Anyone Have an Officer for a Hubby?

My father in law is a retired officer and has been married for 30 years? This is just something to think about, move closer to his job. That was the commute isn't as long and he can spend more time with you guys. Being a police officers wife is not an easy job, be supportive and honest of what you want and need. Things will get better ;) Good Luck

I've been married to an officer for about ten years. We have four sons and I also go to school. First of all, not all woman were meant to be married to police officers. That's not to say your not one of them. I'm assuming your husband is under a lot pressure at work and you at home. I would say the first year is probably the hardest, mainly for you, unfortunately. You are going to be mom and dad for a little while. However, once his first year is up and both of you start working together as a team things should get easier. That being said, things will never go back to the way they use to be, as long as he is a police officer. What I mean by that is that his job will affect your life style from here on. I had to kind of reinvent myself to be more flexible and less reliant on my husband. For example, I had to wait until he got home to vent about my day, so that I would not put extra pressure on him at work. There are so many things...I can go on and on, but the main thing to making this work is for both of you to be considerate of one another, be patient, and make the time you spend together special. Oh yeah, try and make friends with the other officers wives, this can kind of be your support group.

I sincerely hope this will help you.

Hi M.!! My husband had been wanting to become a police officer all his life! We have quite a few friends that are police officers. One of the main things we were told about was being away from the family and the high rate of divorces among the law enforcement couples. My husband and I talked about it.....THROUGHLY....We actaully do have more officers who have been divorced because of the long hours, stress, away from the family etc. Ploice Academy came and went... my husband graduatd. He was doing ride alongs, volunteer, reserved officer, etc. for about 9 moths. At the time We had a 10 month old baby..and my 13 year old SD. I'll tell you what! On top of working 60+ hours a week of his regular job and then working for the law enforcement... WE NEVER SAW HIM! And he is such a family man! I felt the pressure at home cause I went back to work full time and then...came home to take care of the kids pretty much all by myself. I SO APPRECIATE SINGLE PARENTS!!! Our little one would cry for her daddy...where our 14 year old would tell me that she doesn't feel as close to her daddy anymore cause he wasn't around as much. I discussed this with my husband and about a week after, he decided he is done.....he went back to his regular job only. About two weeks later he got the call to join a local PD. He didn't. He said he loved it but didn't think he would last not seeing his family. Don't get me wrong...NOT ALL OFFICERS will get a divorce. Its a VERY tough job that will put a strain on the officer, and their entire family. I do think however if it hadn't affected our kids the way it did...my husband would be a police officer right now. My husband and I are pretty strong about our relationship and had previous experience not seing each other much, due to both going to school and working....and we didn't have kids back then so it made it somewhat easy. I would suggest keep in "touch" with each other through out the day. Whether texting each other, "I love you", or leaving a message on each others phones. etc. Have the kids do the same. But yes, it is very hard....

Hi! My husband's not an officer but he is in the Navy and has been gone for half of our 4 yr marriage. The military also has a high divorce rate. But the best advice I could give you is try not to be bothered or argue over things he can't change. If he has to work long hours you can bet he's not sitting there saying hmm I don't want to go home now, I think I'll wait until my wife and kids go to bed so I won't have to deal with it. I think not. So keep the time that you do have together blissful by not stressing or talking about how much you hate that he's never home. It doesn't help and he's torn. Thankfully my husband's getting hoe from another deploymet soon and getting out so mayeb I'll have him around for holidays now! Good luck!

My hubby isn't an officer, but he is in the navy. He just got off of sea duty which kept him away A LOT! He was gone for a week and would come back for a weekend, then leave for 2 weeks...ect. so I know how hard it is to have your husband away so much because of work. We worked though it though and if you have a strong relationship and communicate well then i think you will be okay. I think weekends should definitely be about family. That is one way to help, also i think everyone could benefit from active listening. I don't think there is any one thing that will help, its all the little things. I hope everything goes well, and remember if momma ain't happy ain't nobody happy. =)

Hello - - - I was a 911 Dispatcher for 3 years - I am in the middle of a divorce - - - it was a dream job, so fulfilling, so demanding and well, it pretty much destroyed my family... The long hours are brutal on the body - - - You will find as it takes it's toll he will need to sleep A LOT on his days off... My suggestions - - - be supportive - make him a lunch everyday, with lots of healthy snacks. We all ate like garbage and rarely got to eat - those healthy snacks will keep his metabolism healthy and his weight down... Sneak in little love notes and have the kids do the same - - he will be the envy of the whole department!

Take advantage of all those training classes - - - he will be on a regular day shift - so get a hotel and follow him to class - - - make a mini-romantic get away whenever you can. Encourage him to take ALL comp time and no OT pay the hours add up quick and give you opportunities for mini-vacations - - - those 4 day weekends are the best and you can do them mid-week and avoid the crowds... Save a little money each check to pay for them....

Don't ever forget that he is putting his LIFE on the line every night - - - you can lose him at anytime, so make the most of the time you have... Don't lose perspective that the job is emotionally and physically draining so if he needs to rest - you need to let him rest and keep the kids quiet - - - remember you are aiming for quality time not quantity... The kids need Daddy happy to see them and well rested....

Best of Luck to you - there are marriages that survive - - - and not just survive, but are happy and learn to enjoy the benefits of law enforcement!

I'm not married to an officer, but I do understand what it's like to have a "part time husband". My hubby averages nearly 60 hours a week in office and another 15-20 at home, plus a 2-4 hour round trip comute each day. He leaves the house at 6:30 in the morning and RARELY gets home before 9:00 at night. The one thing that I do for our son is I've made his bedtime closer to 10:00 so that he can see his daddy a few minutes a night. We also spend week ends as a family. PERIOD! I get really mad when he trys to do office work during MY time with him. I don't know exactly how a police officers schedule is, but if any part of this would help, it may be worth a shot.

Also, on the radio I just heard a relationship expert was saying that if your marriage is feeling strained, to find time WHEREEVER you can to be together, ALONE! He said that if Saturday (or Tuesday) is the only day you can commit to having for each other than use as much of it as you can. He recommended that you get up no later than an hour after the EARLIEST riser of the couple would normally be out of bed. While the kids are still asleep sit down at the table and at the very least have a cup of coffee/ tea/ juice while you talk. He said having a full meal is even better.

Hope this was helpful, ~J.

Hi M.,
My hubby is a deputy sheriff. We have been together for 10 years and married for 7. We also have 3 girls. All the time we have been together he has been an officer. I have to say maybe the first year it can be a little hard because you have to get adjusted to their hours but after that it's pretty easy I think. We spend his days off together as a family so that is nice but other times it seems like you are a single parent. I think that if you really love him, listen to him when he talks about work and let him know you understand. It is so important to make them feel like you are listening otherwise they tend to stray towards someone who works within their profession.. I believe you will be fine. If you need anyone to talk to I am here.

HI,
My husband works for national city pd. I have been married for 5 years and have a 2 year old son. The hours are very crazy. That's why I originally got our dog. My husband has had great day hours for the last 3 years, but he's switching back to a different sched. soon. lets talk anytime.
Where do you live?
K.

Hi M.,
I am not an officers wife. I am the grown kid of a retired deputy sheriff. My dad became a deputy sheriff when I was 5 yr old. I have seen a lot of marriages fall apart and a lot of marriages stay together. my parents have been married for 30 yrs. They got married 1 week before my dad went off to the academy. My dad was a cop for 25 yrs. He retired about 5 yrs ago. There are several things that have kept my parents together all these yrs. One is I have a very independent mom. You have to be, or you have to learn to be, a cops wife. When my dad was working that was considered mine and my moms time. We did stuff that my dad wasn't necessarily interested in. It will get easier as your children get older. Right now things are very hard for you because you have a new baby and he isn't there. My parents also had similar interest outside of his work so it wasn't always about his or her job. Also what Jennifer P said about don't bring up his work. They have an extremely stressful job, with a lot of responsibility. If your husband brings up his job, then just be a good listener. Having someone that will listen and not be resentful that they're not there is what can make or break a cop marriage. I have seen many cops that are alcoholics and that cheat on there wives. I think this is because the cops didn't have someone that would listen to them. I can't even imagine seeing the things my dad saw. Depending on what branch of law enforcement your hubby is in will depend on what he sees. My dad was on patrol and saw anything from burglaries, fatal car accidents, kidnappings, other officers being killed. The kidnapping was the only time I ever saw my dad cry for something work related. The girl was my age, at the time, they found her, but it was too late. My dad was a little more over protective after that. One thing your kids will be grow up to be much more independent because of your hub being a cop. I am very independent. I guess my advice is our job is hard, but the cops job is harder. Don't be resentful, be PROUD, that is what will save your marriage.
Have a beautiful day!
K.

M.~
I've been married to my police officer husband for 7 years, we have a 3 yr old son & 6 yr old daughter. To top things off for us, we've had to move 3 times in the past 4 years so he could obtain his dream position. I've learned what sacrafice means when it comes to being an officers wife!
I have learned that no matter what your partner does for a living, your marriage must be put first to make things work. Communication is a huge key to making things work, but limit the phone calls to him at work to 2-3 a day tops!
I have personally learned a few tricks that help thing run smoothly, 1) I know deep down he rather be with the kids & I then working. 2) If I keep the house/kids clean and orderly then on his days off we have more quality time together. 3) Find a friend or online group you can vent those little pesky problems with, the last thing our husbands want to hear is nonsense drama. 4) Make sure he knows how much he's missed & love thru out the day, make his lunch for him, have the kids color a picture, write a little note, send a txt message, I do these everyday for my husband and he says those are the greatest part of his day seeing us thinking about him. 5) Know that all marriages take time when changes happen, it can be a full year or two before you find a good balance & schedule between his job & yours. 6) Find a hobby that you really can get involved in & excites you. I personally love running & swimming and have taken the past 2 years to get my body into amazing shape-that right there makes sure he comes straight home after work! :)
Remember to love him & support him in everything, having you as his biggest fan will be one less worry he will have to deal with.
Best of luck to you & if you ever need someone to talk with email me at ____@____.com

Best of luck to you!
J.

My husband, Brother-in-law, and father-in-law are all officers! I think the best thing I ever did was getting involved while he is out! I joined a mommy and me group, got more involved at our church and have ladies night out once a month! I no longer sit home and hate the fact that he is not here! So when he gets home I am a little more relaxed and not so frustrated that he is out of the house being with people and adults while I am sitting home all day! Don't get me wrong I love my kids and would go insane without them but, it is frustrating somedays staying home all day and sometimes night without a break or an adult conversation more than...thats yucky get that out of your mouth...stop kicking your sister...because I said NO...lol... Get involved and when he is home make some plans for some good family time...movies, park, ice cream night, whatever you guys like to do!

Hi There,

My husband has been a Police officer for 11 years we have been together for 10 of them and married for 6. If you ever want to talk to someone please feel free to email me at ____@____.com

Hi M.,

My name is A., and in a way I know exactly what you are going through. Being married to an active duty Marine, we go through long periods of time with out seeing each other and long work hours that he is away. Getting used to the lifesytle can be hard but know that it can be done. Your husband is just starting out and he is at the bottom rung of the ladder. So your husband is going to be the one "voluntold" a lot of times to stay late. It comes with the job. Try to be as supportive and understandable as you can of this, even though you may hate it. You may feel as if he has control of his hours and he doesn't have to spend so much time away, but it really does come with the territory. Try to stay as busy for yourself as you can and your children. You are doing a great thing by going to school to advance your career. Keep it up! As far as the quality time that you desire with your husband to have with you and your kids, it will come. Encourage him, don't nag him, and if he has vacation time, encourage him to use it every so often just in order to do that. I tell my husband it doesn't have to be a special occasion like Christmas or anything. Just take some time off to take some time off every once in a while. All the best!

Hi M.,
No Officer, but a definate hard worker is my husband! My husband puts in an average of 15 hours a day. There were times he worked in other states and I stayed in Nevada. It all depends on both of you. You have to know what your focus is and don't stray from that, as well as keeping the communication link open. I stay up almost every night even if it is just to kiss him good night. Often if I am tired, I will sleep on the coach and then go to bed once he is in the house. It just shows him that I appreciate him. It is no fun to come home to a quiet home and after working all day for everyone else. We have been married for 10 years now and we plan our days off ahead of time allowing eachother the freedom of doing our own thing or spending the day together.

It will work, but it will take time and effort ~ something you both have.

Best of luck.
C.

I do not respond to many posts but this one hit close to my heart. I am married to a police officer and we are having our 5 year anniversary next month. I will admit that his job is a trial in our lives, but we learn to live with it. There are good points and bad points to every job. It is always hard to deal with the always changing schedule (ours change every 8 weeks), the unexpected over time, and the question of will my husband be safe. In my case it has taught me to appreciate my husband more because you never know what each day brings.

As others have posted you should have a good support group to help you in the hard times. You should have your husband check with the department because some have wives clubs, which get together and just chat or do outings with the kids. It is nice to be able to talk to people in similar situations. I know that other people try to understand and be supportive, but until they are living and loving a police officer it is not the same.

Some of the things that we do to stay close is to talk on the phone every chance that we get. My husband and I have an understanding that I can call whenever I want as long as my feeling do not get hurt if he has to hang up on me. He has answered the phone while rolling code just to say “I love you” and then hang up. I also send him short emails or maybe a photo of the kids. We also plan mini vacations with and without the kids as much as possible. Having good communication is going to be the key to making any marriage work.

I would not worry about the cheating or the divorce rates of offices because the risks are in every situation or job. The same rumor is said about fire fighters, doctors and lawyers. You have the same chance of your husband cheating on you while he is flipping burgers as he is when he is being a cop. With the divorce rate above 50% it is easy to always know some couple that is getting a divorce. You just have to trust your husband and have faith in your marriage. Think of the positives and you will have a good out look.

I hope that I helped a little. I will keep you in my prayers as I do all officers, their wives and families. I wish you the best and am willing to share more if you would like. My personal email is ____@____.com care, J.

M.:
I am not an officers wife. But I can tell you that this does not have to end up in divorce. My god father and my dad's best friend are both officers and both have been married over 40 years. The job is not what hurts a marriage. If you and your husband are a strong coouple and love one another then you have nothting to worry about. I am sure you both knew before he went into the accademy what the job would entail. Be strong and know that a job does not ruin a marriage. On those days that he does have off take them for the time with the family. Also on those days off take time for the 2 of you. Gather up family friends and ask them to watch the kids. To keep a strong marriage you need time for the 2 of you as well as your family. Also for a strong marriage a huge key is communication.

If you would like to keep in contact with me feel free to email directly at ____@____.com

Sincerely,

A.

I don't have an officer as a hubby but my suggestion would be that when he does come home spend as much time with him that you can. There should be some days he gets off and on those days are the days you make the most of it and keep everything alive. I know one of the things that goes along with it is worrying, that is one things I would suggest not doing because it won't make anything better. You know he will be home when he gets home.
I hope this will help you a little. Try keeping yourself busy and when you think of him when you go shopping get him something. There is always things to do to keep your marriage alive.

L.

My husband graduated from the sherrifs academy in December. He is still looking for a job. While he was in the academy Someone told him to have me pick up a book to read. It is called I Love a Cop by Ellen Kirschman (the revised edition). I have heard a lot about cops getting divorced And i was scared also. Now i am only half way into this book but it has already made me feel better. It gives you ideas on how to help your marriage with your husband having a job. and also talks about real exampls. Get the book and you will seel so much better.