Advice on How to Raise a Bilingual Child with Only One Bilingual Parent

Hi C.,
While I have not had experience with this directly, I did want to share with you some of the things that I have both read and seen. First of all, I have read (I think in the "What to Expect - The First Year" book) that you should not start teaching a child a second language until she is at least 2 and knows a good bit of English (or her primary language). I 100% agree with that advise because I have seen what happens when you try to teach them too young. A friend of mine is also fluent in German and wanted her daughter to learn the language as well. She read books in German to her daughter and had her daughter watch movies that were in German. Her daughter ended up having to go to speech therapy because learning two languages at once was too much and she was very far behind in her English. Her mom now says that she started too young and said, "I guess I should have thought about that fact that if I am calling a nose two different things, it is very confusing for my child."
Anyways, I hope that helps. Good luck.
Betsy

Hi C.,
I have always heard to have a child master two languages, one parent should speak English and the other German until they start to get it. Speak to the from the beginning in that language. Kids are art and they will pick up both languages. Once they have becoe fluent in both languages you can revert to using it sometimes.

I don't have any suggestions but a cousin of mine was in the same situation. Her husband was German and she did not speak any German. He spoke to the children (always) in German and she spoke in English. The kids, for a while when they were young the languages were mixed together and you couldn't understand what the kids were saying but as they got older it worked its self out. Just be consistent with what you decide to do.

My husband and I met while we were both studying in Germany in college. I didn't keep up with the language once we got back to the States, and I can't really speak it anymore, but my husband spent more time in Germany and kept up with the language and is fluent, and he has talked to our two sons in German from the day they were born. It helps that I can understand what he says to them, and it doesn't even really register with me that he's not speaking English, so I'm not sure how your husband will feel--maybe teach him some of the basic phrases? Have him take a class if he's willing to learn? Sorry I can't help with that part.

But you should speak to your daughter in German from the day she's born and let your husband speak English. My kids get mostly English since I'm home with them all day, but they absolutely understand everything their dad says to them (they're 3 1/2 and 2 at the moment). They don't talk back to him in German, but they do use random German words instead of English ones from time to time. Both of them were a little slower than their peers in starting to talk which is normal under the circumstances. Our eldest's first words were animal sounds and all the ones that sounded the same in both languages (house, mouse, hand, etc.). It must be kind of tough learning two words for everything and then deciding which one to use!

We buy books and CDs from http://www.alphabet-garten.com/, and I do read the books to them in German when I don't feel like translating--although this site has books that are in both languages too. If you're in the Raleigh-Durham area in NC there's a group called Carolina Kinder that has playgroups, story times, and preschool classes: www.carolinakinder.org. We'll be signing our eldest up for a class in the fall, and I hope that encourages him to speak more German, but either way, what we're doing is a good foundation and should make it much easier for them to do more with the language as they grow older.

Wishing you a speedy and uncomplicated delivery! :)

Let me first identify the voice that is speaking here. I am an ESOL (English to speakers of other languages) teacher and I was a linguistics emphasis in my masters degree.
I love that you are wanting your child to be bilingual! That's fantastic. I wouldn't worry about language delay. Yes, I've read/heard that bilingual children often take a little longer to begin speaking, because they're taking in so much more, but they catch up quickly and often surpass monolingual people both linguistically and cognitively. I believe that the best model, if your goal is that your child will be truly bilingual, is for one parent to speak to the child only in English and the other in L2 (German for you). So actually it's perfect that you're the only one who speaks German. Of course the books/music/other enrichment is fantastic as well. Finally, you may want to look for others in your shoes, maybe some playmates for the future. Friendships are great for developing both motivation and ability. I'm not fully bilingual but I input lots of phrases and plenty of books and music with my son. Children are certainly sponges for learning. Good luck!

I think that the idea of teaching your child a second language can only help them in many areas. If you don't want the two of you to have a "secret language" that excludes your husband, the solution seems pretty simple to me; teach your husband German as well. He could certainly start with the basic, simple words and work his way up to more fluent conversation, learning along with your daughter. I'm not a doctor, but I don't think that there is such a thing as starting too early. Go for it and have fun - all 3 of you!

First of all I want to say "good job!" for deciding to teach your child another language. I grew up with two German parents in America and still only speak German with them. When I came home from school wanting to speak English when I was younger, my parents refused to talk to me unless it was in German. I might not have liked it at the time, but I could not be happier that they did this now since I am totally bilingual, and it has helped me so much in life (communicating with relatives, acing college language courses, finding a job, etc.)!

Since I now have two boys of my own, I only speak German with them as well. They are already bilingual in speaking and understanding English and German at 2 and 4 years old! My husband speaks only English with them and with me, but the kids understand both. My husband has also learned a lot by listening to them and me. If he is interested, I figure he can learn the language, too!

Don't listen to people who say you shouldn't start languages until later since then the kids are already more set in their ways and it is hard to change. I have a friend who is half German, but she hasn't started speaking some German with her kids until now and they are fighting it all the way (they are 2 and 5 years old). In Europe, kids start learning languages when they are born since they hear so many different ones on television, with neighbors, on the radio, in school, etc. America is the only place I know of that doesn't start teaching a foreign language until the teenage years when the optimal time for learning is already over. (They say from birth until 7 or 8 is the best time for kids to learn languages).

The more you can expose your child/ren to another language throughout their childhood, the better! Send them to a German school, read German books, watch German videos.....everything will help them to become familiar with the tone and patterns of the language. Not only am I a bilingual mother with a Master in Teaching degree and a minor in German Language and Literature, I teach Special Education during the week and German on Saturdays.

Good luck to you!

We have missionary friends who deal with this every day. She is from Brazil, he is from America, and they both speak French and want the children to know all three. What they have done is Mom speaks only Portugease, Dad speaks only English, and on Wednesdays they speak French all together as a family. All four children all speak all four languages with no problems. Good luck with it.

Hi C. -

I'm not sure how well this might work for you, but I have known of several couples who had something like this. The parent who was fluent in another language speaks to the child only in that language. Otherwise it gets confusing to them.
Kind of like bins of toys. If all of the blocks are together, legos, wooden blocks, peek-a-blocks, alphabet blocks...and all of the vehicles are together - cars, trains, trucks, etc. then the child learns those categories, sees what goes together.

It's the same with language.

Hi C. -

Congratulations on the upcoming birth on your daughter!! You are on the right track! Do not worry about confusing your daughter. She will have the advantage of picking up the language earlier. I will try to be brief and if you have any additional questions, please contact me. I am a speech pathologist and I have had experience with bilingual situations. First, I encourage you to read, talk and sing to your child in both languages. I encourage you to teach your husband basic vocabulary words to use with your daughter. I am assuming that your husband is willing. Speak to your daughter in both languages. She will develop the ability to understand both at when she begins talking she will most likely use a combination of english and german to respond. I do not want to overwhelm you at this time with a lot of information, the most important message is to talk with your child in both languages. Sing and read in both languages. Use basic vocabulary in both languages i.e. dog, book, cup, mama, daddy, nana, ball etc. Your daughter will absorb it. If your parents speak German with and around your daughter, the exposure will benefit her. I am not sure if you work, but I have recently found out about German emersion day care in Cary I believe. I wish you all the best.

A.

First - Congratulations on your addition. It's an exciting time. I'm German with a 4 yr DS and a 2 yr DD. I've been speaking German to them even before they were born. They both understand me, and hubby is starting to pick up more too. DS is starting to say full sentences in German now and DD will repeat words. It helps to have them repeat a sentence word for word :) We bought a regional free dvd player to play German movies for kids and listen to German cds in the car - one favorite is The very hungry caterpillar, which was made into a few songs by a German artist. Pending on your area you might have a German club you can join. Here are also a few links where you can get your daughter German books, cd's, and movies. You'll be fine, either way!
http://www.alphabet-garten.com/
http://www.buecherstube.com/
http://www.buchwurm.com/www/home/
http://www.abckinderladen.com/

Hi C.,

From my experience (non-professional advice), I speak to my daughters in every language I know and my husband speaks to them in English. They are developing an 'ear' for it.

I know of other couples where the partner that doesn't speak the second language takes the challenge and enrolls in some classes that will help bridge the gap.

Perhaps your husband needs to take some language lessons.

English is my mother tounge but I speak to my kids in Spanish, French and Japanese.

Good Luck

My husband and I are expecting our first child in 6 weeks. I speak Spanish, and my husband has a working knowledge of the language. We've decided that as soon as the baby is born (and even sometimes right now before she's born) that we will have certain days of the week where we only speak Spanish with her, probably Tuesdays and Thursdays. While this seriously limits my husband's ability to communicate, he is looking forward to learning Spanish along with our daughter. I teach Spanish to K-8 students, and research clearly shows that the earlier they start learning languages the better. In fact, if kids have not heard certain sounds by 16 months, they will never be able to do so. By age 5-6 kids begin dramatically losing the ability to acquire a new language naturally, so it's certainly best to begin as early as possible. I know a couple who has taught their son 3 languages since birth. When with the mother, the son and mom speak Spanish. When with the dad, the dad and son speak German. When they are all together, the 3 of them speak English together. The son knows how their system works, so they don't have to worry about the son having a secret language with one of the parents. While it took this kid a little longer to speak clearly (he had one giant language that included all three languages for about 6-8 months), once he sorted out the languages, his speech was better in all 3 languages than a typical kid his age in one language. Hope this is helpful. Best of luck!!!

I speak French and English to my 4 month old. I just say things in English and then say the same thing in French. Sometimes i reverse it. I just make sure i repeat both. I have heard this works well with children.

Hello, I am a teacher and had several ESL trainings in MA on this topic. I also spoke with my instructors because I have a daughter (at the time not born yet) and I wanted her bilingual as well. Her father is Dominican and I understand some spanish but am not fluent and really not even conversational.

1) the best way for children to learn and master the sounds so that they can speak like a native is to hear BOTH languages from the beginning.

2) It is less confusing if one parent speaks one language and the other another. I know that when we were in Germany the kids downstairs (American) who went to German preschool were fluent and could switch easily from one to the other- they even knew enough at two and four to answer Oma in German even if she asked them something in English and us in English even though we asked them something in German.

3) The instructor said if you can be patient, your child may actually speak a little later because they are processing two languages but they will have a stronger foundation and understanding to build on of both languages

4) As for Daddy, maybe he will pick up German as a plus too. I have Hector translate when I don't understand. also you can speak to Daddy in German and then English, but keep you language to your daughter as pure as possible. (I know it is extremely difficult- I keep fight with Hector just to speak spanish and that I will ask if I can't pick up on what he is saying.)

5) We also added sign language to help her get her needs met. Later she used them to emphasize when her request were met with a no- she'd say it in one language then the other then sign- maybe this time I won't get a no.

6) We also read books to her, listen to music, talk, count, colors... when counting her toes we did it both ways. When playing with the rings we did both sets of colors. (we were also lucky enough to send her to a spanish speaking family day care- so she was emersed all day)

7) it is tough but you and your husband need to find a happy medium. You ned to make sure everyone is comfortable in you home. And any bit you do will help her and be a great foundation to build on later.

Good luck. It is not as easy when both parents don't speak the language. I know his family is welcoming and try to include me but I do miss out on some of the conversation. I get most of the gist and will ask questions now and then. I also am getting better at participating- I have a good vocabulary but don't know the correct article or conjugation and other syntax rules.

I know there are much better experts out there. Hopefully some other successful moms will weigh in. You need to hear what the experts say and then make it work for you. All my best. Don't worry just enjoy this miracle and the rest will fall in place.

C.,

First of all congratulations! I have two children and a little girl due the end of July so I share in your excitement!

I've had several friends where one parent spoke a second language fluently and the other parent primarily English. In every situation the children were none the worse, in fact I think they were better off because they were exposed to two beautiful languages. Kids are like sponges and they're going to absorb everything in their environment. She will respond to you and your husband in ways you never realized. All children understand the language of love and it sounds like you are already approaching your phoenetic challenges in a loving way.

Best of luck to you and your new bundle of joy!

T. C

Hello C.:)
I am Russian and my Husband is American. We have 2 boys ages 3 and 1. Since I stay at home with them I ONLY speak Russian when it's just us. They understand everything but sadly they would not speak it back:( MY mom was here for a month and our oldest started doing better, we also put him in a russian school(on Saturdays) and that helped as well. I think kids need to have lots of exposure to the language(and seeing other kids speaking it) in order for them to speak it. English also is an easy language, so when I ask my son to say please, he chooses to say "please" instead of a word that has 4 consonants in the row:)I am still continuing speaking russian to them though, and getting some Russian preschool books to learn to read and stuff. If you can give your child a gift of knowing more that one language........do it!!!!! You might not see the results right away, but in the long run, they will thank you. And do it from the very begining. Bilingual kids usually do start talking later though(from our experience and people that I know).
Oh and my hubby also does not mind, he actually learns more with the boys than when I try to teach him.

Congrats on the baby girl!!!!!!!!!!!

cariie, i'm tri-lingual and both my daughters are fully aware of the difference. start with english. then slowly introduce the others. i speak spanish, french/creole and english, english is my first language. i speak to them in creole in public if i need to disipline them so no one understands. it'll work. its only in there best interest that they know more than just english...

hi , I am also bilingual and my husband is not. When our son was born, my husband was very eager for him to be blingual. How does your husband feel about it?

We taught our son vocabulary at first for common things in his word and we taught them in both languages. We haven't really keptup with in the last few months. My son is almost 2 now but he does have a vocabuarly of about 50 words in both languages. He does speak mostly english but that's just because of my laziness :)

So I would conversationally speak in both languages and he'll be able to sort it out. It also makes it a lot easier when Dad learns too. Don't start with indepth linguistic lessons. Just vocab at first. Just listening to how you use the language and the intonation in your voice will teacher her the differences in the languages. When dad is around help him to pick up simple words and phrases and when it's just the two of you, you can speak fluent German. Dad can be the english model and you the German. As long as you guys talk to each other and there isn't any conflict with the languages, your dauther should be able to pick them both up. You might end up with some Ger-glish, but that should be a hoot!

G. M

Go with your heart. You are blessed with two languagees do not let it go to waiste. As long as you are explaineing each to her she should be great. Share it from the start. And in hopes the your husband would want to learn as well. Good luch and may god bless you and your family. D..

The research I have seen on this advises that one parent speak one language to the child and the other parent speaks the other language so it is not confusing until they are older-- I would encourage your husband to take German at CPCC and he could learn it as well-- we had several German aupairs and I learned quite a bit of German from them (4 years)-- I speak Spanish but not as fluently as I would like-- however, our kids speak some Spanish, some German and English-- our 4 1/2 year old picks up languages very quickly and I truly believe it's because we had the aupairs speak their native language to the kids when we were not home. Hope this helps-- try looking on the internet as well.

Mel

Teach your husband as well as your child. This may create a stronger bond between you and your husband as well. If he's not interested, leave it at that. But have him understand that you will be teaching German to your children and it would make it easier if he participated and learned some words as well. I think this is a wonderful idea! My gradmother was German, but she didn't teach any of her kids the language, and now regrets it because most of her grandkids (myself included) would've loved to have learned some German. And knowing 2 languages has been shown to improve grades and learning skills. I would start as soon as she is born, and talk to her in German often; your husband may pick up a thing or two along the way.

C.,

Within your response you fail to mention how your husband feels about this. As a spouse, your primary goal should be to honor your spouse and do what you can to respect each other and your individual points of view. This being said, how your spouse feels is probably your answer. Talk to him, share with him your fears and worries as well as your hopes and desires for wanting to teach you daughter the German language. Just because I think it is a great idea does not mean it is the right thing to do. Honor your spouse and you will not have any issues!

Most of the time I speak German when I talk to my daughter. I also read German books to her, so she knows the sound of it all. Her first words were in German, but as she grows older, she learns to easily differenciate which language is spoken where (ie German with you in your house, English elsewhere). Sure, at times I am worried just how much I will be able to teach her, but I am sure we'll manage to raise a girl with ample knowledge :) Good luck!

C. , here is what celine deon did, both she and her husband know english and 2 other launguages. she teaches her launguage and he teaches his to thier child,so they are teaching tri lingual! Have you husband listen too, maybe he can learn german,while you read!

Morgen,
Please let me know if you figure this out. My husband bout a dictionary to help him out, but I am still finding it quite challenging.

Your planning ahead is wonderful! I know families with parents of different nationalities who DIDN'T teach their child the second language! What a waste . .
Anyway, I'd simply speak German with your child(ren) at a specific time (or times); when you're alone with them at home and/or in the car, while shopping, having tea parties. Or if your husband is 'game', at the table while eating. It may even make it fun for your husband to learn along with them. My dad was in Germany in 1944-45 in World War II, and he made friends with some of the people. He learned a little German -- MOSTLY FROM the German children.
I've heard that after age 7, most children lose the ability to make sounds that they've never made before, so: the earlier, the better to start. It'll come naturally, I'm sure, if you're relaxed about it and keep it fun!

I also have a friend who's bilingual in English and Spanish. He told me that he 'thinks in English, but swears in Spanish'. I told him he shouldn't swear at all! LOL I also heard a commedian saying that the languages you learn in high school or college don't do you much good in a stressful situation in the country of that language, because if someone angers you, the worst you can say is the equivalent to, 'Go away you big, bad man!' (That's probably a GOOD thing, tho! Of course it may make it a little more fun for your husband if you teach him some 'dirty words' in the privacy of your bedroom!)

Good luck and God bless!

I am a german mother of 2. My son, now 14 speaks pretty good german and understands everything. My daughter 9 understands but does not want to speak. They are considered bilingual in school and are being tested (for no reason) every year for english as a second language, just because I speak german to them. I believe if you want your kids to speak both languages to start early. There is no confusion for the children as long as you teach them what is what. Children are a lot smarter than we give them credit for a lot of times. Also, if you are military it also helps to meet up with other german families. There used to be a german playgroup offered by ACS. Or just post something on here. It is a lot easier to teach them if you have others around you speaking german as well. Hope this helps.

C. -
I was a language teacher for 17 years. According to studies, one parent must speak only English and the other parent speaks only the foreign language. Of course it would help if your husband speaks German, but since he does not, there is nothing wrong with you repeating in English directed to him anything that he needs to understand.

Yes - introducing language immediately allows the baby's brain to develop the discrimination between the two. It is context driven meaning that the baby will identify you and the language together for several years. As her circle of interaction enlarges, she will sort it out easily. Sometimes children who are raised bilingually may have a slight delay in speaking a lot, but when they do, they have command of both languages. And, early on they will sprinkle each language with words from the other at times.

There have been studies showing a link between polyglots (people who speak more than one language) and intelligence.

Does it matter what specific vocabulary she learns? No, more importantly she will internalize the "deep structure" of the language. In other words, she'll understand how German works like a native speaker - not like a second language speaker who sometimes has to check grammar rules and syntax to get the message right. Native speakers cannot explain why this word goes here and that goes there... they just know based on the examples they internalized. This also means that any flaw in your own deep structure of German will show up in your child... but this is so minor as not to be a problem at all.

I think it's a great idea. Be courageous. Our country needs many more people who speak more than one language. We are quickly becoming a bi-lingual country with Spanish on the rise. We can only enhance our lives by opening the doors of our minds even wider.

Hi C.,
We are a dual-language home. What we have been told is that one parent JUST speak their language and the other parent English. What I have learned form other parents is to try and get them around other people that speak that language (German might be a little difficult. That way they won't feel uncomfortable speaking the language in public. The other thing, our pediatrician and others have told us that our children's speech will be delayed (it is). But not to worry, becuase when they will get it and actually benefit from excersing anoither part of the brain.
Good Luck!

My husband is tri-lingual and I am tri-lingual...sharing only two languages English and Nepali. However, our son, 4, can understand a little of all four languages he hears. We did not speak anything but English to him until he was 3, although he was around others speaking the foreign languages. That was a bit late. howeverm we have primary school books in all languages and that helps him learn. I also put tags on household items with the work in all four languages. You can also decide that dinner time is only German. I have plenty of friends, in the U.S. and abroad who speak multiple languages to their children from birth. The children are fluent in all languages without confusion. Their brains can work out context for using the language and the differences between them. So, start speaking!! Good luck.

See if your husband will learn certain words or phrases with her than as fluency is concerned you will be available to build and maintain her vocabulary and proper usage techniques. It can be a family experience and maybe your husband will be able to pick up a healthy amount of vocabulary to help you in teaching her such things without feeling left out. Don't let her lose the fluency at any point which is what happened to me. My mother stopped using German with me when I was about 4 because she stopped using the language. I'll be moving to Germany with my husband in the fall and now I have to learn it all over again. I've also been teaching my nephew Spanish with my limited fluency in the language. His mother is bilingual and his father speaks only English. Since his mother is currently in Iraq, I don't want him to lose any proficiency in the language. He's 2 and does not have a problem distinguishing between the two languages when asked a question in either one.

I'm not sure how it works when only one parent is bilingual however both my husband and I are and we speak spanish and english to both our girls (2yr old and 4 month old) and let me tell you our oldest will translate everything... she understands things in both languages and knows to speak spanish only with grandma and that she can speak either language to her father and myself so I do believe children can sortout the languages earlier on...

My husband is bilingual in French and English. We are pregnant with our first child and are planing on raising the baby with both languages. My husband's family lives in France and we travel there once a year or so. I think its a wonderful idea and an incredible gift to give you child a bilingual start in life. My husband dosent ever remember learing French or English he has just always known both. What I would give for a gift like both of yours! My situation is diffrent though, I want to learn French and we hope to live there one day so we both feel that by my husband only speeking French to the baby will also help me learn. If your husband is supportive, dont feel bad. It my even spur him on to want to learn the language too. I think all of your ideas on how to teach German to your daughter sound like great ideas. The baby books are not only good for the baby but basic for your Husband so he can pick up on some of it too. Good luck and happy delivery!

A LITTLE ABOUT ME: I am 24 and have been married for 4 years. We are expecting our first child in November. We have a cat, golden retiever and a great dane. We oun our own home and I will soon be a stay at home wife and mom.