Amanda, Katie, Victoria, Debbie, Thx Nine Yr Old Girl, 12Yr Old Boy

Be your daughter's MOTHER... If you have to "give up" that "being her friend" part then do it. I am not sure why or how you can be sharing each others clothes. She is a CHILD she should have child clothes, you are an ADULT you should have adult clothes.

Be her parent, my daughter is only 4 years old and at times we are "friendly" like friends BUT she know I am always her parent. I want her to have an open communication about anything with me but if she is saying or doing something that I do not agree with as her mother I say so! Sound like you need to be mom and mom only since your daughter is having a hard time with her moods, she is having a hard time understanding why you are switching from friend to mom mode... you HAVE to be mom first so she has a stable person in her life.

On the topic of your son... THERE IS TONS of information about night terror, they are not going to give you a clearn answer on how it can be "fixed" because there is no one answer for everyone. I have night terrors, and I still do but as a child it happened often, now it only happens once or twice a year and it seems to be the same similar situation. Here is a great website to look at that will help you start working out what might be the issue http://www.healthscout.com/ency/68/341/main.html
http://sleep.lovetoknow.com/Night_Terrors_in_Adults
http://www.suite101.com/content/dealing-with-adult-night-...

I strongly suggest that at least your son talks with a doctor about the night terrors, usually by his age they have stopped or are VERY minimal. If you have gone to a few, go to different ones, maybe do a sleep study. Maybe everyone needs to see family counsling because everyone seems to be immature for their ages, I am sorry if that is blunt but it may be the thing that really helps your family. Also having friends the same age instead of mom as a friend might be healthy for your relationships.

I'm sorry, I don't really understand what you mean by "when you become her mother again".... I have a 9 yr old daughter and I'm ALWAYS her mother. Sure we play games together sometimes, but mostly for playing she spends time with her older brother (who's 12). We play Wii games or DS lite stuff...or sometimes even playdough. But usually she'd rather be doing things with her brother that they both enjoy. But even when we are playing, I am still her mom. I'm not her friend. I love her, and she can come to me about anything, but I am not her peer. It doesn't matter if I wanted to be (I don't) because I simply am not.

Do you maybe need to foster some outside friendships for your daughter?
Sometimes my daughter is more needy/clingy than others, but she doesn't get moody about it. I give her what she needs. If she needs a hug, she gets one. If she wants to sit close on the sofa, we do. But if we're out in public and she wants to hang on me like she's still 3 yrs old, then I tell her that she is too big for me to be doing that (she literally is too big for me to pick up and hold like I might a 3 yr old). She understands this. Not a big deal. It sounds like there is something unhealthy in your relationship with your daughter, and I really hate to say that. But how are you sharing clothing with a 9 year old? How are you interacting with her that when you stop she gets moody and withdrawn.
It just strikes me as very odd.
I hope I haven't offended by saying so. Maybe your daughter needs to have some age peers over to play with more often so you don't have to fulfill that need of hers.

As for your son, I don't know. My kids have not had night terrors, but I understand they can be upsetting for the parents who are aware. Less so for the child who is unaware.

You share clothes with your 9 year old? How do you out her? Your the parent not her friend..Your son is in counciling right? it sounds like you need family therapy to be honest and see if the son is being bullied that could be why the screaming at night

I cannot address the mother-daughter issue. But I can say something about the nightmares and sleepwalking your son is doing. Usually night terrors are when the kids are very very young, and they do not remember a thing. It sounds like nightmares - not night terrors.

And there are many different things that can be affecting it. First - it can be quite normal. Or, being overly tired can be a contributing factor. Other things to consider: Exercise. TV/movies/Video games. Gut health. Immune function. Nutrition. Sleep hygiene (consistency and other factors).

You may want to look on http://www.talkaboutsleep.com (look for parasomnias) and http://www.ItsNotMental.com (look for sleep).

Both psychological, emotional, physical, and behavioral factors can contribute. Or it can be the most normal thing.

I don't know about night terrors, but counseling might help you and your daughter establish more appropriate boundaries. A family counselor would probably be most useful. Give it a try - Social workers do family counseling and tend to have a pragmatic (rather than Freudian) approach to things - The issue is X, try possible solution Y - and during the course of this perhaps having (hopefully) the AHA moment when you all understand the underlying causes.

I can so relate to the daughter thing. My daughter are best friends at time and then it hurts us both when I have to be the mother and punish her for something. I think new activities for her are a good idea and maybe some new activities for you too. Is there a church you can go to with groups that have events for kids her age? If you are not religious, there are non-denominational churches too. I think EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique, a tapping technique on acupressure points) would help your son. It's totally free and easy to learn at eftuniverse.com. You could tap him at bedtime using a setup phrase like "Even though I have scary dreams, I am a good boy" and then the round of tapping would have short phrases like "having good dreams now" "sleeping peacefully" "love sleeping in my bed", etc.

I can't speak for the night terrors, except maybe to address what is in his dreams. Did he see a news report that scared him?

As for your daughter that tween age is such a tough time. They're not teenagers, but they're not babies. They want to do so much, but they need limits. YOU set the tone. YOU be her mom first. When she is grown you can be her friend. Not that you can't do bonding things with her, but you need to set her limits and then do special things within those limits. If you do your job, your kid won't always like you but will learn, be safe, and secure. It is not mutually exclusive to tell her to clean her room and eat her broccoli as well as get your nails done together. You might tell her just that - you are her MOM and it is your JOB to teach her how to be a good person, not just hang out and be cool.