Advice - Granite Bay,CA

I would offhand say that if it's important enough to him to be there when his kids see D-land for the first time, maybe he could postpone his hunting plans.....it's HIS choice.

I had to chime in with one comment---some responses are talking about the "magic" that kids experience at Disneyland, and their faces when they see things.
This makes me laugh---when we went, my youngest was 7, and he HATED Disneyland!! All he wanted to do was stay in the hotel room. =) So, I guess the magic isn't for everyone.

But I agree with the majority, and I hope you have a wonderful time.

There's no way I would take my kids to Disneyland without their dad - especially the first time! I assume you married him knowing he was a hunter. So that shouldn't factor into the equation. Start putting money asside for a trip in the Spring or see if you mom would pay for him to go too, just after hunting season.

Hi E.,

My husband, father, brother, grandfather, father-in-law, uncles etc etc etc are also avid hunters and usually gone during this time. Due to this, they have ALL missed some very important milestones in thier children's lives. If your husband isn't willing to give up something (hunting) to get something (being with your kids on thier first trip to Disneyland), then he needs to take stock in what he considers most important in his life. That being said, I don't think that your children and thier grandmother should miss out on this experience because of your husband's wanting to "have his cake and eat it too". BTW, I personally know how expensive it can be to go hunting and I am wondering if your husband has the money for his "hobby", why can't he afford to take his family to Disneyland?

T.

Your husband needs to get his priorities straight. He sounds like a child throwing a tantrum! Just because you knew he hunted when you married him, it doesn't mean your children should have to forgo wonderful childhood memories so that dad's hobby is never disrupted or inconvenienced. I suppose if he is wonderful, attentive father who attends every activity the other 10 1/2 months of the year, he deserves some slack, but I somehow doubt this is the case.

Even my husband agrees, you should go without him or give him the option of going with your family instead of hunting. I hope you are able to work it out! Your kids won't care who paid for the trip, and if that's your husband's worry, I hope he can get over it. How nice that your Mom has the resources to treat you and the kids!

It depends on you and your husband's relationship. I personally would say, 'well, honey, if you're going to be gone for two months doing something just for yourself, sorry but life has to go on for the rest of us and this is a great opportunity for the kids.'

If it means so much to your husband then maybe he should give up some of his hunting time and join the rest of you on this trip.

However, if you have the kind of relationship with your husband where he selfishly gets to make all the decisions, and that's what works for the two of you, then you shouldn't follow my advice.

But are you wrong to be allowed to have some fun with the kids while he's off having fun? NO.

God, the more I think about your situation the more annoyed I get, and it's not even my marriage. I'd be telling your husband a thing or two.

If your husband can afford to take the time and money to go hunting, and it's not free - this I know, he can either sacrifice it and go with you or give you his blessings so the entire family can have fun. In these difficult economic times fun is difficult to come by.

So I say, go and have a great time,
D. Jones

Hi E.,
I think that if he wants to take them so bad, he can skip the hunting and go with you. He needs to think about the finances, and if your mom is willing to pay for it, THAT IS GREAT! Doesn't he spend money hunting? He can compromise this one year and come home (if he's already gone) for the trip.
I've read a lot of the responses here, and agree with most; they are very good. November is a perfect time to go. It's not that crowded with shorter lines. Don't wait until Christmas, it'll be packed!
Sorry to be so harsh, but I think that's how it should be. Good for you!

I think your husband needs to get his priorities straight. Unless he is earning his salary from hunting he must realize his kids will only be young for a short while. Even if he is earning his salary being away from his family for two months he should take your mother up on the free trip for your kids. What has he been waiting for? They are going to reach an age where they won't want to go. Maybe your husband could come for a couple days and surprise the kids by being there. Then everyone will get what they want. That would be a great memory for all. Also you and your husband will get to make plenty of memories with your kids. Your mother won't live forever and making a wonderful grandma memory is important too. Good luck deciding!

wow...during these tough financial times...I'd let them go...he needs to get to grips with his reasoning....maybe with time he will understand.

Hi- So your husband will deprive your kids of an awesome childhood experience because he chooses to do another (quite expensive) activity that the rest of the family can't participate in? That really sounds selfish. Your kids are getting older and pretty soon Disneyland with Grandma will not sound so appealing to them. We took our first trip when my girls were 5 & 1 years and just did it again at 6 & 10 specifically for the little one who sort of missed the first trip by being a baby. One thing your husband is right about if he doesn't go he will be missing one of those family trips that makes such sweet memories. Our family took three days in CA Adventure and Disneyland and really had so much fun, my husband and I felt like little kids again. What a blast, you should GO!!!!

I think your husband is being a bit selfish and should give up his hunting time and money and all of you go with your mom and the kids to Disneyland. This is an experience all kids should have and we have to give up many things for our cvhildren.

Hi E.,

I hope this doesn't come accross the wrong way, but I say GO FOR IT! My husband and I have only been together for 5 years and we have a 2yr old son. My husband plays highlevel softball around the country and I have gotten to a point where I am not willing to wait around for him if an opportunity comes up that I just can't refuse.

If feel that if your husband really wanted to go to Disneyland with his family bad enough, he would be willing to sacrafice going hunting for one weekend....PRIORITIES!!!????

I had to make a similar decision a few months ago when I had an opportunity to visit my sister and her family in Puerto Rico before they were relocating to NY. (military). I got tired of being put on the back burner so that my husband could go every other weekend some where fun, doing something he loved so much, with his friends while I sit at home with no money and alone with my son that I decided to take mys on and go without him. It seemed like once I started making decisions in the best interest of me and my son, that he started noticing I too could do things on my own. He has since quite playing...for the season and says he is retiring from playing....(this is the fourth year in a row I have heard that...LOL, but this is IT this time! LOL)

Good luck and congrats on 20yrs together!!!!

Hi E.,

Your husband is acting very selfishly. He can give up a week of his hunting if he really wants to be there with his kids enjoying DL. Kids are only young once and then when they are teenagers, they don't want to hang out with their parents any more. He needs to take advantage of all the moments he can have with his kids now, meaning he should make his kids a higher priority than his own hobbies. If not, he should NOT deprive them from an experience they will truly enjoy just because he "wants to be the first to take them" that day may never come! Live the moment. Your mom is generously giving them a wonderful gift. The kids, you and grandma should all go if your husband doesn't make an effort to be there.

Hope you make the right decision.

well E., I have to say that I haven't read the other responses so I have no idea if what I am going to say has already been said or not, but I kinda have mixed feelings about this! How do you have enough $ for your husband to go hunting for almost a month but you don't have money to go take your kids to Disneyland. He can always go to Disneyland with you instead of going hunting and then he could be there to take the kids for their first time to Disneyland. Sounds like his priorities are screwed up!

I would suggest your husband go with you and your mom. I know I would drop anything for an experience like that. If your mom doesn't want to pay for him too maybe he can take the money from his hunting fund and cover his expenses and "tag along" with you and your mom. I can't imagine it would be fun without him and I would assume this would be more important to him then a few days hunting.
Best of luck,
C.

Hello E., I didn't read the other postings so I may repeat what has been said. I just want to share 2 Disneyland stories with you, as you make your decision.
1. We had just come home (10 days), from several years in Guam, and my husband was about to deploy on a 1 year assignment without us. We took our 3 yo and 16 month old, and drove to Disneyland, stayed 1 1/2 days and drove back so that he could get ready to leave. The reason this was so important is that it ment the world to him to do this for his children. It didn't matter that they were babies and might not remember.
2. Just before my husband passed away, we were given the chance to go with a group for Deaf Awareness Days, at Disneyland. It was the last trip he was to make and our son has treasured memories of the trip and many of the students came and did a song in Sign Language in tribute. Many of our friends contributed to our being able to go on this trip or we might never have been able to do it. That is called sacrifice and love.
I have never thought a thing about going on trips alone with our cildren over the years when my husband couldn't be there, so that shouldn't be your problem.
I have a family of hunters, and I know for a fact what some of those trips will cost-- you can get great deals for Disneyland for the same amount. So if some one is willing to make the sacrifice for your children and he is not willing to sacrifice one trip hunting for the family trip, tell him to as my son says man up and join you and take them or shut up and be grateful that a family member is able to do it in this day and age of limited funds. Nana G

Hi E.,

This reminds me of a situation in our family that goes back about 12-15 years. My youngest brother's children (2 boys, 1 girl) came to stay with us for a month one summer (they lived in Utah, we're in Northern CA). We planned a one week trip to Southern CA that included a trip to Disneyland. I asked my oldest brother if we could take his daughter with us and the answer was yes, but his wife's answer was no. She wanted to take their daughter on her first trip to DL. Needless to say, the girl is now in her mid 20's and has never been to Disneyland.

As others have indicated, hunting is a very expensive activity. Knowing several hunters, I am aware of how fanatical and single focused they can be during hunting season as well. Every minute not spent at work is spent planning and executing the next hunting trip. It will only be another couple of years at most before your 11 year old won't want to go with mom and dad on any trip.
Perhaps your husband is willing to miss 2-4 hunting days, though I wouldn't count on it. As others have suggested, what about planning on DL for Christmas time with everyone going? Since you indicated finances are a bit of an issue, you might consider explaining to him that DL can also be very expensive. Four people in an non Disney hotel for a weekend can easily run $1500 or more, add a Disney property in the equation and you can almost double the price. I'm a little surprised that he somehow has the money for an extremely expensive activity that only he participates in, yet isn't willing to sacrifice a little to create family memories. He has the rest of his life to hunt. His children will be grown and on their own in the blink of an eye.
Personally, I would go with Grandma while hubby is hunting, if you can't negotiate a family trip that includes him sometime between now and the end of the year.
Just my two cents. Good luck with this one!

I'm not sure that we know all the detail. I am hoping that your mom wanted to do something nice for you and your kids while dad was gone. I am sure your husband would go and if it had been planned far enough in advance he pay have changed his hunting trip plans. Let me guess he has already paid for the hunting trip and the money is nonrefundable. I can see where he would be reluntant to just flush that money away. I think you should wait until christmas or later and go with everyone. Maybe your mom and you can do a smaller trip with the kids while dads gone and then Your mom and husband can go in together to do the DL trip. I would tell my husband that I understand why he doesn't want to cancel the trip and that he wishes to go with the kids to DL. I would also tell him that before he leave(if he already hasn't left) that he has to pick the date to go to DL and reserve the hotel or buy the tickets so that you can know that it will not be over looked. That is what I would do. Good luck on whatever decision you make.

well, there is definitely a more gentle and pc way to say this, but in blunt honesty, i think your husband is being selfish. he wants to deny the kids an experience because he wants the experience too.

why doesn't everybody just stay home and miss out because he is hunting. that is plain silly to me, and i would say so to him in no uncertain terms.

Can you all go together? You, hubby, kids and your Mom?
That way at Disneyland you and hubby can spend some time alone while Grandma has the kids too. As a Grandma I just love time alone with my grandkids! And when I was younger I just loved having hubby time alone too. Then it would be a win win vacation.
F.

Hi E.,

I think it would be a wonderful opportunity for you and your children to go to Disneyland with your mom. I don't think your husband is being fair by putting his feelings before your children's feelings. Sounds like he's maybe a little selfish. Is it his pride and ego that won't allow grandma to do the honors? I have a suggestion.... why doesn't he compromise. Hunting isn't cheap,so why doesn't he forfeit his month long hunting trip and use the money and his time so that you could both take your children to Disneyland. It won't be long before your children are teenagers and they would rather go places with their friends than with mom and dad! Enjoy and take them places they've never been while they are young when the opportunity arises.

I would tell your mom that you appreciate that she would like to help you pay to take the kids to Disneyland for the first time, but you would like to pick a date that will allow your husband to come too. But you also need to give your husband a timeline for when he can make himself available. My husband is the same way, he wants to be there for the first time, but sometimes he just doesn't get around to it and I get to a point where I have to just go without him. But I would at least give him the opportunity to make the effort if it's important to him.

Your kids aren't getting any younger. If he wants to take them, he better schedule something. Maybe give him a year to come up with a travel plan. If he doesn't take them by Nov 1, 2010, let Grandma take them.

Go. If your husband really wants to go he can change his plans. If it's that important to him he will.

Hi E. :O)

My hubby has always been a "work-a-holic" and I learned that I could never change that years ago. It's not because he'd rather be at work than home, but because he's always trying to financially "catch up", and I cannot convince him that he never will :O) SOOOOOO..... with that said, There have been many times I have experienced these beautiful kid memories without my husband. Although, when it came to our first trip to Disneyland, he was "made to come" and he was very glad he did because he loved it.

Do your kids know about the trip yet? If not, then consider waiting until Christmas. Our 1st trip came from Santa on Christmas morning, and it was SOOOO worth all the fun! My mom, my hubby and I had so much fun planning the whole surprise. And Disneyland is even MORE beautiful during Christmas. This would be a good way to keep your hubby included in all the magic, and planning, and "accomodate" his hunting schedule.

I think this 1st trip your husband should be there, BUT I have had many trips without my husband so I am torn between what to tell you. I will say that, It's about your kids....and they will want their Daddy there with them....I know this for a fact, based on experience.

If it doesn't work out after you've tried to accomodate him and include him, then "carry on" with life for your kids :O) Your husband will eventually "catch up" to you by being a dad in their lives for all that is important to them. It just takes men a little longer sometimes :O)

I am happy to say, that ever since our first Disneyland trip, but husband has seen the difference in himself as a dad, and hasn't missed an Awards Ceremony or a Soccer Game since! But I think it's because I played my cards perfectly with this trip a long time ago :O)

So, my advice to you is to lovingly try to convince him to come with you (whenever you decide to go). Lovingly tell him all of the "firsts' about Disneyland and tell him how you don't want HIM to miss his children's beautiful faces when they see everything for the first time, and you don't want YOUR KIDS to experience this without him, as they will only wish he was there....

I think your hubby will change his mind and go if you "play your cards right" without attacking his sport. He IS willing to go anyway, it's just the timing for him.

Have so much fun!

~N. :O)

Actually, I think both choices you presented--waiting indefinitely or going without your husband--are both disagreeable. It sounds like a great age to take your children, and great that your mom would pay for it, but I think going without your husband when you know it's important to him will cause a rift that will be hard to heal.

Find out if your mom and husband would agree to ALL of you going together and somehow splitting the cost. (You and your husband paying for at least some of the trip, so he doesn't feel like a moocher--maybe transportation or food.) How much extra would it be to take one more person? Maybe your husband would give up some of his hunting time to make it happen?

Perhaps you can present it to your husband something like this... It's a choice between sacrifices. Your husband sacrificing some of his hunting time (and maybe a bit of pride for his Mother-in-law's financial help) for this great opportunity to make memories with his children -vs- the children sacrificing a Disneyland opportunity waiting forever for the budget to cooperate -vs- Dad's sacrifice of missing out on his kids' first Disneyland experience.

Somebody's got to make a sacrifice here. Who's it going to be? If he thought about it that way, would he really ask his children to be the ones making the sacrifice? After all, Disneyland is not quite the same when you get older...

E.,
maybe see if he could take a few days off of hunting to go to disneyland. This way it is a win - win situation. And the other win is that he doesn't have to pay. I wish my in laws were that generous.
W. M.

E.,

I think if your husband would like to be there for their first then he should skip hunting for a week. If you mom is willing to pay for you and the kids then you husband can use his hunting costs toward a Disney trip so he can be there for their first time.

Hi E., I don't think you're wrong for wanting to take your kids without your husband. You may not get another chance in this tough economy. He should understand. It's not a cheap trip. I would also love to take my kids.If someone offered us we would go in a heart beat.He should understand. If you decide to go have a good time.

Well, if your husband really wants to go he has to give up hunting for this speacial trip. You can't have your cake and eat it too. My husband is a musician and has his own Rock and Roll band. Before we had children he played ever gig and was getting paid big bucks for them. Its his outlet like your husband hunting. I get that. Now that we have 2 children he has had to back out of many gigs some of them with his society people. Of course the other band memebers get upset since they like to play. He also has a full time 60 plus hour job with traveling 3 weeks a month so he really likes performing. His family's needs always come first even though it sometimes upsets him turing down a gig. Its a trade off. I guess you will find out what is important to him soon enough.

Hang in there.

SAHM, 40yrs old married for 5yrs with 2 amazing funny little boys. 16 months (walking at 7 mos) & 3yrs old. My life moves at the speed of light and my children truly take my breath away.

E.,

Your gut instinct is to take the kids with your mom, right? Go with that feeling. Your husband probably goes hunting every year and hunting isn't cheap. If he wants to curtail his trip this year and join the four of you, by all means, go for it! Your mom's generous offer should be taken and it will give the kids a wonderful memory to have when she is gone. The kids are at a great age to go to Disneyland. If they go now, they will be even more excited to go back with their dad and share all the things they think he'd enjoy. There is no reason for the kids to miss out while your husband is gone hunting.

i have to agree with a lot of the advice you have already gotten in that your husband is being selfish. Hunting is a very expensive sport and if you real don't have the money to take the kids to Disneyland you should ask him if you really have the money for him to hunt? if you mother is offering to take the kids now and pay for them maybe you should get your husband to consider the offer and take some time off from hunting and you guys would only have to pay your tickets or food while in the park it sounds like this would be the best time to go that would be the most feasable. i hope your husband makes the right choice in letting them go but mostly i hope he realizes that giving up one hunting season or weekend isn't the end of the world there is always next for hunting will this offer be ther next year for DL?

You're not wrong to go with your mom. And winter is the best time to go to Disneyland. No crowds, nice weather, holiday decorations make the park dazzle. We've only been once and that was early Dec. It was a great trip. I don't know when we'll get back because it is financially hard to go there. It cost roughly $2000 just for a few days. I recommend shopping around for tickets, we got three day passes at Costco. I would not recommend getting the combo passes that get you into other attractions. Its busy enough just to spend 2-3 days at Disneyland,California Adventure.

After 20 years together hopefully he would understand that this is about the kids and would forgive you not waiting. 7 and 11 are great ages to go. They'd enjoy it when they were older but not quite the same way. I'll never forget seeing the expressions on my girls faces as the winter parade passed by, that alone was worth the price of admission. If it would cause a permanent rift in your relationship then it is not worth going and your children will understand. I'm sure you are making wonderful happy memories with you children that will in the end be more meaningful that a trip to Disneyland. But if think you can go, do so and don't bring any guilt along. I'm sure your mother would love to do this for you and her grandkids. My grandma did and that was the only way I saw Disneyland as a kid (my parents weren't able to afford it when we were young). Good luck

Hi E..

This is a tough one. On one hand it seems as though your mom is being a bit 'underhanded' making this the time to take the kids when Dad can't make it. Her reasoning needs to be explored -- The only time she has off? She doesn't like Dad? 'Wants to prove a point (ie., she's always thought it was wrong of Dad to be gone each year for this length of hunting time alone. If this is the case, she needs to trust your decisions and butt out.)

On the other hand, if this is the ONLY time your mom can take the children, then Dad has to make a decision on what's most important to him.

'Sounds like they have you in a pickle. If after speaking to Mom first and relaying her thinking to Dad and neither of them are willing to budge or compromise on timing, and all things being -equal-; ultimately I'd side with my husband and keep the household peace. It's not up to an adult's parent to make their 'children's' spousal arrangements / decisions (re: hunting time or not) for them.

Good luck. :)
K.

Hi E.,
My inlaws took our family to Disneyland back when we could not afford to. We all went including hubby. If hubby can afford to hunt every year, he could save to go to Disneyland also. There are ways of going without spendind a bundle. So maybe he should be invited along, unless for some reason your mom doesn't want him to go also. Also is your mom thinking hubby gets to go play and mom and kids don't get to? I am sure its not just to put meat on the table. We would all like to provide as much as we can for our families, but I want to be first is not a reason for them not to enjoy it with someone else. I feel hubby should be invited also, and if he chooses hunting, well. God Bless, N.

Perhaps your husband would give up some of his hunting time to enjoy this trip that your mother has generously offered to pay for. If you don't think you will be able to afford to go, I wouldn't pass of this offer and would tell my husband to seriously think about giving up some of his hunting time to go. If he REALLY wants to be there for their first time, it should be a sacrifice that he's willing to make. I say HAVE FUN.

Your husband needs to suck it up and decide to forgo hunting (or at least a day or two) to enjoy Disneyland with his kids. You didn't say whether your mother wanted to go for a day or a week. Certainly your husband could compromise and go fo the first day. If you're driving--he can get a one way flight back for about $50. We just spent six day at Disneyland with our 2 and 6 year olds. It was fantastic and wonderful and full of dreams come true. It also cost us about $4000. Lay that price tag out there for your husband. Tell him to contemplate how much he spends on hunting (gear, license, travel, etc) and decide if he wants to save that money to take his kids to Disneyland or let your mother do it.

If your husband is so worried about being there on their first visit, then he needs to go with you this October, to Disneyland. In any case, weather he goes or not, you should still go (with his blessing of course). You need to convince him that as a father he should be putting his children first before himself.

You are absolutely correct in worrying about the economy. This small blip of what they are calling "recovery" is simply a small burst of activity and trading ignited by huge amounts of money printing. The excess money will debauch the currency, causing massive inflation. The recent rising price of gold and silver is one of the first signs that inflation is upon us. I have been studying the 1932 crash of America and the Weimar Rebublic / Germany hyperinflation of 1922. Both of those economic downturns resulted in MANY years of depression, at least 10. Anyone who thinks we will be rising out of this depression anytime soon hasn't done their homework.

Go while you have a chance, or wait another 8 years and your kids will be in their teens.

a

You should all go together. It is a once in a lifetimr experience the first time and you Husband should be part of it. Let you Mom pay, but make you husband pay for a really nice dinner to honor your Mom! Win-Win!
Patti B

I just read your response. How sad and selfish that he could misinterpret such good and innocent intentions. Men! (I know, I know - I had to say it!) I am glad your kids didn't know, think of how hurt they would have been.

All the best you you :)
--------------------------------------

Agreed. If it is that important to him to be there for the first time, then he should make it a priority. Hunting will always be there. Children grow up. They are already 7 & 11, sounds like maybe he has been putting it off already. He is running short on time.

If it were my husband I would tell him that I want him to be there, I would love for him to be there, the kids want him to be there, but we won't sacrafice the opportunity for your hunting trip. The ball is in your court, you decide what is most important for you. I will be sad (not mad) for a while if you choose hunting, but we will make the most of our trip and we won't feel guilty for going without you.

----

My own husband has only been to Dinseyland two times. Once at 5 and once on our honeymoon. My parents took my brother and I every other year. We are planning our first trip with kids in May. He likes to do things just the 4 of us. He told me that our fisrt trip would be by ourselves - no grandparents. It made me sad for my parents, seeing how much they enjoyed it with us, I knew it was something they really wanted to be a part of the first time we brought our children. On the one hand, I wanted to support my husband and his wishes, but on the other hand I thought it was selfish of him. I suggested that we could spend a few days alone and then have my parents join us...the idea seemed to be warming on him and then his mom insisted she wouldn't miss the kids first trip either! Ha!! I guess my point is, when the kids are involved, it really should be about them and their enjoyment - especially their first trip to Disneyland!

How about waiting and you ALL go during Christmas? Disneyland is even more magical then! =)

If your mom can wait until after the hunting season to go, then that will make your husband happy and the kids happy. You have to compromise. And since your finances are tight, let your mom pay for the kids and you just have to pay for you and your husband. This will be your moms Christmas presents for the kids.

I would go now while Disneyland has a good deal. This is the best time to take them. Disneyland has their Halloween decorations up and then in November they will have their Christmas Decorations up.

We have a similar problem, My husbands parents are divorced and were remarried by the time by husband was 7. We have 3 sets of parents demanding they take us and the kids, none of the sets get along (not even a little.) Whom ever we go with, we will have 2 sets emotionally distraught. It's gets ugly! They have all offered to pay for the entire trip. My husband & I can't afford to take the kids on our own for I stay home with them 3 & 6, and hubby works for the State and have the famous 15%+ reduction in pay. I don't know what to do either. To answer your question, I would NOT go without your husband! How sad for your children to not share that experience with both parents. You will figure out a way to make it work. Your husband should come home early this one little year to share a wonderful memory with his children. They are already 7 & 11! Pretty soon they will be at the age they don't want anything to do with you guys. Time moves fast, I think your husband might regret that hunting trip a few years from now. Dear E.'s husband, please do be mad at me, just trying to help.

Hi E.,

This is a great opportunity for your children, you and your mom. If your husband doesn't want to be left out, he can choose to sacrifice his hunting trip (or part of it) and ask your mom if it would be all right. Otherwise, if he is taking a 6 week (?) long hunting trip, I don't think you need to think twice. Men. Ugh. Best of luck.

Hey, its just Disneyland. Its not like he is missing out on their first day of school or walking them down the aisle - its just Disneyland!! Disneyland can be fun for all the family, so why shouldn't Grandma take them? My husband was extremely grateful he did not have to come with me and the 3 kids. Obviously your husband feels differently, but its not like Grandma will be able to get the kids all though Disneyland on her first visit. There will be another time he can take the kids.

Maybe your husband can take them a second time specially for their birthday or something, make it a special trip, to see the things they didn't get to do on their first visit.

Regards, P.

Can your mom wait a month or maybe give your family the trip as a christmas gift?

If not you should take advantage of the opportunity and your husband should decide which he would rather do. That's my opinion, good luck!

I would say you and Grandma GO and have fun at Disneyland. Take lots of pictures to share with Daddy.
My husband hates Disneyland, but he'll listen to the great stories I have afterwards. Pictures speak a thousand words. A man that likes to go hunting probably doesn't find standing in line for hours with tired, fussy kids all that appealing, seriously. Take pictures so he can BE THERE without being there, and you and your mom will have a blast with the kiddos.

Don't want to sound rude but if your husband really wanted to go he could not hunt for a weekend. My husband is also an avid hunter and I get that they love it and need their time but 7 and 11? They need to go. Take advantage of the very generous offer. He sounds a little selfish.

If your husband can go hunting for himself, the kids can go with grandma. Why should he get to have his fun if they can't have theirs? Especially when it's fun they might not get to have for years and years. If he wants to go to Disneyland, then he can skip hunting, let grandma pay for the kids, and go along and buy his own ticket.

Hi,
I read your update and I am sorry your husband is treating you this way. you sound like a good mom who has to put up with a lot.
good luck
J

I worked at Disneyland for many years, and brought my son, and step kids there as well many times. I don't think matters who takes them or even how many times they go, as much as it does the age of the child. I have noticed that adults, who never went as a kid, simply don't "Get It.” They don't understand the magic it holds or get the make believe part of Disney.
I heard Disneyland is offering to give a free day pass, if you do a full day of volunteer work. You might want to check it out and see how maybe your whole family can go together at a later date. In my opinion the perfect age for Disneyland is from 5 to 11. After that, kids know things are not real and miss out on some of that wonder and it looses some of the magic. I think where I would be frustrated is “is hunting more important than a trip to Disneyland?” But I may be one sided because even after working there, I still love it so much. Keep working on a compromise. Maybe he can come for one day then go back home? Or maybe you can plan another small trip in the spring with the tickets you earn? Springtime is the least busy time there.

Good luck!
M.

Dear E.,
Here is what I think.
Your husband wants to be the one to take the kids on their "first" trip to Disneyland. However, at the rate he's going, there may be zero trips, let alone a first.
When I was married, we took the kids to DL. My daughter was 11 and my son was a baby...still nursing. He doesn't even remember it, but my daughter does. After my divorce and everything, I've never had a chance to go back.
At your kids' ages, they aren't going to care who paid for what, only that they get to go. And I hate to say it, but if there can't be some compromise where you all can go, I say take the kids. They may say, "I wish Daddy could have seen this or seen that", but they won't say they regret going because Daddy didn't. They are obviously used to Dad going off and doing things without them, if he can't compromise to make sure you all can go, I don't see why it should be a matter of no one getting to go.
My brother in law is awesome. I love him dearly. He's older than my sister and his dad had him out hunting every year before she was even out of diapers. They got married and she threw a fit every year during hunting season. She would cry and not want him to go, she would freak out if she couldn't reach him or he didn't call her every day. She insisted someone stay with her at their house because she just couldn't sleep with him gone. She even tried putting her foot down and saying he couldn't go unless he took her. I was like, "Girlfriend, you need to get a grip! All the other wives look forward to hunting season and let their husbands go because that's THEIR time....their time to go to lunch with girlfriends, get their nails done, take the kids places, get together and scrapbook or whatever. You're not going to stop him from going, so you might as well find your own little way to make the most of the time." And she did. They've been married 15 years. And it's worked just fine.
Hunting season is almost over. Can you put the trip off until then or can he give up a couple of hunting days?
If your mom is willing to help with the expenses, that's HUGE! Disneyland is expensive! I don't think the kids should miss out if the adults can't compromise. If your husband can't go, or won't go at a certain time, why make the kids miss it?

I hope you get it worked out.

I agree with alot of the people that have already responded.

1. its just disneyland. Dont make a big deal out of it. The kids wont see the whole park in one visit so dad can always take them another time.

2. if its really that big of a deal that dad is there for the first time, he should chose them over hunting. My husband loves riding his motorcycle, but he has skipped planned trips when the kids were doing something that he wanted to be there for.

3. Your husband needs to stop being so selfish. He has his time for hunting, the kids should have their time with grandma in Disneyland. Why should they be bored at home while dad is out playing?

I hope this doesnt start a fight with your husband because its not like they wouldnt enjoy the 2nd trip to disneyland just as much if not more than the 1st trip. The 2nd trip might even be better because they would know what to expect and they would be excited to see their favorite rides/shows from the first visit.

good luck

E.,

You could try a few things.
Ask your mother to support your marriage and family unit and wait until a better time so dad is not left out.

If she has the financial means and is willing, ask her to support the strain on your family with a gift of patience.
Going with her would be great so you and your husband can have some adult time too after kid time. I wish we had that. Our parents are gone other than my mom and she does not have the stamina.

You could ask your husband to forgo, shorten or change his plans as your mom is the elder family member and time is not forever.

You could wait it out until flu season is over and go in the spring.

You could suggest that your husband understand that Grandma is offering and the first time is sort of find your way around and the second time is sometime more fun because you are not lost half the time.

Hope one of these options help.

You are great mother, wife and daughter.

Your husband should have first priority, he's your partner and your children's father, after all! Sit down with him and tell him your kids are the perfect age for Disneyland. If he really wants you two to be the ones to share their first trip there, it's time to set a date and start a savings plan if necessary. The date could be a year out if that's how long it will take you to save the money. If he doesn't want to do that, then consider (with him) your mom's offer. If he doesn't agree to it, then you'll have to wait. Since your mom was kind enough to offer, if you are able to save enough and go with your husband, it might be nice to invite her along too. Good luck!

J.

Wait for dad to be able to come with you. This may be a time to encourage him to make a choice to not take all of his trips, but it is so important to honor his desire to be part of the family trip. we just did the trip and i had to wait a year for it so my husband was able to go with us. it was one of our best family experiences.

I think if your husband wants to take them, you need to respect that. But talk to him and see if there's any way he could make it happen sooner rather than later. Maybe your mom could come too so she could help with some of the expense. The first time we took our spn to Disneyland, my husband's parents came with us and it was great. They bought him all the little souvenirs, and even watched him for a while so my husband & I could go on some of the big rides together. I think it would be hurtful to your husband to leave him out on this one. I really hope you all get to go soon!

I would honor your husband if he feels really strong about wanting to take them first. However he also needs to comprimise his hobbies.

Disneyland does not need to cost $2000+ to go. We stay at another nearby hotel. We would love to stay at Disney Hotels, but if we can't we will find another outlet to get to go to DL. We are a family of 5 and are seriously flat broke right now, this last month really kicked us to the curb. Our room at the Tropicana hotel, right across the street from the park, has already been booked for a while. We are buying our tickets one at a time. Those ones in the grocery store are the same as the disney website and there are not too many deals for tickets, unless you know someone in the military, they get about a $20 discount.

Just so we can go this December, we are only going for two days to the park and two nights in the hotel. The hotel has a small fridge and microwave, so we are taking some pre cooked food in an ice chest, and any snacks and lunch meat, cereal, we also have a foreman grill and cook hot dogs or boneless meats and veggies on that right in our room. We do this every year and stay at the same hotel. Because we are across the street, we are able to go back to the room for lunch (with a little nap), and back again for dinner and back to the park. For these two days with room and tickets for 5, it is costing us $950 and we are estimating food and gas another 350 (also depends on gas prices). My kids don't need to bring home a bunch of souveniers, they are happy just to be at DL. Search the internet like expedia for your rooms. We got our room through travelworm.com. Good luck with your decision.

Hi E.,
I do not know if there is enough information. Was your husband invited? I am guessing that your mom is getting one hotel room and he is not invited because it is assumed he would pick hunting over Disneyland. That might be the issue. I would talk to him and see if his feelings are just hurt. He should be happy for his kids to go. It can't be that important to him considering you oldest is 11 and has yet to go, yet he can afford to hunt for over a month (unless hunting is his source of income). The magic of Disneyland will not be that same for your oldest if you wait any longer.
:) S.