My husbands mom,s car broke down two years ago, when we just got married. She asked him to use his car, she is 80yrs old & he agreed. My brother in law whom is (mamma's baby boy) is 51 & still living with her. He doesn't work & goes to college living off her paycheck. A few months ago my son was sick & we had plans to go to LA to visit my husbands sick brother. I told them that i wanted to stay home & use my own car. His mother was angry & told me that the breaks needed changing on the car they were using. We checked up on the car & now the tires are bald. I told him to take the car home & repair it. His brother decided to also use the car & park his truck & it's falling apart. I don't believe that anyone should use his car & not keep it up.
My husband & I brought the car home. He will not lend or give them anything else. He also has agreed to limit the visits & phone calls.
After much prayer & listing to Ramson Mumba on youtube he set his boundaries, from co-depend to healthy.
Thank you all for the healthy advice.
This vent is way too confusing. How many brother in laws are we talking about? He who has and uses the car maintains it. The rest is too criss crossed and bizarre.
2 years is a LONG time for a car to be on loan to anyone.
Did your MIL think she (and your brother in law) were going to use it forever?
Time to take it back.
They will have to get their own transportation.
ML can be as angry as she wants to be - her free ride is going bye bye.
Maybe she'll qualify for some seniors bus or other transportation.
Brother in law can get off his behind and get his truck fixed.
I would not trust any repairs they make to the car - they probably know some cut rate guy who'll do a rotten job or break more than he fixes.
You're not being selfish at all.
You've been WAY too generous for letting this go on as long as it did.
But they'll never thank you for it.
What? Your husband's mom has been using your car for 2 years and is STILL using it instead of getting another car? Where is your husband's backbone?
I'm sorry, but your husband is spineless. He has no business letting his mom and his brother run your lives like this.
You two need to take back the car. I'm afraid you are going to be on your own getting the brakes fixed and the tires changed. You are actually very foolish to have not been on the ball about this. I'll bet they haven't kept up with changing the oil either.
Do you not understand that when someone doesn't have a vested interest in taking care of a vehicle, that they can RUIN it by not getting it serviced properly? Whereas you might have paid a small amount for a brake job, now they've probably worn through them and you're into some REAL money.
Your husband needs to stand up for you all and say NO MORE to the family using your vehicle. Good grief.
And as to your question, HECK NO, you aren't selfish. You are, however, a pushover. Both of you are. Stop being pushovers.
Dawn
Am I getting this right?
The car she borrowed was your car.
You've been managing with O. car.
Which you wouldn't have if hubby used it to drive to see sick bro.
You wanted use of your own car for the week he was away.
When you got the car it had bad brakes & bald tires.
Selfish? No.
Doormat? Maybe.
Either take the car back, repair it (stupid tax) and use it for the rest of its life.
Or
Transfer car to MIL (again--stupid tax) & start working toward a new second car for you.
The car needs to "belong" to someone, not be held hostage!
I'm sorry , but is their some information that went missing on your post? I don't understand. Are they using your car too? Looks like too many people and not enough cars. Whoever doesn't have a car should be responsible and work on finding one and not relying on someone else's car , especially wearing it out and not just fixing it themselves.
I agree with you. I also don't believe anyone should expect to "borrow" a car for 2 years. I suggest you have the car returned to your, fix it up and use it yourselves. Or if it is a gift for them to keep, then they should be entirely responsible for it. I'm assuming that since it's is "borrowed" that you also are having to keep insurance on the vehicle, which should also really be the in-law's responsibility.
If none of the brothers have power of attorney, Mom will make the decisions.. even bad ones.
If the car in question belongs to your husband, take it home.
I don't understand your post. If you're saying that your husband's mom has had your car for 2 years, I suggest that it is reasonable for her to believe that it now belongs to her. I suggest that it sounds like buying a used car in good condition would be more cost effective than repairing the one your MIL has. It's way past time for you and your husband to buy another car. Change the title of the old car to her name so that you won't be responsible if she's in an accident.
I don't see how you being selfish has anything to do with this situation. Why would you think that you are being selfish? You've allowed her to use the car for 2 years. I don't understand why you want it back now or why you didn't get it back 2 years ago. That doesn't sound like selfish. As someone else said it sounds like you and your husband are pushovers.
Sounds like they are a couple users and I would find a way to move far away from them.
Your In-Laws... are the selfish ones. But they are also so ignorant of their selfishness, so even if you tell them, they will get mad and deny it, because to them, they are just doing what THEY want, regardless of what is right or wrong or ethical or not.
They are, this way.
They will not change.
They are free loaders.
And they live this way.
It is your Husband's car? He is allowing them to "have it." Since they have had it so long, already, since 2 years ago.
So by now, they just have run it to the ground and do not maintain it, because in their warped mind, they think that YOU/your Husband, should be the ones paying for maintenance and repairing of the vehicle.
Even if they are the one's using it, all this time.
Doesn't seem like they will give the car back to you, but only if you repair it "for" them. Then they will probably want it back.
And yet, even if the car is not theirs... they blame you guys for it and the bad shape it is in.
They are users.
Your Husband, should know that by now.
And your In-Laws are irresponsible.
They will not, behave. Nor behave like responsible ethical, individuals.
You can see that by the way they choose to live.
Way back 2 years ago, your MIL asked your Husband to "use his car" and he said yes and let her. So to her... after all this time despite, she is still "using" the car and because, her son, your Husband, let her. And he did not tell her any "rules" about it nor any timeline for how long she can use it. So to her, she probably is not doing anything "wrong" besides just using the vehicle which she was allowed to have.
She's still driving at 80? Wow! If they are driving the car they should cover the maintenance. Why is a 51 year old in college instead of his own house? That's interesting! How does you using your car fit in this mix? That was confusing. I would not let them use my car for sure.
I find this rather confusing. If he wasn't going to take the car back why didn't he just give it to her and what does this have to do with you using your car?
They sound like they will take all they can get but I still can't sort out the rest of this.
The fault is on hubby. He lent the car and by not asking for it back within a reasonable amount of time it sort of seems like he gave it to them. Just didn't say it out loud but he literally gave them the car. Now you want it back and they haven't kept it up.
So the assumption was they would always have it to use. Tell hubby to manage this and if he doesn't then you have your answer. He gave his mother a vehicle and she/they used it up. Now it's time to go get a different one and don't loan it out.
I have mixed feelings... on the one hand, grandma is still driving and therefore, you'd think she would be concerned about car repairs and perhaps do something about it.. On the other hand, she is 80.... maybe it didn't occur to her.. Also, doesn't like your bil is mature enough to even consider that he should pitch in and help out.. If anything, I think this is your husband's battle to fight and not you... Where is your husband's voice in all this... Could be , it's time for him to speak up for himself... I've learned the hard way in life that sometimes, people have to fight their own battles.. you might have to take a step back..
