I have no idea what to do! My daughter loves my current boyfriend which is the father of my youngest daughter! We have been together for 7 months and he adopted my youngest daughter(8 weeks old) and adores my oldest daughter (3) but she has been coming home from her dads saying she hates my boyfriend and that he doesnt love her when yes he does!!! When we ask who told you that she says daddy! We have no idea what to do or how to handle the situation. I attempted to talk with my oldest dad but he denied everything! But my daughter does not lie yet! Any advice would be truly helpful! We have considered going back to court for supervised visitation or I have considered group counsuling but I don't know if that would be helpful or not!
** Adding onto what people have said yes I have made poor decisions!!! I know! i did not mean to get pregnant but my boyfriend was there for me with the pregnancy talked to the baby went to every appointment! I did not even expect to find anyone when I was so far into a pregnancy! However, judging me for simply finding happiness during a pregnancy along with bashing me for having another baby is not helpful. I've made mistakes and I know. But he is a great dad and excepts my oldest daughter as his own as well. So please no bashing for me finding happiness he didn't meet my oldest daughter until we were together for two months because I did not want a boyfriend of the hour. This is a long term relationship! We are saving to buy a house now he is allowing me to go to school while he works to pay the bills and save up. I am on birth control now but I am asking for helpful advice only!! People make poor decisions I'm not the only one!!!
I think maybe all three of the 'adults' in this story would greatly benefit from parenting classes.
And birth control.
:)
Playing devil's advocate for a moment...you have a three year old and are not with her dad but he is in her life. You then got pregnant with another baby with a different guy who is not in the picture and while pregnant, met another guy who then adopted your newborn after you knew him for 6 months. Don't you think it's possible that your oldest daughter's father is reacting to the fact that you've made a lot of poor choices with men despite having a daughter and perhaps he is trying to protect her from becoming attached to mommy's boyfriend of the hour? And how on earth was he able to adopt your baby if you're not married? How does that work? And how does that happen that quickly? Things really don't add up or make any sense at all.
Anyway...it's not OK for him to badmouth your boyfriend but really, you need to straighten out your life.
I think that you have to handle this as if she said it about you. You say to her "Well, John loves you" and then change the subject. The less a deal you make of it, the better it will be.
You've already let your ex know that you know what he has said. He denies it, but he now knows his little gal will out him.
What might be helpful is to ask the court to order parenting classes for him. AND you should go with him as well.
Good luck,
Dawn
Actions speak louder than words.
As long as your bf treats her well and loves her as you claim, the negative words from others will not make sense and will become very unimportant to her.
She's three.
It was interesting that you said "she does not lie yet". Yet.
But that doesn't mean she's telling the truth. Add 4 words to the end of her quote. Maybe she forgot the whole sentence? Maybe she didn't catch the last four words?
"as much as me"
pretty easy to mumble. pretty easy for a three year old to get confused.
But also read JB's post again. It may hurt to read those first few sentences, but your recent choices (granted I've never met you - that either of us know) are a bit....let's say....not decisions that have a high probability of success in the long run. They're short term decisions.
Are you trying to replace someone? Maybe the girls father?
I thought I was pretty savvy with the legal system when I was adopting my biological niece at ten days old. How in the world did you sever parental rights with her father and have your *boyfriend* adopt you very infant daughter?
It seems like you rushed into two huge decisions when you had a really young child with your first daughter's father. I probably wouldn't be happy if my ex did that. You will all have to work together for your girls.
My 1st thought was unprintable regarding your oldest girl's Father.
As far as how to handle it, actions are louder than words so, when she gets back your boyfirend should reassure her that he loves her and show her as well by his actions whever he is with her.
2nd thought is to have a gentle talk with her to see if you can find out why she is saying it. One thing that popped into my mind is that depnding on how the adoption was explained to her, she could really believe that since she is not really his he must not love her.
And last thought... my daughter (4) occaisionally claims that I don't love her, they say it I think for the reaction. I just tell her she is being a silly Milly and Iof course I love her. A couple of hugs / kisses / cuddles later and she is fine.
Good luck!
Oh...wow...poor kiddo.
No clue what to do. Maybe have her talk to someone.
Or else ALL adults start acting like adults and TALK!!! (MORE!!)
Well, counseling is never a bad idea. Other than that, I guess I'd try talking with her, but she's only 3, so it's going to be hard. I do agree that actions speak louder than words, and hopefully that will help.
I'd probably keep talking to her dad about these issues too and continue asking for his help in talking positively about the boyfriend. Does he know the boyfriend? Maybe they should meet? It might help??
i would talk to the courts about it.is he involved with her dad if not see if he will adopt her it sounds like hes involved tho since you say she goes over there. you can try to ask for supervised visatation but i dont know if the courts will do it if shes not in danger. do you have a mutual friend you both trust? my hubby adopted m oldest daughter so i know how hard it can be when you are being pulled two ways lucky for you sound slike you found a keeper!
