P.M.
I am so sorry you went thru that... for your next child - you will probably want to go with a stand alone Birthing Center Midwife. Large babies do not routinely need episiotomies, nor does tearing usually occur. Midwives take very seriously the need for MOthers to move around, feel like they are in control and that their body knows what it is supposed to do. They also practice perineal/perineum support and integrity with a passion!!
Check out the DVD "Business of Being Born" and the books "Pushed" by Jennifer Block and "Ina May Gaskin's Guide to Child Birth" by Ina May Gaskin.
If I had been a Nurse and done my research on Midwives BEFORE I had my first child with an OB... my birthing experience may not have been so horrible that I still feel traumatized by it almost 6 years later! I'm having a home birth VBAC (Vaginal Birth After Cesarean) with a Midwife in July with #2. I wish I had found them before automatically going to an OB!