After-Nap Tantrum

For sleep related issues I usually refer to "Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child".

But my 3 yo son often gets up from his nap fussy. I just leave him alone and in about 20 minutes he is fine. For some people it just takes them longer to wake up, so it's the same for kids.

S.

This is something that used to scare the pants off of me, for the longest time. So much that when I took my son to the doctor, I brought it up...it's called 'unconsicious waking' (at least that's what my son's doctor called it). Many people, not just kids, experience a period of not really truly being 'awake' and this disruption to their peace and calm of sleep is confusing and can sometimes look like a tantrum in toddlers who don't yet understand why they are being messed with.

I would give your son some space after he wakes up, and then let him be fully awake and aware...my son used to have the same issues and it was very much like a light switch. Once he's awake and needs you, he'll get used to waking on his own and he'll move into a pattern of waking. My son doesn't do it anymore, and only sometimes does he wake like this and only if he wakes up somewhere he didn't fall asleep.

My now 5 year old (a twin) did and sometimes still does this. We have found for us, it is that later in the day nap that he just cant get a grip when he wakes up. Like when I am coming home from work, they fall asleep in the car (20 min car ride). For some reason that time frame is just the worst, must have something to do with light/sun going down. Anyhow we just ignore it, or now that he is older he understands how unnerving it is to hear someone cry and scream for a prolonged period and is able to nip it--usually. But if he cant get a grip, he has to go up to his roon until he is calm so he isnt hurting the rest of our ears etc. With a 17 mo. old (I have one too), you obviously need to let him know you are there for him. Perhaps you can be in the same room with him, but ignore it. Maybe also try feeding him good BEFORE the nap. I have wondered it it had anything to do with low blood sugar and waking up famished, yet too pissed off to eat. Good luck.

Okay, this is fine, and it's normal.
Yes, it IS like a light-switch. They wake, tantrum, then after they are back to normal. No big deal.
Sometimes, they are just still tired, or not fully awake yet....and they will tantrum when WE interfere in their "need" to pace themselves.

My daughter is like that too... she is just grumpy when she wakes from naps, even though she naps for 2 hours and wakes on her own.

This is just HER pacing, and HER trying to get awake and HER manner in which she is getting equilibrium again. When she is like this, I just let her be. She needs to "wake" in her own time... and not be rushed. She also does not like to be fiddled with or interacted with when she JUST wakes up... no talking, no engagement, no nothing. She HATES when she is "nagged" upon waking. Hey, I remember as a child, just getting so irritated when my own Mom would just start yakking away and fussing over me after I woke up. UGH! Same thing.

Just let your son be. You do NOT have to do anything, when he wakes. Let HIM do it. It's fine.

There is no reason a child HAS TO be picked up right away after a nap, and no reason they HAVE TO interact right away. When a child is just waking up, sure, they look disorientated... its fine. But when they FULLY wake up and get their wits about them again, it's fine.

My daughter would often tantrum after waking... it's just her and the way she is. So WE had to learn to just let her be. There is no reason we have to "shush" a tantrum when they are just waking. They are simply not fully awake yet. Even as adults... for me at least, I don't like to be "rushed" or pounced upon until I am fully woken up or "ready" for the day.

Sure, you can be in the same room, so he knows you are there....but no need to interact or even look at him when he is just waking. My daughter, she just likes to know that I am there...but if I even make eye contact or try to talk to her, she will tantrum.... she is NOT ready to engage yet. So. I just am there...in the room... or around... and I just let her be. When she is ready, she comes to me and then she is ready for the world again.

It's no big deal. I think as parents, we often think we HAVE TO DO something whenever a child "tantrums." BUT... you have to gauge it. Doing NOTHING in response to these "waking tantrums" sometimes is just as effective. Sometimes kids just want to be left alone, period. There is nothing wrong with that. Kids will mostly tantrum when we interfere in their pacing, especially when waking up. Some people are just not good "waker-uppers." No problem. My sister was like that too, when she was a child.

Any tantrum... either warrants nipping it in the bud...or, just letting the child vent. I know that sometimes, my girl just needs to get her "yah-yah's" out...then she feels better. It's fine.

Just let your son be, when he wakes. You already know what he does NOT like when he wakes... so just comply. He will get back to the "world" after he wakes... and sometimes, they even go back to sleep on their own, after that. My daughter does... its a "cycle" she goes through.

My son, when he wakes from naps sometimes, I don't speak, I go in the room, look at him and I can immediately tell what mood he is in... sometimes he does NOT want to be hassled or interacted with right away either. So, I just open the door, leave him in the crib, and then walk out... when HE is ready to engage, then he calls me. If I "rush" him out of his sleep or nap...this is when he gets upset and does not wake well. Let your son have HIS timing and style of waking.

Good luck,
Susan

ha ha i had to laugh at the post who said "discipline". that is hilarious. obviously she is not clear as to what you are talking about.

i am not sure if tantrum is what you mean to say. we went through the exact same thing.

neither of my kids has ever had a tantrum in their lives. we are great parents. this is different. it is a "not fully awake/aware" thing.

we used fruit snacks and teletubbies. find your child's favorite (awful) tv show and their favorite (awful) snack . sit down and hold and cuddle and within seconds it will just shut off. it's crazy. but true.

by the way this particular child of mine is now 9 years old - extremely well adjusted, super brilliant, award winning artist and writer, and still to this day has never had a tantrum. good girl.

Hi A.!
My almost 2 year old does the exact same thing. I did find though, that even if her nap is 2 hours long and she wakes up crying I can usually put her back to sleep for about 30 minutes and then she wakes up the angel I know she can be. I know how frustrating it can be because they don't want to be held, or put down, but stay with it, you will find something that works for the both of you.

Hello there. This happened to my daughter a few weeks ago. In my culture, they have a special word for it so I guess that it does happen. Well "they" say it's because the baby didn't get a good sleep or it's not enough. When it happened with my daughter, I heard her make some noise and picked her up right away--maybe it was because I missed her. Anyway, that was a mistake. He SCREAMED for about 30-40 min. Anything I did would only make it louder. I sucked it up the whole time cause I knew it was because of "what they say". But it just got really hard and I looked her in the eye and said with a loud voice, "that's enough" and like that, she was over it. So I guess what I'm saying is maybe give her a little time alone to "wake up" in her bed. Hope it works.

He is probably having a night terror. I remember the first time my daughter had one right after a nap. She just cried and didn't want me to touch her, it was like she was afraid of me. She kept trying to get back into her crib so when I would put her in she would want me to take her out. I told my husband she just didn't seem like herself and how strange she behaved and I read something about night terrors and I knew that was what it was. There's not much you can do but to make sure he is not in any danger. Trying to wake them only makes it worse. From what I understand night terrors can happen because the child is stressed, or from being over tired. I would not worry about it but it probably won't be the last time.

Hi A.. In mu opinion I don't think tatrums should be allowed, you mentioned, food, favorite toy etc, but did not mention any form of discipline. wheaters he wants to be left alone of not, if you don't believe in spanking then just leave the room, don't give him an audiance for his negetive behavior, unless he was actually sleeping on his legs at 17 months ther would be no reason for his lega to be asleep. As a mom for 25 years, and running a daycare for 11 most kinds will do things because they can. If you believe there really maybe something wrong then I would take him to see the ped, becasue at least that will give you some peace of mind, and if there is nothing wrong, then you will know he is doing just to do it. I hope I didn't offend you in any way, if I did I am sorry, some people on mamasource don't like the way I express things, real help is only going to come from real advice. I pray all is fine with your one, and he does get over these tatrums. J. L.

Wow, please remember your toddler(!) is not doing this on purpose and therefore discipline has no place here! I've read these posts, and there's lots of other good info. here to look into, but I agree with Stephanie, I think it might be night terrors. Two of my kids had them, and it sounds the same. I wouldn't be surprised if he had one at night as well. If nothing else, please look up night terrors and see if it fits because there's a whole list of things you can do, and just info. to let you know, it'll pass. It can take a long time though, but it will absolutely go away, with no further implications.
I know exactly how you must be feeling!
M.

I agree with the other posts, I don't think he's fully awake or aware. Find something that soothes, maybe upon waking he could just lay and watch his favorite TV show or listen to his favorite music, something that gives him time to wake. My daughter sometimes would wake and come sit in my lap and be very quiet and lethargic for awhile. She didn't want to interact at all. I'd just let her be and we'd watch TV or something until she was ready. My brother, his whole life, as a child and to this day, does not wake up well. As a child, if I even spoke to him he'd lash out at me. We pretty much give him his space for about an hour or he gets really foul. LOL ;)

A.,

My son's daycare/babysitter calls this "hatching". The kids aren't really awake yet and they need some time to come back and restart their brains. Try not to go to him right away and let him get together for a little bit, then maybe just hold him in a quite setting. It is a phase and he will get over it...you just have to get through it. Kids change the rules on us all the time once we figure them out. I keep telling myself that he (my son) won't be going off to college like this. Good luck.

A., maybe the naps are too long, not long enough...is it too late in the day? Too early? Next time dont console him, just leave him alone, ignore the tantrum part telling him you'll attend to him when he stops the tantrum behavior. Sometimes kids just wake up in a bad mood, but as they grow older need to understand that it's unacceptable behavior and cant be rewarded or aknowledged...
-V.-mom of 4 kids,17, 11,10,7

The only thing I've ever heard related to this is from a book I read about childhood sleep. It said that if your child wakes up crying/fussy that it is a sign that they are not getting enough sleep. Maybe he's not going down for his nap early enough??? I'm sorry - I wish I had more advice for you. Good luck.

My son did the same thing and it was because he wasn't taking a long enough nap. I would hear him wake up but stopped going in right away to get him, hoping he would go back to sleep. Sometimes it worked and sometimes not. But I know when he did take a longer nap he didn't wake up having tantrums.

He did grow out of it all together though and he's 2 now. I think they are changing and growing so fast that it's just a stage and it will get better.

Oh my gosh you just described my 3 yr old for about 6 months of his 2nd year. He just got over it for the most part and now still wakes up a bit cranky, but he used to just cry and yell for almost an hour after waking up and you know what I did? I ignored him since nothing else worked. I left him alone and let him get his tantrum over with since it seemed like he was just still tired. He never had this issue at any other time of the day except after nap time. He didn't do it every time though, it seemed like you could tell something or someone woke him up too early (with a constant house full of kids this is not hard)

"my 9 year old hasnt had a tantrum her entire life. We are wonderful parents. Just put on an awful show and give them an awful snack. Good girl." I've got some news for you. You are not a wonderful parent, and you are either not a part of your kid's life, or your kid has real problems. Stop giving advice. You are the problem with kids. Thanks for thinking you could help, mom who is disconnected from her children.