Any Working Moms Feel "Discriminated" When Offering to Volunteer at School?

When my son was in elementary, I was definitely in the minority-the vast majority of moms were SAHM's. When there was a class party, the room mother would send slips of paper home with what the child was to bring for the party. Mine was always bottled water, paper plates, etc. The SAHM's were the ones asked to bring cookies, baked goods, etc. When I would attend the parties, I would notice that most of the items were store bought any way, and I LOVE to bake. So, I just started bringing whatever item had been requested of me, AND some yummy homemade goodies. I think the assumption was that a working outside the home mom wouldn't have time to bake, but a SAHM mom would. Not really discrimination per se, more of an incorrect assumption.

Yes. I have noticed this. Part of the problem in my case is that I do need a little notice (a day or two) so I can clear my schedule for that time, and more often than not, I will clear my schedule and then the SAHMs who are also on volunteer duty will change the day or time at the last minute. So now instead of today at 1:15, suddenly it's more convenient for them to do tomorrow at 8. Well, tomorrow at 8 I have to be at work - it's just frustrating to have changed meetings and conference calls in order to volunteer, and then have them switch it at the last minute. I don't have enough time to actually chair any of these volunteer groups, so it is what it is, I guess.

I filled out the volunteer form as soon as school started almost 7 weeks ago. I have heard NOTHING back from the school. I have let the principal and my son's teacher know that I am willing to help out. I don't know what it is about this...

Weird, I've never seen that in our school. They would employ any and all volunteers that they can find.

Teachers always need help. Maybe you could check w your son's teacher if you can help her??

If nothing else I'd address a member of the PTA to ask where they DO need help.

Good luck Mama from another working mama!

My son's preschool did a really great thing this year to avoid this. Most of the kids there (daycare as well) attend because both parents work, but some are there part time for social and academic exposure. I would love to be the field-trip mom, but in all reality... just can't happen that often.

So... they sent out a parent survey in September basically letting us know what activities would be occuring over the year. Some take place during school hours, some weekends, some things are more "organizational" and can be done at home. We each "checked off" what we could help with, including indicating whether or not we would be available for mid-day activities given two weeks notice. They also asked us to "cross out" things we definitely could not do.

The director then took each class' responses and complied them. She then made sure that each parent has the opportunity to do something this year to help the clsasroom and school. Some parents with more flexibility have multiple things.

The PTA can be cliquey. I suggest volunteering to coordinate volunteers. Parents who do not work do not always understand that us working parents want to be involved but that we need some flexibility and advanced notice to do so.

I've learned that when they really, really need someone, they don't pull from the applications anyway. Talk to your child's teacher, and ask them to give you a heads up on events where they need an extra set of hands :)

I haven't been able to volunteer yet due to my work hours. However, last night was a new parent orientation and it was held at 6pm. As if I could have been there at 6pm. I would have loved to go but was so annoyed it was so early.

So, I hope to volunteer when I can. But for sure, many things that come up are hard to do if you work FT. Can I suggest that you email the head of the PTA and let her know of your interest and flexabilty? She might find something for you. And who wouldn't want a librarian helping out? Could there be anything better?? So foolish.

I get them too. I am a SAHM and they always just tell me: but you have little ones as the exscuse. Sure I have a3 yo and a 18 month old, but I can still fold photocopied fliers! I can also get a babysitter and go on a field trip. It really gets me because they always want ask for more help but they turn me down... Then ask again. I don't get it.

Most definately. I stopped filling out the volunteer forms.

It looks like you are reading your own feelings into what they are saying. When they say when you pick up your child they are only trying to make it sound convenient not that it is only being offered to those that pick up kids.

You go on to say you are a librarian so obviously you already volunteer at the school. So you offered to do more and they don't need you that doesn't mean they are discriminating against working moms.

As a working mom, who used to be a stay at home mom, I see no difference in how I am treated since going back to work.

How odd. Our PTA's are always desperate for volunteers and don't turn anyone away unless you sign up too late for slots that you're able to fill.

I doubt they're doing it intentionally. It's a fact that SAHMS have more time for that kind of stuff. If they say they have enough, they have enough. I wouldn't take it personally. If you really want to volunteer, spend a couple days a month in your child's room helping the teacher out.

Eh...depends.
I work PT and make it clear what days I am available. I do have some flexibility.
With our PTO it's more of a combination of "they want who they want" and "there are parents who would surely die if they weren't at the school 4 days out of 5"!
Email the teacher & go in as a mystery reader or an extra set of hands to help with specific projects.

i have REALLY felt this at my son's school. It is a really exclusive private school. Most of the Mom's are the type that are SAHM who ALSO have a live in nanny (i am not kidding). My husband and I are eating bologna and ramen to send him AND getting help from my family. I mean i am sure there are other family's like ours, but i will never meet them because they are working too, just like me!!

But back to your observation, I have felt this way since day one. My son had a "teddy bear picnic" and they sent out a spread sheet for people to sign up. Well, I tried to get on it, and people would NOT "reply to all" so I emailed the organizer directly and asked what i could bring and she NEVER RESPONDED!! I felt terrible. I mean it was bad enough that i couldn't make the damn picnic, and have to have my mom and my husbands parents go for us, but now i wasn't even being included in the planning!! It is not only making me pissy but really hurting my feelings :(

So i can't go to all the school events, i am busting my rump to get my kid the best education i can. he may not appreciate it now, but hopefully when he is older......

My son's school tried to tell us that anyone not a homeroom mother could not come to events (like Halloween party, etc). They changed this when they realized parents would not donate food and prizes if they knew they could never come. It really ticked me off, too!

I feel your pain, fellow WOTH Mom!!

No, I've never had this happen before and I've volunteered at two different elementary schools. Although, I've striclty volunteered in the classroom & on field trips vs. whole school functions so maybe that's why?

The only problem that I did have in the past (at my oldest daughters old elem. school) was that they were looking for Art Docents for all classes. The PTA Head Art Docent was going to hold a meeting at the school library (during school/work hours of course) and she encouraged those interested to just show up. The volunteer job would require 1 hr per month so I figured I could take vacation time and do this volunteer job. So I show up and it's just me and one other parent for the whole school (this was a large elem. school with about 900+ students). So she asks what teacher my daughter has and I tell her and she says "oh, she already has an Art Docent assigned to that class". I thought "how the heck is that possible when THIS is the signups for it". Anyway, she said I could approach the other mom and offer to be her helper. I didn't. My daughter ended up telling me that the other mom only di dthe Art Docent lesson with them one month and that was it! So I don't sign up for the PTA volunteer jobs because I don't like how they organize them and I didn't think it was fair that she got the job without even showing up for the meeting.

I prefer to go to the PTA events and relax and enjoy the evening with my daughter since I do my volunteering in the classroom.

I'm sorry this is happening to you. I guess you have to make some noise as "the squeaky wheel gets the oil".

I've never experienced that but I could see where it could happen. My biggest thing is getting over the initial shyness I have around people I don't know. I'll go volunteer and it will be with people who all know each other and I normally sit back and observe for awhile before really speaking up. Doesn't make much sense since I get paid to manage multi-million dollar global projects so I tell people what to do all the time at work. ;)

Keep at it. Ask the teacher what SHE needs. I didn't really like my son's Kinder teacher but I love his first grade teacher, so I check with her every 3-4 weeks on what the classroom needs.

For the really fun stuff, like field trips, I know they sometimes have a limit on how many they need. Ask around (teacher maybe) and find out those dates NOW so you can schedule work around it. I did that last spring with the zoo field trip so I could ensure my schedule was completely clear. Same with holiday party, Valentine Day party, and end of school party.

Good luck!

That is ridiculous. My daughters school allows parents to stay an hour or the day if the parent wants to. As long as the volunteer paper is filled out.

No. I said I could help depending on the times but most of the volunteering is around 8:30am and the school won't let people volunteer past 2:30 so the most I've ever done is cut box tops because those can be sent home. Honestly, I don't think I could work a laminator if I tried or the binder puncher thingy. Maybe tell the pta head honcho that you get time off for volunteering if you really want to.

Wow that's odd! Our school has lots of working parents who volunteer, some in the classroom and some on special events. Some of our most generous volunteers in fact, are working parents (both moms and dads.)
Your school must have TONS of volunteers to be sending out rejection letters, I've never heard such a thing :(

Well at my kids' school, this does not happen.
ANYONE can volunteer. Even grandparents or working parents.
ALL is welcome.

Or yes, maybe they do have enough volunteers. Because these things can fill up fast.

BUT since your school's correspondence is "only" addressed to 'certain' people... well it seems they are being, snitty.

Why don't you tell them, you CAN volunteer, you have tried to sign up... and why are only certain parents, allowed?

I'm sure they would love any help on weekends, such as an upcoming fall carnival or event. I don't think it's necessarily discriminatory towards you, it's just the hours they really need help for the ease of the parents to pick up items and volunteer at the end of the school day when they are at school picking their kids up.

Our school has a 'brown bag' volunteer option. They send home a brown bag of things for the parent to cut out, staple together, laminate... you could always see if your school can implement something like that.

I would ask then where you can help out.. But they do need most of the help during school hours so try to help on a day off?.. Its even worse when you are a stay at home parent and you are expected to drop everything to come in..I'm going to college and have kids at 3 different schools they think i can be in all 3 places at same time lol

I am heavily involved in PTA and we use anyone and everyone with willing hands. The previous two years we even had a male PTA president and he is a fireman...talk about a crazy schedule.

I would suggest talking to your kinder teacher. Ask him/her what you can do to help in the classroom...upcoming field trips. Your PTA might be snubbing you personally or it just may be that they need more availability options and your schedule might be a bit hairy to work around. I am sorry. We have a lot of working parents that are utilized in various areas. I personally love any help I can get with the programs I head up. I have one mom that leaves for work at 5 in the a.m. and she wants to help out...I have found something for her to do to help. The school benefits and she feels involved and that she is making a contribution.

Good luck and best wishes at finding a way to be involved and welcomed with open arms!

Yep, so I quit volunteering at the time.

I kept asking for things I could do at home in the evenings or weekends and I would get 'we need someone to meet with the DARE Officer at 10 am on Tuesday'. Nope can't do it. I did even ask the teachers at the time for the something similar to what another person posted. . . a brown bag, or to send something home that I could sit and cut out or fold, or staple. Oh well, their loss.

Once I did quit working, about the same time of a move so I threw myself into volunteering at my kid's new school. I've now been in charge of several events and committees and if I have a working parent willing to help, I always find something for them!

If your son is in K and you are new to the school it's probably just because the PTA volunteer coordinators take the easy route and fill up the spots with people they know. It can be very cliquey and hard to break in to an established school volunteer group. I am an SAHM and have also experienced this. I would guess it's because the PTA leaders and regulars just don't know you yet. Keep raising your hand and do as much as you can within your availability. Work directly through your child's teacher to get time volunteering in the classroom. If your PTA has evening meetings, start attending. In my experience the people running the events will work FIRST and sometimes with ONLY people they know because they are thinking more about getting things covered by people they know they can count on and happen to be in quick contact with than giving everyone an equal opportunity to volunteer.