my daughter is in kindergarten. Everyone of my adult friends thinks she's highly expressive and mature for her age, but she likes to play just like any other kid her age. she's enjoys school but doesn't seem to have made friends...she tries to play with other kids but she's told they don't want to. she never complains except now she doesn't want to go to the after care program because no one will play with her. HELP! I don't know what to do...I'm upset and I don't want to overreact...I know this is probably normal for kids her age but I can't help but be upset.
I would talk to the teacher's and find out what is going on. Maybe there are underlying issues you don't know about. It's always best to give the teachers all the information. This past year one of the girl cried for a week but it was because she "thought" one of the girls didn't like her - which wasn't true - she was just playing with another girl. The teacher took care of it and she was fine. Good Luck
M.,
If I could name one single problem that bothers me the most about school, this would be it. Teachers are too tired and overworked to fit in fostering an all-inclusive environment at school (25-to-1 ratio in most classrooms now-a-days). And then they try to brush off any responsibility with "they need to learn to socialize"--what a CROCK!! The best thing for you to do is a)mention your concerns to the teacher, b)become friends with other kids parents in her class, c)call a few parents and invite their kids over for play dates AS OFTEN AS YOU CAN (the parents will almost always welcome it and kids often are just lazy when it comes to making new friends), d)volunteer at school WHENEVER YOU CAN (teachers and parents become more aware of who you both are). Good schools have a responsibility to foster the most enjoyable learning experience they can, so make sure to express your concerns to others at the school....nothing to be embarassed about, others probably feel the same way I'm betting!!
M.,
You can try using social stories in teaching her how to interact and meet new friends. www.sandbox-learning.com. One of my girls (same age) seems to be very bright. She is also seems to be very mature for her age. She has trouble interacting with chidren her age. I think it is because she just can't relate to their level of play. She does well with older children and she also can play with younger children, but during those times she is really being like a big sister to them.
HTH,
T. E.
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My daughter sounds like your daughter. At first I was a bit concern about her then I realized that nothing was going to change. So now I just place her in God,s care totally and pray for her every second I can. It's like my daughter never exercised her childhood and she is only 10. She finds more pleasure reading and composing songs for maths than taking the time to go in the back yard to play. Just keep praying over you child that God will have total control over her and she will be alright. Your daughter and my daughter acts like they were here before. The problem that I found out with my daughter is that she cant stand noise, she is ok playing Sudoko, board-games, cards with other children as long as they play in a mature manner. Just keep loving her she will soon find a good friend.
Hi M.,
I too have a shy child. Try setting up play dates, the one on one interaction will help your child to create bonds with other children. Good Luck :)
Hi M.
My suggestion is to talk to the teacher, she will know if there is a problem & what the problem is and sometimes she is able to promote friendships.
God bless you
K. SAHM married 38 years --- adult children 37, 33, and twins 18
You mentioned that she is mature for her age. That means that she may not be able to identify with the other children. You might want to have her checked for giftedness. She might have to skip a grade to be with kids she can identify with. The other thing could be that the kids are clickish and the friends they have are their neighbors or in the same day care center, so they are not going to want to add extra friends. You just need to be patient. Sooner or later a new kid, who can be her friend, will enter the classroom.
Highly expressive? Does that mean she says what she thinks without concern for how it sounds to others? Is it possible she is being too expressive to her classmates and they dont like it? Has she learned tact? Sometimes adults encourage behavior as cute that a child's peers take the wrong way. I would ask her teacher how she talks to the other kids.
"Only" children are often more comfortable interacting with adults than with other children simply b/c that is what they have experienced. It sounds like she just needs some practice!
There are lots of ways to do this... do any of your friends have children around her age? If so, invite them over for a play date. Have a structured activity for the children to do as an "ice breaker"- craft, baking, etc. This will allow you to facilitate the interaction and help your daughter "play" with her peers. Then give them some free time and see what happens.
You may also want to get her involved in an outside activity like dance or gymnastics. There is a really good chance that your daughter's language skills are strong and that it is difficult for her peers to understand her. It is also likely that she is used to playing what she wants to play (not in a bad way, just by default) By enrolling her in an activity where they are all learning the skill, you are allowing her to be "on the same level" as the other kids.
You could also take her to the park on weekends- running around and swinging is a great way to meet friends. Giving her some practice with how to communicate with her peers will make it easier for her to negotiate the social world.
Hi M.,
I own a preschool with a full day kindergarten and this is such a pet peeve of mine. Girls can be very clingy and even mean at this age it is just what they do when they CAN. However it really is up to the teacher to be aware and nip it in the bud immediately. First of all three is always a bad number and can sometimes create a problem. When we have free play and down time at school that is when we notice it the most. "She won't play with me she wants to play with so in so" I hear it over and over again. This is probably why she is having difficulty in aftercare because it is probably unstructured and mostly free play. Most times aftercare workers are not teachers therefore they are trained to deal with this type of dynamics. They may not be addressing the problems and that could be why it is happening to that extreme. I know how upset you are because my daughter went through it in a different degree she was very popular so jealousy was always an issue. I would talk to her teacher and ask how she interacts with the kids during the day. See if she notices something your daughter is doing to create a problem, or if she has some suggestions to help her though this tough time. You could see if there is one particular girl she may feel she has things in common with and have her over for a play date. These are tough times for girls and it seems to be getting younger and younger. I am sure she will find her way just try to stay calm and do not become over involved. Most times we get involved and then the children all become friends and we are on the outs. I know as a mom we want to protect our kids from such pain but there are times when they have to learn to find their own way (with some positive guidance). Good luck!!
