Anxiety About Kindergarten - Athol,MA

My daughter cried every single day I dropped her off at school from preschool into 2nd grade. She is highly sensitive and everyone was always telling me to "just go, it is separation anxiety". Well, it was not. She is 12 now and is still highly sensitive but with age she knows her triggers and can handle one at a time (tiredness, hunger, noise, bright lights, crowds) but not more. With age things will probably get better for your daughter too, and elementary school allows them to leave class to go to the bathroom or in middle school to go into the hall to get something out of a backpack, which allows for a short escape. You know your daughter best, and you will probably have to advocate for her until she can do it on her own. It sounds like the lunch in a quiet place is a great idea. I always told her teachers it is like asking someone afraid of heights to "just climb up there,it is fun". Telling a highly sensitive child that all these loud and annoying things are fun is not true for them. But you can minimize the impact on all her senses by working with the teacher - as it sounds like you are doing. My daughter did best if introduced to one other quiet girl that she could sit next to and play with. She also wanted to be in the class before anyone arrived because walking into a crowd was impossible for her, but watching others trickle in was not so bad. In a new class I would always buy about 2 weeks worth of little gifts (pencil, eraser, lollipop, stickers) and the teacher would put a gift on her chair every day in the same bag, just to get her to let go of me so I could slip away after spending a few minutes in the classroom. I told her that I would wait in the hallway in case she needed me and the teacher or aide would come out after a while to let me know if she settled down. A good book about sensitivity is "The Highly Sensitive Child" by Elaine N. Aron http://www.amazon.com/Highly-Sensitive-Child-Children-Ove... It provides a lot of information about how highly-sensitive people react to certain stimuli and suggestions for different situations. I am one myself but still needed the book to learn how to cope with the heartbreak of having my daughter be miserable all day at school. There are many positives to this high sensitivity, empathy for others, ease of disciplining since they care about how you feel, high intelligence since they think much more deeply about things from an early age, deep insights into people, etc. etc. Our love for our sensitive daughter spurred us on to learn as much as possible about her so we could guide her in the best possible way. You will always know exactly how she feels and we have the deepest bond that I can imagine.

I have a very sensitive child too. You're right on target, I think, about having a friend. But it would be great if you could help her with that. Ask the teacher if she could name a couple of children that might be a good match for her. Or ask her to name 2 or 3 kids that she'd pick as friends if she could pick (I say 2 or 3, because sometimes if you only pick just one it doesn't work out for various reasons - schedules, personalities, etc.) Then try to contact those parents and see if you can get a playdate going. I did this for my daughter multiple times by sending the parents a note that said, "My daughter really likes your daughter but is a bit too shy at school to ask her to play. I was wondering if we could have a playdate outside of school to give them a chance to know each other." I found most parents very receptive, and also pretty understanding and wanting to help. My daughter also has an older sister, so I ask her to help out on these playdates and kind of hang around to help get things rolling a bit. When my daughter was in preschool she used to go all day without eating too. She was afraid she'd choke and would get more attention - she didn't like to have attention. I felt horrible for her. It took a year, but she did eventually get over it, so keep working on it. Good luck !

Poor kid.... Be patient, loving and understanding AND get into the school somehow - volunteer to see what is happening. Even if you're sharpeing pencils, you will see your daughter briefly and what is going on throughout the day. Volunteer to read once a week - whatever. Start there and then talk to her pediatrician about the meds. Transitions are hard under the best of situations and you don't have the best of situations to begin with!

Have you had a chance to sit down with the teacher in person to talk about this? I know the year just got started and can be very busy, so maybe not. I have two close family members that teach K and pre-K and have lots of experience with kids who adjust all different ways at all different speeds. Your daughter's teacher may have some ideas for you to do at home to help her adjust. If the teacher doesn't have any good suggestions ask her if there is anybody else in the system that might that you could talk to.

It sort of sounds like separation anxiety, or fearful of going into new surroundings without someone with her. Not sure about the visit with grandfather, as he would be of comfort to her. I went through something similar when I was around 9 years old. My mother put me on the bus to school ( which was a completely new experience), I cried all the way to school, and in the morning when she left to go to work. I always was afraid that she wouldn't come back, or I wasn't going to see her again. It was a really hard thing for me to get over. It took a lot of reasurance from my mother and my teacher that things would be okay. I have always suffered from anxiety, and always have had difficulties with new surrounding, changes, and anything that distrupted the usual happenings. I also have a sensory issue, as does my own son who is 5. So I can understand her fears and difficulties dealing with those loud sounds.
Maybe she could wear headphones when she is eating to tune out the loud noises. sometimes I find this helpful with my own son until he is adapted to the noise. I believe that she will be able to work through this issue, as it pertains to going into kindergarden and being away from home. I wish you much luck and if you need a listening ear I am always here.