This seems to be a hot topic on here, but nothing quite like my circumstance. My husband itravels for work and is gone two weeks and home one week. He is 37 and I am 27. He has a 8 year old son from another marriage and he is only over when my husband is home. My step-son and I are buddies, but it's not a mom/son kind of relationship. I have a 5 year old of my own from a previous relationship and I have her with me all of the time. It's pretty much just the two of us. I am thinking about having another baby, but I feel like I might be being selfish. My husband is almost 40 and I don't want his weeks home to be chaos with 3 kids. But at the same time I want one more. His big concern is money, that we will be too tied down and everything will be more expensive. I am confused. Am I being selfish?
No, not being selfish at all. You are allowed to want a child, and he is allowed to not want one. It is a decison you need to make together.
You are both young yet - you can wait a few years before any decision is final (I was 39 and my husband 50 when our daighter was born).
I wish you luck...
I don't think you're being selfish, but the concerns are legitimate. More than anything, I would be concerned for you alone with the two kids for long stretches. Granted the 5 year old is getting more autonomous every day I'm sure, but two is a lot different than one! While it would have been hard to have one on my own, I could have managed, but without my husband here almost all the time, I think I might be insane right now with two! He is right that everything will be more expensive, including setting up for a new baby. Think carefully, but it's not selfish of you.
If it makes you feel any better...I have 2 kids...3 1/2 and 11months and I do most of the parenting because my husband is away a lot. He's deploying for a year in 2 weeks and he's away at training often at other times. I hear people say that 2 kids is hard. I think "hard" insinuates a negative tone. I prefer "challenging". Is it selfish? Nope. Just my opinion.
It sounds like you would be the one taking the brunt of the additional work (money excluded). I don't think that you are being selfish, but I do think that you need to talk this out. There is nothing wrong with chaotic family time, if both parents what the family.
No your not:) I think it would be a positive way of bringing the family together. My step son is 17 and he has a little brother and sister at both homes and I think he loves them more than his parents! but im lucky to have an easy going step son. I understand why you would want to have a child with the man you love:) Just be realistic on transitioning your kids together on the plan and how often your husband can help.
In general I don't think it is selfish to want another child (unless for selfish reasons like trying to manipulate one's spouse). However, in blended families where each spouse already has children from a previous relationship, it often complicates and makes matters more difficult for those children when the new kids come along. First of all, your stepson already has very little time with his dad. He has to visit his dad's house for a week at a time where there is another child (your daughter) who gets to live there all the time. How will he feel when he has to share time with a half-sibling?
I think the best thing to do would be to focus your time and attention on the daughter you already have and to give your stepson as much time possible with his dad without your husband having to worry about dividing his time with one more child in the mix.
Wanting to have his baby is not selfish at all. Yes things may be tighter but money is not everything. But I think it would be worth it!
Good luck and God Bless!!!!
