Almost 3 Yr Old Angry.

At this age, you need to take her by the hand or arm gently and do what you tell her with her. You can't expect kids that young to do what you say without assisting them. Only say it once. If she doesn't do it, go over, take her by the arm gently and put away the toys with her. Even if she puts one toy away by herself it's a start. Never say anything that you don't follow through on.

Keep in mind:

1) She is 3. Not even some Adults, listen.
2) at this age, their "emotions" are not even fully developed.
3) At this age, they do not even have "automatic" coping skills, nor for how to deal with frustrations.
4) at this age, they don't have fully mastered ability to communicate their every thought or feelings.
5) at this age, they do not even know... the "names" for their feelings. And they don't even know, precisely, HOW they feel
6) at this age, you need to teach the child, the names for feelings. ie: happy, sad, angry, grumpy, frustrated, irritated, tired, etc. So that in time... they learn HOW to say it and convey that, TO you.
7) At this age, they have no control over their every preferences. And all day a child is told, what to do. So, teach her how to communicate, and how... to say things in a more pleasant... tone of voice. Again, this takes practice with the parent teaching the child, and role-play. So that, OVER time... the child gains better "ability" at it.
8) Do not argue with a child, otherwise it will be a vicious cycle... and then every little thing will turn into a "battle."
9) Thus, remember that, she is 3.
They are NOT, fully mastered at everything yet. They are not even fully mastered at socialization yet.

10) Children, do not come with the automatic inborn skills, for knowing how to manage... their every idea or preference or feelings. Not even some Adults, know how.
Remember that.

Create a rapport... with your child. So that over time, there is a good natural pleasant relationship and interaction between the both of you.
And sometimes, even if something is frustrating for the adult... if you make a light joke about it or put some humor into it as you teach them, the child will respond differently and better, towards you.

You can empathize with her a little, but let her know that some things have to happen. "I know you don't like nap time, sweetie, but you need rest so you have energy to play. Would you like to nap or play quietly?" At 3, she's on the verge of not needing a nap, so the choice may help. Also, sometimes they play quietly and then fall asleep (LOL).

Re. toys - again, empathize, get on her level, but reaffirm that it needs to happen. She still needs some help at this age, so don't expect more than is appropriate.

Love and Logic - loveandlogic.com - call and see if they have facilitators with classes in your area. Kids that age are learning a lot and growing a lot. This parenting style teaches decision making and natural consequences. It gives kids experience making choices, and it really gives them a feeling of control as they grow. When they are young, the choices are things that are minor to YOU but directed toward getting what needs to happen happening. For example, need your kid clean - do you want a bath or shower? Do you want a bubble bath or water bath? YOU get the bath you want, but the child gets to pick and has some control.

Yep, welcome to the terrible 3s. This is common behavior. My son has selective hearing as well. I have tried to make a game out of things, like lets see who can pick up more toys....you or mommy. That sometimes works.

One thing I learned is similar to Patricia's statement: to get their attention, I connect, then direct.

For example, she's playing... acknowledge what she's doing. "Oh, look at this, you've got your baby doll all wrapped up (whatever she's doing)". Then, when you have her attention, give her a head's up: "In a couple minutes, we need to put your toys away and it'll be time for a nap." Then, stick around,play for a minute, and help her transition from what she's doing. "Will you get the dollies/toys ready for their naps?" (we did this at preschool/toddler group... 'putting the toys to bed' and you can actually cover them with a cloth) If she doesn't help, go on doing what needs to be done, then take her by the hand and get her ready for her nap.

At this age, she needs you to be authoritative and lead the way. Even when she doesn't want to do it, she needs it to be a 'fact of life', so be sure you are using authoritative language, as in "It is time for" instead of "are you ready/do you want to?" Be sure to own your direction instead of making it a 'friendly question' to which you will likely get a no response. Tell, don't ask.

She can have a few 'how' choices within this framework, which means that you can ask her "do you want to place the babies over here, or on a pillow for naptime?" or 'will up pick up the blocks or the kitchen toys?' -- it's getting done, but she can choose *how* she does it. Don't bombard her with them, of course, but do give her a little room to have some control over a task she needs to do. "Do you want to pick out books first or go potty/diaper change first?" These are friendly ways to engage her through an unwelcome transition.

And if you feel she's growing out of the nap, then do offer to let her play quietly with a few soft toys on her bed or look at books. Kids this age aren't great at taking quiet playtime on their own for too long, so don't expect her to stay in her room/on the bed for more than 5 minutes to start. (if she's still in a crib, you might have more success.) Do set a timer for ten minutes and then come back and check on her. I've found that when I start kids on 'quiet time',(and usually at a later age) most of them need me to keep it short. Always use a timer, so they know that quiet time *will* end; they will grow more comfortable with playing on their own if they trust that they'll have that ending. And then, add on a little more time each day, even if it's just two minutes at a time. But don't expect too much, too soon.

Good luck!

my two year old does this. I generally joke with her, tickle her and say things like "oh you can't hear mama can you?" When she closes her eyes to ignore me I do the same, and joke " ooooo mama can't see you when you close your eyes like that!" She laughs and generally understands my sarcasm. I don't get angry with her, we just joke and laugh and i let her know its just not working.

Take away what she is doing at the time and repeat yourself when you have her attention.

I had the same problem when my son was 3. I started talking to him about how I feel when he ignores me, and asked him if he likes me to do the same EVERY SINGLE TIME!? I had to ignore him or better to say not listened to what he asked me to do:( Worked really well for us!!