Advice on Pacifier Use

Updated on April 01, 2008
R.H. asks from Oak Park, IL
16 answers

My 20 month year old boy is addicted to his pacifier. He wants it all the time and wines and screams when he doesn't have it. How can we start to ween him off? Does using a pacifier inhibit his speech development? Is it really so bad to have a pacifier all the time when it provides him with so much comfort? We would like to decrease his dependency on it with as little fighting and fussing as possible. Any suggestions?

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C.M.

answers from Chicago on

My daughter was addicted to the pacifiers. At times she would carry around 3 of them, 1 in each hand and the 3rd in her mouth. I started by hiding as many of them from her as I could. When she would get up from naps or bed I would ask for them. Then I had 2 of the same pacifers and 1 of them I kept slowing cutting the nipple down. If she wouldn't give them up when she woke up I would swap it out for the cut one. Every couple of days I would cut more off and eventually there was nothing for her teeth to hold onto. She carried it around for a while but soon forgot all about. I even started letting her take the cut one to bed with her. I told her that when she gets bigger they disappear. It took a while but it was worth it. She had a 6 month younger cousin and never tried to take his. Good luck!

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D.B.

answers from Chicago on

We started only allowing the paci at bedtime. Eventually they "got lost" and as upset as my daughter was for a day or two..she got over it. I think the older they get, the more difficult it becomes. Best of luck.

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S.A.

answers from Chicago on

Every dentist I've ever been to says to get rid of the pacifier before they are two. It will cause buck teeth I guess. My two year old wanted hers at night but was not allowed to have it during the day....though she would sneak upstairs and hide behind her rocker and suck on it from time to time.

At two my neighbor talked her into throwing it away. My brother-in-law cut a small hole in the end of his son's and then when the little guy asked about it...dad explained that it was broken and they had to throw it away. That worked real well for them.

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J.N.

answers from Peoria on

If you are not ready to loose the pacifier, I would just limit the use to bed and nap times. Have him start leaving it in his bed/crib. When he asks for it, remind him it is only for when he is sleeping. He can go and look at it (to make sure it is where he left it), but he should leave it in the bed. Make him feel like a super big boy for doing this. Positive reinforcements go a long way in this. You are going to have those bad days, but you should stay consistant in dealing with this situation. Trust me!! I just helped my sister not to long ago deal with this situation, and I know of a few friends who tried the same thing. It will work out in the end. Good Luck!!

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N.V.

answers from Bloomington on

Hi R.. I have an almost 3 year old who just gave up her pacifier without a fuss. We had tried around that age and I immediately saw it was going to be a traumatic thing for her, so I decided it wasn't worth it. I decided just before she turned 2 that she could have it only in her bed (because she had just transitioned to a big girl bed). So, at first she would sit in her room in her bed with it. Soon she got bored and came out. She tried to bring it out, but I stuck to my guns that it was for bed only. It took about a day or two and she got the hang of it. Then everyone kept telling me to make her get rid of it, but I couldn't do it. We had a baby when she was 25 months and it really wasn't a problem at all like everyone tried to scare me into believing it would be. She tried his little pacifier and got no pleasure I guess. I caught her a time or two with the baby's in her mouth, but not so much it was a problem at all. She just kept on in her bed with hers when she needed it. Finally one night recently (she is almost 3)I thought I would try to snip the tip. It makes it less pleasurable for them to suck. So, I snipped it and she asked for it for 2 nights and never since. I think it was because she was ready to give it up. I almost think I was more addicted to it than her. I liked being able to help her be quiet and soothe herself. My humble opinion is that what is the big deal, they sometimes need some security and why take it away at such a young age if you don't have to (I mean if he is 5 and walking around with it, you might have a different ballgame.) I said to myself, in 5 years is it really going to be a big deal that she had a pacifier until she was 3? Probably not. Good luck to you.

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M.F.

answers from Springfield on

I am weaning my daughter from the pacifier. Right now, I ask for the pacifier as soon as she gets up and she hands it right over. We are basically isolating the pacifier to the bed except for a few excpetions. My sister suggested a great way to get rid of pacifiers all at once, as well. You have your child help you collect them, put them in a box, and set them outside. You tell your child that they'll be replaced by a gift. The next morning, you go outside and they find a present instead. This might be too difficult of a concept for a 20 month old though. My other sister has always been "tough love" about pacifiers - she told her child there were no more pacifiers, they threw them all away, and that was that. It was absolutely necessary to hang in there and not give in to the crying and it worked. Good luck!

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J.G.

answers from Springfield on

We did "cold turkey" with both kids. We picked a date -- told them the "cats ate them" -- and put them away for good. We had about 24 hours of rough time and then they adjusted. My SIL did this for my nieces as well. ;)

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M.J.

answers from Chicago on

Hi R.,

I'm a new M., so I don't have much to share in terms of weening him...however I can VERY much tell you that it DOES impact speech development. Perhaps not language development, but in sound development and the growth of your little guy's mouth- absolutely. So the less you can get him to rely on it, the better. I would probably take small steps and perhaps try to get him to only use it at night, etc. before you take it away cold turkey. But again- having never gone through it, I'm not sure how well that works.

Good luck!!!

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M.K.

answers from Chicago on

I know exactly how you feel. My son was also addicted to his pacifier. I tried to only give it to him at nap and bed time. But that didn't work. I figured I would give him until he was 2.5 (which is in May) then last Tuesday he linedup his to pacifiers in his crib at night and when I got him in the morning they were in the same spot. I took them out and put them away, out of sight out of mind. He has not looked back. He did it himself.
He has his blankie that I think is helping him. If your son doesn't have another comfort object maybe you can help him find one, a blankie or stuffed animal. My friends son carries around one of his shirts.

As for the speach, in the short week that my son has not used his pacifier I have noticed a difference in speech. He is much more clearer. I can understand him much better.

Trust me, I know it's hard to take away something that gives him so much comfort. My husband and I had many discussions about it, he wanted it gone and I wanted to keep it because it helped keep my sanity during the day.

Good Luck to you!

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J.T.

answers from Chicago on

I'm a grandmother now, but I had a daughter who loved her pacifier. We only let her have it in her crib, so it's a little different than your situation. We told her that when she was a big girl she would throw it in the garbage. We kept talking about being a big girl, and one day she threw it in the garbage. The key here is to make sure it's out of your house. She wanted it back, but we told her the garbage man had come and picked it up. She got over it in a couple days.

I have had other people say they told their child if they gave it to the Easter Bunny or whoever, the Easter Bunny would leave them a present.

Good luck with that and the new baby. You might want to wait until several months after the baby is born. Then he might want to be a big boy. Pacifiers always seem like a wonderful thing in the beginning, but breaking habits is hard.

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A.S.

answers from Chicago on

Hi R.,

When you decide it's time to wean your son, you can simply cut the very tip off all the pacifiers. It changes the feel of it in the mouth and your son won't like it anymore. Then you can have him be the one to throw them away.

Hope that helps!
~A.

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N.M.

answers from Chicago on

my 22month old daughter has been addicted to her pacifier and i am begining to wean her off of it. i let her have it for her naps and for bedtime and when we are in the car. when i take her outside to play or to any of her activities i just tell her to leave it on the table so she wont lose it. and i have to say she is begining to use it less and less.

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A.B.

answers from Rockford on

My friend had a daughter that was addicted I would say. This is what she did. Have him help you look around the house for all the pacifiers. Mark the date (maybe 2 year birthday or shortly after that) and have a little ceremony where you wrap up the pacifers. You are going to "deliver them" to the new babies in the hospital who need them. He is a very big boy now and does not need it. It might be rough for a few days, but it will be over with it. The older they get, the more of security item it becomes. Replace it with a special stuffed animal or blanket to take to bed. I hope that helps - it was a success with my friend and she tried lots of other things before this.

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R.L.

answers from Chicago on

R.,
I would advise you let him have it since the new baby is coming soon. You will look like a #1 hipocrite telling him no to the paci and then putting one in baby's mouth!
My daughter (7) gave her paci's to her new baby cousin almost 4 years ago (it was my 'bright' idea)and then promptly started sucking her finger and still does to this day.

My mom suggested using a shoe lace to tie it to the side of her bed. DON'T DO THIS they could be strangled on it!!

A few months after baby is here he will be outside all summer and probably too tired out to care so much about a paci.

Good Luck!

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J.P.

answers from Chicago on

While I can't say if using a pacifier too much effects language, I can say that it isn't really appropriate to have it ALL the time. My son is also very addicted but he is only allowed to have it during sleeping times. I can't stand to see him with it during other times and especially when he is talking to me and my husband. I would suggest weaning back but not eliminating it all the time. I started by taking it away during non-sleep times, then I took it away for car rides, and now he only gets it during sleep time. I still have to sneak it away but I do that at breakfast and at snack after nap. We also keep them all in one location so that he doesn't see them and want them. Start gradually and eventually you can wean all together. But again there is no reason he needs it all the time and eventually it will effect tooth development.

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W.S.

answers from Chicago on

R.,

Your son is not 'addicted' to the pacifier - he is just satisfying his need for sucking and it is completely normal.

You don't want him sucking his thumb instead.

As he gets a little older, his brain will develop in a way to give him a pacified feeling from other things, like communicating and getting praised for efforts etc.

I know it might be an unpopular view, but I say let him have it as long as it makes him feel good. Especially with a new baby coming along - he's going to need any extra comfort you can afford him and it's not a good time to start changing things on him.

It does not inhibit speech in my experience, (all 3 of mine had one and they are all fine with their speech - unless you count a smart-cracking teenager, haha) it is kind of hard that they learn to talk with that silly thing in their mouth - and it can be aggravating to try to understand them talking with it dangling from their mouth. You might have to remind him, "if you want to say something, take paci out while you talk". Soon he will want to communicate verbally with you more and more, and it will eventually become more important to him than his paci . :-)

After he gets closer to 2.5 or 3, you can start limiting it to bedtime only and then it will be easier to wean him from it.

hugs, try not to fret about it.

W.

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