Advice for Preteen/teen to Get More Active/involved

As long as you see that she does interact well with people when the opportunity presents itself, you probably shouldn't force her to do more. Some people feed off of being with other people and it energizes them...others actually use up energy when they are with others. She may need more alone time than you and that's okay. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with her. She's just wired differently. It sounds like she's a "normal" healthy introvert. You don't want to start sending the message that there is something wrong with her. That CAN cause problems! Let her be herself, so long as she's healthy and wellrounded...and it sounds like she is.

I have raised two sons and two grandsons and they are all different. One son was not as outgoing as the other and one grandson too at the age of 12. Don't worry as when she is a little older she will get involved more. I say don't push her into anything. You can make suggestions but don't push her. She will get more involved as she gets older. Be prepared though that as a teenager she will not include you as much and start to distance herself from you. This is normal even though it is hurtful sometimes. She is just becoming her own little person and her privacy will become very important to her. She will resent questions about almost anything and see it as you meddling. However keep in mind whether they like it or not it is your responsibility as her mother to know all you can about who she is associalting with and where she is at all times. The three W's. Where are you going? Who are you going with? What time will you be leaving and returning? Soon you may wish ahe was more of a home body!

Everyone is different and she may never be the social butterfly you are. Maybe she is more like her Dad.

My husband is shy and it is a good balance in our own relationship. He is always very loving and a good father and husband. I would not worry about her. She will come into her own. It would be different if she were showing signs of deprssion but as long as she seems happy don't worry about it. She has to be herself and not what you want her to be or think she should be.

God Bless,
D.

what about some kind of volunteer work, maybe one day a week visiting the elderly at a nursing home, there are many that do not get visits from or have any family. I did that when I was younger and it was always enjoyable to listen to their stories. Plus it looks great on job and college application later on in life! If she is an animal lover, they are always looking for people to volunteer and play with the animals for their daily exercise. I'm sure the local SPCA or Humane Society wouold love the help.

K.,
Do you have parental control or snooping over her computer? Many children have acted as you are describing and have ended up in major trouble.
It sounds to me like it is time for some tough love. As long as she is underage and inder your care then you are perfectly OK to demand rights to over see. In fact it is your responsibility!
If you are concerned about her social interaction of conputer potato habits then a good way to get the behaviotr that you want is to assign the comnputer to the reward area.
It almost sounds as though you have allowed her to be completely independant in when & how she will use the computer. This is not good. The online workld is full of dangers.
Maybe it is time to take over & unashamedly demand that she be the could & you the parent.

Just a question, has your daughter always been like this or is this something new for her? When she plays basketball is that by herself too? You also said that her father is also a "homebody," has he been like this her whole life?

A little about me:
I am 48, married and the mother of 2 grown children (away from the nest) and 2 stepchildren (1 in our nest as we speak!) I have a stepdaughter, step-son-in-law, 2 grandchildren (girl age 6 and boy age 4) and their 2 dogs. That is in addition to 2 dogs of our own. Our family that is living with us is temporary until they sell their house in Ohio. We just celebrated their one-year anniversary of living with us.

Have them volunteer in nursing homes helping cutting meat, or arranging forks or spoons for easy reach. Just being a "dinner" partner can brighten a day for someone, and that is how you get to know some one.

Be happy husband is homebody. That is where you set the tone of your family. Be glad he isn't out with his "buddies" all the time, and never where you can reach him for help with the kids. Maybe, he isn't contributing physically right now, but he is THERE, and that is important for the kids. Start asking him to pick up or take some one, but don't ask him to wait, as that isn't going to happen.

GO TO CHURCH AS A FAMILY, AND INVOLVE EVERYONE IN SOMETHING AGE APPROPRIATE..

If/when you figure it out, can you please let me in on the secret. My 13 yr old son is doing the same thing. He's not very social and has pushed most of his friends away. He'd rather sit home and zone out on the computer, video games or in front of the tv rather than go out and play, yet when we do manage to get him out the door, he loves basketball, volleyball, taking our dog for a walk. But he'd rather be alone and zone, and gets aggravated when we try to ask him why he won't go play with his friends.

Because I am similiar in personality to your daughter, I definitely see it through different eyes. First question, has she ALWAYS been this way, or is it recent? If she's always been this way, it is very possible she has a social anxiety. If it's recent, it could be the beginning signs of depression. I have had both, so I've been there. I too, dislike parties of any kind (even my own wedding day and baby shower), sometimes I have panic attacks when I go out to dinner if the restaurant is crowded or noisy. But I DO enjoy my friends, though I have few. I can count my friends on one hand, but I've known them most of my life and love being around them. I also greatly appreciate my alone time. That's just how I am. It's called introverted, and there is nothing abnormal about it. I would be concerned because she has no desire to have friends around at all. Even introverted people like to have a friend to talk to and hang out with now and then.

I think you need to look at this with those questions in mind, has she always been this way? Is she possibly depressed? Does she possibly have an anxiety disorder? Only you can answer the first, and her doctor can answer the other two.

I am a granny of 5 soon to be 7. I remember my teen yrs and my daughter's. Every child has their own personality traits, many inherited through parents. You say your husband is a home body too. Me, my sister and my daughter all went through periods of staying home and doing our own thing. When you are around people all day at school, you want some down time to chill out and your daughter has found her little niche on how to do that. She is also at the age where going out to functions with her parents wether it be out to dinner or a neighbor's BBQ is no longer "cool" and is boring being around so many adults. I would not invite her friends over on your own. She has a point. She may in time outgrow the home body stage , we did, but some just are meant to be this way. I used my down time to ride my horse every day the weather allowed. Sometimes alone all day and others, if, I was in the mood for company, I would seek out another friend with a horse or go pick up one to ride double. I also read alot and watched tv. Don't worry yet and don't push. Puberty is knocking at the door and many changes are taking place in stages. It is too soon to be concerned and she is young yet. wait til she really seriously discovers boys and you will wish for these days back

I understand totally. I'm an introvert and she probably is too. She enjoys her time alone just as much as an extrovert enjoys their time interacting with others.

I really don't see a problem with her being a home body. I say leave her alone as long as she has friends at school and is getting good grades. If she starts having problems then worry.

My son was this way too! Just this past summer he begged me to let him play "tackle football" and I finally gave in. I am SOOOOOOO Glad that I did. He is physically fit, he has a passion for something that doen't require a remote control or game controller. Now he is 15 and he comes home from school does his chores and then is out until 8:00pm. He just got honor roll again since 4th grade. He is has made a complete turn around.
This is a faze, I think. I could be wrong but I think that 12,13, and maybe 14 year old introverts maybe be going through a faze.

Try enrolling her in fun classes (yoga, pottery, etc) that perk her interest. She may enjoy the activity AND the other kids. Even if she doesn't make any great new friends, she'll at least be out doing something social. Another idea is to try to get her to form a book discussion group. She can enjoy her reading, but have it be something social as well.