Anyone a Stay at Home Mom?

You know, I have to say that having an only child is way harder than having several. My kids entertain each other, and that helps tremendously. Some days I only have one or two at home, and that is so much more difficult than when all 6 are here! Built in playmates who are also old enough to look after the littles. Perhaps you can arrange a playdate for him to give him a distraction for a bit. Enjoy these days as much as you can, though. They really are fleeting!

I'm a SAHM.

You NEED to have a DAILY routine and schedule.
Kids get used to this, and it helps them, too, and you.

Have a daily nap time too.

I'm a sahm with 3 young kids and I'm just biding my time till kinder/MDO starts. I have guilt if I do the housework and ignore the kids. I have guilt if I ignore the house to play with the kids. And don't even get me started on "me time." Right now I have a cold so things are really chaotic. Just hang in there and find something you can look forward to (holiday, party, girls' night, etc)

I think what has saved my sanity is that I don't always plan my days going to kid friendly places and doing only kid friendly things. I take him to the art museum, we have lunch at places that don't have kid menus, I read to him books that don't have pictures, and I've taught him how to eat sushi w/chopsticks. Don't worry, he has enough playdates, sports classes, and toys where he isn't deprived. But our days aren't spent just doing kid things.

Another thing that has helped me is that I get up early. I love getting my day started w/o chaos and noise. I get to work on my Bible study and have quiet time w/God, excercise and work in my garden all before 6am! Sometimes I can even squeeze in a little housework. I do this so I won't feel I am depriving myself of some of the things I want to do every day. My kid wakes up around 6:30-7a and since I already got alot done, I can start my day w/him relaxed and calm.

If we have to spend our day at home, I keep a schedule, even in the summer. Every day he helps me make bfast and clean up, he works on writing his letters and numbers, thinking skills workbook, reading, tying his shoes, learning to ride his bike w/o training wheels, light housework. Every hour we have different things planned - board games, creation play (playdoh, drawing, coloring, legos, lincoln logs), reading (he would make me read to him all day if I let him) housework, playing outside, alone time.

I do suggest playdates. When you can switch houses w/someone every once in a while, its a nice break.

We all know us moms do the best we can and I'm sure you are doing so. I think in the end, no matter what we do and how we spend time w/our kids, as long as they know they are loved, treasured and cared for, then that's all that really matters. gl!

We know you love him. Yes, it gets annoying when your with them 24/7. It would be with anyone. Get a babysitter on the weekends sometimes and go out with your friends.
Im glad you realize how "easy" we dont have it. :)

From previous questions I saw that your son is 6 years old. He is old enough to be in a room alone sometimes. Set him up with something to do- I let my daughter play computer games or set up a craft for her to do- and then go into your room and just relax for a bit. Stop feeling guilty for not wanting to spend every second with him. It's not healthy for him to be with you every second of every day. I have time set up where it's mommy/ daughter time and we do something together but there are several times during the day where she is off doing her own thing.
I do it by making sure I have me time. I learned that a long time ago- from the Mamas here. You can't be a good parent if you aren't good to you. Take time to breathe. He will be fine. And set up play dates with friends from school or the neighborhood and then just sit in a nice quiet house while he's off playing. DON'T do housework, homework, anything that is work. Just take a break. You'll have much more patience and be much more fun if you do.
Good luck and if you need to vent or talk to someone who knows what you're going through- PM me. I'm not a single mom anymore but I was and I am a SAHM of a 6 year old and a full time student.

Of course you live your child. You also need to take care of you. That means a sitter, play date, salon date for you, etc.

You can't be "on" 24/7, you need some sort of break.

Do you have any family around? Get a sitter even if for a few hours during the day to just get out and recharge.

Best wishes to you!

I'm gonna tell ya, I have two children and I cannot keep them entertained all day...not even close. We go out, we garden, do our letters and numbers, do some math things like that but there is no way I can be their personal activities director all day. It's okay if they get bored once in while too...I know I did as a kid!

It is very exhausting to be "on" all day long. It's okay for your son to play on his own for a bit. Take an hour each day and say it is "quiet time". He can be on his own playing with legos or whatever he enjoys. Take that time to relax or get done some things you need to get done. It's good for kids to practice some independence.

I am a sahm and I gotta tell ya some days I just want to pull my hair out! And honestly I would give my left kidney to talk about anything other than power rangers, princesses, and sponge Bob! I also do in-home Daycare so I have other people's kids too. At first I felt guilty all the time for neglecting either the kids or the house, then I figured out that I could do both. Have to do the dishes? Let the kids load the silverware rack of the dishwasher. Menu planning? Spread all the cookbooks out on the floor and let the kids pick the menu, some weeks we have some crazy menus but while they pick out recipes we also work on letter recognition. The garden needs weeded? Let the kids carry the weeds and deadheads to the compost pile and we learn about composting, going green and bugs. I try to involve the kids in everything I have to do in a day and make it into a learning experience. Then when they want to play I just let go and be a kid again. This works for me and my family but you have to find what works for you. You definitely need time for yourself or you'll go nuts!

For my sanity I schedule playdates (then I'm not the playmate when a friend is over or other times my son is at someone else's house for a bit!). I invite mom friend's over for coffee/tea. I try to get out once a day in the morning to take my kids to a kid activity/event so they are around other kids and I can talk to adults. It all does get tiring though. I am sure you already do all this. I also feel like I'm going nuts at times! My son (7) is a lot older than his sister (21 mo) so he did several week long summer camps (cub scout camp, golf camp, etc) and these gave me a break. When he is in school during the school year I get a break...when his sister naps anyway. I have a "run swap" with a friend once a week where we each take turns going for a run and watching the kids. It's hard. It's harder for you being a single mom...at least I have some help when their dad gets home. I'm going to read your other answers now so I can get some tips!!!

I'm a stay at home daycare provider. An hour of 'quiet time (or longer if he sleeps) can go a long way. Playing quietly, or napping in his room after lunch.

Although, I'm with you, can't wait til school starts. I love my daycare child, but she's strong willed and defiant and all that fun stuff. Also you could try to hang out with other stay at home moms, Play dates at the park etc. At least then you'll have an adult to talk to.

I'm a sahm mom of 3, and I've always felt that kids need to know from day one that you can't pay attention to them 24/7. My husband travels 8 months out of the year or more, so it's usually just me and them.

Every day there are tasks I need to accomplish. Sometimes I work pt from home and I'm also a painter, so I try to get an hour or 2 in the studio most days. You HAVE to schedule, and you have to include your own time into your schedule. You HAVE to enforce "alone time" for him 20 minutes at time and enforce it (you don't say his age, but around 3 kids can entertain themselves if they have to). If you need longer, be strategic with movies etc to take his time longer.

A typical day for us is like this: I get up before them and do yoga. Then I get them all up and set them up with breakfast. I check email etc. I practice piano with my oldest while the other two entertain themselves (had to enforce that at first), then we do some sort of lesson or book all together, then we do errands, and lunch together. Then the baby goes down for a nap, the older 2, (3 and 5) have to entertain themselves while I work or paint for a couple of hours. I check in on them, give snacks, etc but pretty much do my own thing. Late afternoon, we all do something fun for them, like the park or something. Then I set them up with dinner, and if I need time for bills or some cleaning, I let them watch TV while they eat and I do it. Some days we all go to the gym for me to do 6:30pm Zumba or something and they play in the daycare. We come home, read books, they go to bed, and I have a little alone time. I read adult papers and books and stay on top of politics etc.

So as you can see, that isn't totally child centered. All my kids are super independent and able to entertain themselves, but I had to force it when they were young and wanted constant attention. I have always enforced etiquette if I'm on the phone, and I talk to my adult childless friends all the time. If I need to ignore the kids and get serious house work done now and then, I do it. I listen to whatever music I want in the house-I loved "adult" music when I was a kid. They are content to play "near me" and they already have their own chores to do too. Sometimes I just check out and watch a French film on Netflix. It's so boring to them, they just play.

I know it's easier with 3 than one since they entertain each other, but I did the same when I only had one. Sure at least several times per day I really focus on them and do "their stuff" but not all day long. I'd go nuts. Plus, since they know I can't "always play" they're super thrilled when I come over and play.

It's such a luxurious cake walk compared to the FT career I was in for over 15 years before having kids. I may end up having to go back to work, which also helps me "savor the time".

Sounds like you are doing too much kid stuff! Take back some adult activities and themes in your day. Try to get your schedule under control and hang in there!

I would go crazy too if I felt I had to entertain my children the whole day! You need to get out and do things-we never stay home all day. We either go to the park, zoo, museum, pool, mall or to friends houses. We always end up having a good time together. To me it beats the HECK out of working or going to school. It really is probably tougher to you as a single mom b/c there is no relief. I really suggest you get out there and make soem mommy friends to hang out with...makes it so much more fun.

Lots of lots of play dates with friends whose moms you like to talk to! Or try a day camp.

The ONLY way us SAHM's keep our sanity is by ROUTINE and NAP TIME! ;) It sounds ridiculous, but we plan everything around naptime in our house...if they do not get a nap our night will be miserable! We do lots of fun stuff like bike rides (this is nice because you can kind of zone out and relax but you are still spending quality time), games, picnics, zoo, pool, field trips to different parks, etc. Hook up with friends that have kids. Sometimes it's nice to let the kids play and have adult conversation! :)

truth be told, neither can I play with my kids all day long. I set her up with crafts, she gets one hour of morning cartoons (thats my house cleaning time). We go places, I have her listen to music in her room. Its exhausting to play with them. But when you are the mom (esspecially the SAHM), you have to pace yourself.

I'm home with my 2 year old full time my husband works 12 hour shifts so she is almost in bed by the time he gets home. Yes, it can be hard but we do lots of fun stuff. I plan playdates so she is entertained by a friend and "new toys" and I get to chat with an adult. In the summer look for some camps we have a few inside play gyms that run drop off camps. I can drop her off for about 4 hours and take a little break or run errands I can't with her. I don't play with her all day long. She plays by herself really well too.

I always had quiet time in the afternoon. From 1 - 3 pm it was time for playing quietly, reading, or napping in their rooms. Some days they hated it, but I needed that sanity break.
Your son is old enough to play on his own for a little while if you need to get things done. Import a kid for a couple of hours -- 2 is always easier -- but set some ground rules. No yelling, fighting, etc. I find that if my daughter has a friend, she's busy with them and leaves me be.
Remember, they get too big too fast and pretty soon you'll be wishing he wanted to play Candyland with you.
YMMV
LBC

I think that teaching our kids is important too, it sounds like you interact a lot which is great but if your child doesn't take a nap, how about making a quiet time during the afternoon when he looks at books or listens to music?

It is really ok to tell your child, not right now, or in a few minutes mommy has to do x,y,z...if I didn't how would i ever get anything accomplished.

Also maybe it is terrible, but I trade a few minutes peace and quiet on the computer for me when they are watching kiddy programs....I am no fan of sitting and watching the Backyardigans or SpongeBob...sometimes I will read a book. I do try to find one thing we can watch as a family about once a week, but I do not see the need to sit and watch what they watch every second.

And although I am not a great example of this either, there is no reason why kids can't have routines in the summer = )

I was going to say a routine helps, but then I read you last sentence and
realize that yes you are used to your routine. That kind of sums up
everything. Try to plan out your day. Soon your routine will return and
all will be well.

You didn't mention how old your son is, but I think it's reasonable to try to get those "30 minutes of quiet after dinner" that you mentioned, or something like it. There's no reason why your son can't learn that Mommy needs a break sometimes too and "this is Mommy's time." In fact, it's good for him to understand that you have needs just like he does. If he's older, this could look like quiet reading or art time. Or maybe it's individual playtime in his room with his legos or a 30 minute DVD or something. The point is, you do need a break and it's reasonable for you to expect to get at least a little one :)

All stay at home moms feel like this sometimes, especially toward the end of the day. It's perfectly normal because taking care of your child full-time is perfectly exhausting. I think it's even harder when you aren't always with your child full-time because you want everything to be perfect, but remember that you'll have more to give to him if you also take care of your own needs.

Good luck!
J.

Definitely some "alone time" for you both in the middle of the day can be a huge help. You don't say how old your son is, but I assume he's not napping anymore. You can still have "quiet time" after lunch. If he's old enough to read to himself, have him do that. If he's not, try read-along books. You can borrow them from the library (they come with CDs now!) - I started my son on these when he was 3-1/2 and giving up his nap. I would ask him to choose three read-alongs, taught him how to use a little CD player, and told him he was not allowed to call me (except in cases of blood or fire or other catastrophic injury) until those three books were finished. That'd give me about 45 minutes to myself. (Once you've gone through your local library's collection of read-alongs, ask a librarian to help you request more from other libraries - it's kind of tricky to get the search parameters right on the website, but a librarian can help you do it.)

Also see if you can connect up with some other local moms, even to meet at the park or something - just so your son can have other kids to play with and not have to rely on you as playmate *all* the time (believe me, I know how wearing that can get.)

Social networks are SO very important. It's the only way I can keep my sanity. I don't know where to tell you to look in Nebraska. You also didn't mention how old your son is. If he is toddler/preschool age, look for playgroups, moms groups, etc. in community papers, through a church or synagogue (not all are religiously affiliated), or through your school system. If he is older than 4 or 5, and you have the funds, you could look into summer "camps" that are a few hours a week. They are usually pretty cheap through the park districts. Even if you have to stay at some activity with him, at least you will be with other observing parents in the same situation, and close enough to start conversations and "hang out." Hope this helps.

been a SAHM for about 3 years now. For me, having my 3yo play by herself for awhile during the day is a life saver. she doesn't nap, so this is the only way i get time to myself, which definitely saves my sanity!

I stay at home with my girls ad have been a stay at home mom since my almost 4yr old was born. It was a transition from working fulltime but I quickly came to realize that it was way more work than any of my past jobs that I had ever had. When I have a rough moment or day, I just try and remember that they are only this age once and to try and enjoy every moment because before you know it, they will be growing up and becoming more and more independent. And the days of playing all day and visiting awesome places will be replaced with hanging out with their friends, school, jobs, and then their own families. Take at least a half hr for yourself, I put on a PBS educational show for my girls, if there is something that I really need to get done or just need some quiet! Good luck and enjoy. Lots of moms don't get the option of staying home. I feel very lucky, even on those rough days!!! :)

I have been a stay at home mom to 2 kids for the past 3 years. My husband never understood why I was so exhausted at the end of the day because he went to work and i got to stay in my jammies and sit in front of the TV all day(his words). Ya right cause thats all I did all day! He had no idea what I did on a daily basis and had no idea that being a full time mama is HARD work and much more complicated than just watching TV all day. The past 5 months I have started working for Premier Designs jewelry and I do home shows selling high fashion jewelry. As much as I love my children I crave the couple days a week that I get to do a home show. hahaha and leave my kids with my husband. Let me tell you he checked his tone after the very first time left home watching the kids. and by the way it was only for about 4 hours. not even a full day. So I get to talk to actual adults and make money doing it, I am very happy I chose to do this because honestly it has saved me from having a nervous breakdown. You absolutely have to take time out for yourself, once a month I also use my very own money to go to the salon that I used to work at before the kids and I get a whole day of pampering. Sometimes I need it more than once a month haha, but hey mama's are strong women, but we're not superhuman, love your kids with everything you have, but love yourself too and take care of you too!