Anyone Experience Anxiety over the Decision to Have Another Baby?

I completely understand wanting another baby, but personally if I had gone through that much with either one of mine...I would NOT be giving birth to anymore. I understand that things have changed (in the medical field anyway), but with your history of having pregnancies complicated by anemia, allergic reactions to epidurals, and two c-sections...I just think that is too much for a body to go through.

That being said, there is another option. What about adopting? There are so many babies (even older kids) who need families for whatever reason. Even though I never had a rough pregnancy, I would adopt my next one, becuase there are just too many babies/children out there who need loving families.

I hope I didn't offend you there. I just thought I needed to share. Ultimately the decision is up to you and your husband, despite what anyone says here.

Prayers and blessings to you and your family.

J.

Your fears are NOT irrational at all. After reading what you went through, I can understand your fears. Fears are a way to tell you that something is the matter, rational or not.

This is what helped me figure it out. And hopefully this will be of use to you to determine if you want another baby or not. Ask yourself, "How do you feel when I get my period? Happy, relieved, sad, mad, scared, indifferent, ecstactic, etc...?"

Whenever I got mine, I was upset and sad. I finally realized that I felt depressed whenever I got my period, and I realized that I felt this way because I wanted another baby. After I realized this, I even considered adoption since I was adopted, but my husband did not want anymore children. So I agreed and packed up my maternity stuff and thought we were done. A month later I found out that I was pregnant. And I did not like being pregnant, but I was still happy about it. My hubby came around once he found out we were having another. Now we have a lovely baby girl, a gift to us really. FYI, we had to have IVF for my first 2 kids, so my 3rd was truly meant to be. Now when I get my period, I'm content. I told my husband that I would be glad to have another baby, so if he didn't want anymore children, he would need to do something about it. Within 2 weeks he had an appointment for a vasectomy and it got done. So now I know I'm truly done...

Whatever you decide is what is best for you. Only you can determine if becoming pregnant again is the best option for you or not. I was adopted and I have great parents and 2 sisters. It was the right decision for my parents and I truly benefitted. My life is richer for it. I hope this helps you some.

Hi Hollie,
I had a very difficult first pregnancy (preeclampsia, hospitalizations, vomiting all 9 months) and suffered from post partum depression afterwards. It took me about a year to feel like myself again. My husband and I had decided to not try again because of the possibility of a second pregancy being worse than the first. Then...we got pregnant. We were thrilled and then I miscarried. That one oops convinced us that we really did want another child so we got pregnant and the second pregnancy was much worse than the first. I was actually hospitalized a total of 7 weeks on strict bedrest. It was very challenging but I must say that 7 months later I am still thrilled with our decision to have another baby. I guess what I'm saying is would another pregancy add or take away from your family? do you have a good support system in case something, like hospitalization, were to occur? And have you thought about the affects on your girls? My daughter was really traumatized for a while even after I came home from the hospital. I hope this rambling offered you some food for thought! Good luck to you and your family.

Wow, I thought I was the only one! I have a daugther 3, and a son 1, and had big complications with two c-sections. Initially I was planning on a natural birth, but my daughter was breech, thus the first c-section, which also meant having a second one with my son. The complications from my first left me with a lot of scar tissue and other things, which caused more complications with my second c-section. So even though I never planned on going the c-section route in the first place, sometimes you have to play the hand you're dealt.

My doctor has told me that any future kids would mean a highly risky delivery and probably additional surgeries to put everything back together after the delivery. So after a lot of consideration, my husband and I have decided not to have a third child.

I have two pieces of advice for you:
1) If your fear is only for a long pregnancy and dealing with temporary issues like anemia that will pass, then I say "go for it!" Would you trade a lifetime with another child just so you didn't have to have 9 miserable months? Believe me, I know it's not fun, but the issues are temporary, and at the end of it all you'll have another beautiful child.

2) If however, your fears are for more permanent damage being done to you or the baby, then I say be grateful for what you have. That's what I've learned to live with. Even though my body has this limitation, and it's not what I planned, I am healthy and I have two beautiful children who are the love of my life. Every now and then when I see people with three kids, my heart still aches for the third child we won't have, but then I look at the two I do have and remind myself of how lucky I am to at least have them. I've had several friends who couldn't have any, so I know I am very blessed. And as a friend of mine says, 'if you've got two kids you like, quit while you're ahead."
Hope this helps a little. Good luck with your decision!

Reading your experience was like reliving my own. Everything you endured, I did as well. I have a 5 year old and 1 year old however, and I am going to be at least 37 by the time I have my next one. I didn't want to wait any longer, since we are wanting to be a family of 5. I am, however, stressed. There wasn't a day that went by during my pregnancy that I didn't throw up.
My husband wants two more, but my body can only do this one more time. When I was in the recovery room with the last one, I literally said, I can only do this one more time. I knew we wanted another, so I wanted to get pregnant after they 2nd one was more mobile and independant. We are at that point now, and trying to get pregnant. You have girls who are to the point of being very self sufficient. In fact, they would probably be a big help with the baby. When you had your second one, you had a lot on your plate, especially with them being so close in age. This experience will be totally different. Plus, things have changed in the 6 years it has been since you had your youngest. Just make sure your doctor knows everything you went through to minimize your discomforts as much as possible. Good luck. And breathe...stress isn't good.

I know exactly what you are going through. My first pregnancy was not too complicated, but I crashed afterward. I had to have my gall bladder out (my stomach has not been the same since), and developed hypothyroidism. I take a pill daily to control this, but was sooooo tired for almost a year after my son was born because it took a while to diagnose. On top of that, my son was (and still is to a degree) a very sickly, high-maintenance baby. He is now four, and my husband and I are finally feeling like we have a life again. The thought of starting over is terrifying to both of us. However, we really don't want an only child. I honestly planned on already having another one by now, but we just haven't been able to take the step yet. I have also been told that my fears are irrational, but that does not make them any less real to me. Sorry I don't have better advice to give you, but I am really going through the same thing. Feel free to e-mail me if you want to talk further. My address is ____@____.com luck.

Hi Hollie! First of all--I think your fears are NOT irrational AT ALL!! Even fears of a very smooth pregnancy is normal so don't let anyone tell you that is irrational. Secondly--if it is God's will for you to have another one, then he will take care of the rest! If you guys want more, then I say go for it!! I am not very good at being pregnant (I am 29 wks right now) and I just decided NOT to get my tubes tied after the baby is born--just bc I am not sure yet. Good luck with this decision! I know it is a hard one!

I did not have complicated pregnancies but I was in the decision making process on whether or not to have another child for about a year. We have 3 girls 8,7 and 3. It finally hit me one afternoon that I did not "need" another child nor did I want to have another child and start all over with nursing and diapers. I know this sounds weird but(when you think of kids) make a list of pros and cons. I do believe that God is the giver of life but I also thinks that he gives us free will on somethings and gives us the knowledge to make good decisions. This was probably of no help but I am praying for you! Good luck!

I think every woman experiences anxiety on that one! I have experience with 2 healthy pregancies followed by a loss at 20 weeks (no heart beat after everything had been fine, this involved a funeral) and again at 14 weeks (same issue but D&C). I was devastated, grieved, angry, you name it. I decided at 41 to tie my tubes. I couldn't go through with it so we tried again and got pregnant immediately. At 42 I delivered a healthy and beautiful little girl named Chloe (with lots of doctor intervention). It was a hard road but a few lessons came with it: I learned compassion for those who have suffered a loss; had I stopped at the two losses or if I had a healthy baby with instead of losing them, I would not have my Chloe (as I would have stopped at #3) and I cannot imagine life without her. I learned to work through my anxiety and took the attitude of "it is what it is". Life is not without risk and prenancy is one of those biggies. If you really want it, you just need to go for it. Do things you have control over like take care of your body, check ahead of time your ability to absorb folic acid, test for anything your doctor recommends, and then relax and enjoy the miracle, whatever that miracle is. As you know from your other two, there is not risk you wouldn't take for them so you just have to take the same attitude and go for it with your next pregnancy. And remember to try and relax as you don't have control over this one. Meditate, pray, whatever and cherish every second that baby is within you. Hope that helps, I am not one to sugar coat but I have been through some tough times with that subject and I appreicate what my body did and accept that the losses allowed me to grow and to have my Chloe. Good luck!