Alone and Dealing with Debt.

I would have to ditto the Dave Ramsey idea. Worked wonders for us. It's hard but I felt so empowered by it that my kids are now disciplining themselves (13 and 14 yrs. old and they've saved for their cars!). Best of luck, you can do it!!

Here is my advice:

1. Start listening to Dave Ramsey - if you aren't a christian - just ignore that part of what he says. He gives great financial advice especially for people trying to get out of debt.

2. Enroll in Financial Peace University. If you call into his show, sometimes you might get the course for free. If you really can't afford the class, pick up the Total Money Makeover at a used bookstore.

3. Don't burden your daughter with this. I'm not sure what you would get out of that and she will feel obligated to help you. You need to clean this up yourself. And you need to ensure that you will not be a financial burden to her in the future.

4. Dave tells you that you take of your 4 walls before you pay any debt. The 4 walls are: 1. Food 2. Shelter 3. Electricity 4. Transportation. No one gets paid until after these things are in place.

5. This is very important - you CANNOT borrow your way out of debt. Stop borrowing money. Just don't pay your creditors until the 4 walls are in place. Put $1000 away as a baby emergency fund so you don't have to borrow money when something comes up.

6. Consult an attorney. You may need to declare bankruptcy.

7. You must increase your income while you can still work. Dave will also talk about this. What skills do you have to earn extra income? House sit, petsit, or if you have a valuable skill - freelance it. Extra income doesn't have to be a paycheck.

Why bring your daughter into your issues? Your past posts indicate that you and your daughter are not on best terms. So what is the point of involving her?

It's up to you to step up and be responsible for yourself. Go talk to your banker, financial advisor or follow a Dave Ramsey plan. Do NOT pay someone to make your debts go away.... Be responsible. Talk to the people you owe, set up payment plans.

Borrowing more money will not solve the issue. Spending less and being money wise will help you. Be patient for it might take some time. Take on another job, sell belongings, downsize ... Do what you have to do in order to be responsible and get yourself out of debt.

You are responsible for you so don't bring in relatives you have no relationship with to bail you out. Be responsible and do it yourself. You'll also feel better about yourself if you are responsible for yourself.

Take a good look at what you have and what you need.

Oh no... you're the same mom who won't leave her daughter alone...

Please leave your daughter out of this. She cannot take you breathing down her neck with this. File bankruptcy. Just do it. And go to the library and check out a Dave Ramsey book. Read it and do everything it talks about. Cut up all but ONE emergency credit card and don't touch it. Use the Ramsey strategy to handle your money.

You are old enough to say no to "things". It' good that you are working - you need to be paying into social security and medicare so that you have your 40 quarters in before retiring.

You need to take stock of your life, find something to interest you other than your daughter, and stop getting into financial messes. There are a ton of free things you can do to enjoy life some. But you must work to make ends meet. Pick up an extra job if you can't pay your immediate bills.

What in the world does your daughter have to do with your debt? Unless you went into debt specifically for her benefit, leave her OUT of this.
Get another job, even a PT job.
Borrow O. of Dave Ramsay's books for free from the library or buy a used copy. Step by step instructions for digging out of the debt you've created.
Learn about and work the debt snowball.

Start looking for a better paying job or just a second job. Get a job at a grocery store or at a restaurant and just keep looking for better opportunities.

I suggest this because nothing in your posts indicates that that option occurred to you.

And definitely listen to (or even call) Dave Ramsey. He really listens to people and tries to look at situations logically. He does realize that these situations are logical to him but very emotional to the person calling. So he is sensitive and not at all condescending. Listening to his show is a very good place to start.

Your daughter has nothing to do with this. If you have a "temporary" job that has income barely covering your bills, then the answer is simple...get another full time job that pays more. Also, check into Dave Ramsey's financial info. He has a great plan. Good luck.

Talk to a bankruptcy attorney. Get Dave Ramsey's program about debt reduction. Talk to your friends. Leave your daughter alone.

Cut up the credit cards, find another job or a second job. I know it is hard but you are going to have to get yourself out of this mess.

See a lawyer, declare bankruptcy, leave your daughter out of it.
Consider doing volunteer work to keep you busy.

Based on your many previous questions about your daughter not doing well in so many ways (financially, devotion to you), I'd skip that. I wouldn't discuss it with friends - they have no expertise, whether they are judgmental or not.

Go to the public library and get a couple of books by noted experts like Dave Ramsey and Suze Orman. Sometimes they have DVDs too - but you can borrow the titles through interlibrary loan if your branch doesn't have what you want. Read them. Twice. The first thing they will tell you to do is to cut up your credit cards - you are maxing out your credit, by your own admission, and your payments are barely covering some of the interest and none of the principal. Then get with a reputable debt agency like CCCS or anyone recommended by the above authors (not something that advertises on TV) who will will negotiate a lower credit card payment and consolidate your debts, stopping any annoying phone calls.

The books will also look at a lot of hidden expenses that you can reduce in your monthly budget. It helps to have someone else take an objective look at these things so either find a debt counselor or really be honest about the advice suggested in the books.

No one can live on 20 hours a week, so you will have to get a more secure job. If your temp job can convert to permanent, great. If you can get another temp job, great. There are plenty of jobs that have a schedule you can work around the job you have - grocery stores need part time cashiers and deli clerks, families need babysitting, home health agencies need companions for elderly or ill people, van services need drivers to take people to the airport or seniors to their doctor appointments. (I paid $23 an hour to an agency for help for my mother. I have a customer whose mother has ALS and needs someone to make her lunch and help her to the bathroom, and she's looking for someone outside of an agency so she doesn't have to pay $23 an hour. So there's work out there.)

Your town probably has a family counseling center with free or low-cost/sliding-scale counseling so get some focus there and a place to share your burdens.

I think you are looking for someone to talk to in the sense of seeking guidance, but your daughter should not be a candidate for this purpose. Talk to a bankruptcy attorney or other financial advisor who can guide you on how you might proceed moving forward. Believe me, you are not the first person to be in debt and over their heads. While you don't have to broadcast the situation, you might find that some of your friends have been in the same or similar situations.

because of your past questions, this one comes loaded with some baggage. by 'asking for help from all the moms out there', what exactly are you asking for help with? your bills? your loneliness? your strained relationship with your daughter?
if you just need a place to vent your worry, this is your place. and there will be plenty of good ideas on how to manage your budget.
if you're looking for support in your ongoing attempts to latch desperately onto your daughter, re-read your own last sentence as much as you need to.
khairete
S.

Yeah, based on your history with your daughter, don't go there. Now is the time to look to close family members and good friends for advice and support. People who truly love you won't judge you.

You sound very waif-y, and looking for your daughter (your "only family") to swoop in and save you. The problem is that it is NOT her job to do that. If you put that kind of pressure on her you may damage your relationship further.

If I were you I'd consult with some bankruptcy attorneys (more than one) and get Dave Ramsey's book from the library. Take one step at a time to get back on a level playing field. Start with your basic needs - shelter and food. A room is fine for now. Get an emergency fund going.

Unfortunately nobody else can do this work for you. You're going to have to dig deep and and do it yourself. And you can do it! Praying that things stabilize and that you get some ideas on how to proceed.

Good luck.

J.,

You got yourself into this mess. Now you need to get yourself out.

You need a full time job. You've been living above your means and now it's catching up with you.

You've TRIED having a relationship with you daughter. She's told you without coming out and telling you - she's not ready to have you in her life. It is NOT her responsibility to pay YOUR bills. You should NOT unload this on her. PERIOD. You want to push her away even more?? Go ahead. Give her guilt over this. You did this to yourself. I'm sorry. I know it sucks.

If you want to file bankruptcy? It will cost you money - usually $1500 CASH to get a lawyer to file all the stuff for you. But really - what's bankruptcy going to do for you? What's your reason for being financially irresponsible?? Medical issues? Job loss (sorry - but you're working part time). Can you file yourself? Yes. But you might miss something and be held accountable for it. So best to hire a lawyer.

I would go to the library and borrow finance books from Dave Ramsey and Suze Orman - two great financial gurus. Only YOU can fix this. DO NOT burden your daughter with this.

Find a full time job for yourself.
Get a plan in place and get your financial affairs in order.
And just to make sure I've said it so you will HEAR/UNDERSTAND it??

DO. NOT. TELL. YOUR. DAUGHTER.

Hi J.,

I am a financial advisor and just went to a conference where Chris Gardner - the character played by Will Smith in the movie, "The Pursuit of Happyness" was the keynote speaker. He said that he realized when he was broke and homeless that he drove himself into his situation and ONLY he could drive himself out.

Same goes for you. Decide to drive yourself out and then do it. It sounds like you need a counselor rather than burdening your daughter.