Am I Being Taken Advantage of by a daYcare Parent

I would ask her to give you post dated cheques so that you are getting paid on time, or at least ask that she send a cheque when someone other than herself is picking up the child.

I would also make a policy of charging a late fee when the child is not picked up on time.

It doesn't matter what she is doing when you are getting paid to watch the child, as long as the child is picked up on time.

it's none of your business what the mom does on the days she's paying you to take care of her kid. i'm really aghast at how often that comes up here.
charge her if she's late, or brings the child on an off day. period.
if you can't divorce your professionalism from your judgment, find another line of work.
ETA if they show up on an unscheduled day when you don't want them there, say no. if you are standing there with your mouth open while they drive away, it's not their fault.
she doesn't sound like a great client, but i would NEVER hire you. i have no use for people who refuse to say what they want, but whinge about 'taken advantage of' when others are simply availing themselves of your professional services.
khairete
S.

Here's the thing. As long as you're getting paid, it's none of your business if she stays home or goes to work. I am on maternity leave this summer, but my 7 year old has still gone to her daycare's summer program most of the time. They know I'm at home, but they don't care since I take her during their business hours and pay them every week.

The payments are the problem here. I have to pay my daycare every Monday morning at 9 AM or it's a 15 dollar fee for every day it's late. I've missed once, because I left the check in the car and didn't realize it until I was half way to work. I called immediately to explain and they waived the fee because I always pay on time. You need to come up with a certain time you want paid and implement a similar program, or as a poster below suggested, no check, no child care. Do you have a contract? Write one up and have her sign it and make sure she has a copy. A contract is for both of your protection, so you each know what is expected.

If she has to be picked up by 4:30, put in a late fee. At our daycare it's open 6-6, and if you're later than 6, it's 5 dollars for the first minute you're late and 1 dollar for every minute after that. The only time they've made an exception is severe weather.

Written rules and stick to it. You're a business. She needs to respect you and it seems like she doesn't. Your time is just as valuable as hers.

Perhaps I am not understanding. The family sends the child to daycare during your regular hours and on some of these days one of the parents is not at work (or finishes work early but still picks up at the regular time)? And on one day that she was not originally scheduled for, called you to ask if you could fit the child in. If I am reading this correctly, I see no problem. What the parents do with their time is none of your business. I would often go to the supermarket or run other errands if I finished work early and then pick my son up at the regular time. So much easier than dragging him away from daycare (we used a center, which he loved) and into the grocery store (not so much love there). If I were the parents and I knew a daycare provider looked down upon parents who used their services, I would switch in an instant.

Forgive me, but I'm not sure that I understand. It sounds like you're saying that she uses your services--usually for the maximum allotted time--even when YOU think that she is available and could be taking care of her own child. If that's what you're saying, then that's not your call. It may seem uncaring to you, but you likely don't understand her particular set of circumstances, nor should you judge them. As long as she pays you for your work, what is the issue? Has she done anything against policy?

According to what I am reading here, I vote NO, that you are not being negatively exploited.

ETA: We mothers are always complaining about being judged by other mothers...how we're so hard on each other when every one of us is just doing the best that she knows to do in the moment. People who think that "as a mother" she should want more time with her child, etc., are in that judgment zone. Even with all the knowledge that you have about her set of circumstances, you CANNOT be inside her head and know what it's like for HER to parent her child. You certainly don't get to say that you are more of a mother than she is to her own child. Unless you take her child in from wanderign the streets, shame on you for even formulating that thought. If she's using your services--and paying you--consider it a blessing that you are so close in proximity to someone who really needs and can appreciate what you offer. That is the real reason for in-home childcare, right? You have a heart to serve the parents and the children in this capacity, right? You're not just looking for a way to get a paycheck while staying home with your own kids. Right?

If she is paying you for childcare, then she is paying you for childcare. It's none of your business if she is home or at work or getting a manicure or sitting in her yard or sick or whatever. If she's paying you, you provide care.

It sounds like they have a lot going on and sometimes need flexibility. If you can accommodate the changes and they're paying you, what's the issue?

There are 2 sides of this. If the parents have contracted you to do day care from 7 to 4:30 and you are being paid for this time it doesn't matter if they are working all day or playing hooky from work you are getting paid for your time. So no that's not taking advantage of you.

If you asked to be of early on Monday and they can't accommodate you then your option is to take off for the day with no pay. They should have a back up in place. You need to step out of their personal lives and get back into a professional role.

I do not understand your post. You say you are open until 4:30 but then you are upset that the child stays until 4:30? How is that late? Many parents will leave the child with the day care provider if they get home early because they already paid for it and they use the time to get things done. So I don't understand your beef on that one. If she can't pay you on time then that is a different issue. My SIL will call her daycare person if there is an emergency, so I don't think that is unusual. If you were just neighbors and not in a business agreement, that might still be a plausible thing to do. If you can't do it then say no. You need a contract that spells everything out, including vacation days for you. And you need to stop worrying about your neighbor's activities.

So she's paying you to take care of her child even if she's home? How is that taking advantage of you? You're getting paid.

It sounds to me like the only real problem was the one day that you needed the child picked up early and they couldn't come get her early.

ETA:
I just read you SWH. You're setting yourself up to feel taken advantage of, then complaining about it.
Does she not have paid sick/personal leave? Otherwise, why would you not get paid on time? Yes, if she's going to have to miss a payment, she needs to let you know so that you can adjust your budget accordingly. Tell her that from now on, you will be assessing late fees if she doesn't pay on time.

Taking the kids outside of normal day care hours is not part of your business arrangement, and if you don't want to do it, say so. Just because you are her day care, does not mean you have to be her after-hours emergency care too. And if you do agree to watch the kids while she goes to the hospital, where is it written that you must order pizza for them? Feed them whatever is in the house.

They dropped off their kid for an unscheduled play date? Why not just tell them, "That doesn't work for us. Some other time. Call me and we'll set something up."

I think you need to remember that this is a business relationship and conduct yourself as a businesswoman.

1. Payment is simple: Do not accept care of the child until she pays you. On the day payment is due, request it at the door during drop-off. No payment, no daycare. Payment is due at 7 on that day, and you will not accept care of her child until you are paid for your services. Easy.

2. It's none of your business if she takes the day off, has a psychological condition, comes home an hour early, or doesn't work at all. You are paid to watch her child from 7-4:30. If she's late, charge her for that time as per your contract. If she wants extra care, charge her for that time as per your contract. But quit judging her or speculating regarding her reasons for leaving the child with you while she's off work. That is crossing a professional boundary.

If you are running a legal daycare then you need to have a contract signed by the parents for each child. There should be a drop off time and a pick up time noted in the contract. You should also list your charges if they are late more than 5 minutes (although some daycare centers charge you by the minutes for late pickup and will call the police if the child isn't picked up by the time the center closes". You should be paid at the start of the week and any additional charges they rack up should be paid when incurred.

If you have agreed to watch a child for certain times then the parents can do anything they want during those times. They can work, stay home, run errands, have medical appointments, etc. As long as you are getting paid who cares what they are doing.

So to recap, written contract with times specified, pick up late policy, and don't worry what they are doing. When you run a business you have to be strong and stick with your policies or you feel used by the parents.

ETA: I want to add here, regarding your SWH, additional advice about playdates. NO MORE PLAYDATES. You are their daycare provider. Totally separate yourself from being a parent who allows playdates. It was idiotic for you to allow that child to walk in your house on Mother's Day. What were you thinking? Open mouth situations where you just can't speak? That's on YOU. Of COURSE you can speak! You just say "I'm sorry, but I'm not babysitting today." There is no such thing as a playdate for a daycare provider. It's just plain ridiculous for you to do this. Turn all this into a BUSINESS arrangement. You ALWAYS get paid for any time that you spend watching this child. No more mixing business and personal. Not with this family.

Original:
A regular daycare is going to have a set time that children can come. They also have a payment policy that says the parents pay even if the child is not at daycare. If the payment is late, there is a late charge. If the parent still doesn't pay the bill, they cannot bring the child to daycare until the bill is paid.

This is what you should go to. You should also have a late pickup policy. Usually it's a dollar a minute for late pickup. Most people are not late if they have to pay a dollar a minute.

Now, about her using your services when she's at home. This is not your business. Quite frankly, if she is paying you for it, you shouldn't be fussing at all. NOW... if she is paying you late because she's not paid, then that's what the problem should be about.

Go to the husband. Give him a written explanation about the changes in your policy. Tell him that you have to be paid on time, regardless of his wife not going to work. Tell him that if this is not possible, they need to find other arrangements. Tell them if they are late paying, they cannot drop her off until the payment is made. Tell him that you are sorry for the hardnosed approach, but this is business and you've decided that this is how you are running your business. Then tell him to make sure his wife understands. Tell him that you need BOTH their signatures on the paper. Type under the 2 signature lines "I understand the terms of this daycare policy." If they don't sign, you don't take their child.

Please stop fussing about her using you when she's at home. It is not your business. I cannot emphasize that enough. You are not this woman's mother. You aren't her boss. You aren't her husband. She doesn't have to have medical issues in order to want time at home without her kid underfoot. You don't have skin in this game. If you're going to be a daycare provider, watch children during prescribed hours. That's it. The rest is THEIR business.

It's a shame that the mom has issues, but she's not the only one.

You are running a business.
So get business like.
Have a contract which spells out what you will do, what your hours are.
Have a late pick-up policy/penalty and they must pay all fees in full before they use your services again.
And if they can't live up to what you've put down in writing - then fire them and let her find another sitter.

If she has paid for the week and the hours you are open then she has every right to send her child for time she legitimately owns...she has paid for it so it's her time. Many parents send their kids to child care so they can have time to run errands and do stuff at home, even if that something is take a shower alone or sit on the toilet alone...lol.

If she didn't bring her child but still had to pay for the week and you refused to take her child because she was home then I would say you have to give her her money back for that day. Either you have an agreement or you don't.

She paid for the time and it's her time. If you close early that's bad business. You need to fulfill your hours of operation. If you can't work one day you need to hire a substitute to come to your home while you are gone.

Since she's your neighbor I guess I'd let the kiddo come get the little one but if they weren't right next door then she'd have to come get kiddo herself. All of my parents received some portion of their child care through the state so they had to swipe their card every day or sign in late a day or two later. If they didn't swipe their card on time they got booted.

On another note, I've never, in all my massive years of child care ever ever seen anyone close before normal business hours.

I can't imagine you have many parents that can fit their schedule into your time frame.

A normal person goes to work at 8 and they don't work next door they have to drive and fight traffic. Most of my parents who had to be at work by 8am dropped the kids off by 7:30am. The kids ate breakfast with me so that worked out for everyone.

Then they all worked until 5pm. By the time they get out the door of the job and get on the road I had some that didn't get there until 5:30-5:45.

That's 10 hours minimum. You aren't even open 8 hours, how do you get any kids at all?

My point for asking is you seem to resent this mom for leaving her kiddo with you. She pays you for a week and then if she is off you don't want her kid to come.

Perhaps you could really examine why you do this business. Do you do it because you love being with kids all day and enjoy teaching them? Do you do it so you can stay home with your kids and this is the only way you can do that? Do you do it for another reason?

If you love this kiddo then you should be glad she's there every day. If it's just a job then perhaps you need to be open more hours so you can have enough kids to make it worth more?

As for the rest of it. Leaving their child with you on the weekend is over. You are allowing them to do this.

If they are not following the rules of your parent handbook then you need to do a form letter and send it to each of your parents, that way she can't say you picked on her. In the letter say something like you're changing some policies and want to make sure all the parents are aware of it.

Then say:

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Dear parent, I am changing a few of my parent policies and this is your official notification.

My hours of operation are 8am-4:30pm. If you are late there will now be a late fee. The first 5 minutes will be $10. Then each additional minute will be $1. So if you are 5 minutes late please be prepared to hand me, cash, $10.

Your child will NOT be allowed to come in my home until you have paid your late fee in cash. If you are late more than 1 time per month you face having your child dropped by me. I have activities with my children and we have a schedule to keep to.

Parents are to pay for the week BY drop off time each Monday. If you cannot pay on Monday and need to pay for the upcoming week on Friday that is fine. But your child will not be allowed to enter my facility until that week is paid for.

It is NOT my job to remind you to pay for child care. If you don't pay for your child care then you won't have child care and you won't get to go to work and then you'll be fired from your job, so pay for your child care first.

If you do not pay on time more than 1 time per every 6 months your child will be dropped.

When you pay by the week you have that time BUT when you tell me you are going to be gone, even for a day, I might plan take a drop in on that day. You will need to give me 24 hour notice that your child will be there.

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This will help this one parent to have that clear line of this business relationship. Otherwise you're going to have to fire them as clients and just be friends with them.

I think you need to have a written contract with this family, and/ or revisit some issues with them so that everyone is on the same page and no one feels taken advantage of

I agree if the woman is paying you for childcare, who cares what she is doing with her time or what YOU think she is doing.

If she is dealing with mental health issues, bravo to her for realizing this , realizing how hard it can be when you are in the throws of it, and for setting up childcare so that her child is secure while she gets herself together (even a few hours helps).

If this is not something you can do or want to do then please let them know so they can make other arrangements. That is ok too.

Best of luck to you

It sounds like you are mixing your business and neighborly interactions...I'm sure it's tough. If you are scheduled to provide care from 7-4:30 Monday through Friday (and they pay if she's there or not) then you should provide that care (regardless of where the parents are or are not...working or home sleeping). If you agree to watch that child outside of those hours or provide additional services (feeding outside of the normal care day), you need to be clear that you are doing this as a friend and neighbor as a favor or are expecting it to be after hours care (and paid accordingly).

Personally, if I was home early I would typically go get my child but if I was home sick, I very well may take the opportunity to rest. I almost always went straight to pick up my child, rarely even stopping for gas. A few times when the schedule allowed, I did grab a few things from the grocery store and dropped them off before getting my daughter because otherwise I was dealing with an extremely active toddler while trying to do it and it just took longer. This way I could focus on my daughter once I had her from daycare. But sometimes, I would also run to the bank for my provider before picking up...I was late but it was for her convenience not mine.

It sounds to me like they are taking advantage of you, but you are allowing them to. I agree with everyone below who said you should write up a contract with the agreed hours you will provide care. I also agree with instating a late fee when they pick up late. I would charge a flat rate for the first 10 minutes they are late, and then perhaps a minute fee or fee per every 30-60 minutes thereafter, depending on how late they usually are. If they are picking up late when your children have other activities to go to, I would take their kid with. If your son has an activity at 5:15 and you must leave by 4:45, I would call them at 4:40 and say, "You are late to pick Suzy up today. We have to leave in 5 minutes for our activity. If you can't be here by 4:45 I will have to take Suzy with, and you will be responsible for the late fee of X amount, since we won't be back home for pick-up until X time." Perhaps put that in writing too that if they are late for pick up and you have to leave for an activity, then you must bring their child with and they are repsonsible for the extra child care you are providing during that activity.

I would also decide if you want to be available for emergency drop offs like have you have been in the past, or not. It's OK to choose not to be available outside of the 7-4:30 time frame you have agreed upon. You have your own family and life to take care of. If you do decide to be available for emergencies, I would add that into the contract with the amount of notice you require and what the fee would be (I would personally charge more for unplanned emergency drop off). As someone else said, you are not required to order a pizza, but I would keep feeding them in mind when you decide on your emergency fee.

I also agree with the people who said to not accept the child for care that day if they have not paid. Some people said to assess a late fee, but I have a feeling this family would try to ignore a late fee and consistently "accidently" write you a check for the usual amount with out the late fees they incurred. I think refusing care until payment is received is going to be the most effective consequence for them. Again, add that in your contract - Payment is due every Monday. No care is provided again until fee is paid in full. No exeptions.

As for using you for care while she is home - I agree with everyone who said it's not your business. If she had the flu, would you still expect her to come pick up her child or be OK with her staying home alone to rest? I know you said it bothers you in part because this causes them to pay you late, and that's why you should stop providing care until you are paid in full. It will force them to stop being irresponsible with you.

If none of these things work, you may want to re-evaluate caring for their child. It shouldn't be so much of a struggle for you or impose on your family life so much. You and your family deserve better and you are in control of achieving that.

Edited to add. Are you a daycare provider for more than your neighbor's child or are you a neighbor helping out a neighbor. If it's the latter, I understand the confusion. I would tweak my answer some but it would be basically the same. Voice clear expectations. State your boundaries, put them in writing if that will help. Then expect to enforce them yourself. Do not expect them to know what you need. Learn to say no. Even if you are a neighbor helping a neighbor your needs come first and it's your responsibility to take care of your needs.

Original response:

I suggest you speak up and tell the mother your boundaries and then inforce them. If you don't have a contract write one and have her sign it. Have the same contract with all your parents. Have a penalty for late payments and late pickups not previously arranged.

Sounds like part of your difficulty is that they are neighbors and your social relationship and your business relationship have become intertwined. Unless you're social friends with tge family you are not obligated to treat them any differently than the rest if your clients. If you don't allow other parents to drop off children you do not have to allow neighbors to do so.

On mother's day you could've just said no in a friendly way. You said you didn't because you were taken by surprise. This suggests to me that you have not defined your boundaries for yourself. Once you know what is acceptable for you and decide what you will and will not do it is easier to say no.

I suspect you feel sorry for this little girl and perhaps her mom/family. Your feelings are conflicted. You want to help but also feel used. You are allowing them to use you. You are actually in control of this situation. Haveyou told them that you're unhappy with this situation? If not, it's unlikely that they know it's a problem.

You decide what you expect from them and tell them. Then you stick with your boundaries and allow consequences for the family.

You cannot provide long term help for the child and her mother. Talk with authorities who can provide meaningful help. Child Services is not just for parents who are abusive. They can provide help for this family. I suggest that you call Child Protective Services to talk about this.

If the family is already getting professional help it's past time for you to solely focus on you and your family to provide for your own needs. You and your family are #1 on your priority list.

Part of what you describe makes me think you expect them to take care of you; to know what you expect. For example, they are paying you for a service. They are paying you to watch their child until 4:30. That is the agreement. Why would you expect them to pick her up early? That hour is paid for. Your caretaking is a business. What a parent does with her time while she's paying you should be of no concern to you.

As for late payments. Let all clients know you will add a $10 penalty on all late payments. Keep your relationships with clients business like IIncluding those with your neighbor.

It's hard when the care provider lives next door. I used to use a neighbor for daycare. My GD and her son were the same age, got along great. But I felt like I couldn't let her go play with her friend "after hours" or on weekends because I felt funny about letting her go over to play when I wasn't paying. It was kind of awkward.

I don't know what to say other than you have to set boundaries. You are going to have to be blunt and just tell them that this is not working for you and ground rules are needed. Then lay them out. If they don't abide by them, tell them they will have to make other arrangements as this is simply not working for you any longer. Perhaps speak to the husband since the mom's medical issues get in the way.

When my kids were little my sitters were always paid FIRST, before my mortgage even. I never treated them this way.

If I were you I'd stop babysitting for them. It sounds like you need better boundaries, especially since they're your neighbors and this could create hard feelings.

I'd tell them I'm cutting back on day care to focus on other priorities. And if they weren't totally flaky I might help them out in an emergency. Even then I would take care to not be too available.

There are some boundaries getting blurred here. Good luck sorting through it all.