Aggressive Behavior

J.,

I wanted to tell you that I am a home daycare provider and see this all the time. For me when it happens I start to keep a journel of what time of day, who she bites, why she bites. If I see the pattern I can usually correct the behavior. I have one child that is two and does this. The mom would raise her voice and tell her no. The child thought it was a game and so to get mom's attention she would bite anyone. I don't know if this will work for you. But try to stay really calm while talking to her. She may not understand everything you say, but she will understand most of it. I would take the child away from the situation and get down on my knees and tell her that biting hurts. I had the mom do the same thing. And after a while she realized she wasn't getting the attention she was before and stopped. Sometimes kids bite or hit when they get tired. Other times they are frustrated and don't know how to use their words. If you see a situation that might lead to hitting or bitting try to step in and talk to her. Tell her she has to share. Or tell her say I know you want that toy and your mad because you have to wait. But while you wait how about you play with this toy instead. Good luck and soon it will be another problem
B.

Hi J.,
I've raised three sons (21, 18, 15). And when they got out of hand and did an act that was unexceptable, we spanked. I know it is not fashionable to do this, But it got results. And the key to that it to be consistant. Kids KNOW how and when to pull "mom" things and get you upset. They really NEED to know who is in authority. OTherwise they will take over and it will end up that you cater to their whims.
I hope this helps.
Mrs. P

Hi J.-

14 months is a hard time. Your daughter is still grasping to being a infant, yet so close to those toddler years. I think it is time to start time outs. 1&1/2 minute should do the trick. When she does the negative act you simply pick her up and set her in a quiet place like the bottom stair or a safe chair. Never her room....her room is a good place and you don't want to put a negative spin on it. You might have to sit with her in silence because she will want to get up. As your placing her for her time out you tell her she is getting the time out for what ever negative action she did. Then say nothing simply wait for the 1&1/2 minute to pass. Then repeat the behavior she was give the time out for and express to her your expectation of better behavior. Ask her to say she is sorry if she can, and then give her a hug. This method works so well. The minutes to the time out are based on age. Belive me I've enjoyed my six minutes to calm down after my twins have done something negative. I've done the time out thing since they could walk. It works for me, they reflect, and they learn not to do things that will end in time outs quickly!

Good luck!

Jen-
Time out really works... and earlier than you think it would. We started putting our oldest daughter in time out around 14 months. It REALLY WORKS. I think the agressive behavior is totally normal at that age too... testing boundaries and all.

Hang in there... soon enough she'll be able to express herself with words, and the physical stuff will go by the way-side.

Jen~

Our daughter started showing similar behavior when she was at the same age at daycare. I would recommend a couple of things. One, she might be bored in the class and ready to move to the next level, especially if she is one of or is the oldest one in the room. Also, try to figure out why she is doing this - is one of the kids following her around or what is the story and that will help with trying to pinpoint what is making her aggravated and when. This age is tricky because while your daughter is learning so much it is still hard for them to verbalize all of their feelings. Keep encouraging her to tell you what is going on when this happens. One last thing, there is a lift the flap book called no biting I think. It really helps. We would read this book with our daughter whenever she would start being aagressive nad it really helped. Every once in a while we still use it if she is tired etc. One final thought, your daughter is probably very intelligent and is frustrated because she cannot verbalize everything she is feeling so it comes out this way. Keep talking to her and believe me this is jsut a phase that wil pass.

My son's pediatrician told me once the cure to biting is to give the toddler a small teaspoon of hot sauce after biting. She said it works in almost all cases. It may be worth a try.

Jennifer,
I understand your frustration but it is completely normal. You are doing a great job by telling her no, you are showing her that it is NOT acceptable. Because she lacks the ability to express herself with words, she has to show it by actions. Be consitant and tell her no, the key to any discipline is being consitant (ive learned this the hard way). If you allow her to do something once, she will make it that much harder the next time if you tell her no. It will eventually stop, keep up the good work.