Advice from Other Daycare Momies

I am not a daycare mom but my daughter was rocked to sleep at home when she was 4 months and I had the same issue when I took her to daycare. Therefore she pretty much slept in a swing while she was there. She learned to sleep on her own at school at 12 months when they took away one of her naps. She continued to fall asleep on her own at school and is now 20 months. But she still will not sleep at home unless I rock her. So his daycare sleep routine can be different from his home routine if his mom wants to contiune to rock him. Mine has been since she was 4 months!

I'm not a daycare mom, but my son was a very picky sleeper. He wanted all dark and silence to sleep, and wanted a bottle to sleep. At daycare they couldn't give him any of those things. He went about 2 weeks not taking his naps, and eventually got used to the fact that daycare sleep is like this, and home sleep is like that. Don't ask the mom to change, but you are doing right by making it clear to her what you can and cannot do for him at nap time.

Sounds like this woman wants a nanny to give exclusive, one-on-one care for her child. I'm not a daycare mom but I fully understand your position. Yeah people can flame you for suggesting that the mom work on helping her child self-soothe to sleep...but let's not forget about all the other kids who are there. You should not be expected to be holed up in a quiet room by yourself rocking the baby to sleep for 30-60 minutes while the other children are unsupervised in another room in the house.

Yes, you do need to respect the parenting styles of your clients but at the same time she needs to be realistic when it comes to her expectations of group childcare. Simply put, it is unreasonable for her to expect you to focus 100% of your attention on her child when you are caring for a group of children.

I don't think you're wrong at all. She is surely entitled to how she wants to parent but she is not entitled to put the other kids at risk because of her expectations. Again, a nanny would be a better option for her.

There are always ways to comfort a crying child ... or 2 or 3 at a time. You just need ot fins something that works, even if it means standing and swaying with him for the whole afternoon while you tie shoes and teach numbers. I have had my kids in 2 daycare settings, and I have worked in a daycare previously. If you can't comfort newborns then you may have too many children in your care of of not the correct age mix currently. Also, as a Mom I would be furious if you told me how to parent my child. You are in my employ to watch my child and care for her as I would. I don't believe in "sleep training" and if you insisted I would move my child. Maybe you need to suggest that to her. Daycare mothers make enough compromises without having to have parenting suggestions thrust upon them.

Honestly, Daycares have my kuddos! No offense, she was asking for daycare providers advice, not for people to harass her about her chosen profession.

Daycare providers CANNOT spend hours on end rocking babies,and doing that when they have 4-5 other kids in their care. It is only the first week, give it time to adjust. I say to give it a couple weeks, and if things don't seem to improve, the child may be better suited with a nanny in their home.

No matter how difficult things are for us in daycare, we can't tell parents to change their important routines at home. He's a little young now. But he will learn the difference between home and daycare. This is really just the beginning of a long line of issues that will be different at home and at daycare.

Just hang in there, go in and hug him every 5-10 minutes so that he won't feel so alone.

Hi!
I have to agree with you asking the mom to TRY and rock him less at home. Yes, he will learn that there is a difference form home and daycare eventually. It will make the transition on HIM and you easier if they start to do it as home as well. Then once he is able to fall asleep on his own they can rock him and find ways to spend the cuddle time at night! I find the answers from the other moms interesting b/c they are NOT daycare moms and have no idea how hard it is to try and rock a baby and make all the other kids sit quietly. Yeah right--not going to happen and why should all the other kids gets neglected b/c the mom didn't properly prepare herself and her baby for the daycare situation? I have gone through the same thing and the parents just need to realize that they need to make it easier for their child to LEARN to fall asleep on their own!! Unless they are going to be home with him to rock him to sleep everyday they have to accept the routine of the daycare! You have to be responsible for ALL the children in your care- and make sure they are all safe. You cannot just sit and rock one child for 20 minutes! Hang in there and make a new routine for him at your house. It may take a while and lots of screaming on his part, but he WILL adjust. He is plenty old enough to learn. The mom will do as she does and you will too. If you have any other questions or vents feel free to private me. It is a hard situation, but you will learn to get him to sleep at your house!!

Good Luck!
L.

Oh - if that mother only knew the bad habit she was forming now. As much as she wants to bond and be close to her baby, that baby needs to self soothe and go to sleep on his own. I am watching my neighbor's baby once a week, and he was obviously held the entire 3 months she was with him on her maternity leave. The first month of me watching him was absolute hell. I almost said forget this. I gently gave her advice on sleep techniques and explained if he was at a daycare center, they would let him cry it out cause they don't have time for holding babies all day. She finally did the cry out method with him, and he is a completely different baby. (except he still only naps for 30 mins top!!) We are still dealing with sleep issues with my 5 year old because of a habit we started when she was little. Too bad you cannot fast forward time and allow this mother to see what troubles will be with this rocking method. You already know you cannot give him 100% attention, so I agree with continuing the cry out method or just tell the mother it is not working out and that if she doesn't go by your suggestion in a few week, then she needs to find other care. Maybe then she will get the clue.

I would be VERY pissed off if my day care told ME what to do with MY own child. I pay for them to take care of my child the way I deem appropriate. Not how they think he should be taken care of.

It seems that she is expecting individual care at a group care price.

I would be up front with the mom and let her know that since you have several kids in the center that you can't devote one-on-one rocking time to him. Then I would leave it up to her as to whether she will accept that you will have other methods of trying to get him to sleep, he may not get the solid nap that she is expecting, or will determine that your center isn't the right place for her child, right now.

I would see if you could get him into a carrier or sling. Perhaps he'll learn to fall asleep that way with you walking around and helping the others.

M.

I would let the mom know which method you use to let him fall to sleep. If she does not like how you are able to get him to sleep and you cannot rock him, she will need to find daycare elsewhere.
I must say I would be offended by you telling me what to do with my kid at home.

Hmmm...I don't think telling the parents to stop rocking their baby at home is a good idea. Would you appreciate it if someone told you how to run your household? My advice would be to discuss an alternate nap routine that would work for you and still be acceptable for the parents. The first week at daycare will be hard because you are a stranger to the baby but it will get easier and the baby will no doubt adjust to a separate routine at your house.

I do not own a daycare; however, what I would do is get a blanket from Mom w/ her sent on it and set it in a swing and let baby sleep in a swing.

Do all you can to rock him to sleep. Even if it means, giving snacks or coloring books and crayons to the kids and putting on a little cartoon or movie for them to keep them distracted when you are putting him down. You can even make sure they know to be extra quiet and play a quiet game so baby can go to bed.

He will eventually get used to the noise, and your routine, but you do have to give him as quiet an environment as possible for that to happen, at least in the beginning. Maybe a nice baby swing could help?

I think it's to everyone's advantage when babies have consistency in their routine... whatever this happens to be. Hindsight can be 20/20, but I would have recommended that you do a more thorough interview of the family before accepting the baby. Expectations of parents with infants can be out of proportion with the care a provider can reasonably provide, and that's what it sounds like the case is here. I understand what you're saying... it isn't realistic to be unavailable to the other kids you provide care for while you rock a baby for 25 minutes. But this is what the Mom expects to a degree, and what the baby is used to, and at 5 months I don't see anything wrong with it. Babies don't have the cognitive ability to understand sleep training until they are over 6 moths old, and need comfort when they are tired.

Depending of how many kids you have in care, you might consider hiring someone part-time. That way you can spend the time the baby needs and the other kids can get the attention they need too. If that isn't feasible for you, I'd consider not taking babies who are under 6-8 months of age.

For now I would be honest with the mom and let her know that you simply cannot rock the baby to sleep, and let her know that you will be trying some of the suggestions people have posted. Part of it could just be that it's only his second day, but a bigger part could be that you're childcare philosophy and your families philosophy don't match. Unless you can come to some sort of compromise, you're going to have an unhappy family and an unhappy baby... not to mention how it will affect you and the other kids in care.

Best of luck~

My son refused to sleep at daycare for the first month or so that he was there! It was too distracting for him, too. We taught our daycare provider what we lovingly refer to as the "baby staightjacket" swaddle. Because he was secure and "held" by the blankets, he fell asleep easily.

Other than that, just give it time. He will get used to sleeping somewhere new.

Is there anyway you could rock him for a little bit (not till fully asleep) with the door open, maybe with the other kids in the room right next to you (with door open as well) so you can hear if anything is needed? Don't talk to the other kids as much as possible and give them a quiet activity that will occupy them for 5-10 min. That might help ease him to the idea of things being a little different in daycare than at home. I know my older son had similar issues, he eventually adjusted. I always nursed/rocked him to sleep till he was probably 2ish and he just learned that daycare was different. I think it helped him to learn that other kids/babies were napping as well. My provider at the time kept the small babies napping in one room and the older kids (like over a year or 18 months or so) in another room. But there were usually at least 2 of each. If he cries alot after putting him down, I agree with the others to go in and just rub his back and maybe hug him and try to calm him a little for a couple minutes so he doesn't feel so alone and he will adjust gradually.

Does he enjoy a swing? Maybe if you don't have one, the parent could provide one?
I rocked and nursed my daughter to sleep, she started daycare at 8 mo. We went with a commercial center where the ratio in the infant room was 1:4 but it was only infants. It was one of the reasons why we picked a large center - infants always get the short end of the stick in a mixed age group...
My duaghter was held quite a bit and rocked to sleep when she needed it. I often came to pick her up and the teacher was sitting in a rocking chair with two babies in arms and rocking one more kid in a bouncy with her foot. Babies like being held and rocked, it's important to their development. When we started the center was very clear that one of their primary objectives in the infant room was to hold babies as much as possible, as I said having teachers committed to the needs of only one age group is a big advantage.

I would have been very offended if my daycare provider suggested to me to "sleep train" my daughter, which I believe is humbug and it does not agree with my parenting philosophy.

I would say give the swing a try and the child some time to adjust... but keep communication lines with the parents open and let them know how long he cries. If I was the mother I would want to know, and I would probably look for a place that is more in line with my philosophy of raising a child. That is nothing against you - just a difference in philosophy.
Good luck!

I do home childcare as well...and do like when children learn to self soothe, but not all parents are prepared for this, nor are the children. I am willing to work with those parameters as much as I can.

In MN, we are NOT allowed to let a child sleep in a swing. Its not safe and agains SIDS protocols. If they fall asleep we are instructed to move them within a few minutes.

I have a new best friend in my daycare. I haven't had small small infants in about 2 years..they have all been older 6-8 mos when starting or older..but this week I started an almost 3 mos old..and will have another next month. I bought a Moby Wrap. I ahve had carriers and packs of all sorts in my 13+ years in home childcare and many more years as a parent s ananny before that. They always pinched and poked at me and hurt my back. I am LOVING this Moby Wrap for soothing this baby and being hands free. This will help me do my own sleep training when the time comes. For now she is small enough and I can carry her to sleep or soothe her to sleep, attachment-style, and when she is good and out, I can carefully undo the wrap and lay her in her crib (can you say REM sleep! Little sucky lips and all! Love that!)

I agree with other posters...guiding parents with Their child decisions is tricky. Carefully offered experience notes...this workes for me here items, etc are what is called for...then figure out what works at your place. You can not control what they do at home, but work to establish what the child grows accustomed to at your home or a plan you and the family can agree to while in your care is what is best. Its what works for me.

Try the Moby! I got mine at Target for $40..tax write off..very comfy (takes a little practice...I used some big dollys and stuffed animals before she arrived!)..but I LOVE it!

Good luck!

I have an in home day care: you can rock while you give the bottle, reminder to never prop a bottle. also swaddle him in a blanket and have you tried the baby swing? Also use a Baby Einstein video while he is swinging? The swings can rock back and forth or side to side. Also I put all the children down for a nap at the same time. 1:00 o'clock after lunch and bellies are full. This should allow you to rock him if the swing does not work.

I've had two kids in daycare and totally understand what you're saying. I do think people can easily get offended being told what to do at home. However, you need to do what works best in your business and there's no way you can rock a baby that long and take care of other kids. I think the way you can position it is more of, "This is what I do here, so you may find your baby requires less rocking at home soon." You can always apologize and say you didn't mean to suggest what she should do at home, just that it helps if there's consistency in what's done at daycare and at home.