Are We Raising a Generation of Helpless Kids?

some of this helicopter parenting IMO is done cause the parents don't want anything negative to reflect back on them (not the child), so they try to control it all....

Love and logic parenting classes really help. I think kids today have super moms who rescue them needlessly. I think we could easily see this age group grow up and not be able to cook a meal, clean a house, do chores, hold down a job, etc...sad as it is, we need to stop.

Yes. I work in an elementary school and I see parents flip out all the time if their child wasn't placed in the same class with their friend (heaven forbid that they should try to make new friends), or if their child doesn't get a part in the kindergarten music program.

I see parents rushing into school with homework that was forgotten (and by the way, we can tell when the parents have done the homework for their kids.)

We had a child punch another in the stomach during recess. Hard. So he was asked to sit out for the rest of recess. The mom threated to sue because we "humiliated" her son by making him sit out.

I see kids make messes in the classroom and expect the teacher to clean them up. I see kids not even TRY to solve a problem- they expect you to do it for them. I see kids melt down when they do make a mistake because they don't know how to handle it- then they usually try to blame someone or something else for the mistake, they can't even own up to it.

I could go on and on and on. What I see doesn't even shock me anymore, but it does disgust me. I'm not the perfect parent, but if my kid forgets a snack, well too bad. You can eat at lunch time. Homework? I am the same as Laurie A. I don't even check it. It is an EXPECTATION that you do it, and if you need help, that's fine, but they have to show me where they tried to solve the problem themselves.

I just see so much 'entitlement' in this generation. It makes me sad... and concerned for the future...

Amy:

If you don't want your post pulled - remove the link and put it in your SWH.

While I don't subscribe to the Huffington Post - I believe there are a lot of parents who are raising kids filled with entitlement and unable to deal with life and the problems that pop up in life.

We have to let our kids make mistakes - it's one of the many ways to learn.

We have protected our kids to the point of over-protection. Parents are afraid of everything little thing happening to their child that things have gone hyper-control....kids don't know how to handle conflict, they don't know how to go outside and play because parents are worried about pedophiles, kidnapping, etc. children don't know how to be independent.

Parents RUSH to tell their kids "GOOD JOB!!" for a mediocre try.

Everyone in Little League gets a trophy because we can't hurt Johnny's feelings.

Kids don't get disciplined because it might hurt their self-esteem.

I could go and on....but you get the point. It's OKAY to let your child fail. Hopefully, they will learn from it!!

Eh, every generation feels this way. The elders ALWAYS think the youngers are shiftless bums. Since the begining of time. And yet the human race moves forward away. Go figure.

:(

Yes!!! As a teacher, this is soooooo true. Kids don't know how to cope with failure, or they know their parents will fix it so they don't care.

Encourage your kids to do their best, but they need to be able to do things on their own. Don't rush to their aide all the time. Give them a chance to problem solve on their own and wait to see if they get frustrated before stepping in. My room parents did a Valentine's Day craft where kids had to tie the ends of a fleece shaped heart together to make a pillow. I've never hear more whining and complaints of how hard it was. To tie a freakin' pillow, are you kidding me?!?! Then, my students figured out that one of the moms would do it for them if they waited and whined enough. Instead of letting them push through difficulty, kids know parents will step in. Let them get frustrated. Let them try something they're not good at, and don't let them quit.

I don't have time to read it right now, but I will later and add if I need to -but YES YES YES -I think we're raising a generation of incompetent scaredy cats! The hovering, never letting kids do ANYTHING on their own or work out their own problems -racing to fight every battle for them. I mean, look at so many posts and comments on this board -don't let your kid jump on a trampoline, climb monkey bars, ride a bike on the street, walk down the street to a friend's house, spend the night with a friend, get a bunk bed, blah blah blah -it's ridiculous. There are already huge problems at some colleges because these "kids" can't do ANYTHING for themselves and are scared of their own shadows.

Honestly, I have been hearing a reading this same story for at least 5 years and know very few parents who fall into this pattern. I don't doubt that the stories of parents calling college professors or employers are true, but they get told and re-told because they're so outrageous and not the norm. My oldest kids are in 8th grade. Sure, they have classmates whose parents do too much but for the most part, the parents I know are pretty balanced and do focus on teaching kids to be responsible for themselves and live with the results of what they've earned. If they get a poor grade, the message is to study harder next time. Don't make the team? Have the kid talk to the coach, find out what to work on, work on that in the off season and try again next year.

I also teach test prep via group classes and private tutoring. I've had a few interesting families through tutoring where clearly the parents need to back off and let little Johnny or Susie manage his or her own schedule, be responsible for homework and practice tests, etc. For the most part, though, my students come to class or to a tutoring session prepared, do their homework, take their practice tests, schedule their time with me, contact me if they have a question or need to make a schedule change, etc. Many of the kids I know through my kids, my job, or in the community are good students, are accountable for their commitments to sports, the arts or other hobbies, participate in the things their family values (worship, volunteer work, family fitness etc.) and are all around good and productive people.

So...I don't think this kind of craziness affects a whole generation, just a small percentage whose antics and attitudes are so outrageous that they garner attention.

A great book to read is Nurture Shock. It goes into this pretty deep, and gives some great studies to back up the data.

http://www.amazon.com/NurtureShock-New-Thinking-About-Chi...

I truly think if I dropped dead tomorrow, my daughter would be fine responsibility wise. Don't get me wrong, she would be sad and she would miss me like crazy but she is an extremely responsible 18 year old.

She understands consequences, life insurance, the costs of running a home, health & auto insurance, taking care of pets and a home, scheduling,saving, the problems with running up credit cards or other things we can't pay for, HOAs, cooking, cleaning and has developed amazing and realistic goals....way too much to mention. I have permitted her to do things that I'm sure other parents would have prevented. I needed to give her a chance to prove herself.

My daughter also knows I am worth a lot more financially if I am dead than alive (little fun fact!).

She was very receptive to learning and is a great person but she knew my limitations of what I would & wouldn't do. She had both of her parents as examples working their butts off as examples of hard work.

I didn't make her act as a completely self sufficient child/teen, she has plenty of time for that. I did buy her a new car at 15 (she isn't allowed to drive our company cars), planned and am paying for college (what her scholarships don't cover) and paid for expensive activities growing up. She got a job when she was done playing high school and travel ball, still has it, is a full time college student and still finds time to volunteer.

I'm sure their are kids out there like this, fortunately I don't have one and my daughter's friends are pretty darn amazing as well.

In my first job out of college, I supervised cashier operations at a large retail store. I was shocked at the MOM who called me to ask for the upcoming weekend off for her high school daughter. She had an extremely long story about how she procrastinated on a major school paper, but it wasn't her fault, blah, blah, blah. I liked this girl who worked at our store, she was sweet and funny, a likeable, friendly, very social, good employee and person. It was just so annoying to have to tell her MOM that SHE needed to talk to me herself about scheduling requests, I did not make ANY arrangments with PARENTS of my employees. She truly thought I would be more apt to make this happen for her daughter if she stepped in and made this phone call to me. I just thought it was pathetic, and I felt sorry for this girl whose Mom wouldn't let her learn how to handle things on her own, take responsiblity, and learn from her mistakes. My Mom would NEVER have called my employer for me when I was in high school.

Yes, not only are kids protected at every turn, they're "prevented and distracted" from making wrong choices so the parents won't have the discomfort of disciplining. I left the garment industry as many of the people with backbones left things to the "egg shells" weeping at work when they didn't get stellar treatment their first WEEK on the job. We used to joke about ordering them crazy straws at corporate dinners or they might pitch a fit. They had no concept of the hard knocks the rest of us took. Recently a neighboring school district here saw the greatest kindergarten teacher in history retire. In his place is a bratty young defensive girl who leaves negative posts about parents who speak to her on her FB page.

Not everyone sucks at parenting these days....but lots of people do.

My kids are allowed to fail, they do get disciplined, they don't get excessively praised for doing what's expected. They don't get rewarded for being good other than the unconditional loving relationship we have. I let them play rough and I don't hover. I try to raise my kids like my parents raised me, and I'm a tough cookie who had a great childhood...tears and all.

I completely agree with the author. Parents and society are doing young people a serious disservice.

I think it's a balance of giving them age appropriate responsibilty. 3 yo's should not be making dinner, unfortunatly in some "households" that is the case, the parents are on drugs or lazy or what ever and don't provide for the kids, in other households the children are handed everythign and never learn for themselves, So there needs to be a balance or you need to rule out an entire class of non-parents.

I was just watching a PBS program with Sue Orman. This was something that she discussed. The fact that parents do not say no, go into debt and the children grow up feeling entitled. I'm not sure that this was the angle you were going in but...

I do believe that parents try the best they can and every parent wants a better life for their children then what they had. She said that the American Dream has changed. It was very interesting and it really shed some light on things that I have done.

I didn't read the link on your post but wanted to share my 2 cents.
Take care.

I used to think so, especially of some cousins who wouldn't let their daughter climb any stairs until 4yo . . . but she's a wonderful and responsible 17yo. Some moms thought I was crazy for letting my dare-devil son do some things beyond his age (but not beyond his abilities), while I carefully watched. Some other moms thought I was a helicopter mom for carefully watching, haha. We can't win!

My parents raised six children - four of us independent, responsible, successful in careers, debt free, etc. The other two . . . moochers, finger pointers, deadbeats for the most part.

I think all parents succeed at some things and fail at others.