It is hard to deal with this issue; I can empathize. All you have to do is go to the bookstore and the controversy over to medicate or not is in all the parenting books. I am not sure I can say anything to make you feel better since it was years before I had my son functioning at his best.
If you meant DH is your husband, they have a hard time with this issue. If I had left it up to my husband, he would still be trying to figure out what to do.
Your son must be a second or third grader. Every year the classes get more and more structured. My 8 yr old second grader has been in trouble most of this school year.
Since I dont know if this is your first experience with elementary school, I will express my thoughts. Sorry if you already know these things. I have noticed that the teachers make all the difference in the world! Some will try different things to accomodate children. And, some will complain about everything. Also, you need to contact the special education department in your school district. The medication is not the answer to the problem. It is part of the solution. He needs special classes to help him learn to adapt to who he is. They will make accomodations to his work load and homework if he needs it. For example, my son (now 13) would answer less math problems and had relief from writing assignments. You should try to take yourself out of the homework routine. If your husband has more patience, let him volunteer. Or, maybe a teen in the neighborhood could help. I have always refused to get into this mode with my children. Since I work, I only have a few precious hours with them each night and I dont want to fight over homework. My oldest was required to get her homework at after school care, my son does his in study hall, and my daughter and I study spelling words while I cook.
I know a few things you might want to observe. There are his sleep patterns, his time on video games, and his reaction to caffeine. First, most children don't sleep near enough. My son's behavior improved when he started on melatonin and sleeping at least 10 hours a night. Video games increased his frustration levels. Caffeine made him super-hyper. The old wives tale is that caffeine will calm an ADHD child if even only temporarily. This is what prompted me to get additional testing for my son.
Lastly, you might ask the doctor if he needs an extended medication. It makes common sense that your son should start on the lowest dose possible and build from there. There are prescriptions as low as 2.5 mgs. Maybe his schedule can accomodate medication only in the morning when more desk time is needed.
Good luck and feel free to email me if you need anything else. L.