9 Year Old Having Problems Falling Asleep; Won't Sleep in Her Own Bed

I'm reposting the same response I submitted for a similar request.

Empower your daughter with God’s word. Here are a couple of verses you can teach her about overcoming fear.

Psalm 56:3 When I am afraid, I will trust in [God].

2 Timothy 1:7 God has not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

Psalm 4:8 I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety.

When I pray with my daughter, I personalize the scriptures. For example, I pray, "Help Grace lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone make her dwell in safety." Even at 3, my daughter calls on God when she is afraid.

Praying the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your daughter’s heart and mind. Philippians 4:7

For now, I suggest that you just deal with the fact that she really needs a good sleep pattern, then deal with where she is sleeping. I would suggest making her a spot in your room to sleep, and let her know that she is welcome there as long as she needs. You could suggest that your hubby would be willing to carry her to bed after she falls asleep if she thinks she could do that, but I think she needs to not be made to feel bad about this. For whatever reason, which honestly you may not discover until you show her that you really do get it and just want her to feel safe whatever it takes, she needs you right now. Esp. because this has not been a struggle her whole life. It seems to me that once you stop making an issue out of it, maybe in a while it wont even be an issue, and you can approach it once school lets out for the summer. Hang in there, and just remember, she wont come to you for comfort for much longer, so hold her while she will still let you:) ~A.~

Make a spot for her in your room that is not in your bed. This will let her feel safe and allow you to get a good sleep. A sleeping bag and pillow on the floor are good. You can have her put them away every morning so that they are not in your way. I would have horrid nightmares when I was little and was not allowed in my parents bed now as a mom I totally understand why my parents had that rule but I still can't bring myself to do the same with my kids.

Make a pallet on your floor. She may not sleep in your bed - it is as simple as that. She may sleep in her bed, in her sister's room, or on your floor. She may change places in the middle of the night. I'd give (both) girls a reward for waking up in their own bed that can be accumulated for a prize. (I'm thinking like a quarter, or a marble in a jar - and 10 marbles get a date with mom or something).

Rule #1 at our house - everyone has the right not to be scared, no one has the right to demand someone else's comfort in bed.

You can try to sleep in her room with he. She will soon get used to it. You can also try having your 3 year old sleep with her. Give her a teddy bear or a toy to make her feel safe.

Maybe she can sleep on the floor next to your bed.

I remember being scared to around this age. I used to crawl into my little brother's bed in the middle of the night and sleep near the foot board! He would get so mad. If you believe in God, maybe you could discuss praying and having her pray to God when she wakes up scared in the middle of the night. If not, then you could have her bring some dolls or stuffed animals into her bed to help "protect" her. I remember surrounding myself with stuffed animals at night b/c I was scared. I still woke up in the middle of the night; however, I remember feeling protected. The important thing is for her to learn to deal with her fear in some way that works for her. Obviously, there will be times when you and your husband are not around; and she will need to know how to deal with it when your not available anyway. Also, make sure that she is not watching anything that inserts that fear - lots of things can be scary to children that are not scary to us. Good luck!

I can't believe there is someone out there that has the same problem.....my daughter will be 7 soon. It gets so frustrating at night...when you just want to go to sleep yourself. And she is still up until 10-11ish, and you know that she will be exhausted and grumpy in the morning. i let her fall asleep in my bed....then I bring her into her bed. The only thing i can think of is she started watching ghost story "scooby doo", even though its cartoons, that can spook a small child. Hope everything works out for you

Sounds like you have already tried all the things I would suggest, but when I was her age and was (scared) having soft music on and a night light really helped me. You might have her say mom, and you show her that you can hear her and are just across the hall, so can be there in a second if needed, so re-assure her that she has nothing to be afraid of. Then have a talk with her and ask her just what she is afraid of so you can help her with it and see if she says anything. Make sure she doesn't watch any tv or movies that have anything that can scare her, as I could be afraid for weeks after I would see one. Hope she gets over being araid soon.

The first thing I would do is figure out what prompted this sudden change.

As far as sleeping together, I see no issues because she wants to be close. Of course with mom and dad getting up early for work and for private time, I see your concern.

My daughter has a lot of sleepovers and she is not crazy about scary movies, she's just now going to see a scary movie with friends. Also, my daughter got terrified at a sleepover while some older sibling played a game that was scary, I think it was bloody Mary or something like that, it had to do with mirrors.

It sounds like she has been frightened and needs some reassurance. Let her know you are there for her. I'm sorry she is going through it, it is not easy. She is at an age where she is changing emotionally as well.

Hang in there and good luck.

Have her sleep on the floor on a pallet next to your bed. Then you can reach over the edge and pat her is she gets scared and you and hubby can have the bed. If she is that scared she will do it. Mine did. Until he was tired of sleeping on the floor. Then everyone is happy. That was the only thing we ever did. We hardly ever let our kids sleep with us, but will let them share the room with us.
Good luck,
L.

Your daughter would benefit greatly from adaptogens! My husband and I ordered an incredible book off Amazon titled Adaptogens: Herbs for Strength, Stamina, and Stress Relief by Winston and Maimes. It is fascinating. From the book, "There is a category of herbs called adaptogens that help the human body adapt to stress, support normal metabolic processes, and restore balance. They increase the body's resistance to physical, biological, emotional, and environmental stressors and promote normal physiologic function".

This section pinpoints the root cause of your daughter's problem and offers a solution: "Many people suffer from insomnia and related sleep problems. Stress can disrupt the regular circadian (time-related) secretion of cortisol and can be a major cause of sleep problems. Adaptogens regulate the production of cortisol, reducing stress. A relaxed, less stressful body allows for better and more rejuvenating sleep".

The 10 most potent adaptogens on the earth, with the highest therapeutic properties available, are now delievered in a fast acting oral spray, called Tunguska Mist. Go to www.TunguskaMistNow.com to watch a video and learn more.

I highly recommend you try Tunguska Mist PM for your daughter. PM is NATURAL and non-habit-forming. PM will help her relax and fall asleep naturally.

Instead of commercial drugs that can leave you drowsy and fogged in, use PM (a natural sleep aid) for a sound, peaceful night's sleep. The 10 beneficial adaptogens in PM also assist in reducing stress and improving your immune system while you sleep. They taste great and with the intra-oral spray you get over 90% of the nutrients absorbed immediately, which go to work within seconds. A serving is 6 sprays; for children under 100 pounds, 1/2 a serving is recommended. So I would suggest 2 or 3 sprays (inside the cheeks) and see how she does, then go from there.

Please let me know if you have any questions. My husband and I have been using adaptogens for a long time. We are passionate about helping people reduce the damaging effects of stress on the body and restoring balance naturally, without medications. Good luck and God Bless:)

I like Karen's response, I read that before... I think you need to find out where this came from, was it something she watched on TV, heard something on the news, try to find out why she's so scared? My daughter would spend the night with girlfriends and then come home and do that, I'd find out she watched a scary movie, even to this day, she's 14 now, she doesn't do well watching them. I usually won't let her, but when she's with her friends I'm not always there. She'll sleep with her lights on for the first couple of weeks and I'd have to go in and turn them off, she has a TV in her room so she'd watch that too.
I hope you can get some sleep soon!

Hello M.,

lots of good responses already. Have you checked her diet? could she be getting some caffeine in her food that you're not aware of. then if she can't fall asleep, her mind starts wondering and steven spielberg takes over. Also, do you let her listen to the news? there is too much scary stuff and it's hard to 'protect' their ears from what's being reported. I also recommend getting some lavender oil. put about 5 drops lavender oil on a tissue and put it in her room. change it every night. also a little massage would help. for example her hands and fore-arms (that will help relax her breathing) her ankles and calf and feet too.
a noise machine?

another question, does she take allergy meds? after a while my 9 year old can't fall asleep. By the way, whenever I take my kids to get checked the doctor usually asks if they're having trouble sleeping.

Oh, I wanted to mention something, I don't know if your daughter drinks it, but yesterday I got one of the SOBE waters (raspberry grape flavor --note no grape nor rasberries in it) and it has yerba mate. it's a tea that has some caffeine in it. HOWEVER, the bottle does NOT mention anywhere that the drink has caffeine. I was surprised. I do like yerba mate but not for my kids.

Good luck and hang in there! ~C.~