A Stranger to My Grandkids

M., Talk on teh phone offen. Sinse we lived out of town (from my family) when my son was born he they talked to him almost every day. At first he listened and now bables back. It takes him just a few minutes to remember then when they come to visit as he recognizes the voice. It has been great.

My mother, who only sees my children (5, 3, and 5 months) every 2-3 months, sings them each their own special song. Each child has his/her own song, and every time she sees them she sings to them - and whenever we speak on the phone she sing to them. My kids are never in doubt as to who she is as soon as she starts singing!

My mom lives out-of-town & doesn't see my children but every few months. They are 4 & 2. My 4 year old remembers them every time, so it doesn't take long for them to start having that memory. But if you are both computer literate - I got myself & my mother webcams for Xmas. Ebay sells them relatively inexpensive (I think I paid $40-ish for TWO webcams) & you can both set up yahoo messenger/msn messenger/etc. for free. You both just have to be on the same service. If you want more info on how to do this message me. Both my kids & mom just love it.

Hi! I think a good idea would be to send them something in the mail specifically addressed to them. Do it maybe every other week and include a photo of yourself and write a little note about what you know they've been doing, or maybe a favorite cartoon of theirs or a favorite animal. This will just show that you know them and it will feel familiar to them. They may be a little young now to appreciate it, but soon they will start to get used to you doing this and they will start to remember and even expect it. You could send something in the letter for them, or small box (decorated kid friendly) ~something as inexpensive as a dollar store item, or gumball machine toy. (Make sure they won't choke on it--gumball machine items tend to be small). I always loved getting coloring books from my Grandparents, along with a new set of crayons. Then maybe the next week, you could write and ask them how they are enjoying what you sent to them. This type of connection will make them feel special and feel like you aren't such a stranger to them. Maybe even include a note to the parents too, because kids are more comfortable around people their parents are comfortable around, and it would help to show them that you love their parents too. I hope this helps! Congrats on your grandchildren!

my daughters didnt live with me when they were small bc my husband had custody of them(they saw me every other weekend and stuff) so when they missed me I got a pic of me that they could have with them all the time and told them that when thy looked at it it would be like I was right there with them. Another thing you might try is calling them weekly or daily. My kids eat that up. If you can try and go see them. Dont get discouraged they know you love them. they are little too so sometimes this kind of stuff is just as hard on them as it is for you.

Yateeh! My first grandchildren is only 3 months and my daughter and her financee is living with us now since both are still in high school. I am fortunate that I am spending alot of time with my grandchild. My advice to you is to make time for your grandkids, travel to where they lived and spend some time with them, and gradually they will soon get to know you as their grandma. Have a nice day!

You might try giving them something with your picture--there are some nice fabric iron-ons where you could make a picture of you and them and get it put into a pillow or something they would see frequently

My mother is always hounding me to bring over my son to visit her. She even tries to guilt me into bringing him over. The problem is is that it is so hard to pack everything up, load him in the car seat, and drive all the way out there. I have so much to do as it is being a new mom. I've told her serveral times that she is more than welcome to come over to my house at anytime...in fact I would love it if she would. That way she can entertain him while I can get something done around the house. So I guess my advice to you is to GO TO THEM as much as possible. I bet your daughter would love the extra help and your grandkids would be more open to you because your in their home where they are most comfortable.

I suggest you get with your daughter to explaint the problem and see what she suggests. Also. The only way my kids knew there grandparents is if I took my kids to them. My parents vary rarely made effort to see my kids. Busy or not, there has to be a mutual consent that grandparents are a vital importance in a childs life.

Hello M., I live about 2000 miles away from my parents. I grew up two miles from my Gram. What a difference she made in my life. I always thought my children wouldn't have a close relationship with my folks since we live so far away from them but boy was I wrong! My parents are now retired and are living on a very limited budget. But we all manage to keep in touch. I have to introduce you to shutterfly.com. It is a free service to share pictures and even order nice quality, cheap prints. We share pictures back and forth from Florida practically weekly. Then I chat each weekend (when their cell minutes are free). I have been struggling with my fifth grade son and his grades. My husband and I talked to him but it was my mom's conversation with him that really made the difference for him. So, share pictures often so they remember what you look like. Talk on the phone as often as you can, even if its only to leave a special message from Grandma. It means the world to them.

Make a picture album with pictures of you and the girls together and you doing things you normally do during the day. My mom made a photo album for my niece so she would know who my children are since we don't live close to them. Also record yourself reading stories they like. I hope this helps. L. G.

First of all, your Grandchildren are little yet and this is the time that they have shyness toward anyone other than Mom or Dad. Give it some time. The best way to connect with your Grand children is to get down to their level. Find out what they like to do and how they like to play and just get excited about their little lives. My children live so far away from their Grandparents that they are lucky to see them once a year. it has always been this way, and they are enjoying a close and wonderful relationship. A great way to get them acquainted with you when you are not with them is to send them a postcard once every 4 or 5 days to tell them what is going on with your life. That way they have a regular connection to you and they look forward to seeing their super cool grandmother.

My parents see my kids maybe 1-2 times a month as well.... we talk about my parents & my girls call them on the phone.... even if it is just for a few minutes. Write them a postcard or send a letter w/ a picture of you & your granddaughters in it. If you can get your granddaughters talking about you & anticipating the next time they will see you it will be so fun for them. The shyness may just be a way to get attention. I have a neice who is always shy & it drives me nuts, but I feel like it her way of getting attention.... not sure why when I would give it to her readily! Hope this all helps.

We use a webcam and it has helped my mother sooo much!

M.,
Here are some ideas that my family uses. Web cams are super fun and the kids love to see who is on the computer. Logitec makes a fairly inexpensive one and you could make a certain time that you always get to chat on the web cam. You do need two cameras to make it work but it might be a nice gift from Grandma.
The other thing you could do is give each of your grandchildren a special photo book with pictures of them and you in it that they can look at when you are not able to be with them. It does not have to be anthing special just a simple $5.00 soft plastic photo album or they even have a "Who Loves Baby" picture book in the baby toy section of most Target and Wal-mart stores that you can insert your own pictures into and it has a handle on the spine so that they could carry it. My daughter loves hers. Good luck, hope this helps.

The photo album is a great idea. Stick pictures in where you and your grandchildren are together doing something. My mother found a book for all of her grandkids where inside the back cover you insert a picture of grandma and a picture of the child, and the book tells a story of things that you can do with grandma - like bake cookies or go outside. My kids LOVE that book.

I am a mother of 2 little girls age 4 yrs and 17 months, and I and my mother had the same problem with my kids. She wasn't seeing them often and my older daughter was very shy of her. I kept wanting her to see them more often but didn't want to impose. I figured if she wanted to see them and babysit that she would volunteer. Meanwhile her busy life was flying by just as mine was. Well finally I said something because I was getting upset with what seemed like she didn't care very much to ever see them and I said something to that point. Well, now she knows that I WANT her to volunteer to watch the kids instead of her waiting for me to ask, because I don't want to impose. In the last few weeks she has seen them often, had them sleep over a couple times and she's thrilled to be closer with them and I'm THRILLED to have some time away from the kids.

My point here is maybe she is waiting for you to ask to have them, for you to take the initiative to get them yourself and perhaps have sleepovers. I would imagine that she, like any mother, would welcome the break from the kids.

I just re-read your message and realized that it sounds like she is just coming over and visiting with them? I know that personally I have very little time to do stuff like that. Have you considered asking her to leave them with you so she can have time to herself? I'm sure she would love it!

Hi M.,

My parents live about 16 hours from us and they see our kids about 2 or 3 times a year. My dad writes my oldest (4) letters on cool stationary and will send stickers and a picture of them together doing whatever. I'll read it to her and stick it up on her bulliten board in her room with the picture. She loves it and it helps alot with the newness whenever we visit. Good luck and keep trying. :)

K.

I hate to say this but here it goes. Spoil them. They have an uncaning ability to remember those that do. I also like the idea of you in a picture with them. Your daughter can keep it in their room and maybe say goodnight to gramma every evening. We live thousands of miles away and my children know and remember their grandparents. My mom also calls every week to talk to just them. They are 6 and 9. Little ones can still benefit from a call. Good Luck

Okay I know this sounds a little funny, but it works...Go out to the store and buy them each a teddy bear. Make sure they are super soft fuzzy ones. They are all about the textures at this age. Then go to a T-shirt shop and have them make up 2 T-shirts with a relly good picture of you, no posed pictures, but what you look like every day. Make sure the T-shirts will fit the bears pretty snug, so they are hard to get off,or even attaching them to the bear would be better, just a couple stitches in the arm pits and neckline should do. Then the next time they come over, you can give the bears to the kids and ask mom if they can sleep with them at night. That way Grandma, will be associated with being safe and comforted. Also try having mom call you at night before they go to bed. Then they can tell you goodnight while they hug their bears and look at your picture.

What a wonderful Grandma you are!

Here are a couple of idea. Since you are so busy some of these ideas can be done all at once and then sent out over time.

1. Purchase some new books and record Grandma reading the books.

2. Record a song from you to them for mom to play at bedtime. My Grandmother always sang to us when we stayed with her, great memories.

3.Do you have a computer with a camera? If so, and Mom has one too, you can do projects, even coloring or playing with play dough on camera at the same time.

4. You can send them a hello card and mail it. Children love to check the mail

5. OR you could send them e-cards really often. Kids love to check THEIR email!

You've had kids so you know that the only thing that's going on here is that the kids are at a place in their development where people they don't see everyday seem like a stranger for a little while when they come together again.
All you need to do is be part of their lives in some small way everyday or every couple of days so they remember. They will still have a hard time remembering when they see you, but now they will be able to relate to you, the songs and the stories.
Good Luck, The Mommie Mentor, www.proactiveparenting.net

Try reading some of their favorite bedtime stories on tape. That way they get to listen to your voice and are familiar with it. Also give them a "special picture" of you or put your picture on the tape so they know it is you speaking. My Mom only sees my kids a couple times a year but she speaks with them on the speaker phone and spends these tapes once in awhile. We also have a web cam on our computer so they can see her sometimes when we talk to her. Hope this helps.
G.

We had a little "brag book" that is padded,but you can slide pictures inside, when the kids were little. Since their one set of grandparents lived far away, we would look at the book with their picture and talk about them. So when they saw them, they weren't so scared. You could also send them letters monthly to tell them what is going on in your life and how much you miss them and love them, with a picture enclosed. "Once Upon a Family" has some wonderful ideas for families to create a bond. They have a kit where the grandmother and grandkids can write letters back and forth.

It's great to want a relationship with them. It may be better to just go over to thier house whenever you get the chance that way the children are in thier ourn element and will be more comfortable while mommy is gone to run errands and what not and so mom can help you with them, so they can get to know you better. Also her home is probably aready babyproof so you dont have to worry about the kids getting into things you dont want them to. Probably, the easiest to make an impact on them is to take them to the park or do something with them thier parents dont do that is fun and focused on them. My mom only gets to see my children once maybe twice a month and there was a time she only saw them a couple times a year, but they were always excited to see her and they recongize her too!(my children are 3 and 9 months old)

The other Idea is really great , I have a family portait of my family on the wall as does my husband, in the hall so everytime we pass, we say look who is that? is that such and such, dont you love going to the park when they come, or the candy they give you? ETC. This has also aided with my children beeing familiar with Grandma.

Being on the other end of things, it's much harder for your daughter to bring 2 babies to your house considering the baggage that is necessary for young children such as car seats, bottles sippy cups, certain snacks, diapers, wipes,naps, etc. SO it may be a great idea to go to her home for a few months, then bring the children over to your home when they get a little older. It's so much easier for you to go over then for her. I really hope this helps, and I hope you get that relationship that you want with them.

My suggestion would be to talk to your grandddaughters online. There is a great service where you can see and speak to people online for free if you have a webcam (which are very cheap to buy). Go to Skype.com and download skype. It is very easy to use and you can see and talk to your family often and even read the girls a bedtime story if you want.

My mom lives in Utah and us here, so she sends letters to my girls, addressed to them. You might also want to start a blog, that way they can see you on the computer and see what are doing. I do one for my mom. Blogging is not very hard and a great way to stay in touch with those you love far away. You can check out my blog if you want. http://thecrazyholdens.blogspot.com/

I think it sounds like you get to see them A LOT! I live in Albuquerque and our kids' grandparents live in Oregon and Washington! So, I would be thankful for the time you have with your grandchildren. :)

Hi there...I'm a SAHM of 4. Maybe you could send some pictures of you home with them and your daughter could talk about you more often with the picture near by. Make a scrapbook of pictures of you with them so they can look at it often. The one year old will unfortunately be a little afraid naturally just because of her age. you could call the three yr. old on the phone. (my 3 yr old loves talking on the phone.) It just takes a bit more effort on your part to grab the hearts of these little ones. As they get older, it will become easier. Good luck...A.

This is going to be hard to hear but if you really want to see your grandchildren your just going to have to schedule them into your hectic schedule and ask your daughter to use that time to take care of things that she needs to take care of without the children.

I don't know if someone has already suggested this or not, but you could write them letters and send them cards in between visits. My kids only see their grammas once a month or so, but they certainly love to get letters in the mail!!! They are 2 and 5 and they know and love their grammas.

You sound like a wonderful strong woman and are to be commended for your five children!
I too grew up close to my grandparents and now my husband and I live far away from both my parents and his - by choice. Our parents get to see the children probably four times a year. We have three that are old enough (14, 10, and 8) for it not to effect as much but with our one year old we do things like letting her hear their voice over the phone while looking at pictures of them and for mother's day we will be getting both grandmas web cams. Another thing that worked for me when my 10 yr old was young was to pick a book and let the grandparents read it to her over the phone two to three times per week while she was looking at the book and a picture of them. She and I also wrote them a note once a week for me to stick in the mail.
It is difficult but there are little things that you and your daughter can do to help out the kids. Good luck to you and let us know what you decide to try.

MY kids Grandparents (actually all of our family) live far away and we only see them once or twice a year. We have a baby photo album (you can get them at Target in the baby section) for the kids that has pictures of family members. My kids love going through the photo album and looking at family. My oldest tells us who they are and sometimes tells stories about them. My Dad came out a few weeks ago. My oldest (3) hadn't seen him in over a year and my youngest (1) had never met him. Neither of them had any issues with going right up to Papa Terry because they knew him from the picture. (Note: Both of my kids are usually shy around strangers). Also, you may try talking to them on the phone. Even if they do not really talk back it would be good for them to stay familiear with your voice. I love to watch the faces of my boys when they "talk" to family members on the phone. Good luck and I hope you fgind something that works.

M.,

I am so glad that you are making having a good relationship with your granddaughters important! At their age, it is difficult for them to remain aware of you if you only see them every two weeks. Also, it is not the easiest for them to separate from mom and may just be emotionally preferring to be with her which is totally understandable. Of course, the first suggestion would be to have them over more often. Maybe your daughter can bring them by on the weekend and go run errands or do something she needs to take care of while you visit. If not, then make up some special things for the kids to remind them of you. A small picture album of photos of you together at your house which they keep at home is good. Their mom can show them and talk about you in a way that will encourage good feelings of gramma. Have special toys for them when they come over that stay at your house, they will feel special when you share them together! Also, manage your own stress when the children are there. You mention that you are busy and facing some financial and personal issues. Be happy when the kids are there and don't put expectations on them to meet your emotional needs. Don't discuss troubles, yours or your daughter's in front of the children. Just make the time all about them and be joyful and I am sure you will have the great times with them that you want so you can all have precious memories!

-Jen