Aggressive 10 Yr Old

Hi, P. ~

Girl, my heart goes out to you so much. I have an 8 yr old with some emotional issues and is still prone to disruptive, angry outbursts, though he's much improved over the years. All I can suggest is LOVE, LOVE, LOVE. The more love and attention you can pour out on him, the less he'll need it elsewhere, which is often a major factor in an outburst, even in social situations like you described.

It also really helps my son to know that he has access to the power the Holy Spirit provides to control himself, because Jesus lives in his heart. My husband and I encourage him to pray and try to always keep in mind the feelings of others. It's a matter of listening, disciplining consistently and making sure he knows he is loved without a single doubt!

All the best to you, your husband and your boys. :)

~ R.

Kids can be so mean and it seems that teaching kindness and understanding is a forgotten part of curriculum these days.

How do you think your son would do with some kind of tactile cue to help him stay calm in the face of the teasing? If he had a small, smooth stone (that he wouldn't be tempted to hurl at the mean kids), or a soft piece of fabric in his pocket that he could touch or rub to help him stay centered, it might help. Deep breaths are helpful too. It sounds like he needs something to keep him calm enough to remove himself from the situation and then if he needs additional support, like a hug or talking to an adult he can request that. There have to be some good resources and suggestions on sites for families of kids with mood disorders. If you haven't yet, you kids' therapists/specialists may have some good ideas too.

Whatever resources you find, please share them with your son's teacher and school so she can better support him in the classroom. This website has resources for kids, families, and teachers about bullying and may have some info that will help your child's classroom community - http://stopbullyingnow.hrsa.gov/index.asp?area=main

Best of luck to all of you.

HI P., I have a daughter that is autistic and mildly retarded and what really helps her is NO sugar! Maybe that is something you can try with him, at least majorly cut back on it. I hope you find something that helps him...good luck to you!

In my childrens school . They had a free space for the child to move to and could still be seen. A simple desk in a quite spot alone.

The other children were and did respect their small need to pull away ,and resettle or focus themselves, with out any prejudice. They were told some may need this for fatigue, temper, or focus.

It did not matter, it was a resource for them all. Those that used it were considerate not to distract from the learning space which was shared by 3 classroom.

It was a wonderful way were every one got what they needed and also taugh others how to gain skills in interacting with others when they have different needs.

It was very kind and bonding for them all. I would speak with his teacher.

My childrens teachers were like mothers and made it very protective and more normal that we are not the exact same. and no one would even think of making this a thing about being wierd or so . They held the key to the children view and caring out process of this application.

I am a stay at home mom ,of seven. Homeschooling my youngest He currently he is 11.

I wish the best to you...our current public school system does not do a lot to teach students to really care for each other. I might suggest bully-proofing techniques. Love and Logic has some I believe, but there may be other experts and sites with good points.
You really want to put your son in the driver's seat with the bullying. (You or other adults can not always be there) It may not help the mood disorder directly...but for him to feel more in control of his school environment and day, will set an overall better tone.

What kind of disability do your boys have. This may be a cause of the problems at school. My nephew is 9 and has PTSD (Post tramadic stress disorder) this has caused him to react harshly to others. He is in counsuling, and has been through classes as well as my sister going through classes for management of it. Now he is unfortunatly on medication but it has greatly helped his behavior and how he handles situations.

Hi P., here is what I used to do with my clients( I was a child and family therapist till I started staying home). The activity that seemed to work the best was role plays. Have your son tell you what the kids say to him. Then you pretend to be the "bully" and help him find ways to calm himself down as you are teasing him. You will have to first give him the tools to use; i.e; taking deep breaths, walking away, creating jokes out of what they say, thinking positive thoughts, go for a run etc- whatever works for him. Then you start the role play. It will be hard for him at first but if you keep doing it he will be able to use the skills at school. Otherwise there are some good books for anger control for kids that help with coping skills- I liked the Volcano in my Tummy book. Good luck, hope this helps. (The school counselor might be able to help him practce this at school if he is willing to use them and if they are willing to take the time.)