My son will be fournext month. He has been potty trained since 2 except at night. He has had three accidents this week, two which were at school and he did not tell anyone, he just came home and i smelled him and then he told me he peed on himself. I do get upset because he does not tell me, and he goes to a montessori school so he can go at anytime. Im not sure why he is all of a sudden having accidents, should i not be getting mad at him?
My son had accidents until he was almost 7!!!! I was at my wits end but he eventually stopped. There were no medical problems. In our case he was just all wrapped up in whatever he was doing and didn't want to stop. He has an extremely laid back personality to this day so maybe that had something to do with it. My other son is type A and hasn't had an accident since he was 3. They're all so different. Be patient, it will pass....
You are right, you should not be getting mad at him.
Being a child, at this age, he is busybusybusy at school/home and so engrossed in play that he's not listening to his body's cues. Or he is thinking that "maybe, I can hold it long enough". Testing of this capacity (holding urine or feces) is pretty common at this age.
This is his challenge to deal with. How you can help him: let his teachers know he is having accidents at school, and that they need to *send him* to the potty regularly. This is different than *asking* if he needs to go. I've learned this over many years of working with kids: they need to be told. And at home, if you suspect that it's been a while since he's used the toilet, you too can just tell him "It's time to use the potty" and send him.
I do this with my son (he'll be four in April) pretty consistently. If it's been over two hours or so, I just tell him to use the toilet. I do wait until he's at a transition moment (when he's not heavily engaged in play), and I watch for these moments. I've found this is most effective for me, personally.
And with the preschool group I teach, I have a pretty clear guideline: if they wet themselves and want to change right away, I'll often wait on starting storytime or a group activity they love, so that they can change their clothes. When they *don't* tell me their pants are wet, and I have to discover it myself, they know I will not wait on those activities, but proceed as usual. It's part of their job at preschool to take care of themselves, and that means changing their clothes when they are wet.
Let the teacher know that your son is needing more direction with this, because the teacher should be able to step in and help him (as much as he'll comply) through this time. Kids have accidents, for sure, and we can help them through this by being 'the reminders'. Remember, they are still pretty little and have different priorities than we do!
Almost 4 is not very old. Like other posters, I think this is normal. My daughter last had an accident when she was 4. Just got too wrapped up in what she was doing and didn't make it. My friend's 6 year old still does this occasionally! Agree with the mom who said to ask the teacher to send him to the toilet every couple of hours.
I do wonder why this is happening all of a sudden though. Is anything different? New teacher? New activity that he doesn't want to miss so doesn't go to the toilet? New baby at home? Is he complaining of pain -- might have a UTI?
Below is a copy of my response to Jacy B.'s post on exactly the same topic. She was also concerned about a new bed. Also check the answers to her post. A lot of Moms had some great ideas about how to help him and mad at him really won't help him. More than likely he's not doing it to spite you. Could you ask his teacher to remind him to use the restroom at regular intervals? They did at my daughters preschool.
"I'm going to answer with a question. Why do we expect perfection from a 4 year old? Gentle reminding and making her deal with the consequences I can understand. I can even understand being frustrated but she is so young! In speaking with a number of parents, the fact is she may very well have an accident at school in 1st grade (age 6). Are you going to bring "Baby diapers" to school and make her change into them then? She doesn't really CHOOSE to wait too long. She gets involved with what she is doing and is probably excited and happy with grandma being there, not thinking every two minutes (Do I need to go to the bathroom?) She is still learning this skill and I think gentle reminding would help her more than "humiliation". As for the big bed, I'd put on a waterproof mattress pad."
As hard as it is I would try to keep your cool when talking to him about it. The more you "react" the more it could become a bigger issue. I'm not sure how you might go about handling it if he is not telling anyone what is going on, but it's possible that he is hiding it because he knows it will upset you. I would suggest you try the same thing we're told to do when initially potty training. Something like "oops we had an accident, let's try to keep our pants dry and use the potty please." If you get upset he might be afraid to tell you what happened. Maybe keep a change of pants in his bag so he can "take care" of the wet one's if it happens again and a plastic bag to put wet ones in? If he is embarrassed or other kids notice it could lead to some confidence issues in the future. Might work out better to teach him how to fix it on his own. If it continues to be an issue talk to the doc about possible causes. He might just be having fun and not going when he needs to. It happeneds.
i am where you are at with my daughter. i feel that she is mentally capable to know when she has to goto the bathroom. my daughter has been potty trained durring the day for a year now.
when she pees her pants i make her put a pull up on. she will not have another accident that day. she will not pee in a pull up. my daughter chooses to wait till the last sec. to go. i have tried not being mad i have swatted her anything and everything till now i make her put a pull up on.
you will find what is right for your son.
