I have had this problem going on for a while now and what i mean by that is YEARS. My 10 yo son has been going (pooping) in his pants for a while now. We have tried everything!!! Spanking, grounding, no video games, tv etc.......i dont know what else to do, or who to turn to. Im at the end of my rope here and am soooooooo stressed out about a few things actually with my 10 yo son. We tried having a GI test, but it came back good. So im thinking its lazyness or a behaviourial issue. We try having a set schedule, we have to make him sit down and go, or else he wont do it on his own. ANd when we do, i have found in some occasions where he just gets up and pulls his pants up and goes about his business like nothing. So either my husb and i have to sit there and monitor him to go to RR make sure he SITS and CLEANS after himself. This soooo stressful bcuz we both work and sometimes we just loose otrack of our "scheduled" sessions.I have tried so many different things and nothing seems to work. I have tried to tell my doctor to send him to counseling, but she just wants to have another GI test done, and i really dont find a reason to do another one for?? So when we slip up, and he's caught with his solied pants, we go into the whole speech he has heard over and over and over again and get after him and ground him and so on, his new thing now is, he apologizes for it and he tells us in a nervous kinda way, "He needs help", he doesnt want to keep doing this and keep disappointing us. And that worries me??? Should it?? or is this him being lazy and wants an easy way to get out of it?? Second lil problem i have with him he lies about having HW. And when he's caught at the end of the week, is when we get his weekly progress report from his tachers, he again gives me this nervous like attitude and starts to cry and gives me a tantrum and says, "I dont wanna do it anymore, I cant!!!" He knows right from wrong, I know that much, but then after his lil tantrum we let him cry it out and go thru with his lil tantrum, maybe 10 mins later he's like nothing, all happy singing as if nothing had just happened???? Has anyone had this problems with their kids?? What should I do?? Should I do something? Is this just a faze? Please help, any positive feed back is greatly appreciated before hand!!!! THANKS!
Thanks to all of you alls responses! It was so much helpful, and am considering everything I can! I will lay off the grounding, spanking, and so on. I have set another GI appointment just to make sure we rule out its not a medical issue. And am waiting for an appoint to go see a pshyciatrist with him. I was so ashamed to put this out, and i think I was hoping it would all just go away in time, but after 4 years I can not hold this in anymore and we can not keep going on living this way!
He asked you for help. He knows his behavior is not normal but can't stop it on his own. I think it's time to listen to him and get him some behavioral help.
Can you go to counseling without a doctor's referral? Is he around any older boys? Could it be possible that he has been molested? That is not normal behavior. Something is going on.
Google a condition called encopresis. I bet you that's what you're dealing with. Our son has had it off and on for years. He wouldn't poop unless we told him to and there were times he'd do all he could to hold it in. It left tracks down his underwear because he'd be so backed up. You need a doctor's guidance if it's encopresis and must get him on a set daily pooping schedule.
Good luck!
P.S. If it's encopresis, he truly isn't doing this deliberately. You'll need to address it from both a psychological and physical perspective. Stop punishing him until you've determined what's going on.
He's 10. Who would want poop in their pants at age 10? Definitely take him to a child psychologist. Call a few and interview over the phone to make sure they've dealt with this particular issue in the past.
His bowels work, so I dont see why you need to do further testing. Him not wanting to feel uncomfy would be the question here. He may have some inner pain issues to deal with. Kids cut themselves because they hurt inside. Pooping in your pants at 10 probably sort of falls into that category in a way.
Hope you can get some answers soon for his sake.
.
he sounds pretty anxious. have you tried backing off, or just rewards instead of all punishments? i would get this little guy some size-appropriate diapers and take the pressure off him for a while. i can only imagine how tense it must be for him to have you monitor him in the bathroom, knowing that spanking or grounding is looming if he doesn't do it right.
khairete
S.
Well, you know the old saying: If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you always got.
You say this has been happening for "awhile" but how long is that? has he had years of using the toilet for #2 and wiping THEN this happened? Or has it been recently?
I would probably seek out a new pediatrician at this point. It may well be a psychological issue.
Does he have constipation? Have you ever heard about encopresis? Might that apply to him? It's treatable.
Does your child have any developmental issues? Autism, Aspergers, etc? Those can be linked to late training but from your post it's not clear.
Please, PLEASE take him to see a child psychologist right now! Call his pediatrician for a referral if you don't have one and take him just as soon as you can. If his doctor wants to do another GI test -then do it! Maybe the first one didn't catch something, but let the doctor know you also want to go to counseling NOW. If the doc won't suggest someone -find your own. Please do not continue to punish him in any way (particularly physically) for doing this. He tells you he "needs help" so get it for him! It sounds like he may have some very deep-seated control issues -regarding both the pooping and the homework.
This is in no way normal. Absolutely rule out a medical condition asap. Get the GI and speak to the specialist. I highly doubt this is "laziness". Stop punishing him...there is either a medical or psychological reason for this and as his parent, it's your job to get a professional to diagnose him!
You know, there is a syndrome where people do not know that they have to go. I don't know the name of it, but it is diagnosied with a biopsy of the rectal tissue, I think. In any case, I would say that unless there is a whole lot you are leaving out of what you call a "GI" test, it does not sound like you have really ruled out all the medical causes for this problem yet, because my understanding is that there are many reasons for it, and he should be seeing a specialist to find out, and that specialist should be making referals for you if your problem is really emotional, I would want the gastrointerologist to make that deicision that there is no reason but being lazy for his issue. Before I punished this boy one more time, I would turn over every single medical stone there is and let go of how frustrated you feel with your son about it.
As your pediarician for a referal to someone at the nearest childrens hospital who deals with this on a daily baisis, and let them make the decison about when to call in a counselor.
M.
I think you need to stop punishing him and be more compassionate and find a new Dr.
Wow-yeah you need to get him a pyschologist. Please make an appointment today-you don't need permission from his ped to do this. Actually-I would get another ped anyhow if this guy cannot spot this as a humongous deal. And please be open to whatever it takes to help fix this because I wouldn't be surprised if perhaps the answer to why he is doing this could lie in something you guys are doing or something that is happeneing to him.
Get your son to counseling now! There is something wrong. I don't know if its laziness o ifr there is a disconnect in his brain. Some people can't stop something and this could be him as well. He knows he needs to stop and just can't. I would get him evaluated just to eliminate this possibility. If his doctor won't listen, find one that will. Doctor's provide a service and can be terminated at any time. Good luck!
He needs to see a behaivoral therepist. That needs to be done ASAP.
Yes, had this problem and thankfully it was caught and fixed at 5yrs of age.
Please look up Encropresis. I'm pretty sure this is what your son is going through. It's so sad that he hasn't been diagnosed properly. I won't go on and on, just look it up and read about it. If you have any questions, feel free to send me a message.
By the way - he doesn't need a psychologist - yet (he will if this continues to go on). He needs a pediatrician that is familiar with this. When we went through it we were told it is VERY common, especially in boys.
M.
I would definatley push the dr to have a psych/behavioral evaluation done, and if your current dr won't I would find someone else who will, that way if there really is something going on mentally you can get him help because he is probably frustrated too. Another GI test probably wouldn't hurt, they may have missed something the first time, and if not, at least you know you double checked. I can understand the frustration on you and your husbands behalf, but have you ever tried rewarding him for going on his own? I know with my kids they always responded better to reward than to fear of punishment ie. grounding etc. Best of luck!
Age ten??? He needs to go get mentally evaluated. He does this in public to right? With the mixture of his homework and pooping problem, right off the bat (not being educated in psychology or anything like that, just my opinion) that he mentally isn't at age 10. More like 4 or 5. Please go get him checked out, this is NOT a phase.
I think it is time for a psychologist to test him (AKA counseling). The doctor suggesting another GI test does not know him as well as you do! It seems to me that he is being passive aggressive with both these situations. You cannot force him to use the potty; you cannot force him to do HW you don't know about. A child psychologist can interview him and help get to the bottom of his behavior. Therapy sessions for him and/or you can help all of you help to change his behavior. My daughter was dealing with lots of loss; it was amazing how much therapy helped her (and me) learn to cope.
As you are waiting for an appointment, see if the teacher will email you the HW assignments so you will know what they are before the end of the week and they aren't done.
Do you ever see him holding it (standing very still or with his thighs clamped together?) Does he ever complain of headaches? It may be that it hurts him to go or he is for some reason afraid to. I agree with the other comment's here that some counseling might help. Maybe no more punishments? I can imagine it is crazy frustrating as a parent dealing with that for so many years, but I highly doubt it will make a difference. I know he is a little old for it, but maybe a reward system? If he is clean for x number of days he gets an icecream or something? Good luck to you lady.
Unless you need the pediatrician for a referral, please get help for your son through a counselor. It sounds like a series of behavioral issues (need for control) that are starting to not only add-up but will become socially isolating.
I worked with a child with a similar issue and his parents took him to a series of doctors, including a really good therapist who specialized in encopresis (yes, they are out there). In his case, there was a sensory/ neuro component, but the majority of the behavior was attributed to a high need for control and attention that was slowly, but completely addressed through individual and family therapy.
