I am due with baby #3 in a couple of months. I am so afraid based on the experience with my last baby that I will not be able to nurse my baby girl. My oldest son was great at nursing and I nursed him for just over a year. It was a great experience. Based on that, I just assumed that it would be the same the second time around. Not so. My baby boy just could not get it. He would latch on, suck a little then pull off. Repeat. I saw a couple of lactation consultants who helped and confirmed that I was going about it correctly so I continued trying to nurse him and avoiding bottles in those first few days. I was so intent on nursing that I did not even realize my baby was becoming dehydrated. He ended up in the hospital at 4 days old. It was very scary and I was completely devastated. I started pumping right away and giving him breast milk through a bottle while still working with a lactation consultant to figure out what the problem was. Nothing worked and eventually I just went to pumping full-time.
I never considered not pumping full-time since I truly believe in the benefits of breastmilk, but I despised it so much. I not only missed that nursing relationship I had with my oldest, but I felt like I was tied to the pump day and night. I had to take it everywhere. I literally packed it up as soon as my little boy turned one. I honestly don’t know if I could do it again should this baby not catch on to nursing.
I eventually came to the realization that my baby boy probably didn’t take to nursing because he had been sucking his tongue since being in the womb. I never realized this early on. It probably also explains why he never took a pacifier. He still does it at 21 months when going to sleep. I don’t know if things would have been different if I had known this back then, but I constantly worry that something similar will happen with my baby girl. Any tips on how to get off to the good nursing start?
After all the great responses, I just tried not to stress about it and looked forward to the arrival of my baby girl. I knew that I knew what to do and that the situation with my son really had no bearing on how nursing would go with my daughter. My beautiful baby girl was born on March 23 and she came out of the womb nursing like a champ and has had no problems with it at all. On the contrary, we have to teach her to take a bottle as I am getting ready to return to work. She has continued to prove to me that each baby is different as she does many things differently than her two big brothers. I am loving every minute of it!
It sounds like you did everything right and it didn't work out. While I think it is normal to worry you need to remember that all kids are different and the likelihood of that happening again is highly unlikely (unless a professional has told you otherwise). So relax and enjoy these couple of months before the new bundle arrives!
Sometimes it has to do with how the baby's mouth is shaped or structured. Your nipple is different from his thumb. So is a bottle nipple. I don't know anything about "tongue sucking" in the womb. And a lot of babies like their thumbs a ton more than they like a pacifier. Why do you blame yourself for this? It is unfair to yourself to do that.
I always feel bad when I read on here that it affects women so hard to not be what they "consider" to be successful at nursing. There are so many other things in life to regret, and how long you nurse shouldn't be one of them. Look, you nursed one child for a long time. Just because the next child didn't take to nursing doesn't mean you failed in any way. And pumping can be absolutely miserable. I was not able to pump at all - tears would flow down my cheeks and I never got more than a teaspoon full out.
When your children are teenagers, the LAST thing you will be thinking about is that they would be a better kid if only you had nursed. PLEASE put this out of your mind. You are smarter now and know that you will not miss your child getting dehydrated again, that no matter HOW this child gets milk, you will keep him or her from having to go through that. THAT is what matters.
It turned out that my own son has a submucous cleft palate and with a compromised structure, sucking exhausted him. Nursing is hard work for a baby. It is easier to drink from a bottle's nipple. That's why my son was so much happier when I weaned. I didn't know it - it didn't matter to me why - but after we had all those tests, we all knew.
I don't beat myself up for this, for supplementing so that he got enough in him, for switching to a bottle several months later, and neither should you. Accept what IS, and move on. Since you successfully nursed one baby, I'll bet you can successfully nurse another one.
Dawn
RELAX. "Breast is best" does not mean "breast uber alles" and I'm sorry but some breastfeeding mamas can be very obnoxious in making any mom giving a bottle feel terrible. Not cool imo.
I am nursing my son who's about to be 9 months old. Same experience you had with your first. If it was tough, and not working out for me or him, let me tell you honey, we'd be doing bottles.
I did bottles with #1, tiny bit of bf. bf and bottles with #2. #3 is exclusive bf.
There are good parts about bottle feeding too!
I also HATE pumping and I have the good medela advanced blah blah pump. Still HATE it.
Anyways. Relax and do what you are cool with. That's what I think. My oldest child has never seen me nursing my son and sniffled and said "But you didn't nurse me for a year!" She doesn't remember - she was a BABY. She knows I bf her and bottle fed her. She's completely cool with it.
Congrats on your impending arrival in advance!!
I was set on breastfeeding because a) I knew it was the best thing and 2) it was free and I wasn't ready to break off $20+ for formula when I could make my own! So, my DD latched on straight away within 20 minutes of being born....then she changed her mind. The day before I was set to leave the hospital, the lactation lady came in and was puzzled. My sister who has 3 breastfed all 3 of hers was still with me so she was giving me pointers and the lactations consultant couldn't figure out the issue why she wasn't latching on....she left my room and came back with a nipple cover and BOOM, that little girl took off like no body's business. She recommend I use it for a few days every time I fed to ensure she was getting what she needed then after a few days start taking it off during feeding and see if she still stays on and that worked out perfectly. Eventually, I was more of a pumper because I had to return to work but I cherished those late night feedings. Like the other mommas have said, just relax and enjoy the ride. Big hugs and prayers to ya!
Lactation Consultant, Lactation Consultant, Lactation Consultant - get a referral from friends, your ob/gyn, hospital or mamapedia moms. Breastfeeding is NATURAL, but not always EASY. Usually it's an issue with the baby (latch, palate, etc.)
My LC saved my sanity when I got sick and my BFing was messed up. It took a few months, but by the 4th month I was BFing full time and we weaned at 2.5 years old. She was a life-saver. She was never anti-formula, because when you're sick and don't have a great supply, what the heck else do you feed them?
Don't blame yourself. Find a good LC and you'll be ready to roll.
Each baby is different - as you have experienced.
I can tell you that stress has EVERYTHING to do with your ability to produce milk. Your anxiety right now will affect you and your baby. So try to take a deep breath...and let it out slowly.
Find a lactation consultant that is willing to work with you - not just say "yeah you're doing it right" - they should've noticed your son was NOT hydrated and helped you further.
Start out relaxed with a POSITIVE attitude (Attitude is EVERYTHING)!!
I would also pump my milk. I did. Never thought of NOT doing it. Trying to get my husband to feed our child with my boob? Nope. Pump the milk and give it to him to feed the kid.
YOU CAN DO IT!! Find a lactation consultant who will HELP YOU. not just nod their head and say "oh yeah" - they need to WORK with you. I loved my LC - she rocked our world. Find one that you like and work with her.
GOOD LUCK!! NEVER GIVE UP!! NEVER SURRENDER! YOU CAN DO THIS MAMA!!
I would just stay calm & realize that all babies, like grown ups are different, you have knowlege & education now so if the same problem should present itself you know how to handle it properly & w/o jepordizing your new baby.
You will be so happy to welcome your new baby girl into the family, so don't stress, mommy.
The book "Breastfeeding with Comfort and Joy" [http://www.breastfeedingwithcomfortandjoy.com] is the single best resource I've found. It is so worth the money!
The way you hold a baby while bottle-feeding is quite different from the best way to hold a baby while breastfeeding; unfortunately, we live very much in a bottle-feeding culture -- even though everybody says "breast is best", most women don't nurse in public, either covering themselves up or bottle-feeding while out and about -- so young girls may grow up into women without ever having seen a woman successfully nurse her baby! This means, that all they've seen is the bottle-feeding positions, which often lead to all sorts of problems breastfeeding. "Breastfeeding with Comfort and Joy" has tons of photos (many full page and/or color), that show you how to hold your baby in such a way as to optimize the breastfeeding experience. There is text and information as well, and it is valuable, but it is presented simply, and won't overwhelm you. Get the book!
Well, the only advice I can give from personal experience is that stress was the #1 thing that gave me problems with breastfeeding. I had some issues in the beginning, long story but to make it short, when I went back to work at 6 weeks and a few weeks later all the frozen breast milk I had managed to save was gone. I could barely get enough milk let alone pump extra and the stress of this insidious cycle had me losing my mind! My baby was gaining weight but not fast as he should have been. Like you, I hated pumping. I finally had no choice but to start supplementing with formula which I was so bummed about, but suddenly seeing my baby happy and well-fed, gaining weight faster and sleeping better, my stress began to ease up. And wouldn't you know my milk started flowing stronger and I was enjoying breastfeeding so much more! My tip on how to get off to a good start is do whatever you need to do to not project the traumatic experience you had with your 2nd onto your 3rd. That is not meant to sound critical either, I have so much compassion for you. That sounds like it must have been just awful! Just try to let the situation be what it is ...whether it means breastfeeding or bottle feeding. You have all this prior experience now you should feel confident that you will know the right way to proceed. If you can just not get too stressed about it, I think this time will be the easiest! Good luck!
LA LECHE LEAGUE!!!!!!
Go now to some meetings BEOFRE this baby is born! We had a mom like you who exclusively pumped and we were in AWE of her, ttat is SO hard to do!! CONGRATULATIONS on your achievement! I threw my pump in the dumpster AND did a victory dance around the parking lot when my son turned 1 and I only pumped for work!
But I would definitely go to some LLL meetings before the baby is born. It's always good to swap "war stories" with moms who have been there, done that. Some have a ightmare time with #1 and then #2 nurses like a champ or vice versa.....
You can find a meeting at http://www.llli.org/webus.html
Hmmmm.....maybe a good thing to do is not to get your mind so set on your idea of something that has the possibility of being awesome to horrendous and any & everything in between?
You learned for yourself the result of focusing on what you wanted and ignoring the reality of your baby: dehydration.
What's important is that your child is fed, not HOW he/she is fed.
Lighten up about it....give yourself a break.
All the best!
I BF all five of mine and I never supplemented or gave up. I had one of mine not learn to latch for 4 weeks. She figured it out and nursed for 2 years. How do you know your 2nd was dehydrated? My milk didn't come in for 3-5 days and mine never got dehydrated. A couple of mine weren't pros for 2 weeks and they all did fine. I know doctors and nurses are pros at freaking moms out and drying up their milk supply. All the advice they gave me and the pamphlets they gave me were awesome for how to dry your milk up quickly. I always figured that 100 years ago, moms did fine. There was no epidemic of babies dying of starvation or anything. I just kept thinking about common sense and did fine. I ignored doctors. I even had a lactation consultant say I probably wouldn't be able to nurse one of mine who was in NICU for a week. He wouldn't take the bottle because he hated formula. All of my kids who were in NICU (I had alloimmune thrombocytopenia) wouldn't drink formula and I tried to nurse when they allowed me to. I ignored all the bad advice and kept trying and they did awesome. I hope that helps and I hope you have a better time with this precious one. Good luck and congrats!
Forgive me if this is a repeat - I didn't get to read all responses. I had a hard time BF my first and a much easier time with my second. I think it was because I (and my body) knew what to do and I had read up tons on different ideas, tips, etc. One of my hubby's big concerns was baby getting enough to eat - he wanted a way to know for sure. I asked the lactation consultant at the hospital and she said that baby needed to have at least the number of soiled (wet or poop) diapers that he was old. So 1 on day one, 2 on day two, 3 on day three, etc. I think it was day 5 when the number of diapers stopped going up, but please double check. I hope this helps!
Each child is different. I have heard this from a mom who nursed all three of hers. She assumed she knew everything but she still didn't.
I know this may sound crazy but one thing that folks never look into also, is when nursing I know a child that would unlatch or bite when he had to potty. He was definitely hungry but going potty was a priority/distraction. So the mother did Natural Infant Hygiene by following the child's lead and the kid was potty trained practically from birth. It too is time consuming, but allowed for breat feeding when nothing else seemed to work to get the child to nurse. I know it sounds weird :)
So there can be all sorts of reasons why some children won't breastfeed like they should. Noise, light, lack of light, too much milk, too little, being distracted by bodily functions, etc.
Just don't stress and keep asking questions from everyone when the baby is born.
