Are My Grade Requirements Unreasonable?

I was very stressed growing up because I wasn't allowed to get anything but As. I don't think kids should be rewarded for grades and I don't think punishment at such young ages is necessary. Children should only be worried about being children not whether or not they are good enough I never felt like i was good enough for my parents. I think if they aren't getting good grades then you need to buckle down like homework right after school, more studying, but I don't think cutting out friends is the answer.

You "require" this? Yeah, I'd say right there, that's unreasonable.
Gonna be another long 7-16 years, depending on whether they go on to college.
Good luck with that.
You have to be realistic, not lessen the enjoyment of learning for learning's sake, consider their efforts, not just the end letter result.
Some of the most brilliant people in the world did poorly in school.
Whatever works for you, I guess.
I would never restrict based on grade performance.
My son gets almost all A's but I don't focus on O. B or C if they pop up here and there. It just lets me know where he needs extra effort to be concentrated.

Unreasonable. I expect my son to do his best. Period. There is a lot of subjectivity in how teachers grade. For some classes only 5% of kids will get an A and the average grade will be a C.

I'm a firm believer in the notion that kids will rise to meet your high expectations. That said, I grew up with grade requirements similar to what you have described, so I have a few thoughts:
1. When I brought home school work and said to my parents, "Look, I got a 98% on my test", my parents always focused more on the 2% I got wrong than the 98% I got right. There is a big difference between having high expectations and demanding perfection. The former is good for kids, the latter is not.
2. I would rather my kid get a lower grade that he worked hard for than a higher grade that was easy, which is to say that you should consider rewarding the work and effort more than the outcome/result. A hard-earned C is better than an easy A any day. Kids who grow up valuing the result are less likely to try new things they perceive as difficult and challenge themselves than those who were taught to value the effort.

I have a really hard time with what you put your kids through. I am a school teacher, albeit in middle/high school, and I feel so bad for your kids in 20 years, and all the other kids that the parents do this to.

A "C" is average!! That means that it is what most of the people in the class can do, and if that is all a child can do and its his or her ability range, then why should a child be punished for acheiving their best? While I agree that kids should do the best they can, there are so many factors that go into grading, it is completely subjective, and that just isn't fair.

One example is from my own past. I was a very good student, I got As and very few Bs. But, I had one teacher my senior year, who did not like my work. Not only could I not get an A in his class, he made me redo things constantly to get the Bs I did. Now, every other teacher who read my writing said it was college level, but if it was college level, then why would a high school teacher say it wasn't even senior high school level?

I really feel that kids should be able to do their best, encouraged to do their best, and praised for that. I don't think kids should be rewarded for doing good, but their best should just be expected and accepted.

So, in essence, I agree with your friends and your sister.RELAX!! School is extremely stressful on so many levels, please don't add to it!!

I personally feel that's harsh. Of course you want A's and B's but sometime there will be a class where there is a struggle.

My daughter is 16, in AP classes, cheerleader and a crazy schedule.

We don't " require" the top grades, however, school is her " job". She is Very driven.

You want them to enjoy learning, not have a punishment.

By such strict requirements, your children will be put under such pressure. That's not good. My daughter puts tremendous pressure on herself. I hate it. She is a good student, rarely HAS to study but she still puts so much pressure on herself.

They have to be able to be children. Enjoy life.

My daughter said once when she was juggling too much...against my wishes , but I allowed her to make choices... " I have to have a life and
this is too much". At that point she made some choices and balanced things out.

She's still in AP and doing well, as well as being a great cheerleader!

Moderation..... Grades are not everything.

I don't think it's too hard in general, but it can potentially backfire. Kids of a good way of being able to quit caring, if they are put under too much pressure.

What if your children end up not being capable of those grades. I tested at advanced levels, in every subject but math. No matter what I did, I could not pull of a B in math. I tried everything. Tutors, extra work, extra studying. I just suck at math. I can't imagine what it would feel like to struggle so hard and get grounded. My parents praised my hard work and effort. Had they not, I would have just given up. I think you have to realize, kids don't thrive under negativity. It can end up causing their grades and self esteem to suffer. If they are working very, very hard and don't get a B, who cares? Should they get punished for working hard, and falling short? No. It's a life lesson. It happens all the time.

I personally just want my children to do good for their ability. One of my children struggles with school, and I'll be happy if the report card is all Bs and Cs. My child's strengths show in other areas, and I'm okay with that.

Was this also how your parents were with you and your grades? Do you feel it was fair, and was it helpful?

I feel kids should try to do well, but I also feel that they are kids. It's built into them to play, explore, enjoy being young. I mean no offense, but it seems that if they do not meet the requirements, then all of the joy is taken from them, as if they've been a bad person.

Right now they are young, and they enjoy school, which is good! But as the work gets harder, the pressure to excell may be an extra burden that isn't necessary or helpful.

I think it's more important for them to remember a supportive family with school, and an enjoyable childhood with good memories, rather than many school and childhood years they'd rather forget.

My parents were like that with me in middle and high school. It was a lot of pressure. I remember in 5th grade signing my mom's name on a test I got a D on and getting caught. I was just so afraid to show them that I had failed. I think the answer to your question also lies in the child's ability. If they really struggle with a subject, expecting them to get all As and Bs might be a stretch. I think some of your restrictions are okay (no friends on school nights, homework done before dinner) but for younger kids, the limited weekend TV and grounded might be too much.

Oh, and I loved going into the attic at 16 and finding my mom's old report cards, lots of Cs. So be sure you are practicing what you preach.

As a teacher and a mother, I cringe at what I just read. I can't tell you how many times I've had parents dwell on the grades their child gets, being nit-picky over why a grade was a B, not an A, or why their child earned a C on an assignment. I truly believe in holding your child to high expectations, however as long as the child has worked as hard as possible and put forth every effort, a C is a good grade. If your children are capable of As and Bs, great, but if they work their tails off for a C, you should be just as proud.

When I was in elementary school, we didn't even get letter grades. By middle school and high school, the grades began to matter and my parents expected me to do well, but we also got grades for effort - so if I happened to get a C in chemistry, but had an A for effort, there wasn't much my parents could say. They could see that I had given it my best shot.

I think you are being too hard on the 6 year old - good grief, at that age they are just trying to master some skills, not get into Harvard. A grade less than a B should be a sign that maybe they need to work on that subject some more, and maybe need more help from you - not just get TV taken away completely, and get extra chores assigned. If you expect them to use the TV time for studying, then why make them spend more time doing chores? What are the extra chores supposed to teach them? Like someone else said, you didn't say if you were talking about grades on individual tests or assignments, or final grades for a marking period.

Because of the pressure my parents put on me, I did try once to turn a D that I got in math in 8th grade into a B on a report card. Stupid me, they went to parent-teacher conferences and discovered my forgery. And when I was in 11th grade and was about to get a D in chemistry, I thought about what it would be like to commit suicide because I didn't want to have to deal with my parents anymore. Is that how you want your kids to feel? Would you rather your child get a honest C, then get an A if it means cheating?

I think we all need to have reasonable expectations of how our kids do in school and know what they are capable of, but also recognize that grades are not everything, and hard work and effort and progress should count for something too. Every kid has different abilities too - one might be great at writing and art but struggle with math, and another could be the opposite. We can all expect more from our kids, but realize that sometimes these things have a way of backfiring.

My mom passed away last year and I also just recently found my dad's old high school report cards while clearing stuff out of her house - he got his fair share of Cs too. Didn't keep him from being successful in life.

In veterinary school, all of us got freaked out about grades and where we stood in comparison to others. But then we had a saying: "Who do they call the person who graduates first in the class? Valedictorian. Who do they call the person who graduates last in the class? Doctor."

My husband and I are graduates from Universities. My husband is a very successful businessman and i am home full time. We personally do not put that much pressure on our kiddos regarding school. My husband has mentioned to me on occasion that he has hired more people due to their people skills than their credentials.

I try to look at the overall package and make my own grade according. We have a quote up on our wall that says "Imagination is more important than knowledge. Albert Einstein"

For me that quote says volumes...especially coming from a genius. Grades are not so important to us. I want to see our kids enjoying school, trying hard to do well academically, doing homework and turning it in each day, working on projects alone and then projects with a group,showing respect and compassion for those around them, finding hobbies they are passionate about and find joy in, exploring the world around them...learn to fail and pick up and do better. We learn so much from failing and making mistakes.(although I don't want your husband doing a surgery on me and "learning" through a failure...I am talking small mistakes and failures)

I am a previous teacher. I saw alot of kids get straight A's but they didn't work well with others or had bad attitudes. I saw kids with horrible grades doing the same too. I guess we are trying in our home to work on the whole child and not just grades.

When I see my kids stick up for kids being bullied...then that C- on a test seems miniscule in my book. We are trying to teach the important lessons in life at home and love to see them living it all out in "their world" at school. Being kind to others, having integrity when others are cheating their way to A's, showing respect to teachers and even the school custodian when others are being little snots....these are the times I jump for joy as a mother.

If what is working for your family is truly working and your kids are doing well under the pressure then keep it up. Don't worry about what others are saying.

We have a system here where you can look online daily at grades and see what homework is due and if they have turned it in. So daily we are taking inventory and talking about the importance of school...but it is not what is most important. I don't want my kids thinking that their identity is their A grade.

Good luck and best wishes in your "school" journey with your kids!!!

R.~

Are you talking about on a report card or daily grades?

I read Love and Logic for Teens recently and loved an analogy he made. A's are above average, B's above average and C's are average. Would you want someone constantly following you around at work telling you that they expect to see above average work in EVERYTHING you do? You are not allowed to be average, you have to excel in every task you undertake. How long would you work there? I had never thought of it that way. Parenting the same way. I strive and want to be an above average parent. Sometimes I succeed, sometimes not so much.

I don't know what the criteria should be. I think that's a bridge you have to cross. I do believe that it can back fire on you if you're too rigid. One of my friends in school had ulcers at 16 because her parents "wouldn't accept" it if she didn't make a/b honor roll every time. My parents required I give it my best. I was an a/b student mostly but did make some c's. I even made a D once in Geometry and my Dad is an engineer. He worked with me every night at the table and on the weekends. I just didn't get it (and still don't). There are a lot of things I am very good at. I wasn't judged harshly because my parents knew positively I was doing the best I could. Personally I would rather live in a household like that then my friend's.

Another book I've read is Bright Minds, Poor Grades. It's about teaching children ownership of their grades (Love and Logic is great for that too.)

Blessings,
L.

Short answer..yes, it sounds unreasonable.
Why do I say that? Because the way a teacher grades is subjective and isn't a true reflection of how your child is actually doing. Some subjects are not as easy for some people as others. Some teachers just suck at teaching. Case in point I took Geometry and the teacher was so bad I couldn't understand a thing, and believe me I tried, I'm extremely good at math. My parents asked to transfer me to another teacher and the school refused. My parents saw that he was a terrible teacher. I ended up failing the class that semester (I sat there and read a book or something and gave up trying to listen to him) and getting put into "dummy math" the next semester, math I had long since done before (of which the teacher felt so bad for me!). I retook Geometry with another teacher the next year and aced the class. It was the teacher and had nothing to do with me or my abilities at all.
The Elementary schools here have done away with the letter grades and now just grade Above, At or Below Grade. I think this is a much better way of accessing how a child is doing. There are sets of benchmarks that determine what each level should obtain (for instance counting to 30 vs 100 at the first trimester in Kindergarten, 30 is At 100 is Above). There is a separate section for grading involvement in class, behaviour, homework etc and so on. A lot of teachers include all sorts of random things when giving letter grades. And of course there are the teachers that use the "curve" system so if you end up with someone who's exceptionally good with the rest of the class being OK they throw that whole "curve" out of whack.
They should do the best that they can. They should be rewarded for putting the best effort forward. Punishing for a bad letter grade leads to all manner of inventive cheating in a lot of cases.
I was in AP classes, I was not a slacker student. I did not always get As, some things I really just wasn't as good at no matter how hard I worked at it. Some things I had a teacher that really failed to teach (I had an awful English teacher once in addition to that horrible Geometry teacher among other failure teachers).

My 8 yr old just asked me tonight if I ever got C's in gradeschool. I told him "yes" even though I never did get a C. He is an A student and puts alot of pressure on himself and I want him to know that it is okay to be less than perfect once in a while. I want him to enjoy learning, not be stressed about it for the next 15 years. I also want him to be able to come to me when things get tough and know that I will help him make it better.

I find it interesting that you require your children to get A's & B's however you did not use the proper form of 'their' in your sentence..." if they get an A they do get a reward of there choice, "
Maybe you should check what you know first...

I don't see a problem for expecting the best from your kids - I too expect them to always do their best. As long as they know where the bar is set and it's not moving or changing places, then fine. If there are rules and consequences that are consistent - by all means - do it.

I don't see how going to bed an hour early is a punishment either.

As for you - I agree with Drea - you expect your kids to do exceptional yet you can't use "there" or "their" right. So you need in ensure that you are doing exactly what you expect the kids to be doing - not the "do as I say not as I do" role model.

GOOD LUCK!

I only remove privileges for forgetting/not turning in assignments, i.e. not doing the work assigned to them. Classmates I knew growing up that were punished for bad grades hid papers and cheated on tests. I think positive rewards for exceptional work achieve better results than punishing for bad grades. But then, my kids love to learn and it shows in their academic progress. This is not a battle I wish to alienate my children with. I never want them to be scared to come to me with their problems or a bad grade. It works for us.

I think you need to make sure your children are doing the best they can and that their grades reflect that. Our daughter was always an excellent student, but if she had made all A's, I would have been worried it was too easy. I remember she was taking pre algebra in 7th grade and really was not getting it.. But, she was going before school for help and asked for a tutor. She received some low grades on tests and was horrified, but I reminded her she passed. She did bring up her grades, but as far as I was concerned.. she was in 7th grade taking ALGEBRA! it was a big deal..

This same thing can happened in High School, she was always in the Advanced and Pre AP classes and so if she made a B it was still considered an A in regular classes. She was more disappointed than I was. Again was she doing her best?

I also wanted her to be a well rounded person. School was not her entire life, it was her job, but she needed to be able to enjoy her friends, experience different activities and I wanted her to have a love of school.. A love of learning. Not stress, not fear and not used as punishment.

We NEVER demanded or expected any sorts of grades. We did expect her to do her best, pay attention, and to ask for help when needed.

She is now a senior in college. This has already been a very stressful semester. She is taking 16 hours and doing her Senior studies. She has called, she has emailed and she has texted a few times, saying she" is worried". We have responded each time with "Just do your best". "We are always proud of you and love you." We have said this since she was in preschool..

Hi R.-

I tried very early on to make my kids 'own' their grades...I provided an opportunity for homework...I was willing to provide extra help if needed...I was willing to support them in any way I could regarding school work.

One of my kids has always struggled with reading...I was grateful sometimes with his 'c'...and rejoiced with him for a 'b' or an 'a'. He is a freshman in college as I type.

The fact is, sometimes a kid IS a 'c'...it is 'average'...presumably the 'bulk' of the population!! Not everyone IS above average in all things.

My kids all do well in school. And they KNOW the grades they earn are 'theirs'...

Don't know if I have helped...

Best luck!
michele/cat

It depends on the kids. I was a great student, studied very hard, was a perfect student, very helpful child around the house. I got straight a's, then middles school hit and got a few bs, mostly a's... the nhigh school hot and I started getting c's too. The c's were in a certain subject that I could never master, I even went to tutoring, summer school and worked extra hard and just couldn't ever understand it. Had my parents grounded me from getting c's I would have always been grounded... and very likely depressed even more than I already was. My parents were extremely strict as well, about the same as you.

If your children do get a c, how long does their grounding last? 4 weeks until the next grade period? If so, I would say that is too harsh. If they are getting c's due to goofing off or getting poor marks due to attitude, failing to complete homework and such, then I would say the grounding is not too much. So, like I said... it depends on the child.

Also, my bil is a surgeon, my husband is not, though my husband is a very hard working, college graduate. You cannot compare one person's brilliance with another's. Not everyone is capable of those achievements, no matter how hard they try.

Well, I can tell you that I hate Math. I got the hell beat out of me by my dad because I could only say my multiplication tables up to 6X8 and then I went blank, I think it was 2nd grade, in the 60's so I was ahead of everyone else in my class. I, to this day, freeze up when I am presented with a multiplication problem of anything higher than that, 7X8, 9X9, you get the idea. I can test out of math when I have basic math, addition, subtraction, etc....even fractions and decimals, but when I try to learn Algebra or any other higher math I can even get suicidal. So I have very strong opinions about punishing kids for not "getting" some subject in school. If rewards aren't working then maybe limiting time is a good option. But I would most likely get them a tutor.

If you undermine their strengths by punishing them for failures you are going to eventually lose the positive attitudes about school in general.

I think that YOU know your kids better than your sister or the other moms do. If you know that your kids can achieve A's and B's if they put their minds to it, then there is absolutely nothing wrong with this. As long as you are giving your kids reasonable expectations, then there is no issue. Now, if one of your kids is struggling, and a C is absolutely the best they can do in a class, then I think you need to give a little. But you will know that before grades come out. If your kid is studying and really trying and is just having a hard time, obviously the effort is there, and you can work with that. But a C because of laziness shouldn't be OK.

I don't think it is too harsh as long as you take things under consideration. First, your kids are not your husband...Its okay to have expectations but they are who they are. Second, the effort they are putting in to learning. My oldest daughter has been an A and B student since she started school. She has always struggled in Math. She went to 6th grade last year and was put in Pre-AP Math and Science. Math was really hard for her. After just a couple of weeks she came to me and said she needed to stay after school for tutoring. She had Math homework every night and my husband would sit at the table for hours helping her. She went to tutoring all the time. When she brought home that C on her report card I was just as proud as I was for the straight A's my other two brought home. Why? Because she was busting her butt for that grade and she refused to give up...This year she has a B in Pre-AP Math. I don't really punish but I make them study and will tell them and you want to ****.(whatever extracurricular activity they want to do). So, just take things into consideration...

Not necessarily....we should set high expectations for our children. However, I do agree with others that it could backfire - please always be vigilant with your children that you are not seeing signs or symptoms of high anxiety over this. Keep in good touch with their teachers as well in case you are missing something. But I do see where you are coming from and don't think they are unreasonable expectations. This is provided that you give ample opportunity for your kids to ask for homework help, you are their advocates in making sure they get help from teachers if needed, give them time/space/quiet to work on homework, etc. If they have every opportunity and you on their side, then good grades shouldn't be an issue. You're teaching them how to make something a priority. And honestly - how hard can homework be at 6? As long as they are bringing homework home, doing it, and bringing it back in, they should have good grades, right? So that's teaching responsibility. Maybe once your kids are a bit older (jr high or HS maybe) I would think about lowering your standards a bit as classes get more challenging. Maybe C's aren't punishable at that point....

I bet you're going to get some heated answers with this one.

I think you are too tough, mostly because I don't think you'll get long term results when kids are motivated by staying out of trouble. Rather, wouldn't you rather them motivated by reward, or EVEN by the enjoyment of learning and doing one's best?

I'd say rewards for good grades are better than punishment, and additional guidance and support for where they are struggling.

I don't think you are too harsh. BUT your kids need to know there is an open line of communication & not living with a drill sergeant. They need to know it's ok to ask for help from you if they are struggling. And you will need to get them the extra help they need OR accept the fact that they are just not good in a subject. Please be open & positive towards them so they don't think you are just being mean & unfair. Otherwise I say good for you for being a good parent

I encourage my kids to do their best. Grades just don't mean that much to me. I am far more focused on raising kind children that are good, decent individuals and are well rounded. I wasn't a particularly good student until HS. I managed to make Deans List every semester through college and graduated from Graduate school with a 3.9 GPA. Yawn!! I guess it allowed me to get a good job out of school but having a solid work ethic is far more important than grades and will be a better indicator of future success in the workforce.
I also think much of the work given in school is pure busy work. The project work is simply ridiculous. I call it parent homework because I am required to get a bunch of materials, dig out pictures, have them developed and assist. Ugh!
Having said that I do require my 8th grader to maintain a B average or her texting is turned off. She was labeled as "gifted" and her teachers think she is capable of all high As.

When I was a student, this would have been totally acceptable for me because I was a naturally good student, and if I did not achieve well it was 100% my own fault. However, for my sister, she would have been into trouble all of the time because she had a difficult time in math class (even as a young child). Every learner is different. It really depends on your children. If they are struggling to keep grades up, but are giving it everything they've got (within reason- not loosing sleep to study etc. because lack of sleep will bring down grades), then I see no point in punishing them. In this case a tutor or other help might be necessary. If low grades are due to students not even attempting homework and sleeping in class, then the punishment is realistic. And, while many families have children who are similar in learning styles etc, some families will have one or more student excel (or not) while the others are opposite. That was the case with my family. Learning came very easy to me and I did not even have to try and I got good grades. Whereas my sister and my brother really struggled through different subjects, and I had an other sister who combined lack of skill and care. The same punishment for one child might not be appropriate for another. Also, if you are doing this on test grades, that might not be fair because some people are not good test takers, especially under pressure (but it also might be appropriate depending on the circumstances). AS for all homework done before dinner, are you withholding food from the children until they have finished? I am assuming that your children do not have much homework because of their ages but if their homework is taking a long time to complete, then I do not think this is fair (or wise- food will refuel them and give energy). If the children are not working on their homework when they are supposed to and that is the only reason they are not done, then this is a fair punishment, to an extent.

Well it's your family and I suppose you should do what best works for you and not worry too much about what others think.
But since you asked...
I see rewards overall as more effective than punishment, it encourages you to do your best and try harder. It's always motivated my kids more to "earn" something for their hard work. I wouldn't punish them for a bad grade unless it was really clear they were just screwing around (and yes, I have done that, but not until high school.) And honestly, there will be certain subjects they will struggle with. What if a "C" is truly the best your child can do at some point, in some class, how will you handle that? Punish them for not being "smart" enough?
Most employers offer their employees rewards and incentives for good work: promotions, bonuses, time off, special perks. Sure there is always the possibility of being demoted or fired for doing a poor job, but employers know they will be more successful motivating their workers if they offer them more chances to do well and get ahead. School isn't that different, and after all, isn't the real reward the grade itself?
p.s. be careful about comparing them to and expecting them to be like your husband, a surgeon at the top of his class? Those are some VERY big shoes to fill :(

As a parent and also a private science and math tutor I can tell you the grades per se are not true reflection of your child's knowledge or his/her ability to pass tests or stay on track. Grades just reflect how the child is able to meat demands of this particular school, this particular teacher and the curriculum. Just checking the grades is not enough. If the child and the teacher do not have a good fit - grades will suffer. Child may have an outstanding knowledge on the subject but have bad grades because the teacher has certain demands that child has not fulfilled.
You sound like mother who wants her children to become well rounded and successful adults. So.... checking the grades every 4 weeks is not enough. You need to be able to test your child's knowledge in the subjects, understand why they get the grades they get and how to help them to fix that. Sometimes it is the child's thing, sometimes is it the teacher's thing, sometimes it is the school, bad books, notes, curriculum, etc., etc.
I had many students who had excellent grades but very dismal knowledge of the subject. I had kids who had mental blocks or were scared of the subject or were not learning the way that teacher was explaining. I had kids from schools with the very bad curriculum.
With my own kids I check grades/homework daily and I check what is assigned, how it was completed, then I ask questions to make sure they understand the concepts. The HW can be done perfectly and the child has no understanding of the subject whatsoever. When my kids get the grades - we sit down and every time discuss and dissect what went wrong, how this issue can be improved the next time around, what are the specifics of this particular teacher, how he grades the work, how is the grade given,sometimes I bring up issues with teachers if need to be.
You have to help your kids to excel and that is much harder and time consuming than just dolling out punishments for bad grades.
Grades are important but they are not the whole picture. I hope I was not offensive in my response and that you find some of it helpful.

My kids are in elementary school.
They are 5 and 8 years old.
At their school, they do not get letter grades.
They get, ranges of proficiency & requirements... and if they meet that, are not, or are exceeding it.

I always know if my kids are trying their best or not. AND if they need help in a certain area.
I do not, demand perfunctory 'grades' from them, but rather, expect them to do their best and if they are but not getting great evaluations... then I figure out why along with speaking to the Teacher. Then I with my child, trouble shoot that.
Both my kids, learn differently.
But do meet the standards for their school.

Again, it is about, for me, that my kids try their best and as a parent, knowing what is lacking or not, in any subject area.
And my kids are taught, that school and learning is important and why.
And they are disciplined about it.

I agree to a certain extent. I was an A B student till Jr High. For some reason Algebra and I just couldn't get along. No matter how hard I tried, how much extra work I put into it, it just didn't make sense to me. My folks knew that I was trying so, they didn't give me to much flak for a lower grade.

For some reason though I was a geometry whiz, loved it. Was the first math class I really liked. Weird huh?

Also I was in honors English, was offered honors History, and few others. But, I forwent some of the other honors classes because I had to devote so much time to math. If you aren't making those types of allowances, then yes you have just moved from parent to dictator. :)

I don't want my kids to get "C's". That's average. I want them to try to get A's and B's! I want them to strive to do well and not just be satisfied with mediocrity. C's are for kids that aren't doing their best....usually.
Listen, I REALLY struggled with math. Horribly. Every night my dad would sit with me and I would SOB that I was stupid and would never get it. I actually had to repeat Algebra 2 because I did so poorly. I understand that some things are harder than others. If my child is trying their very best, doing their homework every night, has a tutor...and is STILL not doing well, then they wont be punished. But, if my kid is on the computer every night, texting, watching TV...then yeah, they are gonna get punished because they are not doing their best.
I require my children to do a lot of things, I don't think require is such a bad word. I expect it to be done and it will....or we are going to do our damndest to make it happen.
L.

When I was in elementary school I had a friend who was very smart. He asked me to hide his report card once because be would be punished for for bad grades (Bs and Cs). I never forgot that. He was so scared. I was a kid with very little parental support (none actually), but I happened to love learning, and I liked school. I did well. I was lucky that I was able to motivate myself. I am not sure how I would have done had a parent been involved on a day-to-day basis.

Please be careful about both rewarding good grades and punishing poor grades. Try to be a support system and also be sure to set limits and require concentrated, focused effort. You seem to be doing a good job at that already. I have been a professor for about 19 years now and I really believe that the students who are happiest and are most successful in the most meaningful ways are the ones that learn internal motivation. Internal motivation and a love of learning is what turns them into the type of students who see failures or short-comings as opportunities to try again. These are skills that we all need throughout of our lifetimes.

I was always an A student -- in top 3 in class. However, one year I got a C in Math because of the teacher -- luckily I didn't have her again (a couple of years later I was top Math student in our district). So I'd be more likely to ask "Why" if a child is achieving less than their ability, rather than punish. Also I do believe 6 is a little young for this, how seriously can you really grade a 6 year old?

I think you need to require they do the best they can at everything they do. Different people have different skills and not everyone is capable of making all A's and B's. If they get a C and they did there best, that is all you can ask. You don't what to put unobtainable expectation to where they revolt later down the road. My daughter gets mostly A's with some B's. If she gets a C, she sits down and cries - because she wants all A's and B's. Her dad and I only expect her to do her best - she is her own worst critic!!

I think you are the parent and you make the rules. I do feel sorry for your kids if they ever get an overtly harsh teacher in the grading system (like the teacher i had that would only give C's unless you got over 100%... hated that grading system... But that was the rules) of their choice, but I am sure you would then talk to the teacher and realize the teacher was an ... Well, not exactly being fair and be leanent.

In all subjects? What if they are just not very good at a particular subject, but try very hard?

As long as I know that my child is putting forth his best effort, I would not punish him for achieving less than a B.

If you have children of average academic ability, you will probably not scar them or ruin their lives. However, if a child is having trouble, whether it be the teacher, teaching style, or the subject itself, recieving a punishment would be very demoralizing. Not just for a child, but for anyone. With this strategy, I suggest ensuring that your kids have access to tutors and support if needed.

I would say that it's not a good idea to punish/reward for grades because each kid is different. What if it's super easy for one kid to get an A without trying because they are able to memorize the material, but another kid has to work their butt off to get a C? This was how it was for me and my sister. She resented me for the fact that I got good grades. I felt crappy about succeeding. Just make sure they are learning. It makes more sense to encourage and nurture a joy of learning than to make it all about grades. If it's all about grades, the knowledge ends up coming in 2nd place. If your kids find it works for them, perhaps modify it so it's less about punishment, and more about finding out why they got the C-re-allocating time resources. It makes more sense to cut out extras in order to study more, etc. than to be "grounded".

If it's working for you, don't question it.

i think it depends honesly on the kid. if you have kids who are clearly capable of getting those grades and start to slack and fail.. by all means then need to be given consquences.
However if you have a kid who is truely stuggling, while giving a good effort. then yes it is to harsh. Get then them the help they need to do better...
you said you kids love school... i would not want that to change but it becomes so anxiety producing they no longer want to go...

It's probably a reasonable expectation if your kids have the academic ability and if they continue to enjoy their studies. It would be wildly unreasonable for many children, particularly because play is an important activity and source of a "rounder" education than just academics.

Why are your fellow moms concerned about your younger child? Is it age, or does that child seem to find school a greater challenge? If the latter, they may have a point, particularly if your younger child ends up grounded often.

Seems harsh to me if a child is trying. And I think what kind of class needs to be taken into account. I was pushed forward a year in math and science while those aren't really my strengths. So I did lousy in physics and got a C. I supposed I could have spent day and night on the subject to get a B but it wouldn't have been worth it. I've done very well despite that C and a C in math one semester too. If I was more grade level, I bet I would have gotten A's... My parents also didn't reward me for good grades and I won't reward my kids either. They should want good grades for themselves. It's their lives. No way will I "pay" them for good grades. Also, you mention what your husband did and does. What about you? Are you super accomplished professionally and were at the top of your class too?

I do pretty much the same thing. My kids are 8-12 and they must make As and Bs. They do get rewarded for straight As. If they get Bs there is no issue but if they get a C they are grounded until progress reports come out at that time if the grade is a B or better they are ungrounded if not they try again at report card time. If I know a child is having an issue with a certain subject we try to catch it super early so that they have the opportunity to make the grades necessary. The thing is they are all capable of making As so I expect them to do the work to get it done. We have only had to ground two (out of four) kids one time each. They are also well rounded they play sports and are involved in drama,music and church so its not like we make them work work work all the time. :) I think as long as the kid is capable then it is not unreasonable.

I don't really think so, they are your kids and if they know you love and support them it can be fine. If you say none of your kids find this harsh then I think it is just fine. It doesn't sound like you are yelling or losing it and making them feel bad, this is just requirement and they know it but as long as they know you do it to help them excel and not because you are disappointed, I think it is fine. The problem I think is when parents make it out like the child is not trying or that they are 'bad' bc of a grade, what you do seems to give your kids a chance to get some extra rest, re-focus and get those grades back where they need to be. I think it is all in how your present it that counts.

I think this is too hard on a 6 year old. Many schools don't even give letter grades in early grades. I could see this system for middle school and up (maybe starting as early as 4th or 5th grade). Also, it makes a big difference if they are doing their best. Obviously if they are doing their best and struggling to get good grades they need support before punishment. If they are not putting in their best effort the consequences make sense.

I believe in setting clear expectations for your children, but I also believe that they are all individuals and can't always be judged solely exactly the same. For example, school always came very easy for me. I could spend a bare minimum of time studying and make A's and B's. My brother on the other hand could spend hours studying and be ecstatic with a B. Now, had I been forced to study more and bring more effort, I probably could have been a straight A student.

My point is that while I think your plan of expectations are good, don't get too short-sighted and literal with it. Take a look at each child as an individual and determine what they are capable of and if they are putting forth maximum effort. If they are and are pulling a C, then maybe punishment isn't so much needed as some extra time to figure out how to get past that block. Ya know?

I applaud you for focusing on education, I think too many parents are satisfied with just passing when their kids are capable of so much more.

If it works for your family, go with it. No two kids/families are alike, so don't worry about your friends. That being said, my parents were tough on me and when I truly struggled and got terrible grades, putting me on restrictions didn't help me focus to get better grades. One of the things I'll do differently with my kids is I'll deal with them individually and go more by their effort than their results. If they're really giving it their all and not doing well, support and help is what they need, not punishment.

It's not harsh at all as long as your children don't have some sort of learning disability (which I assume they don't.) Nothing wrong with expecting good grades if your children are capable.

When my kids were 6 they couldn't get As the school just didn't give them. I hated report cards, there would be their little smiling faces demanding I convert those stupid grades into As Bs, well I didn't even have to get to Bs because they have always got the highest marks. Heck even when they got real grads they got all As and Bs.

I didn't actually have any rules they just did it. I guess they like when I smile.

yeah that seems WAY too harsh. For me, growing up, my parents didn't care if I got a D as long as I tried my best. I made it through 2 years of math and passed the class with a D-. They didn't care because I still passed it and I was done with math and didn't ever have to take it again. Most of the time though I got A's and B's. I am not a math person. Worst subject for me. They could see that I was trying by getting help after school from the teacher, getting a tutor and and doing my homework. I am also not a test taker. I would do great on my homework, but fail all of my tests.
I don't think that kids should be grounded espically for a C. Remember a C means average

Depends on their abilities. Have you checked their IQ's? That is an extensive, expensive test done by a school psychiatrist, but is worth the money if you want to know. Some kids cannot make A's, some can --- that is a fact. The only thing that is ever important to me is that they try their best -- mostly that means A's for my 5 kids, but also some B's --- and sometimes not -- some C's--, especially as they got into high school and had to try things that were not in their comfort zone. Seriously, were you grounded if you did not get a B? I graduated law school with a 3.9, but got one or 2 C's as an undergrad! If they are trying their best, why be punished? Or maybe find out why they are getting a C -- maybe the teacher does not teach well, or maybe they have an issue with the material.

From my own experience, I mostly got A's and B's throughout school, but for some reason, my 7th grade English teacher didn't like me much and I didn't like her much. I mostly got C's in that class and the last grading period, I got my first D ever! Thankfully, I think my parents knew something was going on, and they didn't seem too terribly bothered by it. They knew what I was capable of, and I went back to A's and B's in English the next year.
Fast forward to now... Our school system has an online application where teachers post grades and parents can check them as frequently as they want. This is really nice because I can tell when my kids don't get their homework turned in (which is a big deal in my book) or when there is a particular topic with which they are just struggling. If they are trying their best and just don't get something, then I don't have a problem with lower grades. If I know that they can do better and are just not applying themselves, then they will need to make some adjustments, possibly through taking away something of value to them until they have shown me that they are putting in their best effort.

I don't think expecting A's and B's is a bad thing but I dont' think punishment is a great thing either. Now if they are purposly not doing work then yes punish away as long as you're not beating them..lol) But I will say this my MIL is smart smart smart and would make a huge deal about homework and literally beat my husband so one day he stopped bringing homework home,so keep that in mind. It doesnt' sound like you are a tyrant though. My 9yo struggles so I am happy with C's but I do let him know he can do better when he gets a D.

is this grades on a report card, or a paper by paper basis? report card grades are what matter, and most schools you can check online and get a % day by day based on grades to that point. Report card grades can also be brought up if the child works harder or does better later, sometimes they do just have a bad day or a tough assignment, that they do poorly on but that doesn't completely wreck their grade overall.

If say, you check their overall grade for the courses on friday and notice their grades are a C or lower, and then punish them for say the following week till you check again to see if they brought it back up, I don't think it is unfair at all. school comes before friends and computer games.

However if they get punished like this for weeks on end for 1 paper, then it might be a bit much.

I would say it really depends on the abilities of the child, and the difficulty of the material. It is usually pretty obvious if a kid is really trying. If the kid is trying and not getting it, then punishing them isn't going to help, it will only make them feel worse about themself. Perhaps arranging for a kid to get extra help if they're doing poorly would be more effective. Now, if their grades are dropping because they're not doing their work, that's a completely different story.

I think I would accept a lower grade if they truly worked at something but struggled. The rule we try to enforce is a B average - if you have a C, you have to have an A in another class to balance it. That said, my stepson rarely makes it but that's a long story... I personally think your guidelines are okay. We expect too little from our kids these days then wonder why our economy sucks and everyone thinks they are too good to work!

My husband is like that. Honestly, if I know my kids are doing their best, it's the best I can expect from them. That being said, a C should really not be anyone's best in elementary or even middle school.

What about rewarding the good grades versus being so hard on the bad ones?

No, I don't think you are being too tough as long as your children are capable of meeting those requirements. I don't have it spelled out like that for my boys, but it's ends up being about the same. I know what my boys are capable of, and I expect them to do their best. For example, my oldest is in the 8th grade, and he is very strong in language arts, history, and science (all pre-AP classes). I expect him to get As in those classes. Math (also pre-AP) is more challenging for him, so I understand when he gets Bs, but I expect him to go in for tutoring when he doesn't do well on tests or quizzes. Even though the grade won't change, I want him to understand what he missed. The knowledge is more important that the grade. I teach AP Language (AP English to juniors in high school), and I stress that all the time. Of course the grade matters, but knowledge matters even more.

With my second grade son I am still learning what he is capable of. He seems to be following in his brother's footsteps except that he loves math. I don't know where that comes from! ;) Anyway, from what you say about your kids loving school and not finding this harsh, it sounds like you are right on track. I've found with my own children and my students that kids will usually rise to high expectations. :)

I don't think you're too strict, because that's how it was when I was a kid, and I'm very grateful that I was pushed to do my best...

BUT, I do think it's a fine line between simply requiring A's and B's and setting an artificial limit. If a child is able to get A's and B's without really putting in much effort, then great (I was like this). If a child must struggle and put forth a strong effort and barely get C's, that's different (my husband was like this). Since effort isn't graded, it's hard to say that a child must be punished if they get less than a B. If the kids always get A's and B's, but slip to C's or D's, something's wrong, and I understand the punishment. However, if the kids consistently get C's, and they're trying really hard, working with a tutor, doing the homework, etc., then something is right. :)