Another Picky Eater!

I think we have to learn to go with our guts and not repeat the mistakes of our parents sometimes. Our little ones go through developmental stages, and many of them have to do with becoming a person separate from us. They also seek to be able to control parts of their lives as they grow. They are trying to learn how to make choices. If we can remember this, we can avoid some of the control battles, especially the ones that can make our lives miserable. Some issues we have with our kids are about who is in charge (like no running into the street), but eating should not really be one of them. My favorite book that I used to read to my children about eating was Bread and Jam for Frances by Russell and Lillian Hoban. There are others in the Frances series about going to sleep at night, about friends. Sometimes I felt they helped me to calm down.
Talk to your doctor about your concerns about her protein. Yoghurt, cheese and peanut butter are good sources. My pediatrician always told me to look at what my kids ate over a week, and I would see that they usually had a pretty balanced diet. And she always looked at their growth chart and saw it was within normal limits.
I always introduced foods that we were eating to my kids, but never forced them to clean their plate(I was a stubborn child and I can remember sitting at the table for hours with milk getting sour or with liver and onions, which I now love). I asked my daughters to take a taste at dinner, that's all. Their tastes will change, and they will get more adventurous. Right now, her taste buds are more sensitive than yours. I always tried to include one healthy thing in the dinner that my kids would like. But I did not cook separate meals for them. I also let them stand on a sturdy chair and "help" me cook. At first they liked watching. Then they learned to do little things, like help to measure and learn volume and fractions. As they got older, if they didn't like what I was cooking, I suggested that they make what they wanted for dinner. This was generally a peanut butter sandwich or a cheese sandwich, or macaroni and cheese. Then it became salads. Or soup.
Children will eat more when they are in a growth spurt, and less when they are not. I used to think my kids were becoming breatharians when they would eat nothing (or so it seemed) for days. But looking at it over a week will calm your anxieties.
One technique that I was able to use when battles were looming was to offer my child a choice of two things that were acceptable to me. They got to choose, and I got them to do something acceptable. This distracts from the battle, and gives them experience in choosing and being self sufficient. And they get used to things that are good for them. My girls are grown now, and they are very decisive and self-sufficient. When they first learned to dress themselves, they had strong opinions, and I let them pick. And then I got relieved from having to dress them earlier than I expected. Now they think that I have bad taste. When they didn't like how I brushed their hair, I let them try it.
I hope this will help you a little, so you don't have crying and anxiety and battles when your new one comes. And your big girl will have self confidence and respect so that she will help you with the new baby instead of resenting it. She can get things for you. She can snuggle next to you when you are feeding the new baby. She will know that you have enough love for both of your kids.
And with these developmental stages, I always found that during the tough ones, just when I thought I could not stand it any more, they moved into a new and better one, before I sent them to military school.
One more thing - there was a little girl down the street from us who would only eat noodles, maybe with butter, but never sauce or anything else. She literally ate nothing but noodles for years. But she grew up tall and creative and graduated from an excellent college and is very smart and supporting herself. So don't worry if you have little bumps on the road to growing up. Good luck and enjoy every moment. You will not believe how fast they grow up.
An Old Mom

Hi D.,
O. possible suggestion...make sure there is at least O. thing she actually likes on the table at dinnertime. She can always eat that! Plus you can encourage her to supplement with the other available items. I, like you, am really weary of the dinnertime drama. I refuse to beg him to eat and will no longer make specific things for him. Although my son (5) eats (or should I say LIKES) everything. Shrimp, hot sauce, broccoli--you name it--my battle is getting him to take the time to sit and eat. I refuse to let it stress me out anymore and if he eats-OK and if he doesn't--that's OK too. I let him leave the table when he's "full."
He gets milk and O. small snack (fruit, jello, etc) every night before he goes to bed and he hasn't died of starvation yet! Hang in there--don't let this become a head game! In my opinion--it's a battle I don't think is worth fighting.

You should encourage, not force her to eat the foods that are healthy to her. Don't give her junk food. If you are feeding her junk food, she will wait for that. Snacks should be carrot sticks and apple slices with peanut butter, and stuff like that. Not cupcakes and cookies...
Meat is not good to eat anyway, I wouldn't worry about that. Meat protein actually blocks calcium from absorbing into your blood stream. It is better to get your protein from beans and nuts.
There are so many bad things in the food supply these days, you have to be careful what you feed your kids.
Here's some sites to check out:
http://www.pcrm.org/health/index.html
http://www.vegansociety.com/html/

I typed some info and it disappeared ~ don't ya just LOVE computers?
Anyhow - food freakies isn't unusual in toddlers; you know, where they'll eat one thing to the exclusion of nearly all else? About the time you stock up on that thing, they've changed their minds. I think that's why insanity comes from your kids, not to them.
In any event, I think too much attention on food is just that ~ too much attention. It's simply fuel ~ wish someone had known that when they were indoctrinating me!
So, if she eats well for breakfast and lunch ~ then provide some of what is for *dinner* for the adults and some of her fav's... I know at our table, while there are a variety of things offered for meals ~ everyone gets to pick some of the stuff and leave others.
This way, an otherwise healthy child will not starve themselves, dinner doesn't turn into a battle and everyone gets to eat what they like (that's offered)...
Who said I'm a softie? Squelch that rumor instantly!
C. snyder

D., You are the adult. I mean this kindly. It is not healthy for your child to eat this way and it could set her up for a lifetime of obesity. If you are firm now it will only last a day or so. When kids are hungry they eat. It is a loving thing for you to help your child eat the healthy food she is given. When my children did similar things, I would say "Are you finished with that food?" If they said yes, I would remove it (I sometimes covered it and put it in the fridge if it was still good). If they were hungry later I would say "Do you want to eat your breakfast (dinner/lunch) now, I saved it?" And then I would give them the same thing they had before. No fighting, no discussion, if they didn't want to eat it again, back it went in the fridge. If they asked for food that's what I gave them. And of course if it wasn't eaten by bedtime I threw it away. If the food from the meal was destroyed by them, they would have to wait until the next meal. This is hard to do but you are the grown up and it is not loving to let your child develop bad habits. Just my opinion (and experience)

Welcome to dinner heck!! I have an entire family of picky eaters and am ready to turn in my pots and pans forever!! I was raised that you ate what was cooked for dinner and sit at the table til your plate was clean....I never wanted to do that to my children and my husband has horror stories about it! So we decided to make the rule that you had to take at least two bites of everything on your plate. If you don't like it after you had your two bites you could have pb & J. No problem, no fighting. If you don't do the two bites you get nothing and no snacks! This worked really well when we started off and were firm about it. As soon as we made the mistake of backing off the two bites and letting them just help themselves to whatever (as they got older of course) we started running into real problems. Dinner is a constant fight now. I can't cook anything that someone doesn't like from my husband through the three kids. (He is just as picky.) So all I can suggest to you is to make a rule and plan on sticking to it no matter what and most important is that BOTH parents have to do it consistanly...or walk in my dinner heck. LOL now that my kids are 16, 14 & 11 they can't even pick a place to order pizza from without a fight!! Good luck & best wishes!

Hi D.,
I raised a picky eater, and the way I would get him to eat was to give him the foods that he wouldn't eat first on one plate and to put the foods that he liked on another plate and explain that when he ate the first plate he could have the other plate. It worked very well. He didn't like vegetables at all, although as a baby he ate everything. So the meat and potatos were on another plate close enough to see but not to touch. Also, your chili, if you add a little sugar to it, it will calm the hot for your daughter to able to eat. I, too made only one meal for our family, and it's either eat and get the reward for finishing food, or nothing at all. It takes about 3 weeks for your child to come to the understanding about how and why it has to be this way.

Hi D.. I raised 4 children and as your mother would probably tell you, you don't have to be too concerned as long as you offer your daughter a variety of foods. Chicken is more appealing to young children than the "dark" meats and it is not unusual for them to reject spicy foods (or any food for that matter on the first try.) I found a good approach to be to have the child try 1 taste for each year of their age ... and have a standard option for foods you know they don't like or are new ... something simple like PB&J or soup. Hopefully your husband would agree to an approach like that. All my children eat a wide variety of foods and cuisines now.
Cindy F.

Our rule was that the kids had to try a bite of everything on their plate. Then, if they didn't like it, they didn't have to eat it. Now that my girls are 17 and 14, I see that making them taste everything worked - they eat lots of interesting things that other teenagers won't eat. To combat the veggie thing, I used to serve them raw veggies with low-fat dressing so they could dip them, as an appetizer or as a mid-afternoon snack. That way, I didn't worry about them eating all their vegetables at dinner. But I really believe you should not be making extra plates of food to get her to eat. You'll become a short-order cook, catering to a 2 year old's whims. Once she knows you'll do that, you'll never get her to eat right. Just be patient, give her what you are eating, sneak veggies and fruits as snacks, make her take a bite of everything, and then, if she doesn't eat, make sure you don't give her anything after dinner. Remember that you she'll be fine with what she gets at breakfast, lunch and snacks until this phase passes.

My son is 2 1/2 and he's allergic to milk so finding stuff for him to eat in the first place was hard, until I figured out how to make everything dairy free. But anyway we don't have the veggie problem, but it is hard to get him to eat meat. He's getting better now but still a battle. One thing we would do is mix hamburger in baked beans or chicken in mashed potates we'd just cut it up real real small. We we're thinking that maybe he just doesn't like the texture of the meat. A little ketchup on things seams to help too. We also make him eat what I'm serving for dinner, but one thing I try to do is make at least one thing with dinner I know he'll eat.

You probably have several issues going on at the same time. Some of this is a control issue - she wants to control what she eats. It is reasonable as a parent to set some limits so that the child eats some of what is prepared. However, we need to realize that scientific studies have shown that children's taste buds on their tongues are closer together so they taste differently than adults do. What maybe a mild taste to us can be a very strong taste to them. That could be part of the issue with the veggies and some meats. If you think about it most children tend to like chicken which is a mild tasting meat. They also tend to like corn, peas, and applesauce.

In my household, I serve a main dish that at least 1 or 2 out of the 4 people at the table will like. Then I serve nutritious side dishes that I know the kids will like. Everyone has to have some of the main dish, but they don't have to eat a lot (1 -2 bites) before having their side dishes. By the way, my kids are 15 and 11. We found out 3 years ago that much of my daughter's pickiness was due to food allergies! She was naturally avoiding the foods that she was allergic to.

I hope this helps - good luck!

Having 4 kids...I don't have time to be a short order cook. But I also don't want meal times to be a battle--I want them to be a pleasant family time.

In our house we have fresh fruit and veggies at almost every lunch & dinner. We have neat little divided containers to keep cut up fruit & veggies ready all the time: http://www.fit-fresh.com/products/transportation/fruitveg...

I have found that many kids prefer raw vegetables over cooked, and a dip can work wonders to get them eating. Conversely, with cooked vegies, many kids like those absolutely plain--no butter and brown sugar on the carrots kind of thing. Perhaps a bit of salt once in a while on green beans or corn.

I know that my oldest daughter (9) will only eat carrots for a vegetable, and only apples for fruit. Yes, I wish she ate more variety because I know there are nutrients in the different produce...but she's healthy, so to me it isn't worth the battle. She actually used to eat more variety when she was your daughter's age. I just always make sure there are apples and carrots in those trays. We do require our kids to *taste* everything on their plate (sometimes they actually find out they like something that they didn't used to like), but we don't start that until they are well past their third birthday.

I've done the "if you are hungry, eat your dinner" routine before. I try to stay emotionally detatched when I do. I don't get into the battle. If my toddler is pitching a fit (for any reason), I pick the toddler up facing away from me, and carry the toddler to his bedroom (this was mostly an issue with my boys). I then calmly tell the child that they can come back downstairs when they are done crying. Sometimes I will stay with them--if my patience is there--to reflect feelings and help soothe the child. But I only do it if I can do it calmly.

Anyway...back to the "eat your dinner or nothing else" thing...I have mixed feelings about it. On one hand, as I said, I can't be a short order cook, and I want my kids to learn that they aren't going to be THRILLED about every food, but that is just life. But on the other, if I were presented with food to eat at someone's house that I absolutely *didn't* like, I would just eat the bare minimum I needed to be polite, and then wait until I got home to prepare something more pleasing--so why should my child be forced to eat something he/she REALLY doesn't like?

That is why we've settled on the "taste" thing in our house. And why we have a list of "healthy snacks" that our kids can help themselves to at *any* time (all of my kids are slender, none over eat). Of course a 2 year old can't fix very many snacks herself. But you might consider having some things in easy to open containers (there are containers with little flip open tabs on each side that I found my kids can open) that she is allowed to self serve. But keep it things that are *healthy* like whole grain crackers with spaghetti sauce dip, fruits, veggies, hard boiled egg (remove the yolks if she will not eat them, just to avoid the mess potential).

I wouldn't worry about it at all. She's getting LOTS of healthy foods from the looks of your request. Battling over dinner will not help much. I wouldn't make her different foods- she should have the choice of eating what you have made or not. But don't make other foods for her. And chili is probably not something to make her eat! On those nights when you make something that is obviously not going to suit- like her least fave veggie- make sure that another side dish is something she does like. You could try making at least one of her favorite dishes each night. Sometimes a side, sometimes the main course. Also, if you are concerned about protein- you could try stirring some silken tofu into her yogurt. She'll probably not ever know and it is high in protein.

Good luck and don't sweat it. She's getting good food into her system- pickiness does eventually go away!

Food is a place that I prefer to minimize battles. While I'm not really willing to make an entire separate meal, we do usually try to have at least one thing the kids eat.

The other ther thing we do is always have simple healthy options available for any time. The kids are guven some control, it doesn't take me a lot of extra prep and they are eating healthy. Some examples....yogurt, oatmeal, cheerios, fresh fruit, english muffin. none of these take much time or are very exciting but they are healthy and fill little tummies. There are enough other things that can make an evening challenging that I like to keep eating off that list.

I had the same problem. Both of my children ate very well as toddlers and then something changed. First of all it sounds like your daughter is getting plenty of protein from the yogurt, cheese, and peanut butter and the fruits (give her as much variety as you can) provide many different vitamins/minerals. My daughter, now 6, ate very sparingly and selectively during the ages of 3-5 and I was concerned as well. Some questions to ask: Do you give her alot of empty calories in the form of simple sugars (fruit snacks, candy etc)? I limited juice to 1x/day because while it has calories for energy and vitamin C, it doesn't offer many other nutrients. Also ask: is your daughter growing appropriately-- are her height and weight following a proper growth pattern? If so, relax. Give her a multi vitamin daily and keep offering the foods you eat. I encourage you to prepare a healthy meal for yourself (for example, spicy chili with rice and vegetables)and let her try small bites. I am guilty of preparing a second item for my children over the past several years (they are now 6 and 8), and they are now eating virtually everything we eat. I didn't expect them to like peppercorn pork, spicy chili, mexican dishes that we ate, but now they do. I would be sure to put a vegetable on their plate every night with either baked chicken nuggets, pasta w/meatballs, or a turkey hot dog and mac & cheese. These items were easy to make and I didn't mind. I never made more than one meal for the 2 of them. Cereal was always an option as well. Again, I'd always give them a small amount of our dinner and sometimes they'd put up a fuss, but would usually try it. Sometimes the response, was "I don't like it" or "Mmmm it's good, can I have more". If they didn't like it, I'd say Ok, you can try it again some other time. My mother used to make us sit at the table until we finished certain foods we didn't like and it didn't work. I just spent alot of time at the table and went to bed hungry. Dinner time was sometimes unpleasant. I didn't want the same for my family. You will be the one to suffer as well if you force her to eat what she doesn't want--I'm sure you have enough guilt. Now my kids ask to try new foods. It's still not perfect but I'm proud of the way their food choices have expanded over the past 4 or 5 years. One other piece of advice, don't reward your daughter for eating her dinner with dessert. We don't have dessert every night, but as long as they've made a good attempt at trying foods, I allow them something sweet if we have it--one cookie or a small brownie. I try not to make dessert something you get if you eat "all" of your dinner. I never force them to finish their plate if they've had enough. My daughter is now in Kindergarten and she typically doesn't want breakfast, but she drinks Boost each morning, so that's OK with me. The one nutrient I would be concerned about is iron. Try to give her fortified cereals and some sort of meat daily. If she doesn't eat these talk with your pediatrician. Good Luck!!

My husband's rule with our kids is that they have to try what we are having. We DO, however, make exceptions. If I am making something very spicy or something I know the kids despise but we like, I might fix them something else. You referenced making a very spicy chili. That would be one of our exceptions where I would make something else for the kids.

My three year old will often try his dinner but then get up from the table and say he is done just to want something to eat 15-30 minutes later. We have started putting his plate away and pulling it back out. He knows that he cannot have something sweet or junk food until he eats his good food.

You have to remember that there will always be an occasional night when they will fight you. However, now is the time to start with your little girl. If it is something that you really don't think she should be forced to eat because of how spicy the food is or for some other reason, then make her something else. However, for now, I would stick to making her the things that she eats at lunch or breakfast on those occasions. Don't search for something to make her that requires a lot more work on your part. Especially when you know she is probably not going to eat it. Also, note that a lot of the foods that we think little ones won't like (aspargus, spinach fritatta, etc.) is just matter of perception on our part. If they think the food is normal and is made a normal part of their life, they will probably like it. Also, remember that it takes several times (up to 20) of trying a new food before a child will like it.

My 8 year old will still ocassionally fight us about trying something new just to find out after all the fight and fuss that she really does like it. On the other hand, she will go to school or a friend's house and try it without the fight.

If your daughter is eating her breakfast and lunch, she is most likely getting enough calories to keep her thriving. So relax a bit. The most important advice I can give you is to be consistent. If you are going to make her try food at dinner, then don't give in when she says she wants something else. You have to come up with your own way of handling it but it works for us to say that our kids have to eat so much of a portion or so many bites before they can leave the table. Also, start now before the baby comes so that she doesn't in anyway associate the change in what is required of her at dinner with the new baby.

Hope our experience with our picky eaters helps you. So far the only one of ours who isn't a picky eater is our 6 month old. The older two (8 and 3) are very picky but our youngest just wants to try what everyone else is having no matter what it is. He will whimper and whine for a taste of it, too.

Good luck with your picky eater.

Hi D.,

I have a picky eater at home as well. I was struggling with making sure she ate a nutritious meal until I received the cookbook "Deceptively Delicious" by Jessica Seinfeld as a gift a few weeks ago. The idea behind the cookbook is to puree anything in a meal that stands out and the kids won't eat. So my daughter will eat any type of pasta, and then I finely dice up some chicken in my food processor along with some pureed veggies and add it to the noodles. She happliy eats her pasta and I see that she has some protein and veggies in her diet as well.

I answered your request before, but I just wanted to add a PS. http://vegkitchen.com/kid-friendly-recipes.html This site has some kid-friendly recipes and also a guide to tofu. I've made the mac and cheese and I actually think its something kids would eat. Its pretty tasty.

If she is eating well during the day make sure she gets protein with breakfast or lunch and don't worry so much about dinner. If she wants snacks later, give her leftover of the one dinner you cooked for the family. Digestion works much better through the day than it does after dinner time.

YES, YES, YES...You are on the right track. Don't worry it won't be grueling for long. Your daughter is two now and has discovered her own will and the ability to make her own choices. This is excellent development. We want our kids to become independent, but it brings parental bumps along the way. One is food. you don't want to make a big issue to eat as it can cause eating behaviors down the road. But you allow a choice. You absolutely should not cook two dinners. Maybe only on a rare occasion if you think something is too spicy or maybe you can cook the item less spicy and you and your husband can add spiciness to the individual dish after cooking. You provide the dinner on the table. Use encouraging word, such as the corn is so yummy! Place an apporopriate portion on her plate that she should eat. That way she's not overwhelmed with too much food to begin and then you're not wasting food either. If she refuses to eat, then have her at least stay at the table for a little bit so she doesn't think its extra playtime and so you have meal time as special family time. You can excuse her if she doesn't eat and you think she's sat long enough. Be firm and remind her that this is it for the night, no snacking allowed. Then save her plate. If she asks for a snack later tell her she must finish her dinner first. After that she can have a snack if she's still hungry. Be lovingly firm and consistent. She will soon break the habit. The key is not to be forceful and have her sit at the dinner table all night or you can have an eating disorder develop later in life. But, that she doesn't have full control of her eating habits. Good Luck!

Hi D.,
I feel she is probably going thru a 'food stage' as I call them. A lot of children go thru them and not only they but thier parents live thru them... I went thru it only with one of my four and at first it drove me NUTS because all he really wanted to eat was peanutbutter and jelly sandwhiches. My friends daughter at the time only wanted breakfast cereal with milk on... her husband was to the same thinking as yours is. I realized after dealing with my other three sons (he was the 'baby') that you have to choose your battles. I do not recommend making two or three plates of food to try and get her to eat. Jus try and make nutricious things she does like, atleast one or two per dinner and use the rule that she atleast has to TRY a taste of everything but only has to eat the 'regulars'.. (you don't necesarily have to tell her the second part... just the atleast have to taste part) then don't fight about it... there are too many other things to fight about as she gets older and she will start to like other things soon enough. I told my friend to look at the nutrition label on the cereal she was doing great... and milk at each meal too. Good Luck

God Bless,
S.

Hi D.,
I would like to respond,I have a 25 month old and she is a preemie so my main concern all day is her eating. I have the need to always have something in her mouth. She still gains 1 lb a month so I must be doing something right. I would not be so concerned and offer her more at the times she wants to eat as oppossed to being forceful at the times she doesnt. Sounds to me like she is getting her daily requirements and more. My daughter seems to be more open to choices at night than in the morning so I make chicken nuggets and the filler upper foods such as mac and cheese (whole grain) mash potatoes with cheese when she is more open to it and then offer a snack 2 hours later. I pace her throughout the day and once I have the needed stuff like fruit and atleast a tablespoon of veggies and of course the V8 Fusions is good for the nutrients she may not get then I offer healthy snacks afterwards.Hope that helps contact me if you need any help!