"Advice on H Being with Kids"

wow! It did me alot of good to read this and the responses as my hubby also works 12-14 hr days sometimes 7 days a week. He also spends alot of time on the computer and unwinding. I almost always ask him to do bedtime for our toddler if he is home at bedtime (usually just in time). This just means reading stories and saying prayers as I do the "hard" work of bathing and dressing usually. That way daddy and him get fun time together and its the end of the day so it sticks best in his memory. Also, if he is going to run an errand or something I will ask if Matthew (son) can ride along. They usually end up making a mcdonalds stop and that makes them both happy. My hubby doesnt have alot of experiance with children and being gone all day he doesnt know HOW to interact. Like you said, they grow up so fast and with the hubby not being there alot they miss out on learning how to interact and keep up with that growth. Sometimes just getting them started in an activity together or just heading out on an errand of your own (even just for an hour) works great. When they arent confident in their parenting, having you, the expert, hover makes them feel incompetent and they wont even try for fear of "failing". Also, when I am not around my husband parents in ways I wouldnt. He lets my son watch shows I dont and they do things I wouldnt even think of and probubly wouldnt aprove of much BUT as long as they are getting together time and being safe I let him do it. Its not an everyday thing and its specific to Daddy which is important. Make sure and take Date nights at least a few times a month because when you connect as a couple you can more effectively communicate and parent as a team. I guess this is pretty long, but I have been working (and it will continue to be work) on this problem for almost 3 years. Good Luck, Jen

Hi S.,

Something we have done in my family for years is have a designated family night, once a week every week on the same night so nothing else over shadowed it. Each of my children got to choose one of the nights acvities: snack,game,movie,outdoor activity ect. These things were always free to cheap - had to be lol.
For several years my hubby worked past dinner time so we weren't able to eat together except one night a week, so the kids planning and helping to prepare that meal was a part of our family night then. Each week who chose what rotated, they really enjoyed planning their part in "family night" it was a real window on their little personalities as to what made them feel loved :)
All told these evenings lasted 2 to 3 hours, so they were easy to fit in and my kids still "remember the time we did this" and laugh about whatever silly thing it was. GOOD STUFF
My hubby and I do something similar once a month, like a date night. Often times it is just us at home without the kids (grandparents,sleepovers,ect.) eating something we like,doing something we like, just ourselves alone. The important part is to schedule the time as though it were an important meeting - it is - and then keep your appointment!! It makes all the difference in the world.

My H is military and there are times when he has to leave for week long spans. And in January, he will be separate from us for a year in a different country! I am not looking forward to that. My H loves a good movie. I think it's his favorite thing. So if he is about to leave, I have to suggest something that the kids and my kid at heart (my H) would like to do to get us away from the TV. Some ideas might be to go to a restaurant with a playground, Pack a picnic with foods your H likes and have a surprise going away party for him at the park. Getting everyone doing things together on a regular basis has been know to strengthen families. We have family night every Monday night without fail. Our kids remind us now if it doesn’t look like we have anything planned for Monday night. Good luck finding what works best with your family.

R.

Wow! I just want to say that it is refreshing to know that there are others out there with their husbands being gone so much. My husband works 12 to 15 hours a day right now and also they have been calling him in on Saturdays for the same amount of hours! He is gone before they get up in the morning and when he gets home there is only two hours before they go to bed! When he gets home, he eats, and then goes and sits in his chair and watches t.v. One day I decided to have a little chat with him about interacting with his girls (6 and 3) Even if it is to read them a bedtime story or play a game for half an hour so that I can take a shower or get on the computer! He has finally got it after asking him week after week to please do something with his girls. I think men just need reminding! Anyway, good luck to you!

Quality time is always more important than quantity. I would try to get your husband to understand that and encourage him to play board games, go outside and play or even take your kids somewhere when he is off work - like a park, the zoo, or whatever else they would enjoy. Being a parent should be the first priority - and yes they do grow up very fast. It would be a shame for him to lose all those possible moments with them, he will never get them back. A book or article on family time might also be helpful in giving you and him some ideas.

Well my father is a truck driver and has been for may yeas. All thou your hubby is home a lot more than my father was. I'm sure my mom would have loved my father being home that much. My father is gone anywhere from 4-6 weeks at a time, but when he did and does come home the first day we would leave him alone. Than the rest of the time it was spent with the family. He has always been their for the important things. I feel you are being a little to hard on him. Be happy that your 2 oldest can go with him. My sister and I couldn't even do that. As far as the coming home, watching tv, and getting on the computer leave the man a lone he works from 5 a.m. to 8 p.m. and I know how stressful being a truck driver can be. I have seen first hand on how it works on family life. If you feel that he's not spending enough time with the family tell him.

My husband too is gone a lot. He works for the railroad and he is gone 36 hours at a time, and sometimes only home for 12 hours before being called out again. I know how you feel! My husband has said that "he is gone all the time and when he gets home he wants to stay home." I kind of know what he is saying, but sometimes it is hard for me because some days I want to just pick up and go somewhere, but he doesn't feel up to it! It is definately frusterating. My H too plays computer, but suprisingly enough, he has kind of got the kids involved. He plays World of Warcraft and they get little pets, and such. My daughter loves it when he lets her push buttons on the keyboard, and he will call his pet kitty for her to see (she loves cats!) I know it sounds kind of lame, but this is how my kids interact with Daddy. Mine are little, and they love to be chased and be spun in the air...Daddies are good for that! My suggestion to you would be to pull out some family games..and have some fun. Let everyone get involved. Another thing to do is to have a family movie night. What if you guys took the kids to the park and had a picnic or something? Other than that, just enjoy eachothers company. I think your children will turn out just fine as long as Daddy as involved as he can be. My husband tries to make the most of his time home. He has crazy hours, and I am at home most nights alone with the kids. I wish you luck, if you ever want to talk, send me a message!! :)

K.

My father was a truck driver and was gone for days at a time. When he was home he never took the time to do anything for himself and was constantly doing projects around the house. For the longest time I never understood why he did all those projects because he always seemed so angry.
I am married now and my husband has explained that most guys like to have an activity to do when they get home from work such as tv or the computer to help them wind down after working so hard.
My advice is that when he is home give him some time to unwind. Other wise he is just going to feel like he is coming home from work to "work" some more. As long as your husband spends roughly an equal amount of his time with the kids there shouldn't be a problem.When he gets a day off perhaps you can alternate and have him spend a day with the kids and then some time with you. I know its rough but thats about all you can do.

L.

P.S.- It sounds like your husband is trying to spend some time with the kids, my father never took us out with him. so for your husband to take the older 2 out 1-3 times a month is awesome.

I completely understand, my husband works 75 hours a week sometimes and does the same thing when he is home, tv or computer. It drives me crazy! I don't understand why this is, apparently it's more common than I thought. He used to make fun of his brother for doing the same thing. Yours are a bit older than mine, I thought mine was just doing it because she can't "really" play with him yet or tell him she doesn't like it. Maybe if the kids told him they would like more time it would work. But somedays it's better to have a dad that is home when he's not working instead of out somewhere, I've been told. I don't like that, it sounds like I'm excusing his behavior, but I guess it's true. She could see him less, I guess. Sorry no help but I can commiserate with you!