My hubby has what I call a "man-cold." The main symptom is that suddenly, if a man has a cold (sniffles, cough, headache) he can no longer work a full day at work, do anything in the house (without whining immensely anyway) and has to "lay down just for 5 minutes" which turns into 30 when I'm trying to cook dinner and get kiddo ready for bed all whilst about to rip my head off from one of those kids of days.
When I have a cold, it's just that - a cold. I'm not dying, I'm not clinging to the toilet for fear of vomiting all over the house, not unable to move. Yes, it's uncomfortable but you take some cold medicine and you deal because you're a parent and an adult. Right? I'm not saying anything wrong with a little rest but maybe just go to bed early since our son is down by 7 every night.
I flipped out of him tonight when he coughed (oops) in our son's room right in the middle of an extremely stressful bedtime routine moment (son is sick too and bawling). Not a little cough....big loud (excessive!) coughs. I asked him why he can't just man up. Seems to me he is "sick" allll the time.
Am I a hugely insensitive jerk? A good wife would say "sorry you don't feel well, honey. Take a rest and I'll put son to bed tonight!" But, not me! :p
Side note: Aside from the cold he currently has, he deals with an issue we don't really have sorted out, but I wonder about allergies. Anyway, he COUGHS and SNEEZES and HACKS and BLOWS his nose EVERY single day mostly in the morning but all day really. He has done this for all the 10 years I have known him and everywhere we have ever lived. I have asked and asked and asked him to go to the doc to get this sorted out because, honestly....it annoys me! He never has, he won't! Say he will, but he doesn't. He has just accepted it and doesn't see it as abnormal to always be like this. Every morning his loud blowing and coughing, throat clearing, etc. wake up our son which really irks me. Maybe I'm going insane but in stressful moments and even when just hanging out, I feel it is so bothersome and annoying (picture right in the middle of kid pulling on your leg and dog barking at someone at the door and phone is ringing.....and then a string of the loudest coughs and nose blows you have ever heard.....every single day. Just adds to the chaos and noise and stresses me.) Would this bother any of the rest of you or am I a jerk yet again? :p Yes, I yell at him to stop blowing his nose etc as crazy as it sounds when I say it.
try to have a sense of humor about it, call him poor little bunny :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VbmbMSrsZVQ
Our rule in our house is, if you are not willing to go to the doctor, you must not be ill and need to go to work and help around the house. NO BITCHIN ALLOWED. Shuts them up every time.
There's a bigger problem in your marriage than just his cold this week, isnt' there?
You make the appointment. Tell the doctor's office you won't deal with some five-minute glance; you want real time and a serious sit-down with the doctor. Be aggressive. Then get a sitter and you drive him to the doctor. Go into the examining room with him. Ensure the doctor knows he's been like this for a DECADE. If you leave him to talk to the doctor alone he will cop out and downplay it. Sorry to shout in capital letters but he's clearly gotten used to this nonsense. He has some form of allergies and would rather just be that snuffling guy than deal with them. Tell him this is not negotiable.
Should you have to do all this? No. But he won't. Frankly I'd tell him (only if this is accurate to your own real feelings, mind you!): "Sadly, I am at the end of any sympathy for your 10 years of coughing and blowing, because you will not care for yourself. You're an adult and I should not have to baby you; we have our own babies together and you're not helping me with them, but I feel you use your colds and coughs as a way out of helping. If you don't take care of it, see a doctor or doctors and do what they say, including medication, you and I can find a marriage counselor fast for two reasons: One, I am so irritated I can't stand to be around you, and two, and much bigger, you are so passive about your own health that I can't RESPECT you as my husband any longer. This isn't just about your coughing and hacking, it's about how I see you and how I see our marriage. So it's the doctor or the marriage counselor. Which one's first?"
My husband never, ever misses work for illness. EVER. In fact, even when he should stay home (no good at work and infecting coworkers) he goes to work. HOWEVER - aside from that, he is the biggest baby on earth!!! He whines and moans and complains about his "issues." He is too sick to even have a conversation, let alone help out around the house. It used to infuriate me. Especially because, when the kids were younger, and I was sick, he'd say: "Oh L., so sorry you don't feel well. After you cook dinner, do the dishes, bathe the kids and put them to bed, etc.... you should go to bed!!!" Now we laugh about it and whenever he's "sick", I say something to that effect to him. Of course, if he's actually sick, I am more nurturing. I hope you can find some humor in the situation... eventually. :D
Since he's always in that state of health, I would lose sympathy and patience after 10 years as well, since he's not willing to do anything about it. Buy him some over the counter allergy medicine to deal with the long-term issue, and to give him a jumpstart, get him some Mucinex. Since he's complaining he's worse right now, he may have a sinus infection or something. I currently have an upper respiratory infection from congestion from allergies, and I was a pathetic lump on the couch for 2 days because my head hurt so bad and I was beyond exhausted. I must say though, that this situation is not all on him. You've known about it from the beginning and chose to stay. So, remind yourself of the reasons you did choose to stay, and maybe that will help when you get too frustrated.
Men are the biggest babies when they are sick and have no sympathy for anyone else when they are. It makes me so mad! I had the stomach bug and I asked him to find someone to take care of the kids and his answer was "hey kids take care of your mom today she is sick" they were 4 and 2 at the time they cant even get their own milk! Thank God for his Grandma who helped me out by taking them. I was so mad at him and told him the next time he is sick im going to make sure im working and leave the kids behind. drives me nuts!
I've heard of all the big babies out there (and know one quite well - my dad!) but my husband is the complete opposite. Unless he loses a limb he's going to work. He's in sales, so if he doesn't work, he doesn't make any money. As heroic as it is, I almost find this as irritating as your situation. When he's really sick sometimes I just want to say "dude, slow the hell down!!!"
I'd be annoyed too. Wonder if he has acid reflux in addition to allergies. Gerd can cause some of those symptoms too. So frustrating that he won't do anything about it. Maybe have a heart to heart and just tell him how it makes you feel.
Men are such babies when they are sick. I asked my X to watch my son for an extra half an hour after work because I had to get a TDAP shot. He made such a face (like he was dying) and told me that I would be in such pain that all I would want to do is go home and sleep. He never got attention when he was growing up so he is so dramatic. I made it just fine and I am still not doubled over!!
When we were married if he bumped his toe on the corner of a chair or the wall he would fall on the ground and act like he was dying with a huge scream he would grit his teeth. It did nothing but piss me off!! He was not getting my attention because he was being stupid and I wanted to laugh. My older son can do a great impression of this!!
He was always a giant baby when he got sick. I can not help someone who does not help themselves. He used to pretend like he was having a heart attack. I believed that one first time because he had a quadruple by-pass previously. He did this everytime he did not want to do some work or something. He was very manipulative!! This was a test of my love, I guess, and I failed.
Oh yeah. I can totally relate and so can my mother. My husband's learned to deal with being sick himself for the most part. he just seems to be sick a lot! Sorry but i have 2 young kids, a full time job and a dog to take care of. If I had $100 dollars too for the number of times Ive had to pick him up from some appt too, I could retire. He's so proud of his former triathlons but they ruined his body so it's one injury or surgery after another. But then hacking, coughing etc?! That really gets me. He can clear his throat so many times I can't take it anymore. And his sneezes are insanely loud. My dad has a whole throat clearing thing too and my mom calls it "his little symphony" very morning. Makes her crazy. So you're not a jerk.
I would be annoyed to, my so would have to be on his death bed to not pull his own weight around here with the kids.
Last time my hubby was that whiny about a cold I said he was SSOOO sick he NEEDED to go to the Dr and I insisted. He went to the Dr who said "you have a cold, drink plenty of fluids." He was embarrassed and now he is much less whiny over a simple cold. I used to be stuffy and sneezy and get sinus infections a lot but I cut all yeast and most dairy out of my diet and I'm much healthier. Your hubby needs to go to DR if he refuses to improve his health, maybe he is suffering from depression??
I didn't see this info in your post -- does he smoke?
My husband still works when he's sick unless he has a fever and so dizzy he cant do anything, I have to MAKE him rest usually.
Your hub sounds like a big baby, so I HEAR ya.
His annoying hacking and blowing in the morning is sort of common tho, seems like all the men in my family are like that too, but I think they try to be considerate around others, but not with family. My husband sneezes so loud and hard you'd think the roof would blow off! I always try to muffle myself when I have coughs and sneezes because I KNOW how annoying it is. I'm sure he got the habit from his own dad. Talk to your MIL, it's probably something you can both share and maybe laugh about because I doubt you can change it.
