Advice on Unexpected Pregnancy

Thats exactly what happened to my sister in law my neice and nephew are 9 months a part... she got pregnant only 6 weeks after having my nephew then my niece was born early so they are dec 24th 2004 and oct 8th 2005 its very hard for them at 1st but they are adusting its kinda like having twins I guess good luck hun

Am I the only one who feels compelled to remind A. that she has a choice? There are benefits to having babies that close together but there are also drawbacks as well. It's irresponsbile to focus only on the benefits and not plan for the intensive strains that are coming.

It can seem like a lot but don't you worry...try to relax and enjoy this pregnancy as much as possible as that is best for the baby. Think of it this way..you pretty much already have everything you need! My boys are five years apart and sometimes it is tough that they aren't close and I am having to almost start over again, doing things I thought I had forgotten! It also saddens me sometimes that they won't be that close, that is they won't be in school together and involved in the same things. We hope to have another soon to give Eric a little buddy at least! Also I keep thinking the longer I wait, the more independent my one yr old gets, and then I have to do the feeding and diapering stage all over again! At least you are getting it all out of the way now, right? Once he or she is here you will see it is all worth it.

What an unexpected blessing. Do you have friends or family that could stay with you later in your pregancy? Or maybe they have an older child that could stay with you to help around the house, and be able to lift your son as your pregnancy progresses. By the time the new baby comes, maybe your son will be ready for a toddler bed. And when the new baby is ready for the high chair, your son can sit in a booster seat at the table. There is craigslist.com and freecycle.com that could be useful in finding a good used double stroller and extra car seat, and extra clothes.

I would just say to get your 4 month old on a tentative schedule. You don't have to go by the clock but get in a rhythm. When my son first wakes up I feed him. Then he plays and then I lay him down for a nap. I have him pretty figured out. If he gets fussy after he has already eatten then I can tell that he is tired. Also make sure your 4 month old can sleep through noise. Keep the radio on or tv on or something when he goes to sleep. You can even vacuum and talk on the phone and stuff. Also make sure you get to where he falls asleep on his own. Don't rock him, feed, nurse or pat him to sleep. And don't let him get use to you holding him all the time. He will go through stages (like if he gets sick) when he is going to want to be held but when he seems ok put him back down to play on his own. I know this all might seem harsh and not loving but if you have to hold him all the time then you aren't going to be able to do anything for the new baby and have to rely on other people for everything. I hope this helps. I guess to sum it up I am saying plan ahead!

I was in a similar situation,I had a 7 month old. I am now due with my second in the end of June. I was mad at first! I just got back into my prepregnancy clothes and was in a groove with my daughter. I didn't want to go through pregnancy all over again so soon. I wanted to take my daughter to some mommy and me classes and enjoy our time together.

my husband and mom told me everything would work out fine, but I wasn't hearing it. I wanted to space my kids 2-2 1/2 years. I talked to my doctors, who were good listeners and validated my feelings of anger. It took about two weeks to work through all the feelings I had. I realized what if I had an abortion and could never get pregnant again? I would be full of regret. I started reading about families that had kids close in age and how close they are and can learn and play with each other. although the collaborative saying that the first year was hard! which I imagine it is, but so is having a 2 year old and a newborn.

so there are good and bad to every scenario. it is ok to have all kinds of feelings about this including anger and sadness. give yourself time to think things through.I am sure you will feel better once do. I was able to breastfeed until my daughter was 11 months.. I was trying to make it to one year, but she wasn't interested anymore so I took her lead.
good luck!
L.

I'm a little confused - what do you mean what should you do? Do you mean should you have this baby or not? Or are you looking for ways to prepare yourself for having 2 babies? Having 2 very young children will be hard, but you can do it, many other mothers have. My step mom was conceived 2 months after her mother had her sister. Make sure you are getting your rest and prepare as much as possible before the baby comes. Issac will be too young to understand that another baby is coming, but he will do fine with a sibling at a year old. He'll just have to learn to share mommy sooner. :)

Wow! Most of my pregnancies have been unexpected (3 of 4.) And it always ends up being okay. Once the intial shock wears off, try to be excited.
But also make sure you give Issac time to be "the baby."
My mom had my sister & I 15 months apart, unplanned, and we've grown up like twins and the best of friends.
I guess just take it one day at a time! Good luck!

I had my last three children 15 months apart, all c-sections while living in Portland and not knowing a soul. It was scary but I had secondary infertility and had given up on having a second child and focusing on my daughter. BOOM! Surprise! Then it seemed that after all the injections and pills and other junk that couldn't get me to ovulate, breastfeeding seemed to cure my infertility! One try to conceive the last two. Then, we decided instead of 6 children 4 would be plenty! Now I've had the ironic email adress of "42many" for years:)
It will be hard but caring for your son will make the pregnancy fly by and they will always have each other to play with (for better or worse).
My kids are able to look out for each other at school and play together at home, something our oldest never had.
Keep your camera ready and sense of humor. I walked into the kitchen once to see 2 of my darlings sifting and scooping a costco sized box of instant mashed potatoes and when I gasped my son grinned up at me and said "Look mommy, we playing beach". So first I snap the photos and then begin the clean up. You'll have a lot of great moments to look forward to and more confidence and calm with your experience.
Try to create or seek out a mom group that co-ops childcare for doctor and dentist and hair appointments. You can make friends and supoort each other. ENJOY!!!

HI A.
I think its wonderful that you're pregnant again. YOur son will be too little to understand what's going on but he'll understand really quick when he realize he has not only mommy and daddy to play with. I have 2 girls they're 22mths apart. They get along really well. So do'nt worry.. you're gonna be fine. Just remember to don't be affraid to ask for help and get plenty of power naps.

Hi A.,

The good news is the baby you have now will be a little over a year when the next child is born. That means, you can get him out of diapers as soon as he is potty trained. Just get prepared for the new arrival, and be excited. It might not be easy, but it will be rewarding. I will pray that it all works out. Just try really hard to stay positive. Hopefully you have some help around you. :)

Blessings,

K

Hi A.,

Congrads! Though I'm sure this was a surprise for you! Unfortunately most people do not realize that the easiest time to get pregnant is after you deliver. I only have 2 suggestions. #1 get your prenatal vitamins! Also include folic acid or folate in your diet. This is very important because it will reduce your childs chances of any nuero tube defects. Also, your body hasn't really had time to build up a reserve of vitamins. So, if you don't have enough vitamins, you will lose your hair, your teeth will go bad. However, unless completely malnurished your baby will get what it needs from your body.

My second suggestion (good luck) Get as much rest as possible NOW! Ince that second child is born, you will have alot of running around to do. Good luck. Try to get some help from family and friends!

H. B.

Congratulations!
Focus on all the benefits of having children this close in age.
For example, they'll have the same interests and they will keep eachother occupied. Plus, your getting the whole "diaper thing" over with at one time!
If I could have stayed home with my son, I would have tried to have another right away, I swear. It's going to be really hectic for you at first, but I think you'll be happy you had them so close together. Rest up!

I got pregnant for the second time when my daughter was 7 months old, and she's 3 now with a 2 1/2 year old brother. They are very close since they are close in age, and they have a lot of fun. My advice--have fun with the two young kids AND and just remember for next time that breastfeeding (if you're doing that) is not safe enough as a birth control method all by itself after a couple of months! (Also, As a bonus, if you happen to be having the same sex again, you can reuse the clothes/nursery etc.!) Oh, and I would recommend a double stroller- I used that a lot! Good Luck.

Take a deep breath. I have 16 month old twin and I am 6 months pregnant. I still am not totally ready to have this baby. I love feeling him kick and getting his room ready but I have a mental breakdown whenever I realize that I will have 3 kids under 2! My brother and I are 12 months apart and he has been by best friend through my whole life. I still talk to him every day and see him at least 2x a month. They will have a best friend forever. You cant be expected to be happy right now, but as the baby grows in you and you feel it move you will start to get happy and by the time it gets here you will be ready. Just take a deep breath and take it one day at a time!

Take a deep breath, and enjoy another little miracle!

HI A.,

First of all -relax! I have not been in your situation, but have two friends who are currently going through the same thing. They were both freaked out at first, but you have to realize that things happen as they should, so this was meant to be - try to see it as a blessing first and foremost. My one friend had her second baby a couple of months ago and she is doing great! She says it is much easier than she expected - one thing is just to realize that it is okay if the baby cries - you just do what you can. If you have family nearby, lean on them, if not ask the hospital where you deliver about support groups. You may also want to join a group for expecting moms and see if anyone else is going through the same thing. Try parentconnection.com Try not to be too stressed during your pregnancy.. Don't worry - you will be fine - and so will your babies.

Hi There, I too just found out that I am pregnant with our 2nd baby and my son is only 11 months old. At first I didn't think that I could handle it but my husband and I talked about it and we decided to keep it. I got a lot of support from mothers on mamasource about how it is a little hard in the begining but the children will be very close. Best of luck to you in your decision. S.

I think we all have the same thing to say. My daughters are very close in age. The first 2 years with both was a little hectic. But now they are best friends and have a playmate. I would never want to change how close they are in age. Good luck! And think of your self as truly blessed!
~K.

It depends on what you want and your views on what your options are. What does Dad think? I know that my mom (I am 30) had my sister then 20 months later had me and got pregnant again after me but didn't keep the baby because she was pretty much raising and taking care of us on her own since my dad was in the military and out sea or traveling for whatever reason.

So it really depends on what you want and your views on your options, adoption etc...

Kim

Hi A.!

I too was in your exact positiion! I had my baby girl in December of 2002 & got pregnant in March of 2003. My little boy was born in January of 2004. 13 months apart. I was scared to death! I made it and I wouldn't change it for the world! I'm not going to lie...it has felt like having twins...but, God had a plan and it wasn't mine. LOL Just hang in there...give your baby much love and attention and just enjoy the next 10 months you have with your precious gift. YOU WILL BE OK! I PROMISE! They are SO much fun and just light up my life!

Hi A., My name is Lucy and i'm a mom of two boys ages 4 and 5. I've been were your at right now. My son was 6 1/2 months old when I found out I was a month pregnant with my 2nd son. It's over welming at first. you have tons of things running threw your head. askin yourself how did this happen, can I do this, should I do this. I felt it was a little more stressful then my 1st pregnency thats for sure! But I made sure to talk to my doctor about any problem I was having. Make sure you let your doctor know how your feeling, if your feeling over whelmed, stressed, sad, or depressed or any physical pain. Make sure you tell them because it's a lot to deal with. also make sure you have plenty of help from your family and friends, in the begining I didn't have anyone there for me and I was really depressed and stressed. but once I actually had my 2nd son my family stepped in and helped me out with my other son. I enjoy the fact that I had them so close now, because I see my friends and they really don't like the fact that they have to deal with the feedings every two hours or changing diapers or teething all over again. at least with them so close together you'll be able to go threw it with one child and soon after you get to do it again with the 2nd and you don't forget how to do it, like some of my girlfriends have. plus my boys are really close and enjoy each other and they have someone to play with. I hope this helped you. take care and you'll be ok.

Honey that is totaly up to you, but as for going through with the pregnancy there is no medical reason why you can't, it can be difficult and you can get thyroid problems but I would talk to your doctor about it if you are concerned about your health.

I have one child so I'll just tell you what happened to my best friend. She had one when she was 16. She then had another one when she was 21...six months later, pregnant again. She cried...A LOT. None of us believed her at first. Her son could barely sit up on his own and she was getting ready for another one.
They are now 4 and 5. The boy is in Kindergarten and the girl is hopefully starting Pre-K. Her kids are VERY close and know nothing different. She loves her kids SO much and even gets the baby blues again. She is a wonderful mother and just does her thing. She expected things to be hard and just dealt with it. Looking in from the outside, the hard part was done by the time her daughter was walking. The only thing she has a hard time with now is night time potty training.
I really feel we are dealt only things we can handle...may be very hard at times but we do it. Everyone around you who offers help wants to help...except. You know how much you love your 4 month old and you will love the next one just as much. Take advantage of the next 8 or 9 months to really focus on your son 1 on 1. After both are here, try to give them each "special time" with each parent. Don't feel bad for yourself or held back. Be happy you are able to have 2 amazing children. You'll do fantastic! Enjoy your babies!!

The only thing you really can do, is to prepare for another baby. There was once when I thought I was pg. right after having a baby, and I did freak out a bit, but came to terms with it. I wasn't pregnant after all, but I know how scary it is at the time.

If you haven't been, you might want to consider breastfeeding the next baby, as normally the hormones released during breastfeeding keeps your body from ovulating. It's nature's way of family spacing. This isn't true for all women ( just like I don't know...you may be nursing this one! ) but for a good majority, it does work with exclusive breastfeeding.

And in the end, congratulations mama!! A brand new baby is a wonderful thing. And I've known lots of close siblings who were best friends growing up. Try to think positively!

It's simple,

You just have to pray and ask God for strength and endurance, he will see you through. As stated before alot of women cant even conceive let alone carry healthy babies. So consider ur womb blessed and keep it movin...if you need anything feel free to contact me @ ____@____.com be sure to let us know the sex of the baby! Keep your head up and be encouraged.....we are here for you

The same thing happened to me. I my son was 6 months old when I found out I was pregnant again. I was NOT ready to be pg again, but I had my second son on Christmas day, and it has been such a blessing. I can't imagine it any other way. Once the shock wears off, you will be fine. Your pg will go by fast, trust me!

My kids are 13 months apart and although in the beginning it is very hectic as they get older it gets better. My kids are now 6 and 5 and they are best of friends. Just make sure you make time for your significant other cause at times I was so involved with the babies that I would neglect my husband and thats were the stress would start. Now I also have a two year old so I have 3 kids under the age6 and it is hectic but at the same time worth it. Take care of yourself make sure you have a healthy pregnancy. Good Luck!

Get as much help as possible from friends and family. Let yourself be ok with people helping out. And see if some of your friends or family can take the little guy you already have on a regular basis. #1 to give you time just with the new baby. #2 so you can get some extra sleep when the baby is sleeping. Sign up online with manufacturers of baby products for their coupons. One of my best friends has two little boys that are seven months apart. They adopted the first thinking they couldn't have kids and then she found out she was pregnant. It was very hard when they were little but it gets easier as they get older. Her boys are almost 3 & 3 and a half. The biggest thing is to surround yourself with a support group. Find other women who stay at home like you do. I co-lead a group for stay at home moms of pre-schoolers and it is my life saver. Find a group like this. I know there is a mom's group in the Valley and then there are some churches who have them as well. I have 3 kids ages 4, 2, and 7mo. The last one was a surprise. But he is the biggest joy in our family. My older girls absolutely adore him. The things in life that are difficult and hard are usually the most rewarding in the end.

First of all, Congratulations on your pregnancy! What a blessing that is to even be able to have children. As you know that there are unfortunate women not able to bear any children. How ever many months apart they are from each other, as a mother you will always come across some trials. Jus take "babysteps" and soon you'll see that everythings gonna be jus fine. By the way I too have children 13 mos. apart. They helped make me the Mother that I am today. Good Luck and God Bless. Your new friend, S.

A.-

I just went through the same thing about a year ago. I had a 4-month old son and suddenly found myself pregnant. I had to stop breastfeeding within a couple of months, and the transition was a little tough on my baby boy, but we both got through it okay. I ended up feeling like I missed out on some of his "baby" months because I was focusing on my pregnancy and feeling sorry for myself.

But now I have a 4-month old little girl who is the light of our lives, and very loved by all (including her big brothers) The younger of her brothers is very close to her emotionally and loves to hug and kiss her (with supervision, of course). It was a little scary and intimidating, but I wouldn't trade the experience for anything now!

My advice to you is this: Try to enjoy your pregnancy instead of worrying and feeling sorry for yourself like I did. Take lots of pics of your baby while he's still small. Hold him in your lap while you still have one. Get good prenatal care, and get some people around you who can help care for your son during your prenatal visits and such. And if you're elegible you should look into a WIC program near you. They'll help you with getting formula for your little guy if you need.

Best of luck and Keep Smiling!

-B.

Hi A.! Congratulations. As far as what you should do, thank God for giving you another blessing to your family! And, make sure you have a great support group around you, family and friends!!!

I sorta felt like you did when I found out that I was pregnant with a 7 month daughter, after a while I just consider it a blessing.

Me too!! Only mine is only 3 months old. I just posted a couple of days ago for advice!! I am doing better than I was on that day that I took the test. I also have a daughter who is 23 months. So I will have three kids under 3. my email is ____@____.com if you want to chat more. R.

My son was 6 months old when I got pregnant again. I'm a little ashamed to say I cried. I was so worried about my son not getting enough time by himself. Then I was worried that I wouldn't love the baby to come because I hadn't planned her so soon. My oldest just turned two last week and my daughter is almost 9 months old now. The first few months are tough so make sure you have help. Grandparents are great for keepign the older one occupied. Our good friends have kids 12 months apart and they love it. I must say the older they get the more I love having them so close. I love my daughter and my son loves having her too. There is hardly any jealousy because he doesn't know any better, he's always had a sister. I have met so many people with kids close in age and they all say the beginning is hard (but isn't always with newborns?) and it gets easier and easier. Everyone I know with two kids close and two far apart say they wish they had all their kids close because as they grow up its fantastic.
Email anytime if you need anything or just want to vent about your fears.
~Kat

Congratulations! My brother is just 15 months older than me. We loved growing up together and going to school together and we even had a rock band together. They'll always have a friend. My mom told me that I just followed him around waiting to see what he'd get into next. I learned things right along side him. I suppose once you get past all the diapers you will have a great time watching them play together, learn together and grow together. I wish you the best and remember not to stress out too much!

Dear A. A,

Congrats on the four month old and you new creation. This isn't a matter to be stressed or depressed about. You are having another wonderful life enter yours and that is always a gift from good no matter how they came to be. All you can do is rely on friends and family and all the services the government and state will provide you to make it through rough times. You should embrace being pregnant and enjoy it as much as you can, not every one gets to experience it.

Love from another mother, M. W

First off, congratulations! I know you may feel like you are panicing. Don't worry, things will be fine. One thing that is great about having them close together is you never really have to pack up the baby stuff! You can use all the extra blankets, burpies, bottles, etc. Mine were 19 months apart and I would do it over again in a heartbeat! Good luck to you!