Advice for Doctor Visit Anxiety and Swim Lessons

I think you are doing the right thing in trying to be calm and help him with his anxiety. I find that it is best to calmly and clearly state what my expectations of my sons are in any situation and if they fail to do so (willfully disobey) then they lose a valued privilege. You really have to pick something that they love for it to matter. My son loves to have his books before bed and I can use that...I hate to depry him of something educational but I can't say that I'll take his soccer ball away, for example, because he doesn't care about that. In the car we talk about how he needs to act at swim lessons, what will happen if he doesn't and I ask him to tell me what I expect and what will happen if he doesn't. If my son was misbehaving in swim lessons I would use the books in his case. I don't know how much of his issue is an actual anxiety that you need to work through as it is him trying to exert his control over the situation.

I have the same trouble with the doctor and Tae Kwon Do he doesn't like to listen to one of his teachers. I do dread this next doctor appointment. He does okay when the baby goes but last time she had her 2 month shots and he cried too feeling bad for her. He loves doctors but I don't know since this is his first time with this one. I have a Lego toy for him to hopefully occupy him and make the experience seem better. Dentist office isn't much better, but he gets over it quickly and tells the doctor "good job".

I don't know so much about the doc visits, but I can comment on the swimming lessons. I taught lessons people from infant to adult.

Your child is afraid. This happens all of the time. Don't worry about it. The instructors are use to is. One thing you can try is to suggest that he is cold and put a t-shirt on his during his lesson. You and I know that he is not any warmer but he won't figure that out. It may also be better if you leave. If he does not see you watching, he may do better. Finally, if nothing works, try a private lesson. Most instructors will do private lessons. One on one may work better. Again, I would have you leave though. He will pay better attention if you are not there.

Has hubby taken him to the Dr? If he does fine with dad and freaks out with mom, he may be picking up on some of mom's freaking out. I am an extra paranoid mother about EVERYTHING and I noticed that my boys(12,4) seem to have the same "paranoias." My daughter on the other hand is fearless. I noticed that the things dad reacts differently on, so did they when they were around him. When I stopped to seriously look at the differences in behavior at different times, I noticed it was them picking up on my behavior more than their own. In my oldest son's swimming lessons, they did not allow parents to come in until the last 15 min or so of class for that reason. We were able to go in at the end to see what they learned for the day. At drop off time, though, we said bye and went into a waiting room. (You could peek in the door window!) I did have my husband go for the kindergarten shots, and my kids LOVE their Dr. They actually make up being sick sometimes to try to go see him! I'm the one who is ready to pass out at the thought of a shot, so my kids picked up on that. When dad goes, they seem to barely flinch.

Hi Dawn!

My oldest is not fond of Doctors. She has had 5 surgergies in the last 3 1/2 years, so she associates the doctor with casts and not so pleasant things. It is easier now that I can communicate with her, but the one thing that has definitely made it easier for us is a couple of things.

1st of all, we give her advance warning. We tell her that she needs to see the Doctor for a check up, etc. We tell her that there might be pictures that need to be taken, etc. We do this a couple of days in advance and every day until the appt.

She hated X-rays which made it worse since she had to stay still. So, I laid her down on our coffee table - so it would be hard like the x-ray table, and took her picture with the flash. Her next x-ray visit was MUCH better.

We have also used a pretend doctors kit to explain what is going on, etc. during a visit. That has helped too. She still gets nervous, but we just reassure her that all is o.k. and that we are there for her.

Hope this helps.
K.

Hi Dawn, I work at Children's Hospital distracting children when they come for shots, procedures, etc. Suggestions maybe: make a little pack with surprises inside like - a spinning light up wand (I've seen those at Joseph Beth's for sure, but they're everywhere/ maybe a wind up little car, and'or a book that has the pictures that you push on - not to do in exact order and read the book, but just to mess around with, things like this that would appeal to him. I wouldn't necessaryily show them to him until you two are in that little dr. room and only then as he needs them. I might also get a little dr. kit, bandaides, etc. and maybe set up a little area at home with stuffed animals and let him be the dr. with them.
I wouldn't tell him that he has to be a big boy, etc. - I'd tell him you know he's scared and that's okay. That you know that together you and he can get through this. That you've seen him be very brave - remember the time????? And I also might tell him that he has to have these shots to help his body be healthy. and you're hoping that you two can get through it together, but if not, the nurses will hold him down because it's very important that he gets the job. kind of just matter of fact. Hope even one of these ideas gives you a little help.

The doctor's office can be a scarry place for some.
Especially when you're seeing and hearing other little people crying and nervous.

Hopefully the nurses and dorctor talk with him; drawing his thoughts away towards something else. They are usually good at that.

It would be neat if your husband could make a way to take him instead of you. Talk to him about it and change the appointment if possible.

Dads and sons just seem to have this "thing" going on!

Have something special for him when he gets home letting him know you appreciate his courage. Be sure to praise him...for the good that he did while at the doctor's office with Dad. Sit down. Listen, and ask him questions. Have encouraging words. Laugh "with" him when things are funny.

You know, with the swimming, it sounds like your son knows exactly what hes doing.
Brilliant little mind. (Reminds me of one of mine}

Be firm in a conversation with him letting him know your expectations.
Ask him why he is not working as a team with the others and listening to the teacher. Do you like swimming? If the answer is "no", then let him know why it is important to you that he learns to swim.
Let him know why it's important to listen and obey the teacher.
Stress your expectation concerning that because he belongs to you and you love him and want him to become great at swimming and learn much.

Give him a choice.
Act the way you should or be taken out of class. Perhaps we can try again when you're six or seven.
If there is cost involved, check to see if you can get your money back or most of it.

If you want him to continual swimming then perhaps the "choice" will take place at home.
OK. according to how you act at swimming will determine if you get to watch Barney or have your favorite snack. You choose. Obey at swimming or no snack.

Stay cool. Keep your word; stick with the plan
Let him know no matter what you love him.
I hope something in this will be of help.
Kim~

I remember when I was about that age - the dr. was Dr. Scott, and we called him Dr. Shot because it always seemed like we got shots when we went to see him if we were sick or not. My little sister and I actually hid from the dr. and my mother on one visit.

Have you tried asking him why he doesn't like going to the dr.'s office? It could be he doesn't like getting shots; could be the dr. scares him (not meaning to, of course); could be he's scared he's going to get hurt (when he went for the ear infection, if they messed with his ears much, it probably hurt - might have made him not like the dr.'s office).

With us, if we were good, our ur mother started taking us to the convenient store across the street that sold ICEE's. I don't know if that's a possibility or not - since we didn't go to the dr.'s office that often, she didn't much worry about the "reward with food" thing - we only got that in those specific situations.

Good luck!

Sounded like you're letting him bring a stuffed animal - that was going to be a suggestion.

My son had a strong aversion to his last pediatrician. Now, with our new Dr., he will fake cough in hopes of going to the office! It may be an issue where something scared him early on and there is some residual fear, or perhaps he just doesn't "fit" with the Doc. If possible, you might try switching him to a new Doc within the practice, but I'd recommend that his first experience with the new guy not be at a check-up with shots. Whether you switch or not, one thing that worked for a friend of mine who's daughter had to be held down by both parent's just to have the doctor listen to her heart and look in her ears, was to meet with the Doctor and child in a neutral location. In her case there was a coffee shop next to the practice. They showed up before the doctor, brought a couple of comfort items and favorite toys, bought her a fruity smoothie, and when the Dr. arrived played with the toys for about 10 minutes. She still doesn't ask to go to the Doctor but isn't terrified anymore!
My only thought on the swim lessons is to ask if his schedule is drastically different during the summer. Lots of kids have trouble readjusting to a structured environment like lessons after being out of school (even preschool) for two months.
Good Luck!!!!

A doctor kit worked SO well for my daughter - she had her OWN stethescope and gave her dolls an exam and learned WHY the doc did what he did.(She took her kit with her - and showed her "heartbeater" to the doc)

As for swim lessons - the best thing that came to mind is remind him that this is a "big boy class" and that he can do this and baby sis can't; it may help him to figure out it is a benefit to being "older"

Well, when my daughter had to get her shots, my grandfather took her. She would spend the day with them and they would take her to get her shots. I couldn't handle her getting her shots after she was about 18 months. The brightside is that his K shots should be his last ones for awhile. He may not like his swim teacher or not like being told when to do what. With my children, I found they listened better if I wasn't there. You might try dropping him off and 'leaving' to where he can't see you. As for school, my daughter listens to about nothing I say, doesn't like to be told what to do, but at school, she is a completely different child. When your little one gets into school, it will probably be the same situation, he will love school and be the teachers best student...our children always behave better for other people, even if we do the samethings lol Good luck!

I have my 4yo in a swimming class too where I get in with him. He won't put his face in the water, so I was hoping to desensitize him by taking lessons. Yes, he is doing much better (he's been in it for 7 weeks now), but after he discovered the noodle, that's all he wants to do. There's only 1 other kid/parent pair in the class, and I don't really push him to follow what the instructor says to do (can't make a scared kid overcome his fear in minutes). But I thought it was a waste of money if he's just going to swim on his own and not learn anything. Well, it's not really a waste of money because we don't have any pools nearby that's cheap, but I got sick of telling him to do something and him not listening to me, so I'm not going to sign him up for the next class. It's not like swimming skill is important for us right now - we don't go boating or swimming on the lake or anything like that.

I think kids like this would do better if there was no parent present, but I know he'll be worse off, so we're not going to do that yet. I want to address his fear of the big waters slowly. I signed him up for a 30-min basketball class. We'll see how it goes...

As for shots, make sure you're not anxious. Kids pick up on that. My DS has a lot of anxiety over things, but shots is not one of them because I don't make a big deal about it or mention anything before the appointment. My SIL does and is highly anxious about it, and her daughter is always nervous about it too. My DS has gone to his doctors several times over the winter for being sick in general, so he knows it's not a place for just shots. Maybe switching peds is an idea.

Just a funny little story to pass on, My sister's youngest son who happens to be the smartest one out of three happened to be a swimming lesson drop out and a preschool drop out. I think he was just too young and he was 3. He like your son loved bath time but never liked and still doesn't like water in his face. I don't either and did not learn to swim until I was 14 and taught myself. And I was a life guard for one summer and one of my jobs was t teach swimming. I had one child who was terrified because her feet didn't tounch the bottom. To get her use to the water rushing around her had her to hold on to my neck every class. by the end of the season she was swimming like a fish. Her mother was so pleased I spent all that time with her. We had another Red cross person who was suppose to be the one teaching but because this mother requested me, I wound up having to do it all summer long. I am still close to the family and that was 35 years ago. Maybe he is just finding it too structured. Br patient. I hope your no having to pay for the classes. Our was free. A public service or community offered. We evn with the older ones did some basic first aid.

I don't have a whole lot of advise on the doctor's visit. It's just something he has to go through. I know that I always get so protective of my son when we go to the doctor but some things I can't make better. I can support and comfort him as he is going through it on his own. He has to learn to do that. Anyway, on the swimming lessons, one of my best friends has a boy who is turning 9 this year. He had a lot of trouble with swimming lessons. She started him when he was 5 and he did not like it. He also loved the water but something about the big amount of water scared him. She finished the swimming lessons with him and then just continued to take him to the pool year after year and allowed him to just stay close to her. This year, he finally said that he wants to learn h/t swim better. He finally had the courage to stick with it and he picked it up really easily and fast! You may just have to wait a little with your son to get him used to swimming and be excited about it...

Does he listen well and obey your rules and expectations? Because it sounds to me like he just needs some good old fashion discipline. My kids are in swim class and I get so annoyed at the kids that go and don't listen at all to the teachers. I pay good money for my kids to get lessons, and the teacher ends up wasting time telling the kids who misbehave to stop splashing, sit down, etc.... I told my children the first day when they were saying "did you see that boy who was bad?" that if they didn't obey their teacher, they would sit in a chair and watch all of the other kids. I wasn't going to leave with them, but rather, make them sit and watch. Your children will live up to your expectations and will follow rules that they are made to follow. If you allow him to splash, play around, and not obey the rules at swim lessons, then that's exactly what he'll do. If you enforce consequences for that behavior, and stick to it, then he will not repeat the behavior. Also, with the doctor, why is he allowed to scream and throw fits? My children would get a spanking if they started throwing a fit and screaming, especially at that age. Mine are 4 and 5, and haven't had a fit since they were 2, literally, and even then, I only ever remember each of them having one because I did not allow them to get away with it. You are in control of your children. They have to know that though. You can't expect behavior to magically change in a child. They have to be taught what is expected of them, and they have to be disciplined when their behavior is unacceptable. Otherwise, there's nothing you can do it change it. He won't do it on his own.

I would definitely find out why he's afraid to go to the doctor, then reassure him that it's not a scary place and the doctor is there to help him, not hurt him.

I put my daughter in swimming lessons this year at 11 months old. She did amazingly well with it. I wanted to make sure she didn't grow up afraid of the water. My suggestion for your situation would be either you or your husband observe the lessons, take notes if you need to, then try to teach your son yourselves. He might need that one on one attention with so much going on around him to keep him focused.

I'm not sure what to say about the Dr. visits, maybe try preparing him for the visit. Let him know that in a week he will be going to the Dr. let him know what is going to happen that it is just a check up or if there are going to be shots involved. Then he has a chance to think about him. reassure him that everything will be ok, talk about his feelings of anxiety.

About the swim lessons, I have been teaching swimming for 12 years now and all kids react different to being in the class setting. Sometimes it is the teacher that isn't paying enough attention or offering up much discipline in the class, so the kids will see what they can get away with, especially if there are 5 to 7 kids in the class. Some kids need more of the one on one lessons to start off with. If he will swim for you or our husband in between classes work with him, ask the teacher if there is anything that you can work on with him. Try and make it as fun as possible. The other thing might be that if he is in a class with all kids that are younger than him he might be acting out because he doesn't feel like he belongs, or the same if he is the youngest in the class he might feel intimidated by the more advanced kids.

Feel free to contact me if you need anymore suggestions about swimming lessons. Good luck with them.

Dawn,

What stood out to me in your post is that you are afraid that this kind of behavior will spill over into kindergarten, and from my expereince, if you are worried about that, there is probably something there that needs your attention. If he has anxiety, you cannot "prepare" him to not have the biochemical reaction to the situations that cause it, and if he is having trouble listening, what you really mean is that he is not doing what the instructor says, then you need to identify what process is effected, is it that he can't hear? (that would be the most concrete form of not listening) or is it that he does not process language well? or is it that he cannot make his body do what he hears (not able to translate language into body movement-praxis) you see what I mean, it is far more complexed than a child making a choice not to listen...you would not have mentioned the impending kindergarten if this were not a more generalized issue because there is no water or doctor at school, but there will be a teacher, telling him to do things, just like there is at swim lessons, and to some degree, at the doctors office where the nurses and doctors are in control and tell hime what to do (get on the scales, hop up on the table, open your mouth...) if it is a language based problem, having to process information into action might cause a melt down, but you really need to find out why he behaves this way.

My advice is to take stock of developmental mile stones, and not to take a wait and see approach if anyone suggests at school that there could be issues that he "might outgrow." Consider getting your own evaluations, our best expereinces by far have been with developmental pediatricans who will take into account the whole child and give you a blue print to work off of. Needing to take an entire day off of work to get a 5 year old to the doctor is something that would justify making this appointment. You will never have to ask again, you will know the answers for sure, based on the best testing possible.

M.

I put my youngest son in swim lessons at age 4 and all he did was scream the first two days, so I quit. The next year we tried and he was fine. He always seemed to love the water too.

As for going to the doctor, I think you must be firm with him. Tell him "it's not that bad, it's just a little pinch, everyone gets shots and they don't scream about it, stop being a baby". Tell him he must go and if he doesn't behave he will be punished. What you want to do is let him know it is not that big a deal. If you make a big deal of it, he is going to be more afraid.
Let him know if he screams, he will have to go to his room when you get home. THen follow through. You might even try taking him a couple of times when it is not his appointment. As soon as he screams, take him home and make him sit in his room an hour. The second time, make it two hours, etc. By the time the appointment comes, he will be good.
You can also try this at the actual appointment: have him take a deep breath, count to 10, while the nurse is giving the shot. It will be over before he gets done.

Playing in a bath tub or little pool are a lot different then swimming lessons in the big pool with lots of other children around. He may be wanting special attention, and is using this method to get it at swimming lessons. He may just not be ready to learn to swim. Ask him if he really wants to go to swimming lessons or not. If he says no, he really isn't interested wait a year or two and try again.
As for the doctor, I don't have a lot of advise. I was lucky in that while my children didn't like going to the doctor they didn't raise a big fuss. Maybe they knew I wouldn't tolerate that type of behavior and there would be consequences like no television, no games, time out, and yes, a couple of swats on the butt (after all if you want to cry and have a fit you might as well have a reason to do so). Good behavior gets rewards and fun stuff, bad behavior does not.