Advice About Schools

35 miles doesn't sound like an un-doably bad commute to me, especially considering the alternatives.
khairete
S.

My sister lived in Florida and her school choices were so appalling that she moved out of state.

You need to figure out what you can afford as you have 3 kids to educate. If you can afford to move into a community that has better schools, then do so. Better school districts attract families who can afford to live in a more expensive community, and those higher property values keep out lower income families, who often have more of the kinds of issues you're seeing in her current school. Is that a gross and unfair generalization? Maybe, but it's generally true. If you want good public schools, you're going to pay a lot more for your house.

If you can't afford to live in a better community, then you're looking at private schools. As you have seen, those can range from a few thousand a year for some schools (like Catholic schools) to tens of thousands for more exclusive private schools. Then multiply that by 3 and see if you would spend more on education than you would on moving to a better community.

To me, a 20 mile commute is totally reasonable and quite short. My office is 20 miles away from my house by highway and I can travel during non-peak hours and be home in 30 minutes. At the end of the day, it's not your job to be at school. I have been inside my kids' classrooms during the school day maybe once a year at most. If there is a special event, I schedule the time off from work to be there. Otherwise, I volunteer my time outside of work hours on the PTA, or helping the teacher with a project I can do at home, etc. You can be involved without being able to pop into school, so don't let a totally reasonable commute prevent you from making a good long-term choice.

I think it's a no brainer to move to the better district with 3 kids. As well, I know some wealthy people with kids who have IEP's and send their kids to public bc private schools typically don't have programs like the publics do. The former principal of our school btw was rude to a friend with an autistic daughter starting. I think it's the added cost that gets to the principals vs worrying about averages. But that's just the principal. The teachers etc have been great and my friend loves our school. So I wouldn't let the principal dissuade you. Also, I'd look at the % of bused in children. We have some but they're less than 10% of the school population and yes, some are behavior issues but some aren't. It doesn't seem to have a big negative impact and I see behavior issues from kids who aren't bused in too. If it's 50% bused in, then maybe a different story... I'd also keep in mind that the need for you to be at school will dramatically decrease as your kids get older. The need for them to be at a good school meeting a peer group you're in favor of will dramatically increase as they get older. Since you have your own business, you should have some flexibility, right? Many mothers are only at school first thing in the morning. Maybe you can time it to go in late vs do the things that are in the middle of the day like lunch duty. But you do need to look into whether moving to this district guarantees you a spot. I've never heard of sending an IEP student to another school but definitely worth confirming. It'd make your decision easier if you know for sure she goes to the good school. Good luck!

I'll just reinforce what JB said, namely that whatever choice you make, remember you should expect to do it for three kids. If you do the math and see you would pay at least $20,000 x 3 for 12 years for the expensive private school, I think you'll find that living in the area with better schools is well worth it. Don't be discouraged by one conversation with a principal over the phone--your child's learning issues might well resolve themselves if she has proper instruction for the first few years, as you saw with her math at the former school. Also, public schools are in the business of dealing with all children's educational needs--they can't just transfer kids needing an IEP to another school.

At my kids' school (a semi-religious private lab school attached to my college), quite a few parents live at least 20 miles away and they are as involved with the school's activities as they wish. So the distance/commute shouldn't discourage you if the more distant schools turn out to be your best option. It's not convenient, however doable.

Religious-based schools also might be an option because they usually have lower fees. Good luck!

Okay, $20,000 a year for K-5th grade is $120,000. Times three kids equals $360,000. That is a lot more house.

I would rather spend more on a house with good schools than money on paying to go to a school.

A lot of times they hear IEP and don't stop to think it could be a minor issue. And having three main teachers could be a good thing, a reading specialist, a math specialist and writing specialist...

The magnet school could happen but they are hard to get into and if you don't then you are stuck at current school.

It is easy for me to say look for a home in the nicer area even though it gives you a longer commute. But thinking ahead it might be the best.

How are the middle schools and high school in your current area compared to the more expensive area? You have those years coming up faster than you think too.

Figuring out school stuff is hard. We bought out house before we had kids and our elementary is great, but we are now looking at figuring out middle school and high school.

Good luck!!

I would move to the better school district and commute. I would much rather put the $$$ I would be spending on private school for 3 kids ($20,000 x 11 years x 3 kids) into a house in a more expensive area. The commute doesn't sound bad. If it turns out to be bad, you will have years to search for a new job closer to home. Having your child exposed to disadvantaged children (the kids bussed in) is in a way an advantage. Kids should know how privileged they are and that the world is way more diverse than their little neighborhood.

We live in N. Fla. In the #1 school district, so we're very lucky. That being said, my commute is 25 miles each way and I work full time. I'm still able to feel like I'm pretty involved. You have to look at what you can afford as far as housing vs what you want to spend on education. If it's feasible, I'd probably move into the more exclusive area with better schools. You'll not only benefit from better schools, but being in a better area in general.

Try to get into the magnet school but have the exclusive school in your back pocket. Don't send her back there. Even without the IEP she is going to sink to their level before they rise to hers. Kids are impressionable, its wort the money and the drive. Im doing it myself with my child now for preschool. We moved to a good area who claims to have good schools but on the best schools list they are way down there no matter what they say. I observed and considering everything I saw there I decided that driving 30 minutes and paying 18k per year was worth it last year.
Is religious school an option?

You are renting (sorry if I misread)?
Then I would move and not think twice.
Go where the schools are rated highly.

The behavior problems of the kids you described sounds like a road to nowhere. Truly sad.

I would not go to a school more than 4 miles away.
Seriously, the commute is big deal, let alone if you have to go there to pick up a sick child or attend any evening events. Our school is 1.5 miles right now, and that's plenty far. I didn't want to deal with a huge commute if it's not necessary, though you do what you have to do.

I hope you can find something better!

I also think you need to pick a school close by. some schools bus.. but only if you live close in ther bussing area... a 20 mile commute is crazy 2 times a day and if you want to volunteer then 4 times a day .. special event... go back in the evening for boy scouts or girl scouts crazy..

I would look at moving to where you want to be.. near the school you want to attend...

Sounds like a lot of things to consider. I understand how you must be feeling overwhelmed with it all.

I think what I would suggest is for you to try and work in the class, if that's a possibility. Maybe one day per week, so you can see how things are going this year. Perhaps it will be a totally different experience this year vs. last year. I do understand trying to find the best environment for your child. That's because you are a good momma =) I would try not to panic--Just keep her on the list for the other schools that seem like a good fit. If it's meant to be, it will happen. But, in the meantime, your options are limited. I wouldn't want to drive my child 25-35 miles to school. That opens a whole new group of issues (traffic, long commute, and will she really get to spend time with the friends she meets if she lives that far away)? Just playing the devil's advocate.

I'm sure it will all unfold just the way it's supposed to.

Hello,

I am in Fort Lauderdale. First of all, the school "grades" don't mean much this year as the criteria changed which meant that almost all schools were downgraded. So don't worry about that. Our elementary went from a constant "A" to a "C". I know that nothing else changed other than how they calculated the "grade".

Second, how many kids were in your daughter's kindergarten? The cap is 18 legally. The school may have 19 or even 20, but it should not be that hard to keep 20 kindergarteners under control. It sounds like your daughter's teacher - despite being nice, was unable to handle her class. I would be very vocal about disciplinary problems in the classroom. Hopefully her 1st grade teacher will be more experienced and better able to keep control.

You will find children with behavior problems at all schools. We paid for my boys to go to a very expensive, top notch, religious based camp this summer where they both learned the F word, the B word and the "hole" word. (Ages 8 and 3). Most of this is because the kids use it at lunch or the playground and they have learned it from the parents. I actually mentioned it to some parents and got told that they use this vocabulary at home - as it is just a word, who defined it as bad? Shocking from the mouths of millionaires! And I am not kidding about that.

I have spent the summer correcting vocabulary at home and washing my sons' mouths out with soap. The 8 year old has caught on, the 3 year old is a bit slower.... So, while I am not impressed with the behavior, my point is that bad parents make for bad classmates for your children but no amount of money is going to improve that situation. Just lay down the laws at home and enforce that "Our family doesn't use that kind of language."

As for the schools, stay on the magnet list, look into charters, and check other privates if you are more comfortable that way. Children with an IEP may or may not be welcome at a private school - keep that in mind. This is not discrimination but simply that the private may not have the resources available to fulfill an IEP. If they don't, it is better than your child not attend that school.

Charters do not have to abide by all the state laws so classroom size can be large - keep that in mind as you look at them.

Finally, think about whether your daughter will have any friends if she is at a school far from home. How will she socialize? My son was reassigned to his elementary school for K so he would be close to my work but it meant he never got to go play at his friends houses or do casual get togethers. We moved to the neighborhood for that school when he started 2nd grade and it has made a huge difference for him. He walks to his friends houses now....and has lots of friends.

Good luck!

Any charter schools in your area?