I have been thinking about my almost 11 year old son. Like most boys his age he is fairly egocentric. He talks about himself and his interests and has a harder time seeing or existing outside of that. He has recently started puberty and with that came in an interest in girls. Today I took him to breakfast and I asked him questions about the book he is reading, his friends, his recent hunting trip and then I invited him to ask me questions about me.
He was a little shaken but he finally asked me what kind of music I liked, then with some prompting about the book I am reading. After we talked, I told him that this was the first in our series of "dates" and that I wanted to teach him how to treat girls and to be truly interested in them.
He will not actually date for several years but I want him to know how to treat girls and to be curious about them as people.
He is a little uncomfortable and would probably rather learn this on his own but when we left, he opened the door for me. I told him that he had to plan our next date and pay for it. Even if it is just going out for a cup of hot chocolate on a cold night. He has plenty of chances to earn money around the house.
My question is two fold. What do you ladies think of this idea and second, can you think of any cheap or free things we can do or any topics I should cover with him? We live in Eureka.
Awww cute!! Now I wish my 13yr old son and I had dates, too. Maybe I'll take a cue from you and start doing this - it's a great idea!
Love the idea, but try to keep in "natural" and don't worry about covering specific topics. Having said that, it wouldn't hurt for him to know...
- good phone/text etiquette (don't answer the damn thing midconversation or during a meal)
- pull out the chair/ open the door
- good handshake
- how to talk with adults, but parents will want to meet him (eye contact, handshake sir/ma'am, etc)
- respect for women and what the means/ doesn't mean
** How to dance. I mean really dance- my grandmother made sure that my father and his brothers knew how to dance properly and it always impresses me to see my parents dance together. We all went to cotillion and learned basic "dance steps" and I was amazed by how many guy friends wanted to learn in college! My husband and I took lessons together before our wedding- nothing choreographed, just how to lead/follow. I think this is a lost skill and one that will be much appreciated by his future girlfriends and wife!
I love that you are doing that! His future wife will owe you a lot :-) no ideas, but kudos!
Good idea!
Good for you!
Keep it up!
ALSO... it depends on how your Spouse... treats you and how you both interact, too...
In theory I think it's a really great idea - but I don't think I would actually call them "dates" though, or necessarily have him pay for it - that seems a little creepy (imagine if his friends got wind of the fact that he takes his mom on dates - LOL). But the concept behind your idea is fabulous - it's very important IMO for boys to be comfortable making conversation and learning how to really listen and communicate with others (take this from someone who is married to a strong, silent type!). Just make sure that you're open to answering whatever questions he may come up with! Good luck with it!
Is Dad in the picture? If so, I would try to have HIM talk to your son as well as what you are doing (good idea though!)... maybe give Dad a refresher course on what a gentleman does *if he needs one*. (holding doors, compliments, manners, etc...) The best way for your son to learn is to follow the example of a male figure that is close to him.
I love this idea ! I have an 11 year old and I have been wondering how to get him ready to interact with girls in a respectful manner. I will have to start going out on "dates" with him. I do agree that having him pay is a little much. What I think would be a good idea is for him to come up with a couple of ideas (2-3) and together you decide what to do. Then if you want him to learn how to interact with the servers, etc. you can give him the money to pay.
Love it! I started doing this with my lil brother when he was in jr high, he is 16 now. I always paid and planned but would tell him to get ready we were going on a date. He opens doors, car door (and I'm driving) and act very polite and like a gentleman. I used to cue him on things and then tell him that's how he was to treat a lady even if she insisted otherwise. He remembers those 'dates' and we still do them on occassion. I think him having to pay and plan is a bit much for now, unless he did it on his own. Dont bombard him so he feels like he has too...when you date, its because you should want to anyway right? Have fun.
This is the time to teach him many men dont respect women. Tell him to treat them like he would his mother. not talk back dont yell opening doors is optional but women tend to enjoy the curtosy and nothing makes me madder than a guy who opens a door for a lady and she smarts off to him. I always make sure they get acknowledged. yes I am capapble of opening my own doors but they were raised right and considerate and need to be shown thanks. also teach him women are intellegent and have a mind of thier own and shouldnt be treated like they are stupid he might learn something from her. to buy her an occasional suprise. to help with the kids and the house which is a long way off I know but never to soon to be taught.
teach him women are not maids. a good date for you to would be walking a nature trail fishing, or watching the stars. he needs to learn he can woo a woman without necessarily buying thier love. I would also teach him there is a way a man should be treated by the woman and not to accept anything less. compliment women on sincere compliments. women know when its fake. take him to the park or a parade or something along that line. they make cheap dates and girls would be impressed with it. take him to church activities it would be a good date. and teach him good values. good luck on raising your little gentleman you are on a good start
There might be a cotillion (sp?) class in your area. I think it's nice what you are doing.I'm also concerned that my boys have good etiquette and conversation skills. Right now I'm still at putting the napkin on your lap, wiping your mouth occassionally, using utensil, and chewing with his mouth closed with my 11 yr old, lol!
I think it's a great idea but I would not have him pay. He's 11 and probably not flush with cash. You don't want him to resent these dates because you are making him pay for them. He needs to want to go out with mom to learn from her and enjoy her company. The day will come when he'll work and work to save up for a big date with his girlfriend but his mom should be different and not require paid dates until he's quite a bit older.
I think this is a good idea, but he may be more reseptive if he learns this from his father. This should be part of the fathers responsibility in his role as a parent anyways. Fathers need to be doing this from the very beginning.
I just wanted to respond and say that I LOVE your idea! I think not only will it be good for him to learn how to interact with women, but it will give him a regular time to go out with just you and be able to talk to you about things and concerns that he's having at this point in his life. I mean most teenagers actually want to spend time with his parents. I also don't mind the planning idea, but he might need a little bit of support and encouragement at this point or he may just forget about it. I work with teenagers and want to convince all of their mothers to do this now. Also, remember he will be seeing you and your SO interactions so he will probably go off of that a lot too. It might be good to have some time with dad/SO regularly where he can talk to him as well about similar issues.
Important things that I always talk to my kids at work about: proper respect for women, how they talk to them, not viewing them as objects for their own pleasures but as individuals with their own emotions and thought processes. I also emphasize the importance of calling them by their name. Most of my guys tend to call them their "girls," "chicks," and some get even more derogatory. I know that it seems like something minor but I find that if they learn the importance of calling them by their name first, then they learn to view them more as a person and not as an object. Also, I talk to guys a lot about their behaviors and how they view themselves. Often in our society we expect men to be these overly sexualized and powerful/aggressive individuals. I talk to them about teamwork and help them to view themselves as something more then what they think is expected. Granted, I work with 15-17 year olds, so these are probably topics for when he gets older, but there are probably ways to begin planting those seeds at a young age. I also try to talk to them about their emotions in general, as we often don't expect boys to do that, yet it is very important. It can be their feelings about anything, but it gets them talking about them which helps when they do get in relationships and there is an expectation from the girls that they talk about it.
Good luck with this!
