Activities for a Mother and Son.

I agree with travel. I would try to plan a trip together if at all possible, preferably to someplace unexplored by both of you. You might find you have more in common than you think. :)

Bowling, going out to a movie, or doing a movie night at home, cooking together, a concert or theater production, a museum, a car show, a sporting event

Based on your other posts and your son's isolation, as well as the significant traumas he has been through, I think you should be working with his therapist to determine the best activities that will help him with his significant grief and healing, and not just be a distraction. I'm very concerned that you don't have any ideas about what he likes and what you could do. You have lived together, just the 2 of you, since his father's death. You have mentioned that you want him to open up to you and talk to you, but here again we have another post about him being alone in one part of the house and you being elsewhere.

Things that we enjoy with our son are movies (try to pick one you both would get something out of), the science museum, the environmental museum, and the Imax theaters (there's one at one of the museums, and there are others that show pretty intense 3D films. We also found that the car ride offered opportunities for talking because he didn't have to really look us in the eye, and he couldn't walk away.

But again, you really should be working with the professionals here because of the intense trauma your son has been through, so that your activities benefit his healing and his significant grief.

I am 50 and my son is 13... we just visited portland, oregon together and had a blast.. Age needn't always matter. granted my son has always been more on the mature side, we have things in common like walking and sightseeing, so while in Oregon we walked for minimum 6 hours a day and LOVED it... we stopped along the way for breakfast and lunch and discussed the on-goings of our lives such as his going to high school soon and my having returned to school... my son also enjoys reading, so going to Powell's bookstore was very special for him... also.. we like really good food and coffee/tea, so whenever we find a good spot, we eat there and discuss it at length.. I guess most of what my son and I do is walk, eat and talk.. to some it's boring, to me.... it's moments I just love..
Taking a walk is always a good way to get a conversation going.. or go to a cafe together .. we have also rented good movies (esp foreign or off the cuff type of films) ... anything that gets the mind percolating ..

How about a date night. You guys go out to eat then to a movie or bowling. I know that sound old fashioned but you do get to get exercise and spend time together. Plan a time and make dinner together and talk about the weather or the lawn or something to get things going.

I like what others have suggested about walks and trips to other towns/cities. These things make memories for both of you. He will remember fondly about the things you do when he lives home. You will have memories of spending precious last moments together before he does leave.

If you do have to read, how about reading in the same room in the house? I would get a couple of comfy chairs and some good lighting and go from there.

Don't be strangers in the same house.

Good luck to you both. Have a good holiday season. Talk about a trip around the town and look at the lights this coming year.

the other S.

PS Give him a hug in private and tell him how much you love him. I don't know of a child little or big who doesn't love to get one in a private moment even though they say they complain. My son is 41 married and I still hug him.

For me, when my kids were around that age, we sometimes watched movies together which then promoted conversation.

They helped cook dinner with me...or even did it on their own.

We watched news together, and discussed.

I was (and am) involved with their activities, and that is an avenue for discussion.

I remember the posts you have shared regarding your son. I hope he has gotten some professional help.

In this situation, I might ask the therapist (the one *I* hope you have) and ask for some guidance.

Best!

Can you take a trip together, even just an overnight? Some of the best times and memories happen away from home. Not sure what your son is into but mine likes hiking and being outside so we'd probably go to a state or national park.
Movies and dinner out are nice too. Go see a movie HE likes, and talk about it after (don't make him sit through a chick flick LOL!)

I'm so sorry about your son's troubles, it sounds like he's been through a lot.
Spending time with him engaging in positive activities is really important right now.

I have a 16 year old daughter, lots of the things we do together would apply to a boy as well:

Walks/Hikes
Watching Movies
Cooking/Baking
Visit a Museum or Community Event
Volunteer Together
Play a Board Game or Cards
Take a Class Together
Overnight Trip to an Interesting Place Nearby
"Share" Music- In our house we take turns picking music. From my husband and I to a 12 & 17 year old we enjoy a huge variety of music. It's interesting to see their tastes change over time and how they really are influenced by what we listened to when they were young. On the flip side I've found several new bands I really like just from letting my teen pick the tunes.

Are you getting professional help? I would think that should be very important given what he's been through and the fact that he is isolating himself. If I were in your shoes I would make sure you're both getting the help you need and start spending lots of time with him. Why are you in different rooms while reading? Why not read the same book and discuss? Follow what HE likes to do and you will find him more receptive to spending time with you.

I love a lot of the responses on here. Great ideas! One thing I didn't see is teach him to do basic things around the house. I have been trying to teach my 18 yr old son how to run the dishwasher, washing machine, even how to mop the floor and clean the toilet! Doesn't sound like much fun, but he's almost a man and if he's in a hurry to move out, he will need these skills! It has also provided a lot of comic relief! Good luck! Transisting into an adult is hard on mom and son!

My boys aren't teens quite yet, but we do a lot of outdoorsy things together. Camping, fishing, hiking, skiing, snowshoeing and photography. We also like bowling, mini-golf, go-carts, waterparks, the beach, the pool, the zoo, museums, concerts (symphony, jazz), the art gallery, movies and live theatre together. I hope we will still enjoy these things together a few years from now when they are teens. I know my nephews are now in their early 20's and still do these things with my brother and SIL.

Since you both enjoy reading, why not a mini book club?

Maybe take walks together a 3-4 days a week. You could volunteer together but make sure he gets a say in what. You could have a weekly game night where he invites a couple of friends over and you play games together. My daughter's friends think that's so much fun and loves that our whole family plays board games together.

Sometimes my kids aren't excited at first to do whatever I'm asking (afternoon walk). I just tell them I know you'd rather read or text but I want your company and we'll be back in 30 mins. I make it a point to leave my cell at home too and we visit or notice trees, birds, etc. When we get back they usually both tell me they enjoyed themselves and thanks for going.

If there's a class being offered that interests both of you it might be fun. My son and I took cake decorating classes at hobby lobby because he loves to cook (he was 9 at the time). I wasn't all that excited at first (never let him know that) and I really enjoyed it too. We have lots of great memories of that and what was really fun was he came home and taught his sister whatever technique we learned in class. At the end we took 36 decorated cupcakes to a church function and everyone was so complimentary of their skills.

Going for drives together can be fun as well. Or exploring places that are a day trip away from you.

Blessings!
L.

I also agree with travel. Even if it's something close and a place you love to go, go there.

Video games? Board games? Movies? Dinner? Pedicures (I know these are typically not for boys, but my boys are 7 and 9 and LOVE when they get to come). Bowling? Ice Skating?

Honestly find something he likes and make a day or weekend out of it.

Take him out to dinner. A sit down place. Does he like sporting events? take him to a Lions game (not sure what ticket prices are like there). what are some things you did when he was younger? Does he talk to any of his friends? Have him over for pizza and movies. I dont know what you have available so its hard to tell.

My oldest is almost 17, and we share a love of literature and movies. We are always reading and discussing what we read; I'm an English teacher, so that may make this make more sense. Our book discussions last forever! We also talk about advertisements, billboards, newspaper and magazine articles, etc. ;)

We watch movies together at least once a week. We especially like independent films. We take turns picking what to watch. Sometimes the whole family watches, but often it's just the two of us.

Music is my son's passion. I wasn't too interested until I realized how important it was to him. Now I know much more than I ever desired about all things music related. If he discovers a new group, I readily listen. If he has a song that he is dying for me to hear, I'm all ears. I've found that I have actually developed an interest in music, as well. We love going to listen to bands at local festivals together.

Oh, we also cook together. He started cooking with me when he was about 11, and now we often cook dinner together.

Watch a movie together - how about the new Hunger Games movie? Read the same teen book and talk about it. The teen/young adult books are so good these days! I have read a bunch of them and enjoyed them, even though I don't normally read that genre. Go out to eat together. Is there an activity that he enjoys doing? My son loves to ski and mountain bike, so I will sometimes take him (just the two of us) to do one of these activities. These are things we can drive to from our house. Is there a Cafe Scientifique near you...they are evening science talks aimed towards teens. That might be fun to go to together. A community event. Community theatre. Just go on a walk together (walk the dog if you have one.) On dog walks, my son and I sometimes have the best conversations. He really opens up. Can you create something together? When my brother and I were teens, my mom wanted an activity we could all do together. She was a single mom, but she saved and saved and went and bought a small boat. She probably had a monthly payment too. We would drive up to a lake on the weekends in the summers and waterski. Or we could drive to the beach and either go crabbing or just spend the day at the beach (both of which are free). We also had a tradition where she would take us out of school for the rodeo each year. We lived in Houston, so it was in a huge arena downtown. It was fun to skip school to do this.

My son is 18. We do both tend to hang in our own parts of the house but, we have meals together or go out to breakfast on the weekends. We read the same books ( I have been doing that since Dr. Seuss), go to movies (or catch one on Uverse) and often just hang around and talk. We have been known to play chase in the house and have water fights in the kitchen.

Like all relationships, those with our children, as they grow into adults, have to change. We have to find common interests and, as parents, stay aware of what their interests are. Lord knows, I hate my son's video games, but I have been known to plop on the sofa and watch him play as a way to engage with him.

Take your son to brunch this weekend. Even if it is Waffle House.
Then go to a movie, or mini golf, or a park with a frisbee.

Have fun !!

A friend inspired me so much with her and her teenage son's trip snow tubing that I booked a snow tubing getaway in the mountains with hubby for my 40th bday. They had a blast just the two of them and she said it was really great quality time. I decided I wanted that for me and my husband. :) Maybe something like that would bring him out of his shell (if you are up for it!).

What interest him? It doesn't need to be common interest just engage with him in what he is interested in. Paintball, his video games, shoot hoops, read what he is reading, etc lots of good ideas below

Good ideas below. My kids weren't interested in me when they were 17.

You could find a volunteer position that you could do together. Or dinner and a movie. Or, if your son enjoys it, find a fun DYI project - refurbish some old furniture or paint a room or something of that nature.

I was in my early 20's when I took my Mom to a Weird Al Yankovic concert.
We both had a great time!
Maybe you should try to go bowling together.

Watch movies / tv
Cook
Museums
Shop for groceries, home decor, lawn stuff
Volunteer at a food pantry or soup kitchen, homeless shelter
Start investigating colleges
See if you could work on a craft of some sort together that can be given as gifts