a hot drink and I've never seen a knife or pills laying around-- those are very unsafe and very concerning. I think you're completely valid in your worries there. Having raised a child or children of their own, you would think that common sense would prevail but sometimes it does not and since you've witnessed firsthand that your families aren't taking note of potential hazards when your toddler comes to visit, then I think you are exercising your right as a mother to anticipate problems and protect your child. I don't think that's crazy at all but I know what it feels like to be treated like you are.

I used to be "crazy overprotective" as my husband called it but I have loosened up a little as my boys have grown. I was a wreck if I had to leave my kids in someone else's care even in my own home! I've come to realize that it's okay to be worried but not to take it to the extreme level and so I have let my mom and even my in-laws babysit at their homes. My mom was very receptive to my explaining the issues I had with her lack of childproofing and after I let her watch my boys the first time, she understood better that they really do get into EVERYTHING. When we visit now, she has things put away a little better and she watches them like a hawk. With my in-laws, we all just decided that it was easier if they come to our house to babysit so they don't have to worry about childproofing anything but on a rare occasion I do let them watch my sons at their own house.

I still worry, as all mothers do, but I know that they are family and love my sons enough to look out for them. My family may not be able to foresee the things they'll get into the way I would and they may do things differently than I would but, but I feel confident now that they will keep them safe after I leave. It's really been a relief for me because now I can go out to dinner or see a movie with my husband and not be suffering an anxiety attack the whole time.

If you've already spoken to your family about this and they haven't changed then maybe when you arrive, you can make a visual sweep of the house and ask them to put away any potential hazards. I used to bring baby gates and also a cabinet lock for the kitchen cabinet with cleaners. My family was always fine with using them if I asked. Maybe yours would be okay with that too.

I agree with you- their houses just aren't safe, so whenever they want to see their grandson, they should come to your house. It's not like you aren't allowing them to see him! You just want it to be in an environment you know is safe for YOUR child. They already had their chance to do as they wanted as parents. It's your turn, and you should parent and protect your son any way you feel necessary.
On the behavior note, I too am a teacher with a master's. I'm very loving with my kids but very strict with behavior as well (I call it strict, but it's just as you described yourself- I have no problem using that word for my style!). I've seen too many kids who didn't have enough structure and limits! We have tons of fun, but I want to make sure they know how to behave even without me. My son went for an overnight at my in-laws a couple of weeks ago, and my MIL called afterward to tell us that he's TOO well-behaved and we must never let him be a kid. Seriously? A backhanded compliment for sure, but doesn't she realize that the reason he's so good is because he has had so many opportunities to practice? Ugh. Can't please everyone, so do what's best for your family!

You are NOT crazy, nor do you seem overprotective.
The things that you listed are absolutely not safe. I don't babyproof much for my own kids but I would CERTAINLY not expect that a 2 year old "learn from experience" with knives sitting in chairs or pills scattered on the floor. Some kids don't "learn" by those experiences, they die from them.

My parents and in laws are so careful. Of course they don't do everything perfectly......but they know that their job is to make things safe for the kids. I so appreciate them! And, knowing that they are looking out for the safety of my kids makes me understand that accidents DO happen sometimes and not every child can be protected 100% of the time.
I hope you can get through to them! At least stand up to them and say that you will not be criticized anymore!

Oy vey! Another crazy in-law post. What is it with the in-laws? I know you need to hear this: they are crazy, you are not. 'Nuff said! I mean, really, coffee to a baby? What kind of nonsense is that (not the first time I've heard it, it happened in my family with my cousin's kid, and till this day he is only 5 and asks for coffee regularly). The pool situation is a very serious one...your child can die (and yes, this DOES happen).

The only thing I dislike about parenting is how other folks feel they have every right to criticize your parenting style, and many have no reservations to freely and openly do it. Whatever. This is YOUR child, and you know in your heart you are doing what is in their best interest. That is your job! Try your best to ignore these crazy people and just maintain your position as best as you can. Good luck.

The things you listed are not safe. Just the pool situation alone would justify your child not being there. And I'm the "laid back" mom :)

If these people are living the way you said then I can understand your reluctance.

I did allow my mother and mil to keep our daughter at their houses even though they were not totally childproofed, but they did not have pills on the floor or knives on the chairs.

What ended up happening is that every visit, they discovered what needed to be put elsewhere since daughter would become fascinated with something new each visit. They never just let her toddle around without them always being there.

Maybe, each time you visit and notice these unsafe things, begin a pile on the kitchen counter so the knife, pills, coins, rubber bands all end up there as a visual.

Follow your mommy heart and brain. Kids do need to have different experiences, but of course you need to feel like he is safe.

I am still an over protective mom, at least that is what I am called, and my kids are 5 and 7. Of course as they have gotten older I have realized that I need to give them some more space, but really I just realized that when my oldest was 5! I prefer your terms also, I think I am proactive and as a mother I believe safety always comes first. Both Grandmas in our family smoke and therefore my kids are not allowed over there, you can imagine the comments on that one! Do what feels right to you. I certainly would not have my boys, who are much older than 2, in a house that has the circumstances you stated. I think my parents were too easy going and I may be to high strung about my kids, but that is where my comfort level is. I am not going to do things that I am not comfortable with and either should you :)

R.

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Sign me up for the "Crazy, Overprotective Mom's Club" because I agree with you! Based on the examples that you stated, I wouldn't leave my child over at their houses either. Having a pool and either not fencing it or propping the gate open is the same as giving a child a loaded gun to play with. Maybe they'll be okay, but the risk is just to great to take.
When my oldest was a baby she was too young to get the flu vaccine the first season, so we made everyone in the family who wanted to be around her get the flu shot. Our pool was finished when I was 37 wks pregnant and fenced right away. When our house was built we had an alarm installed, I made sure EVERY door and window had a sensor, even the upstairs ones. I could go on and on with the ways I am over protective, but the bottom line is that you are the mom and it is your job to protect your child. We do not live in the same world we grew up in and we have to do things differently then our parents did. Follow your instincts with your child and do what you think is right.
BTW, I think you sound like an awesome mom!! Keep up the great work.

You are absolutely correct in only wanting them to watch your son in your home. I would never trust my girls to be around a pool, especially one without a french. Bottom line you are the parent and have every right to parent how you see fit. Grandparents don't have rights to their grandchildren. This is especially true if they are so careless and do not respect the parents wishes.

Honey, keep doing what you do the way you do it for your son! My son is 15 years old, 5'9", and 191lbs-and I STILL go above-and-beyond to protect him in every way possible! I do not allow him to go to people's homes, even family and close friends, unless I am sure of the total DYNAMIC of the environment! Yes, I get called 'crazy', 'overprotective', etc., etc. etc. But I love him, and he is a polite, well-adjusted, friendly and outgoing CHRISTIAN youn man! He says 'please' and 'thank you' ( and yes, sometimes I do have to remind him to do these things, see, he is still NORMAL!). He says yes and no ma'am. When I see how other kids behave, I know I am raising him right, and part of that is to protect him at all costs, because this IS A SCARY WORLD, and it is my job to do so! When I see parents letting their little ones walk along in parking lots and streets unattended, not paying attention to where their little ones are as they shop, I wonder, how can they love these babies and just leave them unprotected this way? Even at 15, before we exit the car, I am checking along with my son to make sure he will be safe when he steps out. I am going to make no apologies about it-and don't you either! Too many parents act as though they do not care about their kid's safety if you ask me. When my son tells me I know you do this because you love me-it makes my heart do a little flip. I want him to feel my love! So do what you do-do not let up. Thank God for mothers like you, their need to be more of you!!! God bless you!!!

I know I'm late to answer this because I'm just now seeing it, but you're NOT nuts! I agree w/YoMama, this is YOUR child and it is nobody's business how you are raising him! As many other mamas said, you need to protect your child. I have 2 small kids, and 2 Master's Degrees, and have worked w/kids for almost 20 years in summer camps and churches. People tell me all the time I'm overprotective. Yeah, AND?!? They're my kids (along w/hubby's, of course!), we agree on how we're parenting them, and it's nobody else's business. I had to worry about risk management at camps and churches, so I think about a lot of the potential bad things that can happen to them that make people think I'm being overprotective.

As for the in-laws, I wouldn't let them stay over either. My in-laws are quite good at watching our kids, and while they don't do everything the way we do it, they don't put our kids in danger, either.

Hang in there and do what's best for YOUR family!

Maybe I am overprotective and crazy too because I wouldn't leave a two year old in the environment you described. Safety has to be first and if you can't pick up coins, rubber bands, pills, and close the darn pool gate in order to make things safer for a child - I'd be wary about leaving my child alone with these people anywhere, regardless of their relationship to my child. When he is older, he can spend time without you in his grandparents' homes - not while he is a toddler. I think your compromise of them watching your son only at your house is a safe and sane decision.

your nuts....don't you think it is important for them to have a relationship with their grandparents? I don't think that they would let their grandchild get injured/hurt/maimed or drowned.....give them some credit - they did manage to raise your husband to adulthood!