Am I a Bad Wife?

No you are a normal wife. I just had the sam eproblem with my hasband. I had pink eye in both my eyes and runnign 104 fever. I had to take care both of my kids 4 and 7mo. He didn't help at all and he still expected me to cook dinner and keep the house clean. Then he go sick and ran 104 and he immediately goes to the hospital and the doctor said he has to be on lite duty at work so he stayed home. He wanted me to wait on him hand and foot and still take care of the kids. It's normal. I hate that men are this way but I've grown to ignore it. One day I will get to rest. When the kids are grown and adults and it just me and him. I'm taking a two week nap..(haha) Not bad just normal.

It depends on the severity of his sickness.

My father had leukemia among other diseases that stemmed from his constant radiation and chemo for 23 years. My mother nurtured him and took care of him just like how a mother takes care of a newborn, around the clock. She never once complained or had feelings of anger. After he died, she kind of shut down and doesn't even take care of herself anymore, she just got burnt out.

Now if he is truly sick, be there for him, nuture and support him, but also take care of yourself. When you are sick, make sure he knows, it's YOUR turn to be babied that you are allowed sick days too. I can see how it would be annoying to care for him, when he is not properly taking care of himself. He may be spoiled by the care.

I know I am hypoglycemic and I have very bad days, but my hubby takes care of me too much. I have gotten spoiled by it and am trying to take a better initiative to take care of myself more so that I will not crash as bad. Perhaps, he has fallen into the same state that I have fallen into. Maybe a really good and thourough heart to heart needs to be done here, especially with the needs of your children, you really do need a break!

Hi T.,
First, let me say in agreement with all the other ladies that have posted so far the you are absolutely not a bad wife for struggeling with feelings of resentment towards your husband. What makes you a good wife is that you recongize that these feelings are not healthy for your marriage and feel led to seek advice on how to handle them. I have been in all the situations you and the other moms have described. Being sick as a dog but having to continue on while my husband takes to the bed for a whole day with what it was I just got over. There have been times that my resentment level has risen drastically where that is concerned. I was reminded recently of a wonderful verse in the Bible that I hope you and others won't be offended that I'm sharing. It has really reminded me to be careful when feelings like we are all describing creep up in my heart against my husband.

Love is patient; love is kind.
Love does not envy; is not boastful;
is not conceited; does not act improperly;
is not selfish; is not provoked; does not
keep a record of wrongs; finds no joy in
unrighteousness, but rejoices in the truth;
bears all things,
believes all things,
hopes all things,
endures all things.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Again, I know that being a loving wife can be the hardest job in the world but I send my encouragement to hang in there and treat him with as much compassion as you can muster and hopefully it will be returned to you many times over. If not, you've still taken the high road and done what is right. I hope you find the peace in this you're looking for.

Blessings,
G.

No, you are not a bad wife at all!!! You are just one that really needs a break in order to care for everyone you have to care for!!!

My husband is the same way. When I say my back hurts I get "I know, mine is killing me too" in return! Never, "I am sorry you are hurting" or anything of that nature. This past winter at one time I had ALL 6 of us sick with the flu AT ONE TIME! He was curled up in bed for days while I was sick in the bathroom one minute myself and cleaning up after kiddos that got sick the next without so much as a break...much less time to heal myself.

I honestly do not know what to tell you as far as how to help the situation though! Sometimes my husband will listen to me when I try to tell him how I feel and sometimes it just erupts into a battle of who feel the worst!!! (and of course, he always wins!!! LOL) I will be closely watching this post to see what others respond!! I have started figuring out lately that I think a lot of it has to do with fear on my husbands part. I have a chronic illness that seems to be getting worse...and the worse it gets, the worse he treats me!!! But, all in all, I think it is the fear of me NOT being here and him having to do everything alone that brings out this reaction. I know my husband loves me dearly...but when it comes to things like this...he is just plain scared...maybe that has something do do with your situation also????

If you ever need to chat with someone who knows exactly how you feel, feel free to drop me a line!!! I am usually here!!! You know us moms...we don't do anything but sit on the computer chatting all day, watching tv, and eating bon bons right?!?! It is the little fairies that show up as soon as my husband leaves that do all the work around here... (heh heh...sorry for the sarcasm)

hugs and blessings
H.

You are not a bad wife! Men tend to think they can't do anything when they are sick, yet women (mothers) are still expected to do it all.

You need a break! Could your teenagers pitch in and help you out so you could get away for a few hours? Can they help with their dad? They are certainly old enough to help you out. I know it is hard with teenagers (self-absorbed). I am a custodial step-mom to 19, 16, and a mom to 7 and 5 year olds. I understand how you feel. Hang in there!

I think the best thing for you to do is to talk about this when neither one of you are sick at the time. While it is very true that the men I know tend to be..well babies, for lack of a better word, when they are sick, neither one of us can really get in the others shoes to see exactly how bad he/she is really feeling. You should have the conversation about the entire family being healthier and taking better care of themselves, not just him. And, of course, all of your kids are old enough to be empathetic and help out. Everyone needs to be taken care of sometimes, and maybe if you are more doting towards him, he will be the same way with you. I am the same way with my husband at times, but I also can be the person that says you are not as sick as me. I have a pain disorder and have had 4 pretty sick pregnancies. But we all have to work a little harder to be empathetic, and hope for the best. Good luck ~A.~

HI T.!
No, you aren't a bad wife! You are a regular person that has feelings just like anyone else. It's ok to get annoyed with your husband! All of us get annoyed with our husbands! I think you are feeling really resentful toward your hubby because you have to do most of the work. I think what you need, is to take some time for yourself. You need a break. I think having some alone time and some time to reflect on things will help you have a better attitude toward hubby. Don't listen to hubby when he says that he feels worse than you do...that is hoshposh and you know it. Men love playing the sympathy card when it comes to not feeling well. I'm not sure how sick your husband gets, like, can he get out of bed by himself? Can he cook or heat up some food by himself? Because if he could, if I were you, I'd just say, hey, I'm leaving for the day. You know where everything is, take care of it and help yourself. Now, if he is bedridden and unable to do these things, then I would seriously consider having someone come in and help you. You need some stress relief. Whether it be a friend, someone from church, or even a nurse or nanny...you need a good break. And a regular break it sounds like! Good luck T.. And remember that you aren't a bad person or a bad wife because you get stressed out. It happens to all of us!

I'll try to make this quick as you have received a ton of responses. Believe in yourself. Stay strong. Breath. You are an amazing person. With that said, I'll repeat don't forget to breath.

What works for me when I get frustrated with my husband is ask him for help. The tone of voice I use is soft, I tell him I need him and I thank him. He feels needed, I get help and we accomplish something together. I tend to expect my husband to do as I do or see what I see (same for him I would guess)however its not the case. My husband tells me, things that matter to you, don't matter to me...if you need me just ask and I'll help you. Our motto has turned into "I can't read your mind....just ask me" This has helped us out tremendously because we feel like a team. I have also learned when I am sick, I ask him to take care of a few things because I am sick and NEED HIS HELP! This is working. I find when I make statements, its in one ear out the other, when I make a statement and ask a question with I need your help attached....he hears me...WHATEVER WORKS! No one wants to resent anyone or be resented... Good luck.
D.

First let me say that I commend your resolve for having been in this as long as you have. Not many could or would do it. So I tip my hat to you.
Back to your question;
You are not a bad wife, you are human. Give yourself a break. Maybe find a way to take some time off from everything and everyone and just get some "me" time. You have to know your worth to your family and what God wants from us is to know that we are to serve others but He also tells you to take care of you. Hopefully you have someone in your church that would help or maybe a Mom's day out programs. The reason I say this is become sometimes we start to feel entitled due to the issues with have. Entitlement makes us become resentful and alot of other things begin to stir up which causes other issues greater than the issues we already have to deal with. I am truly praying for you and your family to make it through this very rough time.

Take care of yourself because people like you are very valueable so I hope you the best.