Almost 8 Yr Old Boy Having Trouble Making Friends and Focusing

This sounds exactly like my situation with my daughter in first grade. She's incredibly bright and sweet but was failing at reading, never remembered to turn anything in and the only parties or events she was invited to included an entire group (Daisy Troop/Class). I spoke with her teacher multiple times. We wound up having her evaluated by the school and eventually a child psychologist. He diagnosed her with ADHD. I hate even giving her tylenol or motrin, so I was pretty set against medicating her. After a lot of research and reflection on it, we decided to do a trial of concerta. I have to say, it has been a life changing decision. I do not believe medication is right for every situation or every child, but I think you should certainly look at having him evaluated. The child psychologist we worked with was amazing. He never made her feel like she was odd or different. He made the testing seem as if it were a game.

I will caution you against just going to your pediatrician about it. Ours immediately pulled out the prescription pad and wrote a script as soon as she saw the school report. We went on to have extension testing done and got a second opinion before decided on what to do.

Do you have friends who have children his age? Maybe you could get to know some of the other moms and set some play dates up. Watch him and see how he interacts. A couple things could be going on but dont let the school determine it for you. One he could have ADD, two one of my friends her husband was not diagnoised with Aspbergers till he was an adult, or they may be even other issues. Try finding a good child psychologist some times thats all they need. My son who is ADHD we finally at 17 found him a good one and he is doing much better in school finally making good friends and is medication free.

The first step would be to talk to his teachers. Then I would talk with him about how he's feeling about school, friends etc. It really may just be his personality - shy? You could then take that info and your gut feelings and talk to the pediatrician about any suggestions. Try not to overreact or "label" him now. Good luck.

I found with my daughter that I had to get her into outside of school kid events so she had a wide range of kids. I found putting her in Karate classes really helped her to settle down and focus. She is doing a lot better. Also I found that certain foods set her off. Go on line and search ADD foods. There are some foods that make them go off course worse than others. I found peanuts in the morning gave her a nice protein boost (they say protein is good for that in the morning). They had recommended eggs and sausage but daughter hates eggs lol so Peanuts it is. Switching teachers might help but you still will need to deal with the attention or the issue will continue. I say get him into either tumbling classes or karate classes and watch what you are giving for breakfast in the morning for a while. Dont expect a quick fix this will take some time.

N., probably I am the minority H. telling you this...but in my humble opinion I can tell that he behaves like a very normal boy. I have two boys, I have one brother, I have 4 brothers- in- law and 7 nephews....I hear the same thing you are posting now from their moms and grandmothers. Focusing and distractions is a "problem" at this age. We, moms, and teachers wish for a very calm and quiet little guy..but they are BOYS! My two boys are pretty active, they are always jumping and laughing and doing lots of things at once. The older one used to be VERY easily distracted and had problems on focusing, however I found certain motivation issues, and that helped me to guide him better which helped him to concentrate better. Friends?? He will make friends eventually when he finds friends with the same interests, probably he has not found that yet.
Please do not just rush into an issue that it does not exist yet....Enroll your kid in sports or another activity he ACTUALLY enjoy. Do not show him you are "worry" about him not having friends or "being lazy". TALK TO HIM, BELIEVE HIM and let him to show you what he likes and dislikes. MOTIVATE HIM! You have not idea how many mistakes we, moms, make when we do not listen to our boys and we do listen to other adults WHO DO NOT KNOW our children as we do.
Be patience, very patience, state what you expect from him and encourage him to do it. Motivate him, the key is find what he likes a lot.
On another hand about focusing, he is just 8 years old. Help him, check his homework, make a homework/projects/chores 'chart and hang it on his room's wall where he can check everything it needs to be D. before he goes to school in the next morning. (or anything you asked him to do)
I have been there...D. that believe me and I can tell you that I have the best kids, well behaved normal kids..and happy kids!
Good luck, try every road before you decide to medicate them, some kids need it..others NOT and that is OK, but try your patience and love (it seems you have TONS!!!!)

Get the book Disconnected Kids by Dr. Robert Melillo. He is the co-founder of the Brain Balance Acheivement Centers. It describes how there can be a functional disconnection in our kids' brains and it shows up in different symptoms. They also have a website www.brainbalancecenters.com There's one in Kalamazoo.

N.---I would definitely look at food and his diet as the first solution to the focus problem. I have articles and research showing that additives, artifical colors, flavors, preservatives, MSG, etc. can all make it look like a kid has ADD/ADHD. He would also benefit from more fruits and veggies in his diet, which will give his body the nutrients needed to heal, protect and allow his body to work the way it is supposed to. I also have charts suggesting serving sizes/amounts for different aged children, both boys and girls.

Please understand that I am not suggesting that your son has a poor diet, rather that it may not be good enough for his brain or for what I term a vulnerable body. I truly believe that our food lacks the nutrition necessary for optimal health. Food is NOT vine-ripened, shipped many miles, sits in the grocery store and then is cooked, all of these diminish the nutrition available to the body. I would also warn against most man-made isolated vitamins (I've got research to explain) but do thing we need help. There are some good food based supplements on the market. We use one that is backed by 18 independent studies, made of 17 different fruits, veggies and grains.

As for friends for your son. Socialization is very important. See if you can't get him to talk about it. Otherwise, I guess I would find some activities that he enjoys and see if he might be able to relate better to kids who have similar interests. But, be sure you don't look for trouble where there is none. He might not be as concerned as you are. It sometimes takes time for kids to 'bloom' into a more social creature. And, you might be able to assess the situation based on his past history. How did he relate to others when he was younger? I agree that it would be good to check with the teacher to see how he is in the classroom.

Keep an eye on it but don't stress over it. Kids are supremely sensitive and he could pick up on that in a heartbeat. You don't want to create stress for him. Take a deep breath and know that you will do the right thing. Take care, D.