Almost 2 and Still Waking up at Night!!!

Hi M.,
My daughter is almost 2 1/2 and wakes pretty much every night and screams for me. She used to come to my room but that started to be a big problem so now she has a gate on her door at night.
We've been reading Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, which gives some ideas in the later half of the book.
Just letting you know you are NOT alone! Good luck!
M. W.

My daughter was 3+ before she started sleeping all through the night. We tried everything, but the one thing that worked for her was putting a weighted blanket on her tucked under the edges of the mattress so she couldn't kick out of it. That way she felt like she was being cuddled without me there. Good Luck!!

My son is 4, and for awhile he was co sleeping. He is now FINALLY, sleeping in his own bed and own room, but he still wakes up because he wants mommy. We put him back to bed and tell him that he needs to sleep in his own bed. I leave his light on a lil bit and I tell him that I will leave my door open so that if he needs me at night I will hear him. He is sleeping better at night. He still wakes up sometimes and I will find him in bed with us every once in a while. Just keep at it and it will get better.

M.,

Reading your post, I started thinking Super Nanny to the rescue! She has two bed time techniques that might be helpful for you.

1) Back to bed:
* The first time he gets up, remind him that it’s bedtime, lead him back to bed, give him a kiss and a cuddle, and leave the bedroom.
* The second time, do the same but use a firmer voice and make the kiss and cuddle brief.
* The third and any subsequent times, say nothing at all as you lead him back to bed, tuck him in, and leave the room. This is the hard part, and it’s very tempting to give a cuddle. Remember that a gentle, consistent approach will convince your child that you’re there for him, but that you insist he sleep in his own bed.

2) For clingy kids:
* Follow a calming bedtime routine.
* Once you’ve put the little one to bed, don’t sit or lie down beside them. Sit on the floor instead, keeping your head down so they can see your profile but not your eyes, turn the light off and say “now it’s time to be quiet and go to sleep”.
* If your child carries on chatting to you, insist that “it’s sleep time now” in a gentle but firm voice and don’t get drawn into a discussion.
* If they get out of bed, put them back with a kiss and a cuddle the first time, just a kiss the second time, then with minimal physical contact after that. This part can be really hard, especially as the nights go on, but consistency and a kind tone will help your child feel secure in their bed without the anxiety of being left alone.
* Little by little, move further away from the bed each night.
* Eventually, you’ll be sitting with the door open, and finally you can say goodnight and go downstairs.

I copy and pasted both of these directly from http://www.supernanny.us.com They've worked on the show, and they've worked in my house.

Hope this helps,
Melissa

Hi Mom,

From a pure reinforcment view, each time you cuddle or pat your wee one back to sleep she is #1)in control & #2)getting an 'it's ok to wake up several time a night' message from you. Let her deal with waking up alone. Use ear plugs if you must, but the sooner you stop reinforcing her waking up behavior with the cuddles, the sooner she will decide there's not much reason to wake up cause you won't be coming and she will learn to sleep through the night.

Hers is a negative behavior and will exhaust you, but so far she has been recieving what she wants as a reward for waking up. Depending on how long this has been allowed you may find her will is pretty strong and it's hard to say for how long you'll have to "tuff it out". She will not necessarily agree that your is the best idea. Be strong, remember who's the parent and that you know what is best and healthiest for her...a good night's sleep for all.

God bless and good luck.

I assume your youngster gets lots of exercise and are you letter her nap during the day? Maybe not napping would help her to be tired. Also try a bath before bed and story time. Or, maybe something boring on tv would lull her to sleep.

Be consistent. I don't know how many nights you have tried not going to her, but when my son was little he tried that too. I used the noise of a swamp fan to drown him out. I encourage you to "stick to your guns." Its rough, but in the long run you will be better off.

Good luck.

I know it must FEEL like yours is the only almost 2 year old waking up at night, but she is FAR FAR from it, believe me. It's really not that uncommon, but for some reason, mothers are made to feel like they must be doing something wrong if their toddlers are still night waking, so no one likes to admit it! But out of the dozen or so two year olds that we know, I'd say about three quarters are still waking up at night. My daughter (26 months) has recently started sleeping up to 8 hours stretches. There wasn't really anything I did, I think it was just a developmental milestone that she reached- something in her brain just started allowing her to sleep longer. One thing that does seem to help is giving her a snack before bed- usually a bowl of whole grain cereal with milk (milk has tryptophan in it). Then i also keep some dry cereal and a water bottle next to the bed in case she;s hungry in the night. After an illness, she went back to waking up and wanting to nurse, but I started telling her "we nurse in the morning when the sun comes up" and she began to accept it and will just cuddle back to sleep, usually once a night or once early in the morning.

Lots of toddlers still need nightime parenting- nursing, cuddling, etc. She may be getting her two year molars too. Have you read "THe No Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers"? by Elizabeth Pantley- it's a great book with tons of ideas.

Good luck, and know you are not alone!

Have you tried to keep classical music going at night? With My little girl, her thing was Baby Einstein. Or Hawaii Lullibies.
Good luck!

You're not alone. My son turned 2 in December and most nights he still wakes up at least once, sometimes up to 4 times! Believe it or not, this is an improvement, as he used to wake up sometimes as often as every 20 minutes up til he was about a year old.

One thing we did which seemed to make a difference is stop taking him out of his crib. We'll go in and hug him and give him kisses, but never pick him up, just keep telling him it's time for sleep and to lie back down. He didn't like this much for the first couple of nights, but he quickly got the idea that he wasn't going to be held (although we were still very loving and comforting), and would start lying down almost as soon as we got there.

After that, we started cutting out the kisses, hugs, talking, etc. when he woke at night. We would give him as little interaction as possible, just telling him to lie down and go to sleep. This also seemed to help.

Now, even though he still wakes at night, I can usually go in, get him back down, sing him a quick rendition of the Beatle's "Blackbird" and get myself back to bed within 3-4 minutes. Not ideal, but a heck of a lot better than waking up every 20 minutes.

Good luck!

Dear M.;
I am so sorry! It is so tough not to get a good nights rest. There is a wonderful book that can help with this, it is called Healthy Sleep Habit Happy Child. It is written by a sleep Doctor. He is so good. His first name is Marc and last name starts with a W. Take the time to read the book. THere really is no quick fix, but you can help her sleep through the night.
L.

Is she in your room or another? Our son was in a crib in our room, and woke up 5-6 times a night at age 1 1/2 and we were exhausted from "appeasing" his nighttime wishes just to get a few hours of rest. After 4 months of this, we had enough and put him in his own room and he slept all night after that. (I hesitated because I figured he'd cry all night) . In his own room he hardly fussed and just went straight to sleep (he cried 10 min the first night, 6 the 2nd, and 2 the 3rd) and then went straight to sleep (all night!) We figured that he needed quiet most of all, as he woke up whenever he heard any noise and wanted us to console him (or come in our bed). After 3 months in his own room, we had overnight guests that needed his room, and so he came in our room one night and awoke 6 times again. But back in his room, sleeping all night. Hope this helps.

Trust me, you are NOT the only mom of a two year old that wakes at night. My daughter would go to sleep in her own bed but always woke up around midnight. We brought her into our bed at that time to make it easier on us, and did this until she was 4. It worked for our family, but may not for yours.

Ultimately what I learned, was that each child is different, and what may work for one will not work for all. My daughter was scared to be alone, so the "cry it out" method that we tried did more harm than good. It took us some time to figure out that it was really a fear she had, and not something we could train out of her. Try a night light. You can let your daughter pick a really cool one and let her know that (the princess, the frog, the moon, etc... whatever it is) will be with her all night long. I would still come into her room when she needs you, but try to be there for her without being her crutch. Maybe you could cuddle her while sitting beside the bed (and she still in it) for a while, then work to just cuddling her arm, then work to just holding her hand, then work to just being in the room, then to just reassuring her verbally from afar. This is how we did it with my daughter. It also took time though. Try singing softly to her, or something so she may not protest so much to the change. You don't want her to feel rejected or invite her to fight with you. I would just tell my daughter that her bed was not big enough for me, or I didn't want to break her bed. Then that my arm was getting tired, or whatever excuse that might make sense to her.

Good luck! In a few years, you will look back and cherish these quiet night time cuddles and wonder why it was such a big deal then.

Have you thought about night terrors, it is very common in young children. You could try asking the next time she wakes up if she is scared. If she is then do a monster sweep before bed and reasure her that there is nothing to be afraid of. It really helped with my daughter, she is also 2 years and sleeps in a big girl bed.

Krissy L

Just to commisserate, my daughter is 22 mo and wakes up more often than she sleeps through the night. Sometimes, like the night before last, she woke up three times and then wouldn't go back to sleep after 4:30am without her papa sleeping next to her. Her best friend is 2 1/2 and also rarely sleeps through the night.

One thing I've tried that seems to help is when I put her to bed at night initially, after stories and the routine, I sit with her, near her but not next to her, until just BEFORE she falls asleep. Then I let her know I'm leaving and that I'll be back to check on her in a little bit. Then she knows not to expect us to be there when she does wake up, and is better at putting herself back to sleep and staying asleep.

Best,
E. Mendenhall, ND

Well I had a routine every night on time.I would bath her with lavender baby wash and soft music.Then I nursed her and she usually fell asleep and then I put her to sleep and she slept well.Best wishes.K.

Hi M.~

Our daughter did this too. The two things that helped were a) getting her to be earlier...don't know why, but it helped her regulate her sleep. She wasn't getting enough so it was not good quality.
b)putting more blankets on her bed, preferably those puffy down-type duvets.

Our daughter was not getting enough sleep, and sleeping poorly. She'd thrash about, make herself cold, then wake up and want to be snuggled back to sleep. Having a warm, cozy nest of a bed helped her stay asleep and so did getting her full 9-10 hours. Good luck!

Hi M.,
We went through this with our oldest son and now our second son is doing it also (he's 2). He gets out of bed and comes into our room so what we did was put a door knob cover (child proofing kind) on the outside of our door knob. Now when we hear him it makes us get up and put him back to his own bed instead of bringing him into ours. It takes some time but it does work. Good luck :)

Hi! I don't know if you would be up to this, but, my sister has an autistic son and he has trouble sleeping through the night as well. He is 4 and she has been doing the same things as you. She went to a naturopathic dr. and the dr. suggested that my sister use a melatonin spray, 1-4 sprays at bedtime. Well she has been using it for about a week now and she is just praising it. It's completely natural, I have taken the melatonin in my younger years when I couldn't sleep. Even though it's an alternative thing, I thought you could use the information. You could even check with a Dr. yourself to see if there is any harm.

Good Luck!

P.S. something I forgot to mention. My nephew has been going to bed at 7 and sleeping until 7 the next morning without climbing into mom and dad's bed or even getting up.

This is something I can relate to! My son didn't sleep through the night on a consistent basis until he was 4 years old. It's worth checking with your pediatrician to see if she could have a sleeping disorder such as night terrors. I was so frustrated and lack of sleep left my husband and I both on the edge. It may not be the same thing, but my son would wake up several times at night seeming to be awake, but we couldn't reason with him. He would even talk to us and answer questions but the next morning he wouldn't remember anything. I was pregnant with my second child and asked my doctor if it was possible that my oldest son had some sort of sleeping disorder, but he told me to get used to it, that was life as a mother with young children. I knew I wouldn't be able to survive with an infant and a 3 year old both not sleeping through the night. We moved after the birth of our second son and my new pediatrician agreed that the oldest (almost 4 by then) probably had some type of disorder - from my description he said it sounded like night terrors. The child functions as if he were awake, but is actually still in a state of sleep. He gave us a teeny tiny pill (I can't remember the name of it for the life of me, sorry) which would force his body into the deep sleep it needed. After 4-6 weeks, the body is supposed to have developed the habit of getting into that sleep naturally and there is no need for the medication. We had him take that before bed for the four weeks and he did great during that time. We (apprehensively) went a night without it after the four weeks and he did fine, so we tried it for several nights with great results and never had another problem. It was miraculous! That may or may not be the case with your daughter but it is definitely worth checking into and even getting a second opinion on (since my first pediatrician "poo-poo'd" the idea). And, as a side note, just because they are considered night terrors, the child isn't necessarily screaming in fear or fighting. Sometimes my son did, sometimes not. He is now 19 years old and has been sleeping quite well for the past 15 years ;-) Hope this helps.

I didn't sleep through the night until I was almost 3. My brother was partly to blame because he took me to see a scary movie when I was two. I'm not saying that you've exposed your child to something scary, but i know that my parents discovered I was extremely sensitive to sound, and when a noise would wake me, then my imagination would take over. THey finally bought me a whitenoise machine and that solved the problem.
Good Luck!
B. :o)

When you find out, let me know! My already two year old is the same way. He starts the night out in his bed just fine, but always comes to our bed in the middle of the night. Actually, just last week, he finally slept twice through the night until about 5 am, so I am hoping we are finally beginning to end this phase! Just to let you know, you are not alone and are not the only very sleep deprived mother out there!

First of all, you are definately not tho only one in this situation! it will pass, eventually.
A good nights sleep is SO important!
My husband and I sleep with our two, 21/2 year olds and for the most part we are very rested.
I would suggest sleeping with your baby. I know it's an uncomfortable idea for some, but in my experience, babies sleep better with other bodies. If you are there next to her and she can find you and cuddle up, you don't have to wake up!
You can check out some of the great articles on co-sleeping on mothering magazines website, it's very informative, helpful, and reassuring.
Sleep well!

M.
I am a mother who went through this too! You are not alone. My daughter nursed until she was two and only slept through the night a handful of times until then. (and by through the night, I mean 4-6 hours at a stretch). I also tried several strategies to no avail, and my daughter hated the crib too! I totally empathize.
So, until recently I layed down with her to sleep, then after she fell asleep, I got up. Now, I rock in the chair next to her bed as she falls asleep, then get up. She has her own bed, but she still comes into our room in the middle of the night and we have a "family bed."
Have you thought of having a family bed to share until she is able to sleep more on her own? That would prevent more night wakings on your part, and maybe more sleep for all...another thought would be to move her bed into your room for a while and see if she sleeps better there, then later move it back to her room.
I know these are alternative ideas from "mainstream" parenting, but can work for a family if needed.
About the sitter issue, we still only leave our daughter with her "Nana" and auntie. She hasn't had a babysitter outside of family. It can take a while for a child to build that trust with someone. Do you have family she knows nearby who can help?
All the Best
N.

You are not alone. My daughter was almost 3 when she finally slept all by herself all night. We just started to stress that she was a big girl (she also was potty trained and the big girl was stressed). We also started giving her incentives such as a trip to the park or to the ice cream shop if she slept all night.

i don't really have a solution for you, but i wanted to tell you that you are not alone. my son will be two in april and has yet to sleep through the night. i keep hoping he will just grow out of it. my daughter has been sleeping through the night since she was six months and now she is four. i don't know what it is, but i just wanted to tell you good luck.

You're TOTALLY not alone. My son is 2.5, and I could've written the same post WORD for WORD. The funny thing is that I have an 8-month old who sleeps 12 hours at night! I wish I had some suggestions for you, but I'm obviously in need of some myself. Now that he's getting older we're hoping to introduce a reward system for staying in his bed. We are also in the process of trying to stay firm (hard thing to do when you're chronically sleep-deprived)and not lay down with him at night. We go in an encourage him and rub his back, but just try to let him work it out. If we do end up laying down with him, we get back into our bed as soon as possible so that he can get used to sleeping by himself. I fear that it's just going to take time, as none of the suggestions in the plethora of sleep books have helped us. I HAVE noticed a big improvement just after his second birthday, so maybe there is hope for you! I just wanted you to know that you're not alone. Good luck!

Good morning M....tell me a little more about trying to let her cry it out and it doesn't work. How long did you let her cry? Did she cry all night long until it was time to get up in the morning?

In my opinion, the "cry it out" thing works (for younger babies especially) but it's REALLY hard for us mommies to go through so you gotta just prepare yourself, buy a bottle of wine (lol) and hunker down for three nights from hell. My pediatrician promised me it would only take 3 nights to to break my daughter of this bad habit and he was right. The first night she screamed her head off for THREE HOURS!!!! I thought I was going to die. The next night it was a little over 90 minutes, the 3rd night it was about 20 minutes and that was that.

At 2, the way you handle this situation will tell her A LOT about the power she has in other situations (i.e., will you eventually cave in or does no mean no). I also think at 2 it may take a little longer than 3 nights and you may have to add in a little bit of Super Nanny bedtime technique since she's probably able to just get out of bed and open the door and come out or whatever. She is definintley going to say to herself "well that little tantrum didn't work so wait until they see this one...." It will get worse before it gets better as she tests this new line in the sand out. Just stay strong, don't give her any payoff (no talking, cuddling, explaining, etc....not interaction whatsoever except to place her back in her bed if she's coming out of her room) and eventually you will win the battle...I promise.

Good luck!

L.

P.S. I'm a sahm to 8 and 5 year old girls. I've been married for almost 11 years.

Hi M.,
My son is 3 1/2 and still wakes every single night. You are not the only mom, don't worry. :) He has been doing this ever since he was one year old. Consistency with letting her cry might be the ticket, I know we aren't very consistent alot of the time, but when we are he seems to get the hint after a few days and sleeps better. Trust me, I know how you feel! I am still battling with this issue at this age. This week its letting him cry and soothing himself back to sleep!!
My son is used to us running in as soon as he makes a peep (this being because of health issues when he was a baby)
Last night he woke up crying, I went in and covered him up gave him a kiss and said good night. He cried for about 20 mins and fell asleep.
I think for us we created a bad habit by picking him up and holding him so he would go back to sleep. No more, we are tired!
Good luck.
K.

Oh, yeah!!
I'd also suggest co-sleeping for awhile - our culture is one of the few that expects babies to sleep alone!! As a grammie, when my grand daughters, 7 & 3 sleep at my house, the 3 year old usually sleeps thru the night (in my bed), & just kind of wakes up! At home, she often wakes up & cries for awhile (either sleeping with mom or with her sister!!) not fair, I know! & my 2 yr old grandson falls asleep with bedtime stories, then sleeps thru the night when he & his big sis (4) share a bed!

Something that's been helping the 3 yr old is the childrens herbal formula (a glycerate rather than alcohol based tincture) put out by Herb Pharm . . . one of the Naturopaths at my clinic suggested it. She takes it ~ 1/2 hour before bed, in a little water or juice, & it has been helping; plus she loves taking her 'medicine.'

Another suggestion is having someone who does cranial-sacral massage that works with kids give your little one a session - very gentle work, but sometimes something is out of whack!!

Good luck! This WILL pass.
Nadya

Hi,
My daughter did the same thing at this age. I figured out she was having night terrors. I kept the lights off, went to her room and cuddled her until she calmed down. She eventually grew out of this when she was three. I know it's hard. Maybe you and your husband could take turns on different nights.
Also, remember to try and take a nap when she does so you can get some of that sleep you are missing out on at night.
Good Luck!

My daughter did the same thing up until she turned four or five --when we started narrowing down her naptimes and eventually turned nap time into quiet/alone time. Naps would have been reduced earlier had the preschool she went to allowed it, but they required naptime for everyone until they were five. It also helped make going to bed easier because she was more tired. Instead of naps, we got her to bed earlier. Hang in there. :-)