Advice on Husband and In-laws

HI B.
YOur situation is not new and unique. Most families struggle with money issues and lack of communication...main reasons for divorce for sure. Perhaps if you step back from all the stress and realize that your husband's # 1 need is respect and he is born with the desire to provide. Praise God for that. He did not ask your permission to get in a financial bind and he should not need to ask your permission to get out. Be proud that he wants to take care of matters, help his family (both) and provide. Perhaps if you look at it from a positive perspective...you will focus on meeting his needs and your kids. THey NEED their dad, just like they need YOU! Don't ever make a life decision in a valley and do whatever you must personally to get your mind right. So many women are worse off than you...there is a blessing in this pain! Chose to find it, encourage your husband, support his tough decisions, pray for him and his parents during this tough economy...and then put your positive energy to good use....be happy, bring in more money yourself...make do and know you are BLESSED. You are married to a man that LOVES you, supports you, helps his family and wants everyone to be taken care of....a far cry from other families whose dad's could CARE LESS and would be sitting at home with the Boob-Tube; doing NOTHING and only complaining! RIght? You are blessed! You have 3 beautiful, healthy, happy kids...and an extended family that loves you but has needs! Be a UNIT and NOT separate...help each other....and watch God bless all of it...but put your husband first...see it from his angle and then your angle will get taken care of! It's how it works! I promise!
Be blessed....life is too short!

To me he sounds like a wonderful husband, son, and father.

I think that you are being to hard on him. He is working so hard to help everyone out and you are not helping him by being upset at him for caring for his parents.

I am sure that he is not picking his parents over you and I am sure that he is not loving them more than you and the kids.

I think that he is just trying to do the right thing.

I bet that the Lord is well pleased with him.

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Your husband is about to go off and do something that no one wants to do. Join the Military. I think that you should show him lots of love before he leaves. He needs your support and love not your fighting.

Give him a break, he is doing a great job.

You need to treat your husband well and tell him what a great job he is doing to provide for you and the whole family. Tell him that he is a great guy and that you are very proud to be his wife. Let him know that you will miss him while he will be gone.

Take good care of him and he will take good care of you and the kids.

God Bless and Take care.

If you are scared of losing your family (husband), why on earth would you tell him to choose? Instead of being "furious" about his decisions to make good on his promises to pay for his truck and about his choice to enlist, which would allow him to pay rent and such, why aren't you proud of him for steeping up to the plate and "being a man"?

It sounds to me like you aren't very supportive of him in the first place, which would explain why he doesn't feel he can come to you to discuss important matters. If he doesn't talk about issues with you, one can only assume that your opinion isn't the most important to him. That's sad, but if that is the case, I have to wonder why. Do you bash him everytime he brings up his ideas? Do you tell him his ideas are stupid? Do you make him feel like a loser for living with his parents all this time? Or are you loving and kind and supportive? Do you tell him you appreceiate how hard he works and how much he loves you and his children? Do yu tell him EVERY DAY how much you respect him andlook up to him? Or do you nag him all day long about why he loves his mom and dad more than you?
My advice is to stand behind your husband. He is trying to better his family. He is trying to be true to his word to pay for things he has been taking from his parents. I would be very proud of him for attempting to make good on his promises. A whole lot of "men" out there are content to just go on mooching off of everyone and never pay back what they owe. Your husband is making decisions that would allow him to be more financially responsible and your giving him grief about it.

If you begin to be a loving supportive wife to him, I can almost guarantee you that soon he will begin to look at you as his best friend adn as the most important person in his life. He will be so thankful to have you for his wife, he will listen to all those other men at work complainabout their nagging, unpleasant wives and thinnk to himslef how lucky he is, instead of being one of the men who complain.

Please forgive me if I sound harsh. I really mean no harm. I am just speaking from my own experience of a wonderfully blessed marriage adn I have learned what makes a marriage strong so I want to share it. Good luck!
~C.

I know you are frustrated because your husband did not discuss this with you first, but the reality is it is done now. I feel you need to get on board and not be so selfish. You say you are disgusted at the fact that his parents are benefiting from him joining the army but you are eager to do the same thing. You are moving in with your mom to keep from paying rent. You need to realize that you are an adult and have responsiblities too. It appears that you were perfectly ok as long as your were living with your inlaws and reaping the benefits that came with it but now that it is time to join the real world and pay your way you are acting like a victom. Maybe this childish behavior is the reason that you husband did not discuss his decision with you before he did it. Best of luck to you and your family especially those three beautiful babies.

This arguement isn't worth your marriage!

The bible says and every wedding I've been in and attending has always referenced, "...a man will leave his mother..." but that doesn't mean that he doesn't still love them and want to help them.

My husband and I have financially supported his family MANY times. I didn't agree with it most of the times but I understood. Even though I felt we didn't have it, and I didn't agree - I would only be hurting my husband refusing to go along and also hurting my marriage. I told my husband that although I didn't agree I would support his decision because at the end of the day he needed to be able to live with it.

Years have past since those times and my husband tells me now how much he appreciates those times that I supported him, although not agreeing. Our marriage is stronger today and I believe that is one of the reasons.

The bible also says, The husband is the head of the household and the wife should be submissive. This doesn't mean the husband has ALL power because we know that isn't true! But, there is a time to stand your ground and a time to step back. When your husband gets to the pearly gates God will be asking him about those decisions, not you. Your husband is the head in God's eyes. That doesn't release you from all responsibility but it makes me give my husband more latitude in the decisions because I know that he is ultimately responsible to God, not me.

do not make any decisions to quickly...
let his new career take hold first.
breaking up you family with 3 small children
is not the best idea when-you are angry.
you and your husband need to seek some counseling and
the military will provide this.. if he will not go then
you go and try to figure out how to talk about things
without anger involved. he sounds like a responsible man
who loves his parents but also needs to understand
he is married and those decisions are now made by both of you. living for that long with in-laws is not good under the best of circumstances and your feelings are on edge and your
fear of your husbands new job adding to your feelings about this. good luck and do not make decisions in anger!!!

I don't agree with what your husband has done because it was his decision and not both of yours, however he is getting ready to go to basic training and this can not hang over him. Basic training is all mind games and he needs to have his personal life ok to where he is not thinking about it all of the time. Please do not make him choose. Let him know that both of you need to view the money that both of you bring into the family as both of yours money and not yours and mine. You need to make any kind of money decisions together especially the big ones. What he has promised his family is done and if you force him to recant then that will really hurt your relationship with his parents and your childrens grandparents. You both need to be at peace with this before he leaves. Try to sit down and talk about it with out raising your voices and work through this. Again I urge you to not give him an ultimatum. Try to forgive him for this and work on a solution that will make your relationship stronger and not tear it apart. One that you both agree upon.

Be Blessed!!!

military should help pay for a move, or pay per pound if it is a self move. Don't ever give anyone to choose unless you are ready to handle any choice.If you want your in laws out of the picture separate your money from theirs. Also his "little baby male ego" is hurt because he can't provide for his family. Not to be mean, but each baby you have cost $$$. General rule it takes a million dollars to raise a child 0-18 Move on base as soon as possible.
retired USAF wife, daughter in law and Mother of active duty USAF Captain

His wanting to pay his parents back for supporting his family for nearly a year is honorable and right. His choosing another job that will enable his family to be financially independent from his parents AND repay his parents for their support is also honorable and right.

However, his choosing a new job in the military, where he will be leaving the country to fight in a war and won't be seeing his wife or children for two years, without telling you, THAT is UNACCEPTABLE. When was he going to let you know, when he boarded the plane to basic training? Oh, by the way honey, see you in a few years if I see you ever again? Tell the kids I love them, have fun raising them on your own in my parents' home? And he should have talked to you about repaying his parents too, because that is what a partnership is about. He is not treating you like a partner, he is not respecting you.

The way I see it, you have a right to be very upset about his making these major decisions without involving you in them. That's just wrong. However, you need to let go of your anger at his parents, because that is completely unjustified. They helped you out immensely and if he wants to pay them back that's a good thing. If you have your own reasons for not wanting to live with them while your husband is gone, then get him to move you on base and work like crazy to develop a support network.

Other people here who know the military (I do not) have said they have resources for you like marital counseling, which you obviously need if he's making decisions like this without involving you. Is your communication style so hostile or resentful that he simply doesn't want to talk to you? Obviously something is wrong, so you both need to work together to figure out how to communicate to make your family function. You will also need all the help you can get with three small children and being alone. I don't know what kind of daycare you can find on base, but I would recommend a part time or occasional job, perhaps just a few hours a week, for you to develop some professional skills of your own. That could give you some pride in your own accomplishments, enable you to deal with him on a more even footing, it might get him to respect you more, and it could give you a break from your kids. If you are all alone for several years, you will need a break from your kids.

Good luck. You both have a lot of work ahead of you.

B. of course you feel like your husband should be for your family first BUT they helped you and your children by letting you live with them. Stop being so SELFISH.... And wake up and smell the coffee..... Your husband signed up for the army....he is doing the best he can to make everyone happy. And how would you feel if he dies in the service. Life is too short to be selfish and have a me me me tude going on. What goes around comes back around. If you help others then help will come in return. It's not easy to be a Mom and work but why did you have 3 kids so quickly. Wake up Little Girl....

Good afternoon,

You do not need any more advice, you got soooo many good ones already. I just wanted to say from one woman/mother to another, that I hope all works out for you. Please remember that it is hard to be objective when you are in the middle of a situation. I am sure you will make the right choice for your family with a little prayer.

God Bless & I hope all works out for you!!!!

B.,
You may not like what I am going to tell you, but here I go...
It sounds like your husband IS trying to take care of you and your kids by stepping up to the plate and owning up to his responsibilities. You are the one who sounds like you are a hinderance to him. You have been living with his parents and probably have contributed very little, and you selfishly complain that they would like to be paid for things that they SHOULD be paid for? What is wrong with that picture? You should be thankful that your husband is trying to do the honorable thing for everyone. Too many young people today seem to think that the world owes them and this appears to be your attitude as well. You may have to make a few sacrifices here and there, but that's life - you are always going to face adversity, but the key is how you handle it. Do you jump ship and say, "No, I can't do it, this is too hard," or do you say, "as for me, I will be the kind of wife my husband needs in order for him to be the kind of man that he should be".
Your threats of leaving just because of this is ridiculous, immature and selfish. You need to start thinking of the big picture instead of your instant gratification. If more men were willing to do whatever it takes to take care of their finances and their families (including parents), our nation wouldn't be so crippled by divorce.
You asked if you were being unrealistic...YES, you are. If you ask your husband to pick between you and his parents, you are acting spoiled rotten and childish. You are trying to punish him for doing the RIGHT thing...He doesn't need to be controlled by you, he needs you to be his support system in whatever decisions he makes. As far as I can see, he is making good decisions that will take care of you, not hurt you. Do you have no honor for paying debts? Is it ok with you if a friend moves in and takes advantage of all you have and then not reimburse you for the trouble when they can? How much more selfish would it be if it were your own family? Try to see someone else's perspective.
You say you wont have to deal with them if you all move away, but you will actually have the hard reality of what all they have done for you and now you will no longer have that available to you.
You seem to need a wake up call and I believe the reason you are so confused is that you are doing wrong. Satan is the author of confusion and deception and God is the author of peace. You will be at peace when you follow God's way of peace and being a helpmate to your husband.
Perhaps the reason he doesn't discuss things with you is because he doesn't get a loving, supportive response from you and it's too much trouble to come and talk with you. Try practicing listening 90% and talking 10%. And if you disagree with his decisions, pray first, erase your desires, and follow what God tells you, which will always be to support your husband as long as he is not asking you to break the law or do anything immoral.
You will not always FEEL happy in a marriage, but love is not about how you feel, it is a decision you make to love someone regardless of how you feel.
Take Care,
T.

As far as your current situation, I agree with you that he should have talked to you about his plans. While he's away, you need to decide what will be the best for you and your children. Children can feel tension and if it is high between you and your in-laws, they will be able to feel it. They (and you) will already be missing their dad on top of that. So make sure whatever you decide is going to make you happy and less stressed so you can still be a good mom to the kids. The main point I wanted to say was that, don't kid yourself that his parents will not be a major influence in his life despite how far apart you live. I am in my second marriage and both of my husbands were major "momma's boys". As long as there are phone lines, they will have an influence. I just want to make sure you understand that. To change that, you need to stand firm in getting across to him that the family he made with you is the most important. Sure, they gave him life and raised him, but now it is time for him to grow up and be independent and take care of the family he chose. Maybe the Army can help with that too. Good luck to you.

You are in a very bad situation. I have been reading all your other posts over the last year. From them I get the impression that your husband doesn't really involve himself in raising your children and lives the life of a single man. And is very dependant on his first family, his parents. But that said you did not say whether his parents have footed the bill for ya'll this past year. Have you and your husband paid rent, utilities, bought food and household supplies,etc? In other words have they been supporting you financally this past year? If yes, then I think it is his way of paying them back for all they have done. If not, then this is just another way he is non-verbally showing you that they come before you and the children. Move in with your mother while he is away. Once he comes back see if ya'll can work things out. Both of you have a lot of stress in your life. If things don't change when he gets back REALLY think about what you want for you and the kids. I know you want them to have a father but sometimes a man is not ready to be that. Maybe he needs time and will someday decide to be the father he shoud be. I am sure he loves his children. Joining the military may be his way of getting out for awhile. Ever if you separate for a while you can still get support from him, especailly since his paycheck will be coming from Uncle Sam.

Wow you already have received some sound advice.
Do not make a decision based on anger.
Men think completely differently to us - they are fixers - we are emotionals.
My husband was Air Force for 22 years. We have 3 children, if your husband can handle Army life then try and support him. The military has great medical benefits, they will pay for all your moves, you get free base housing with no bills to pay, you get to travel, get additional education if you want it. It really was great for me.

I will pray for you - God bless you.

M. F

B.,
Your dilema really touches my heart. Your husband seems to be doing what he can to take care of his responbilities to you and the children. Since you have been living with your in-laws for 11 mths now, he probably feels a sense of repaying them for their kindness too. He has made a difficult decision to go into the army during this time of war. I would stand firm behind him and support him for the sake of your children. He will need you now more than ever. I don't think this is a good time to make him choose between you or his parents. I'm sure his parents don't want you or him to suffer financially because of repaying them. I think you will all need each other in the coming months, and I wouldn't make any drastic moves at this time. Just pray, pray, pray...

What an incredibly selfless, giving man!!!!! Giving to his family, his country and community. Support him in his goal to share what he can with those who need his help. Since HE is putting HIS life on the line for the signing bonus . . . let HIM decide where it goes. Besides, IF something were to happen to him . . . you will need the support of his family even more.

Having said that, I peronally, would share with him your "disappointment" in not sharing decisions that affect your immediate family. That you would have liked the "opportunity" to brainstorm where the bonus money would be best used and come to the final decision TOGETHER as a family. But the decision is made and you should just support that. I bet he will feel guilty for not including you on this and be remorseful. You are "in it" together, he needs to make sure that he starts acting like it.

Just one more thought from a former active duty member and current spouse of an active duty member . . . don't count/spend your bonus before it's hatched. He still needs to make it through boot camp and training without getting hurt. You'd be amazed how many people have injuries that prevent them from completing boot camp. So he can verbally agree to share the bonus . . . but nothing is guaranteed. Also, your new income is likely to have many errors while in training/school etc. They always seem to "forget" to do the paperwork to process your Housing Allowance or something. So, my best advise is to only count on your basic pay. All other pay is likely to be messed up.

I'm so sorry to hear your predictament. Yhe answer may not be as easy as all that. I followed my husband around in the military for 28 yrs. We had easy times and some really hard times, but each time we made it. I learned that everything is temporary. If you don't like something hang in there it will change or you get to MOVE!
So just remember your situation is only temporary. When he finishes boot camp and gets his schooling done when he can get orders, your out of there. And no matter how tough things get, if he gets orders to go over seas for a long haul don't go back his house where you feel uncomfortable. Make friends at your base and GET INVOLVED!
I know it sounded like I evaded your question, but really I didn't. I just want to give you something new to think about and to let you know your living situation is temporary just hang in there. He's doing his part and you need to do you part by being supportive. He needs to know that you and the kids are fine so he can concentrate. What he's about to go through is very tough and he needs to focus. Military wife's learn when it's a good time to say things and when to wait.
God Bless the Army
And you hang in there. T.M

Reread all of your postings regarding your husband and your in-laws. You know how you feel and you know where his priorities lie. Granted, I think it is admirable for him to repay his parents or at the very least take your family's financial burdens off of them, but the fact that he doesn't discuss any of this with you proves he doesn't respect your feelings or input. He's going to leave anyway because of his new career choice. Move in with your mom and find your happiness again. You'll never be able to change him- you need to focus on yourself and your children. Good luck

You are right, his parents should not expect so much from him with a wife and 3 kids, its like they think they should be 1st, they should take care of themself and let him keep his money for you and the kids. What nationality are they? some nationality are very close and sometimes to much.
I would talk to him or maybe bring him to a accountant or someone that can help your budget and he would see that he needs to take care of you 1st and if theres any money left then he can try to pay his parents. 1st of all his parents should have there own savings on the side that they dont need to have him give them money at this time. His parents didn't think of mabye savings for one day business gets slow.?
They must have something in the bank that they can take out, maybe they have it but they dont want to pay a penalty, so they will feed of you 1st? thats not right.
so good luck but i would sit down and write down all of your expenses and tell him to look at the 1st and do a budget and see whats left and who is important to him 1st you and teh kids or his parents. Dont they have any other kids that can help them? Why only you?
Then you say that he has to pay his dad to move him, wow thats a good one. Anyway the Military will move you, so you dont have to give his dad money for that. Just watch where the money is going, keep your eyes open and hopefully you will keep your family together, just give it time and try listen to him too and maybe it will help to know why he is doing all of this? and then maybe he will listen to you.

That is a tough situation to be in. I was raised in the military life my whole childhood. It will take getting use too, but looking back, I loved everything it gave my family. And I wish my boyfriend would go back in. That being said, I would say let it go. Yes your in laws want you to be on your feet and all that, he is their son-can you imagine not wanting the best for your kids and their families? Your husband feels he owes them, a man wants to support his family, can you imagine the pride issues that can go through a mans head at times? I would say let him do it-it will be water under the bridge soon enough. The fact that your husband enlisted to support his family is very commendable, more than a lot of men do nowadays. You will soon be off living the life of a military wife and your in laws will only be in phone calls. Let your husband square it with his folks and go foward with the future. Wish you and your the best.

i know it is hard but like it or not through your marriage to your husband you are obligated to do what your husband feels is right. that is biblical. i know there is no easy answer either way. by your marriage to him they are family as well and by the laws of god you are to help one another as needed and let god handle the rest. if you pray to god for the answers he will never steer you wrong. no matter how hard or confusing it may be or seem to be right now if you just ask god for help and wait until he gives you the answer you can't go wrong. it is never right for a family to be torn apart if when you are together he treats you and the children right. god will answer your prayers if you truly believe.

Hi! I am a retired miltary wife. Your husband will be receiving housing allowance every month for his dependents and so whoever you live with it is only right to pay rent. Your in-law have been helping you and as long as you could live for free it was fine and now you can help them you want to move to a two bed room apartment why! Because, your husband did not dicuss his job with you. You don't even want to move with your husband. Your husband wants to take care of his family you, your children and he is paying his father for a truck that he is keeping for your family use. Please, stop complaining. And stop, before you lose your family. MONEY ISSUES WILL TEAR A FAMILY APART. This is what your husband is trying to stop. Help your husband save your family. Your children need the family unit. Oh! your husband wasn't working with no pay if you are living with your husband parents with three children and paying no rent and no truck payment, insurance; whatmore can you ask of your in-laws. You shouldn't ask or take free rent if you have the means to pay. This is my opinion. Please, stop and think, your husband has a job to do in miltary don't make his job harder by making him worry about losing his family. That can put his life on the line also. The main point here is your husband isn't giving his parent anything. He is paying his parent back and you believe your husband should wait and pay his parent later. And you believe this so much that you take your children to your mother's because she will let you live with her for free. Just remember their is always a price you will pay. And B. the price you may pay may be your marriage and your children will not have their father around or their grandfather and grandmother. I am just wanting you to look at what you are doing from a different view point. I am not juding you this is only my opinion. I hope this will open your eyes the miltary is a wonderful place to rise children. I have two sons, thirty-seven and thiry-one. One is a police office and the other a major in the Army.
May God Blessing be with you and your family.
P.
A little about me I am a hair stylist. I am happily married for thirty eight years to a retired miltary men.

Maybe you should talk about it again after he realizes how much money he will be making....My husband is in the Navy and there is NO way with 3 kids we would be able to spare a little extra money. Since he enlisted without telling you, I'm sure he didn't ask too many questions. The sign on bonus....hmmm...he probably won't be getting that for a while and it won't be as much as they told you with taxes and all. They tell you you'll get it when you finish your school but they DON'T tell you your school won't start for months. Maybe just wait until the time comes and revisit the issue.
My husband and I have always had very good jobs and lived comfortably not having to worry too much about money, but now that he's in the Navy....it's a WHOLE different story.
Message me if you need anything!

B.,
Please understand that the military life is different for the whole family. From your husband to the baby. There are lots of classes that you & your family can take to learn what to expect. It isn;t fair that your husband did this without talking to you. You need to make sure you have resolved all issuse before he ever ships out, if not stress and fighting can hurt him on the battlefield. My husband just came back from being deployed for 7 months. Leaving, being gone and returning are hard on the whole family. Please as soon as you know what base you are going to make sure you take the classes, and joing the FRG. The FRG is made up of family members that will help you understand military life. As for your husband and his parents...... He should help them out if he can. They helped you guys. The two of you together need to start making all choices now together. It's cant be just one person. Try to talking to him and his family on this matter with a pastor. I hope everything works out. You are going ot need his parents while he is deployed. We retire next year from the military. I'm a proud military wife.

If my adult kid and his wife/kids were living with me. I would expect him to pay me too.

Now I think the real issue is that your H worked for his dad without pay for a time. IMO, he should figure out how much money he should have been paid and deduct that from the money he wanted to give his parents.

As for you moving in with your mom to get away from paying his parents.....I think that that is (no offensive) childish and just wrong on so many levels. How unfair for your mom. So now she has to have 4 people enter her home, increasing her light bill, food bill and so on and NOT get paid???

You should pay your mom for staying there....even if she doesn't want it....you should at least pay something or make sure her apt is spotless.

Life is hard these days.

If you are looking to save up some money then you need to do the following:

Research cost of apts, figure out how much money you would need to save in order to move into your own place. Get a life insurance policy on your H...the military pays squat if they die. Also try to give your mom at least 300 a month. Your H will be getting paid for being married, having 3 kids and if he is over seas - xtra pay for that.

SAVE SAVE SAVE...eat out once a week (take your mom out with you).

You should tell your H that you want to be part of the decision maker...but consider you have no idea what the agreement was with his parents when you moved in. Maybe he already owed his parents $$$ so that is why he didn't get paid when he worked for his dad for "free". Also consider the work for free could have easily been, well we are living with you for free, so I will work for free.

good luck...

Hello B.,
First I'll recommend this website and tell you I was a single mother of 3.
http://www.spiritual-law-of-attraction-prosperity-resourc...
It sounds as if your inner guidance is already telling you, in your feelings of being confused and scared that you are reacting with negative feelings to a possibly positive situation. You are creating a competition where there is none.
First, your in laws probably taught your husband to pay his own way in life, to be responsible for himself and his own. It is not healthy for anyone to expect others to support them, to pay their way.We are all responsible for ourselves.
Be proud of his sense of responsibility, a man's greatest needs is respect. By working so creatively and laboriously he is someone to be very proud of.He is morally right in repaying his generous parents, and it's possible they did not ask him to but they cannot be expected to support grown people.
On the other hand a woman's greatest need is security, you are feeling unsteady because you see this as him preferring his parents over you. The best thing you can do is remove the competitive thought from your head, there is enough love to go around.
It sounds as if you are also feeling unsteady and unsure, insecure. Your husband made changes to the family unit without discussing it with you.
YES! He must discuss with you changes to the family structure! And money issues must be managed with wisdom and care together.
B., you cannot change what has happened. Is it revenge? A need to punish? Or are you speaking in such a way that in future he WILL discuss with you any changes he makes? In the case of not discussing, hold him accountable, find out if you are someone he feels safe discussing family issues with, and if you are and he does not choose to discuss changes with you, tell him that puts your union in disunion and you both need counseling, Imago is excellent for that issue.
One thing I've learned from being a wife and mother is to try to put myself in the other persons place if I am angry, feel from their perspective, try this with your in-laws and your husband.
Recognize how it was for your in-laws to have a house filled with people when perhaps they had become accustomed to their solitude.
And as a last thought, when my husband joined the Navy and I had 3 children it was the best thing that happened to our family
It's easy to get into self pity, but I'll tell you very sincerely guilt and self-pity are the two most destructive emotions in the universe. Don't do it.
Find out for certain if your husband is in a dangerous situation, he may be placed in quartermasters or kitchen, you never know.
And remember, one day your children will be grown and you will be the in-law, how will you want them to deal with you? Your husband does not have to choose, to take sides, there is enough love to go around, you'll find this is true and in time your fears will prove unfounded, unless you seek revenge,try to prove you are more lovable than his parents and and create an unnecessary drama.
Love and light to you,
J
PS. Clear your mind and get as much love and enjoyment out of your babies as possible:)as a single mom of grown children this is my greatest joy

I feel that you are being extremely unrealistic. His family was nice enough to allow you to live in their home free of charge with three children in tow. Children are very expensive and you were blessed to have in-laws that helped you out and allowed you to stay at home for a while. With the economy the way it is these days it is a priviledge to stay home with your children, even if it's just for a little while. You should thank your in-laws for their hospitality over the past 11 months and kiss your husband for basically putting his life on the line while our country is at war to support your family. Marriage and family are a big responsibility and you don't make your husband choose simply because he made a decision that he feels is best for him family in the long run.

I don't think you need to stop being selfish, it is your responsibility to protect your families interest. Over the past year you have supported every decision your husband has made for your family. I personally think, you should pack up the kids and move in with your mom. Stand up for yourself and your children.

i am retired military and so is my husband the life your husband has chosen is both grand and hard he is trying to stand on his own by paying for his own items such as his truck its his not the companys and he should be paying for it. The rent well he is just trying to help his folks which it appears he thinkls he can without hurting you or his children. arguing with him and threatning him with picking between the two is wrong. work with him not against him you have to be a team some of what you are saying is more like a little kid saying well if i dont get my way im not playing any more. Your husband has a lot on his shoulders and the last thing he will need is to strees and worry about you and his babies. it may make him not put his mind totally on his job. As long as you and the babies have the things such as food shelter clothes etc and your not worryed about how to get those then let him be a man stand beside him and support him in all he is trying to do. you love him or you wouldnt of had 3 children by him. itll take a whole team and a whole family to succede God forbid but if something should happen to him wouldnt you feel guilty because you have wasted time agrueing over this small thing. all branches of the military have a support group for wifes it probably would be beificiall for you to check it out. He will be getting a allowance for housing food and you can use the military facilitys youll see its a grat way of life and you wont be hurting for much. The military will prvide for its own. Welcome to the military family

Dear B., I don't think it's a good idea to force your husband to choose between you and his parents. Is there any way you can have a quiet moment to pray and meditate and listen to your inner guidance. With children so young, it's really hard sometimes to think straight, especially while living with your in-laws! Ask yourself what is the best thing to do for your family (including your husband)? You, your children and your husband are a family. I know he hurt you by making these decisions without consulting you, but hurting him back won't solve anything. I'm sending you love and blessings.