Am I over Stepping the Boundaries.... REVISED!!!!

NO, you are not overstepping. You are doing exactly what you should be doing. Never let a child suffer because the parents are going through a bad time. But I also believe that it is better that the mom not know just how much you are doing, because some people will start to depend on you and quit trying to make life better for themselves. So help out the little one, but keep it on the down low. Just be there like a guardian angel.

I just wanted to add that I completely agree with everything that April H. has said on this subject. I couldn't have said it better so I'll just say I totally agree. Good Luck!

I think you are doing a very nice thing. If a child came to my house hungry, I would feed them too, every single time no matter what.

I don't think you are overstepping. I have personal experience with this. I was the kid who never ate breakfast or had lunch made for me. Every morning I would walk to my friends house early and her mom would make me breakfast (along with her 5 other kids), I would get juice etc. and then we would pray before leaving for school. I was hungry for that as much as the food. My mom passed away when I was 9 and my father was a severe alcoholic. My friend and her mom helped me with so much, I even went to her when I started my period and she explained it to me and gave me the products I needed. My dad died when I was 12 and I moved in with an aunt & uncle and my life improved dramatically.
To this day I thank God for that woman and her selflessness and loving giving heart.

So keep doing what you're doing - unless you hear otherwise from the mom or something, you are having a big impact on this little girls life.

M., I feel that you are doing a wonderful thing for this little girl as well as your daughter. This little girl one day will look back and appreciate the kindness and unconditional support that you have given her. Your daughter is learning a valuable lesson on how to be a caring person. The Lord speaks through us in many different ways and I feel that giving with a loving, nonjudgmental heart, is one way to spread the grace of the Lord in a human fashion.

I think what you're doing is wonderful...I think the mom would have contacted you by now if she felt offended. I would caution you however about taking everything that the little girl says at face value. 6 year old view the world very differently so "mom didn't feel like making my lunch" may have actually been that mom was sick, mom didn't have time, etc. It sounds to me like she is pretty overwhelmed and there may have been a thousand reasons that she couldn't make lunch that day. May God Bless you for your generosity and kind spirit. :)

I think you are a wonderful person and as long as you don't mind doing what you can for the girl, you should go right ahead and do it! The world needs more caring people like you!

God Bless You!

I do not believe that you are overstepping your bounds. I think for now you are doing the right thing. From experience with a similar situation, I was taken advantage of. I would definately snoop a little more. Find out what is really going on in that house. Kids are very smart. If they see parents con people, they become a natural at it without even knowing it. Beeeeee Careful!!
For now I think you are doing the right thing, but for how long? That is up to you.
Christmas is right around the corner.

My situation happened last year and my family decided to help a family that was really in need. We did not help this other mom and son out with Christmas or food or anything. I had been helping her for a while now with having them over for dinner and feeding them, taking them places, etc. for several months because I felt sorry for them and I couldn't stand to see that kid the way he was. All of a sudden, I quit getting phone calls and there was no more contact from the mom or the child. It was though they were offended that I helped someone else and not them.
I don't mind helping others at all, in fact I live to help other people, however, I do not like being taken advantage of and I worry that you are headed in that direction without you even knowing it.
My prayers are with you. I pray that the Lord will just lead you to make the right decision as you go through this situation.

I believe this is what the term "it takes a village" actually means...you area God-send to this girl b/c you are meeting physical as well as emotional needs that her own mom can't (or won't--but does it really matter?) Keep doing what you are doing, and don't feel bad about it. You might even "teach" both your girls how to prepare simple bag lunches for themselves, keeping it age-appropriate, of course. It's better to show someone how to fish for themselves than to give them a fish, as the saying goes.

Over stepping? No. That little girl is lucky to have someone so nice. And there is a good chance that either the girl doesn't say anything at all to her mom, or that the mom may know you are helping and thus does as little as possible so that you'll continue to help. I know that is a negative way to look at it, but hopefully that isnt the case. Either way, I'm sure her mother would be very appreciative either way if their family is struggling. You are a great person for helping her out and are teaching your daughter a great lesson in giving...

Well i think you are doing a wonderful thing by helping. I would do the same. God bless you and your family. =)

I would honestly say keep doing what you have already been doing. Don't ask her about if or what she has to eat at breakfast cause this may embaress her to have to answer. I would honestly believe that their isn't much to eat for breakfast if she is going to school with little to eat and the mother has asked you to help her with food a couple of times. I don't blame the mother, once upon a time when I was growing up this same situation fell on my own parents with us. I have no doubt she is doing everything she can to make she her kids are taken care of if she is willing to come to you for help. Just be their for them as much as you can and God Bless you for helping other people out of the generosity of your heart. I wish there were more people like you out there.

I don't know, but.....it sounds to me like they should take advantage of the free lunch system. I have 4 kids and do not make my daughters lunch everyday. Only on special occasions. She buys her lunch daily and eats what is served. This family, if they struggle with money, should be able to qualify for free lunch. This little girl would have a suitable meal daily and you wouldn't have to worry about it. It's nice to help and give her a drink or additional snack, but I personally think that her mom would be offended if she knew that she sent $$ and you made her a lunch. Sorry!! I do think it is nice of you to help in the best interest of the child, but parenting styles are very different. What you think is acceptable and important for your child to have may not be the same standards as the other mom. I hope this helps!!! Have a blessed Christmas.

You aren't overstepping at all.
The mother is lucky, however, that you don't speak to her directly. I mean, if you are having financial problems you don't hand your child $$ to buy lunch at school because you are too lazy to make it. However, she may be a depressed mama and need a friend.
ANyway... it is a great thing you are doing. Just make sure you aren't being taken advantage of.

I think what you are doing is great! I am sure that you are impacting that little gils life more than you could even imagine. We need more people like you in the world.

-C.-

I agree with the previous responses. And here's a thought: This child will very well remember your kindness throughout her life. You may be one of the only good influences in her life and she may draw from that as she goes through life, helping others as you did for her. God puts angels on earth to help others; we may not always recognize them, and music may not always play in the background as they appear, but girl, it sounds to me like you're one of them! :-)

You sound like a beautiful angel to me. She is not sending the child to you to mooch and if you are comfortable in helping out why not. On the other hand people can and do use others. It just does not seem so in this case. God wants us to give and until our cups run over it is not easy. If we can make life a little easier then why not. I am not sure if she can afford coke but not juice is good but do what your heart says because God speaks to us there. God Bless. Many people over the years helped me and the hardest part in those situations is to be humble enough to ask. G. W

M., You are a gift from God. I grew up just like the little girl You speak of and had a friend like Your daughter. I even wore her clothes. But for a lady like you,I would have gone hungry many times. You will never be forgotten by that little girl. God bless You. Don't worry about that little girl. I have a beautiful home three beautiful children wonderful in-laws and a Great husband of 40 some odd years. I will always remember that great lady. Merry Christmas

Hi M..
You are a very sweet person!
I say if you are able to afford to help the child with rides and lunches and your heart tells you to, then continue to do so. No, I wouldn't confront her mother about it. If her mom finds it offensive or feels uneasy about it, she will eventually tell you and you can then tell her that you really don't mind and ask whether or not it's ok with her to continue. And believe me, I'm sure her mother knows all the wonderful things you are doing for her daughter and she really does appreciate it. I say this because over the summer we kept our refrigerator stocked with juice boxes, popsicles, etc for the neighborhood children because I was the mom on the block who stayed home and because we have a large wooden playset in the backyard, a lot of children came over daily. On one day, I had 11 children over playing with our children! I don't mind, it's fun for our children and I'm able to supervise. Well, one day a mom I had never met from down the street rang my doorbell and handed me a case of juice boxes and thanked me for "keeping an eye out" for her children. So, that is why I say, the girl's mom does appreciate all you are doing and your daughter's friend will remember your kindness and love forever!
I just wish there were more people like you in our neighborhoods. Maybe today's children wouldn't have so many "problems".
Take Care!
D.

The federal free lunch and breakfast program is availabe at all schools. Call the school and ask them to send home an application with the little girl. If they qualify she (and all other school age siblings) will get a free or reduced price lunch and breakfast everyday. You might even take your daughter early enough the first few days so they can eat breakfast together.

From the stand point of a mother who has had another mother act as though I'm not doing my job...maybe you should talk with her mother.

Chances are the mother doesn't know that you're doing all this for her daughter. She might be offended that you would do this, she might appreciate the help.

Also, as for the comment about "they don't have any money right now"...let me start off by saying I don't involve my children in our financial affairs. However, if one of my kids asks for something and I tell them no it might be followed by "We don't have any money for that." At which point the child will then use that statement to her advantage. Speaking from experience...one of my kids asked for new shoes. She didn't need the shoes, as she had just gotten new shoes. She went to school, and told her friend's mother (the room mom) that I wouldn't buy her new shoes because we didn't have any money. The teacher had heard several weeks earlier that I have a chronic illness. Next thing you know people are showing up at my house dropping off food, clothes, games and toys. Do you know how embarrassing it is to take all that food and clothing and other items back and explain that you make well into the 6 figures and don't need help? Trust me, it's super embarassing.

Unless you truly know that these people are struggling, and have spoken with the mother, then step back. Go talk with the mother and find out what's going on. If she truly needs help, then offer to help. If it's just that this 6 year old has found an adult to seems to give her something she likes better so she's going to take it, then you need let it be.

I don't think that you're overstepping any boundaries...I think you are just helping someone from the kindness of your heart...if you know someone that needs your help...u help...if you know someone is hungry...u will feed...so I think you're nice for helping someone in need...just remember don't look for any compensation IF that's what your wanting...cuz more an likely u might not get it...there is obviously some troubles going on at that little girls house...that at this time you are in this little girls life for a reason...I am so sure that when she grows-up...that when she was going through a tough time she is probably going to say "I remember when I was young and I didn't have much to eat...my friend's mother was always so kind to me...and never asked anything in return...for that I am grateful"

M. you are doing fine...I wish there were more people like u...to wanna help anyone in need ...or just because:)

What A Beautiful Heart...God Bless You

M., I would just keep doing it how your doing it. I don't think the mother minds or she wouldn't have come to you for help before. She may already know how much you help out and is just relieved your there, who knows I wouldn't say anything unless she says something. God bless you and I know he has plenty more blessings to come. I know this will be one crown you'll have to put at Jesus' feet one day.

M.,
You are a blessing to this little girl and her family. Hey, maybe God put you in her little life for this reason at this time in their lives. I think you are doing the right thing. I also think the mother knows exactly what you are doing and is probably too embarrased to thank you for it. She does thank you, though. I wish the best for this family. You are doing good work and this little girl will never forget you. Bless you for helping out when you can. Merry Christmas.

Wow M., I commend you for being such a great mom and help to this little girl. Uh! my heart goes out to kids like that and I guess that is why I'm in similiar situations at times. Recently I've realized that when good deeds are done kids start to expect it and i've had to put my foot down. These three kids that are always coming over and eating all that i have and hanging out till wee hours of the night as their parents are gone doing lord knows what. I have realized that its not my place to do their parenting. I dont mind occassionally taking them but when its affecting my time with my kids or my kids doing without because they are eating things before mine or destroying things in my home because of lack of discipline...enough is enough. I have two children and it rages me inside to know that these parents neglect the needs of their children and say things like "I dont feel like it" or "Oh well". I know where your at...just make sure you find a balance but never loose that giving heart. Your doing God's work.

My prayers are with this little girl and her family and if you can provide some assistance during this time that they are in need...that is awesome.

God Bless!

No, I think what your doing is wonderful. There is a need and your doing it in away that does not make the girl feel embrased or ashamed( its not the childs fault ) your doing a wonderful thing by being helpful. You are also teaching your own child(ren) compassion and epathy for others....good for you!

I think you're doing an awesome thing and more importantly, you're doing it in the right way.....you're not angry or bitter at the mom, you're not asking for payback, you're not asking to be thanked.....you're demonstrating God's love for the "least of these". You should get the Mamasourse gold star award today!!! Merry Christmas.

If you do decide to talk to the other mom...Be prepared....You might hear a different version of what the little girl has been telling you and your family...

That is true though...If your having financial problems who gives lunch money to a kid???
Wouldn't making a lunch be more economical?

My opinion if you really do feel bad for the little girl, tell her mother what's going on.

There are federal programs providing kids with lunch and even breakfast... why don't you gently advise the mom to check into it?

No. You're not overstepping anything. These folks obviously are doing the best they can and are lucky that their daughter has such a good friend with such a great Mom. Keep it up but be low key. I've been raising a half dozen high school boys that are friends with my son and it's been wonderful. God puts us in the place we need to be to help those we need to help. A little groceries and TLC never hurt anyone. He blesses us all with each other.

In His name,
R. H

M., you are doing a very nice thing. Continue with what's comfortable with you. I understand how you don't want to offend anyone with the boundary issue. The daughter may or may not have told her mother that you give her food to eat or bring to school. Sometimes, people are more private about their finance and deny that they are having difficulty. The neighbor may not want you to think that she is financially unstable. It is an embarrassing thing for some people. You may ask your daughter's friend (the girl) the next time you offer her food, something along the lines of "do you think it's okay with your mom?"...and see what her response is. Hope this helps you a little with your neighbor.

I agree...in no way are you overstepping boundaries. I would do the same in that situation. Like a few others said, this little girl may not make much of it now, but later in life she will remember the kindness and love that you showed her and hopefully be willing enough to pass that on to someone else. I commend the caring that you are showing towards this little girl, and hope God blesses you a thousands times over. Happy Holidays!

My God bless you, we should always try to do as much good as we can, this world would a much better place if there were more people like you.

I am so glad to hear your story. I was a school nurse for many years in a community that had 84% of my kids near or below the poverty level. It was the norm for this community yet I clothed, bought shoes, glasses, and meals. Provided Christmas and rides to many events for kids pre-K thru 12. I even paid a few Dr and denist bills. There is a misconception that a bad parent would neglect the fact that their child has no breakfast. Poor parents love their children just as much as any other, but they cannot pull food or money out of the air. And be assured anything you provide for this child is a blessing to the mom knowing that child has plenty to eat because of you. This will be a lesson to your child as well that will continue the kindness to her fellow man. My dgtr is an advocate for the downtrodden in many ways and chose a service profession as a career. Please feel assured that you are doing the right thing and God will keep you safe and sound while you are doing his work. I congratulate you on a pure heart in a difficult world.

Your patience and generosity are great. I do want to echo the thoughts of some commentors, that said you might want to let the other Mom know what is going on. I'm sure it will be hard to do without sounding judgmental or like you are complaining, but you should at least make sure the mom is aware of what is going on. Does she know you take her child to school? If you were in an accident, would that cause a problem with that family? It is sad that we have to be so cautious these days, but you should try to find out a little more about the situation. By all means continue to do what you are doing, but make sure everyone involved knows what is going on.

I appreciate that you feel concerned about stepping over the line. Twenty years ago I was that mom. We were broke and my husband lost his job. I was teaching dance in a small school so I could be home most of the day to raise the twins. They were 2 and had no idea that we were hungry or hard up. They were secure, loved, and fed as well as we could afford. We lived on rice and beans ( no one here is very fond of them to this day), dry milk, and generic tuna with generic mac n cheese. But now they are grown and going to college, working great jobs, and have their heads on straight about the world and how hard it can get. I was the closest thing to a stay at home mom you can be and still have a job. I think that was more important in the long run than a lot of the things money can buy. They also are willing to work for what they need and want. I'm proud to be their mom and grateful that they came to live at our house.

Maybe all she needs is a little help, some prayer, and time to work through this. It took us about 7 years to be completely out of the tunnel and we only had the twins.

H. this helps you make decisions about how to deal. Thank you for caring. I had a few of you "guardian angels" when I needed them.

H.

What a blessing you are being to that little girl. She will learn a great lesson on generosity from you.I think if you can help and it is okay with the mom and your husband is okay with it then do it. Just be careful. Sometimes the situation can get out of hand and you can be taken advantage of. But I think you are being a sweetheart!

Blessing and Merry Christmas!
S.

I agree with the others. You are doing a wonderful thing. That little girl is lucky to have you in her life and you are setting a good example for your kids.

I'm so happy to read your post and I'm so glad you have a loving and giving spirit for this child. I would hate to think of any child passing out my door hungry...no way. My sister always fusses at me because I give her children (6 of them) snacks and things whenever they ask for it and I offer even when they don't ask. Her point is that if there is food around they would eat 24/7 Hee Hee. I do understand that but I personally can't stand the thought of children being hungry. The only thing I worry about is that you may not know what if anything she is allergic or sensitive to. She may be on meds or something and have food restrictions. That alone is a good reason to discuss this with her mother and make sure it's okay to give her food. Other than that give...give often and as much as you can because you will be rewarded many times over.

Merry Christmas and God Bless You!

I think it is wonderful that you are being so nice to this girl, so as long as you are not feeling taken advantage of. Our next door neighbor growing up used to buy us little snacks and trinkets, cool cups or candy, and to this day I still remember her well. Anyways my point is this girl could remember your kindness forever.

I think you are doing the right thing. That girl will remember you and your daughter forever. And if anyone was criticizing you for helping can they please tell me why? I would rather pick a family like this to help than have the government steal my hard earned money to provide welfare for people who don't deserve it!

I don't think that you are overstepping your bounds. I have personally been on both sides of the table, and I thank God everyday that I can now have something to offer other people in need, when so many people helped us when we were in need. Apparently her mother is not too proud too accept help, so she should not get upset with you. They should, however, look into free or reduced meals at school. She may not like everything on her plate, but she is sure to like something, and that would be far more than what she gets on the days that she has nothing at all. Also, it doesn't hurt for the kids to understand that there are financial problems. It is reality, and there have been times when we could not get our kids something, and have had to be honest and just tell them that we can not afford this or that right now, and sometimes even tell them why. However, being homeschoolers, having lunch has not been an issue. *By the way, if she has a lot of children, homeschooling might be an option for them, as she could actually save money by homeschooling since she would not have to worry about new school clothes, bag lunches, etc. Many people don't realize that if you play your cards right, you can homeschool for free, but that is another post for another time. Just know that you are a very special person for doing what you do, and that family is very blessed to have you as a friend.

No, you're doing the right thing. Every neighborhood no matter what the economic level is, has these kids that just aren't taken care of very well. I always hope their loved and that their parents are just a little inept.

Over the years our neighborhood has had the "kid that the parents make play outside till it's bedtime" (and of course they didn't watch him while he was roaming the streets at age 7 on up) and "the kid that eats at everyone elses house" (probably a financial thing, like in your neighbor's case).

They lived in our neighborhood and the neighborhood took care of them. If we didn't look out for them, who would?

M.,
When I was 6 yrs. old, I met a little girl who was also in that situation. My mom and dad helped her all they could, feeding her breakfast before school, giving her my outgrown dresses, and Dad even fitted her in eyeglasses. We moved away when I was almost 12. We saw each other only a few times over the next 40 years. When we moved to our home here, we'd lived here only 5 yeras when she moved here to be near a daughter. Of course, her daughter rarely sees her, but our friendship took up almost where we left off all those years ago. She was never able to get an education, so her jobs paid very little. She lost her leg due to vascular disease, but she can do more with one than I can with two. My husband and I help her now all we can, and we love each other like sisters. All this to say, you never know how you are going to affect or be affected by reaching out to someone. My friend said my mom and dad showed her what a REAL family was supposed to be like. Ours was far from perfect, but she had no father, and her mother worked all the time. She remembers things about how my mom helped her that I don't even recall. Just love the child and her mother. You'll get a tremendous blessing!

I think you are very sweet to help out, and I'm sure that her mother would appreciate it a lot, considering she has already felt humble enough to accept diapers and gas money. I wouldn't worry about overstepping, you're just being a good person.